Talk:The Strength in the Shark

Although it's finished, this story feels a bit "rushed" to me. Does anyone have a suggestion on how I could pace it better? Lloyd Brunnel 12:52, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

Hmm... it might be a bit more fundamental. Stories I write usually have a conflict or problem set up at the beginning which is resolved at the end. If the problem is not resolved, the story doesn't feel "complete". In this case, you have the fox sitting at the bar, a shark comes up, apologizes, and leaves. The only initial problem is MAYBE a bit of fear of the shark, and that doesn't even occur until about a third of the way through due to the brevity. Maybe have a new beginning with the POV character grumbling in his mind about the shark that mistook him, about how he hates that, he's angry, but what are you going to say to a shark? Then said shark comes in, apologies, tension/conflict set up at the beginning is resolved. Michael Bard 21:15, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

I think you misread the part of Within and Without that this story refers to. Jonas literally ran into Jimbari and ran away, there was no mistaking things until the start of this story. --Lloyd 12:19, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Critic Notices

For those critiquing this piece, please pay attention to the first section before Jimbari appears, as I am unsure of how well I establish Jonas's frame of mind. I'd also appreciate any help with an ending, since I can't come up with one =( --Lloyd Brunnel 19:12, 19 August 2009 (UTC)