User talk:ShadowWolf/Death and Rebirth: Difference between revisions
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Just thought I'd mention this. I'm enjoying the read so far, and definitely like the detail that goes into it, but it seems like your just kinda glazing over the plasma balls. I know the page is in flux, especially the fighting scenes, but describing throwing plasma like you would describe breathing just seems to lessen the impact of him being able to throw plasma. Maybe go into the feeling of the ball charging, or mention his hair raising on end. Much like Oberon did in Enter a Wolf. A kind of static-y feeling or something. I hope I brought across the point I wanted to, because I'm terrible at explaining what I mean. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:55, 9 June 2009 (UTC) | Just thought I'd mention this. I'm enjoying the read so far, and definitely like the detail that goes into it, but it seems like your just kinda glazing over the plasma balls. I know the page is in flux, especially the fighting scenes, but describing throwing plasma like you would describe breathing just seems to lessen the impact of him being able to throw plasma. Maybe go into the feeling of the ball charging, or mention his hair raising on end. Much like Oberon did in Enter a Wolf. A kind of static-y feeling or something. I hope I brought across the point I wanted to, because I'm terrible at explaining what I mean. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:55, 9 June 2009 (UTC) | ||
:Oh, I know what you mean. Like I stated in the note, that section is in flux because I want to give it a much more "real" feeling than what I was able to get together from my original notes on that scene. And for the "distraction" ones it really is "as easy as breathing" - all he has to do is trigger that specific "reflex". In general though, thanks :) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 17:00, 9 June 2009 (UTC) | |||
Revision as of 12:00, 9 June 2009
Small quibble, but you mispelled "skiing" as "skying".
- Page is a work in progress and is on hiatus. I have done no real editing on it yet. -- ShadowWolf 00:29, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
Plasma balls
Just thought I'd mention this. I'm enjoying the read so far, and definitely like the detail that goes into it, but it seems like your just kinda glazing over the plasma balls. I know the page is in flux, especially the fighting scenes, but describing throwing plasma like you would describe breathing just seems to lessen the impact of him being able to throw plasma. Maybe go into the feeling of the ball charging, or mention his hair raising on end. Much like Oberon did in Enter a Wolf. A kind of static-y feeling or something. I hope I brought across the point I wanted to, because I'm terrible at explaining what I mean. --Concerned Reader 16:55, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
- Oh, I know what you mean. Like I stated in the note, that section is in flux because I want to give it a much more "real" feeling than what I was able to get together from my original notes on that scene. And for the "distraction" ones it really is "as easy as breathing" - all he has to do is trigger that specific "reflex". In general though, thanks :) -- ShadowWolf 17:00, 9 June 2009 (UTC)