Talk:The Last Interview: Difference between revisions
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In this case, the action of the speaker directly precede or come behind the speech. This allows the reader to easily attribute who the speaker is, and thus prevents confusion. You also seem to have a little bit of [[Keeping the Editor Happy| Repetitive Sentence Structure]]. But other than that, great job! Though I was expecting some Soviet Russia jokes (in Soviet Russia, the story writes YOU!). :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]], 11:35, 24 June 2009 | In this case, the action of the speaker directly precede or come behind the speech. This allows the reader to easily attribute who the speaker is, and thus prevents confusion. You also seem to have a little bit of [[Keeping the Editor Happy| Repetitive Sentence Structure]]. But other than that, great job! Though I was expecting some Soviet Russia jokes (in Soviet Russia, the story writes YOU!). :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]], 11:35, 24 June 2009 | ||
Thanks for the advice. I've tried moving things around a bit. (By which I mean a lot.) And why the hell do I like useing "he nodded" to denote a person understanding or listening. I've removed most of them. I'll be putting up the revised story in just a tick. --[[User:Guvnor Of Space|Guvnor Of Space]] 04:11, 24 June 2009 (UTC) | |||
Revision as of 23:11, 23 June 2009
Hmm...I think this is going well, no? A good start to the story. Looking forward to more! --Drake
- Yeah. I should have it finished by tomorrow, and edited the day after that. It's not like I have to write much more dialauge.--Guvnor Of Space 01:02, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
So It's done. I'll remove the WIP tag tomorrow after I have a chance to thouroghly edit it. --Guvnor Of Space 20:36, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
Wow...the story looks great. If you don't mind me saying, your direct speech needs a little reformatting. For example, a problem that arises many times in the story occurs when placing a sentence behind direct speech. When Yuri/Thomas says something, the sentence right after the direct speech has to be describing Yuri. For example...
- INCORRECT
- “I know comrade…I used to do cheesy Russian impression for fun. Now it is permanent….” The detective slumped over in his chair.
- “A story I’ve heard a few thousand times in the last week.” Suddenly, the sadness in Thomas’s eyes was replaced by the fierceness of Yuri.
This is incorrect. Notice that for the first bit, it seems like Brown is speaking. For the second, it looks like Thomas said it. Thomas' speech should be followed by Thomas' actions and not Brown's (if you'll look at the first bit of the quoted). So, what you should be doing is...
- CORRECT
- "I know comrade...I used to do cheesy Russian impression for fun. Now it is permanent..." Thomas lowered his head sadly.
- The detective slumped in his chair, then looked up at the man across the table. "A story I've heard a few thousand times in the last week."
- Suddenly, the sadness in Thomas' eyes was replaced by the fierceness of Yuri.
In this case, the action of the speaker directly precede or come behind the speech. This allows the reader to easily attribute who the speaker is, and thus prevents confusion. You also seem to have a little bit of Repetitive Sentence Structure. But other than that, great job! Though I was expecting some Soviet Russia jokes (in Soviet Russia, the story writes YOU!). :) --Drake, 11:35, 24 June 2009
Thanks for the advice. I've tried moving things around a bit. (By which I mean a lot.) And why the hell do I like useing "he nodded" to denote a person understanding or listening. I've removed most of them. I'll be putting up the revised story in just a tick. --Guvnor Of Space 04:11, 24 June 2009 (UTC)