The Last Interview
{{#ifeq: |User| Russian to Conclusions | Russian to Conclusions}}[[Title::{{#ifeq: |User| Russian to Conclusions | Russian to Conclusions}}| ]]
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 | Xanadu story universe |
 | This story is a work in progress. |
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Detective Charles Brown was not in a good mood. For the last week, the Orlando police department had been dealing with the aftermath of Xanadu. That meant he had been talking to a lot of traumatized and shocked people, and dealing with people who would normally be called wackjobs. Not only that, but the media was having a field day, and the police department was at the center of reporters criticisms. One reporter blamed the police for everything. They claimed that if there had been more security at the convention, they would have somehow been able to stop the event. The detective shook his head. Hell, that wasn’t even as crazy as some of the things he’d seen. So far, he had seen everything from a real life Barney the Dinosaur to a pair of Zombies. (One of whom he had shot. The other one had surrendered.) Today he had to interview a suspect. He had seen a lot of strange people. But this guy…
Thomas Greenwall, aged seventeen, had gone to the convention with his friend Julius Romberg. Julius was now dead. And Greenwall was completely insane. The detective sat on the other side of the table from him. He was an intimidating site. He was wearing an olive drab parka, with a furry collar and a fur hat. He was enourmous, about two hundred pounds, with a giant black beard. And until a week ago he had been called a week nerd. The detective figured he should see just how crazy this guy was. He signaled to the one way mirror, where an officer was sitting with a camera. Then he asked the first question.
“Let’s start out simple.” He paused. “What is your name?” The man looked up. He started speaking, the Russian accent making his words almost incomprehensible.
“My name is now Yuri Comradeov, but I have been told it was one Thomas Greenwall.” The detective knew that already. And now for the silly question, the one he had been asking for the past week.
“For the record…” He rolled his eyes. “What reason do you attribute to the change of your name?” The large man looked very amused.
“Comrade! What a stupid question! Xandu of course! It changed me from weak American schoolboy to strong Soviet Soldier!” The detective was finding this guys personality annoying.
“Obviously. It’s just procedure…” The Russian responded fiercely.
“Silly American procedure. Surely you will take up arms and overthrow your imperialist masters when the revolution comes!” Yup. The guy was really crazy.
“Uhhhhh……” He looked at the mirror and mouthed “Oh My God” to the man behind it. “Probably not…” Yuri shook his head.
“Oh…. I am sorry comrade detective. Though my mental change is not as severe as many sometimes I slip into states of…”
“Stereotypical crazy soviet soldier?” provided the interviewer. Yuri shook his head yes.
“Da. Sort of like duel personality. But I am still little bit like Yuri even now. He is always a little like me. I still speak with accent. He still knows English.”
“Which is important to this case.” Yuri, or rather Thomas, had just confirmed something that the detective had suspected. He was dealing with a true duel personality. He decided to get down to the important questions. “Were you present on the roof of the Central Orlando banking building on the night of November…” He cleared his throat. The date wasn’t important. They all knew it already. “…at eight o’clock PM?” Yuri pounded the table.
“Da Comrade! I pursue the man who wanted to destroy Soviet Russia…” he shook his head “er… Orlando with giant laser array.” Thomas seemed to have regained control. Brown was pleased. He had opportunity and motive. Now he just needed means and some background information on exactly how this had all come to pass. And then he would be done with the commie.
“Alright. Let’s back this up a bit. How did you end up involved with the man known as Julius Romberg?” A very un-Russian tear appeared in the corner of the large man’s eye. For just a second, the old Thomas, completely free of Yuri could be seen.
“He was my best friend….” For the first time during the interview, Detective Charles Brown, thirteen year veteran of the Orlando police department, was moved. He felt bad for the kid. He sighed.
“I know this is hard. But we need to close this investigation. It happened off the grounds of the convention center. People want to know how the two of you got out. Not that the quarantine is actually worth shit. But hey! Bureaucracy marches o-“ He stopped when he remembered the camera. He was already on thin ice for the whole shooting the zombie thing, and his superiors definitely didn’t want to see a rant against their clumsy handling of the situation. Thomas looked at him and spoke quietly. (Quite a feat really.)
“I know comrade…I used to do cheesy Russian impression for fun. Now it is permanent….” The detective slumped over in his chair.
“A story I’ve heard a few thousand times in the last week.” Suddenly, the sadness in Thomas’s eyes was replaced by the fierceness of Yuri.
“But we do not suffer! We still serve mother Russia!” Detective brown actually managed a small smile.
“Obviously. The parka, hat, beard and, oh yeah the Kalashnikov really let us know what you dressed up as.” The fierceness disappeared once again, Thomas’s sadness reappearing in his eyes. He sighed.
“I expect you to give back Vladimir when we are done.” Brown nodded tiredly.
“Of course we’ll give it back to you. It is technically Hero Paraphernalia, and is therefore yours, as long as the government issues you the proper permit and Sands clears you as “Sane” Anger appeared in the man’s eyes; as if Yuri wanted to prove he was anything but sane. He jumped up.
“I am perfectly sane! I serve Proletariat with honor and strength! I do not waver in duty!” The man may have been intimidating, but he was really starting to piss the detective off. Angrily, he berated him.
“Okay then. Why did someone have to tell you your old name? The rest of your memories seem to be intact.” Thomas sat down as he regained control. He looked very tired.
“I know comrade. It is odd, da? But it is irrelevant to interview. Let us get this over with. This is very painful for me.”
“Of Course….” Brown said softly. The Detective felt like a piece of crap. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like to have to share his body with someone else, let alone someone who was probably clinically insane. He motioned for Thomas to continue.
“You know of day it started. Xanadu. It was good day comrade. I came to Florida with my friend and comrade, Julius Romberg. He was dressed up as crazy soviet scientist, like from old movie. He even had cheesy lab coat. I was Yuri Comeradov, crazy Soviet soldier….” He jumped out of his seat with a harsh scraping sound as Yuri interjected. “WHO WILL DIE TO PROTECT THE MOTHERLAND!” He sat back down, looking defeated. “I must say sorry for that transgression. Let me continue. I was dressed up like soviet soldier; with fake AK-47 I named Vladimir. It is a good name for gun, Da? Rom brought….giant laser. It was secret project, and he claimed it had enough power to rival nuclear device. We were laughing, having good time. We were not there to win contest. Leave that to furries, da? We just wanted to have good time admiring costumes of others. So we spent all morning walking round and having fun. Then change happened.”