IMPORTANT
A day shy of a week ago Robotech Master was out on his e-bike when an SUV struck him and drove off. According to the most recent news available, he passed away from his injuries at around 2:00 this morning. I have kept some news up on his user page and, at this point, ask that anyone wishing to leave messages or tributes do so on either his talk page or another page that can be used for such things. His account here and all of the stories he has gifted the Shifti community with will be preserved in memoriam, as we also did for Morgan.

User:Michael Bard/Pizza is Us

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Pizza is Us

Author: Michael Bard

This is a quickie that invaded my head this morning. It's a little more, adult, than most of my stories, but I've enabled the censorship feature of the new e-mail software (great job Bryan) so it should be fine for everybody to read.

Remember, I only want nice kind praise! Anything else will send me fleeing into my hole.

*ANDREW* Bard

P.S. I've decided to join the majority! Since all the other great authors have become rabbits, I've given in to the majority. Yes, I've been nibbling at it for a while (look at my recent spate of rabbit stories). I've changed my name to *ANDRONICA*! Enjoy!

Nibble through the line here


PIZZA IS US by *ALEX* Bard

One bright morning day, *AARON* was hopping his way down to the local *PIZZA IS* US store.

He'd been really hungry, and ever since Farmer *JUMPED* had sprayed his celery crop with DDT, poor *ABBOTT* had had to find a different source of food. He'd asked around the burrow and all of the **CENSORED** does had unanimously recommended *PIZZA IS* US. He didn't understand all their snickering each time they'd mentioned it, but then they were all ditzy bimbo does anyway.

Being a rabbit of serious thought and intense concentration he'd thought on the matter for a whole 45 seconds before deciding to go and try them out.

The *PIZZA IS* US store was easy to find, obviously placed as it was down a tangled network of 37 alleys and surrounded by a mob of clambering **CENSORED** does. Being a big buck he easily pushed his way past them, ignoring their cries of DON'T DO IT and IT'S NOT TOO LATE! The big dark door opened automatically as he approached and gave off a quaint tinkle of a bell as it hissed shut and sealed with a thud.

The store was certainly not what he expected. All around were piled **CENSORED** of stuff -- rubber doe costumes, prosthetic enhancements for... ahem - the **CENSORED** parts, little doe toys, and all manner of other things which he couldn't identify. A big black-furred buck was lying near the counter and it looked up at him, snorted, and then went back to sleep. Ignoring him, our noble hero hopped up to the counter.

The counter was the more typical glassed display case full of delicious looking pizza slices with names like "Bimboette vegetarian" and "Sicilian Bimbo Special" and the ever notorious "Hot and Spicy Bimbo".

And they all smelled delicious and made his cute widdle nose quiver with anticipation!

It wasn't long until the proprietor, a pale white buck with long tangled beard cloaked in a tattered robe hopped up to the counter.

"Ah, *ABDUKRAHMAN*! About time you got here. I must apologize for the mob outside, I don't know why they're here. I really must do something about them but I'm such an old softie."

From beneath the counter the buck snorted.

"How'd you know my name? Are you a wizard?"

"A wizard? No! Of course not! And I'm not a cheap ripoff of another story universe either! Now--"

"I want a big slice of the 'Hot and Spicy Bimbo' And I want it nice and hot too. And spicy. Don't forget the spices!"

"I'd never do that *ABDULKAREEM*!"

And with that the proprietor scooped the slice out of the cabinet and tossed it into the oven to heat up. The smell wafted up and around his nostrils and George felt his... ahem... *CENSORED*... getting nice and tiny and happy inside it's cozy home. Beneath the cabinet the big buck just sighed.

And then, sooner than he'd thought possible, the old wizened buck pulled out the hot steaming slice and put it into a cardboard holder and sliced it in half and offered it to him.

And boy oh boy did it smell good!

With quivering anticipation he passed over the $3.00 he had with him, coincidently ALL he had with him, and grabbed the slice.

"Now remember *ABE*, you need to let it cool for 8 minutes and 69 seconds before eating. *YODEL* *NEVER* need to eat the left half of the slice before the right half. AND, most especially, you have to eat *ITCH* slow and dainty. Got that?!"

*ABEL* just nodded, grabbed the slice and hopped out and through the automatic door that tinkled as he passed through.

Outside the mob was even more frantic, screaming at him not to do it, to just throw it away before it was too late! He just ignored them and pushed his way through their dainty and **CENSORED** bodies clutching his hot slice close to his **CENSORED**. It was his! All his!

Soon he was past, and he just couldn't wait! Hopping down one of the other alleys, he stopped behind an old trash can and started wolfing down the slice, starting on the left.

It tasted wonderful! Far far better than lettuce or carrots or celery! He could feel it **CENSORED** his tongue, sliding luxuriously down his **CENSORED**, and gently **CENSORED** his stomach.

He finished it in less than 15 seconds!

Throwing the cardboard holder into the trash can he hopped out and began making his way back to his burrow.

That was when the cramps started.

They were odd, centred around his... ahem... **CENSORED** first, and then spreading into a gently tingling massage through his entire *PLANT* *GRADIENT* body. Sighing in **CENSORED** he stopped and lay on the dirty pavement, his body **CENSORED** at the sensations that **CENSORED** up and down it. He felt his limbs shrink, getting rid of all that icky muscle, becoming slim and dainty. His torso shifted, moving the weight upward and pushing out his **CENSORED** into massive mounds of bunny flesh that wiggled and jiggled with each hop.

*A'Marie* giggled! That had been so GOOD! Almost as good as being **CENSORED**!

And speaking of that, she was overdue for another **CENSORED**!

Still giggling, she hopped off back towards the burrow. It was a shame that buc... bu... men were so rare!

Behind she left a few crumbs. A cockroach scurried up to them, sniffed, and being a veteran of *PIZZA IS* US decided to leave the crumbs alone...