User talk:Jetfire/Doing Hard Time

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Okay. Comments.

I like this one overall, there's more of a Plot then the Veil stories, and with some work you can emphasize that some more.

The Field issue and the TG was handled pretty well. Poor Justine's time in solitary really made her really think of herself as a girl, didn't it? I liked how you handled how she now looked as a human woman from the outside, too.

At this point, I think we've seen enough TGed as main characters and need to keep it from flooding the setting. --Buck 14:30, 24 February 2008 (EST)

Couple things:

  1. The passport ID, since it's pre-Change and still "active", would actually show Justine's human female face. That would be a shock for her, I'll bet. And it would likely accelerate her own unconscious memory twisting.
  2. Pronoun error here: Justin lay his head back, letting his eyes tear naturally to wash away the tear gas. He snorted a few times, trying to clear his nose as well. In his mind, he ran over the events that he could remember, trying to figure out what happened.

--Buck 16:11, 24 February 2008 (EST)

I really liked this story.