IMPORTANT
A day shy of a week ago Robotech Master was out on his e-bike when an SUV struck him and drove off. According to the most recent news available, he passed away from his injuries at around 2:00 this morning. I have kept some news up on his user page and, at this point, ask that anyone wishing to leave messages or tributes do so on either his talk page or another page that can be used for such things. His account here and all of the stories he has gifted the Shifti community with will be preserved in memoriam, as we also did for Morgan.

User:Michael Bard/The Raccoon Flying Tail ™©

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The Raccoon Flying Tail ™©

Author: Michael Bard

MUSFAH ENTERPRISES is proud to announce its latest product in its line of morphic bioware:

The RACCOON FLYING TAIL ™©!

For the RACCOON ON THE MOVE!

Yes, with our completely biological system, you can TRANSFORM yourself into a flying Raccoon! You too can cross the street without waiting for the lights to change, fly over traffic jams, and stare at accident scenes. Even get a part time job as a traffic reporter![1]

The RACCOON FLYING TAIL biomorph system consists of three primary organisms. The first is an artificial bio neural control network[2] that is grown into the user's brain stem to allow easy and instant control, and along the spinal cord to the primary rotary mechanism, and finally continues up to the tip of the tail to provide fine and instant control over the aerodynamic properties of the lifting surface. The second is a unique and patented symbiotic artificial biolife network of elastic strands that can shape and form the tail into an aerodynamically efficient lifting system. This patented technology is developed from the muscle strands used in the legs of kangaroos![3] The final, and most important biological system is the muscle rotary control and storage system. This unique biotech attaches itself to the base of the tail and in only a few days it will replace the existing joint between the spine and the tail and grow sufficient additional muscle to spin the tail. The system also includes twin energy storage cell structures that provide sufficient resources to support a raccoon using the RACCOON FLYING TAIL ™© for up to 3 hours[4] of continuous flight.

E-mail now! Limited quantities! Don't be left on the ground! Limited free trial to the FIRST TEN E-MAILERS! The first FIVE E-MAILERS will also receive, free, the AQUATIC TAIL ™©. This consists of an additional set of wetware commands to form the RACCOON FLYING TAIL ™© into a hydrodynamically efficient propeller. Show those Ottermorphs who is REALLY the fastest swimmer![5]

  1. MUSFAH ENTERPRISES accepts no responsibilities for legal action taken in regards to any use of the RACCOON FLYING TAIL ™©. Any injuries caused to the user by his or her activities is not covered by any warranty supplied by MUSFAH ENTERPRISES.
  2. The artificial bio neural control network requires 1-2 weeks to fully grow and integrate with the individual. Training MPEG audio files are provided which should be played whilst the individual sleeps to aid in the growth and integration of the control system. Rumours that these files brainwash individuals into aiding MUSFAH's plan to take over the world are COMPLETELY FALSE. The same goes for rumours that the artificial bio neural control network includes a remote override feature that allows MUSFAH to remotely control the implanted individual. THESE ARE COMPLETELY FALSE!
  3. Interested individuals can look into MUSFAH ENTERPRISES HOPPING LEGS ™© morphic bioware.
  4. Three hours assumes wind velocities less than 5km/h, and hovering flight at sea level air pressures. Extreme weather conditions will significantly reduce flight time.
  5. Note that the additional forces required in the denser medium of water reduces average continuous motion duration to 15 minutes. The system does NOT provide life support -- look for MUSFAH ENTERPRISES UNIVERSAL GILLS ™©.

All rights reserved. No warranties are made, implied or otherwise. Raccoon morphs use this product at their own risk. All liability and injury is the responsibility of the Raccoon morph. It is the responsibility of the Raccoon morph to license him or herself with the local air control authorities and obey all applicable laws.

Have a nice day.