Talk:The Last Interview

Hmm...I think this is going well, no? A good start to the story. Looking forward to more! --Drake

Yeah. I should have it finished by tomorrow, and edited the day after that. It's not like I have to write much more dialauge.--Guvnor Of Space 01:02, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

So It's done. I'll remove the WIP tag tomorrow after I have a chance to thouroghly edit it. --Guvnor Of Space 20:36, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Wow...the story looks great. If you don't mind me saying, your direct speech needs a little reformatting. For example, a problem that arises many times in the story occurs when placing a sentence behind direct speech. When Yuri/Thomas says something, the sentence right after the direct speech has to be describing Yuri. For example...

INCORRECT

“I know comrade…I used to do cheesy Russian impression for fun. Now it is permanent….” The detective slumped over in his chair.

“A story I’ve heard a few thousand times in the last week.” Suddenly, the sadness in Thomas’s eyes was replaced by the fierceness of Yuri.

This is incorrect. Notice that for the first bit, it seems like Brown is speaking. For the second, it looks like Thomas said it. Thomas' speech should be followed by Thomas' actions and not Brown's (if you'll look at the first bit of the quoted). So, what you should be doing is...

CORRECT

"I know comrade...I used to do cheesy Russian impression for fun. Now it is permanent..." Thomas lowered his head sadly.

The detective slumped in his chair, then looked up at the man across the table. "A story I've heard a few thousand times in the last week."

Suddenly, the sadness in Thomas' eyes was replaced by the fierceness of Yuri.

In this case, the action of the speaker directly precede or come behind the speech. This allows the reader to easily attribute who the speaker is, and thus prevents confusion. You also seem to have a little bit of Repetitive Sentence Structure. But other than that, great job! Though I was expecting some Soviet Russia jokes (in Soviet Russia, the story writes YOU!). :) --Drake, 11:35, 24 June 2009

Thanks for the advice. I've tried moving things around a bit. (By which I mean a lot.) And why the hell do I like useing "he nodded" to denote a person understanding or listening. I've removed most of them. I'll be putting up the revised story in just a tick. --Guvnor Of Space 04:11, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Great to hear that you're taking this okay. I was worried that I might have come across a little harsh...Still, if you want to I can provide a little editing. You know. If you want to. In Soviet Russia, the story edits YOU! Oh man, I can't get enough of those jokes. Sorry if you're offended. --Drake, 12:25, 24 June 2009 (+0800 GMT)

Not at all. I'm a big fan of constructive critisism. Otherwise, noone would ever get better at anything. Oh, and the revised version is up.--Guvnor Of Space 04:32, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I love constructive crit. too. There's nothing a little criticism can't make better. Great story! The revised one's a lot easier to understand now. I'll be waiting for your next one...quietly, hidden in the shadows...--Drake, 12:36, 24 June 2009 (+0800 GMT)

Congratulations

Excellent story. Well written, well conceived and the characters work really well. I'll be adding this to my favorites page - flagged as the work of a new author that should be watched for brilliance. -- ShadowWolf 00:14, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Coolness! I once again thank WolfyDrake for help on the editing. And thanks for adding me to the Pack!--Guvnor Of Space 01:36, 25 June 2009 (UTC)