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User:Hawl/Aloha666

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FreeRIDErs story universe


Aloha 666

Author: Jessica K. Nichols-Vernon aka HawlSera Tygarus Enroygall
Author's Comments

It is recommended that you read the Non-FreeRIDE story that inspired this “Sonic.Exe” for this to make sense.

-146 AL, October 31st, Aloha-

Tom was rubbing his hands together with a sinister smile. His move to Zharus was the single greatest idea ever. He had gone from sitting at his mailbox on Earth waiting for his welfare check to owning property all over the planet as a successful qubitite tycoon. He was no Steader, but he’d never have to stand in line at a foodbank ever again. No more ramen, expired soups, or rotted fruits for him. The finest delicacies the galaxy had to offer delivered by drone are what he now ate. Hell he even owned a casino in Femizona (of course he signed it in his wife’s name. Much like Sturmhaven men could not legally own property in Femizona, but he made all the calls and signed all the checks), “Girly New Vegas”, ironically he hadn’t been able to open one in New Vegas proper, though Sturmhaven was interested in meeting with his wife to discuss it. He tried telling the representative the casino was actually his own, but she didn’t believe him. He planned to just use the old bug the room and send the words to his wife he wanted her to say.

That however would be next week, tonight was Halloween 145 AL and he planned one hell of a party. One that some big shakers would be attending. Just to make the Sturmhaven Sale go over smoothly, the representative from there had been invited. So tonight had to be exceptionally scary, one guest would be coming early to make just that happen, or rather three would. In fact, they were at the door now.

Tom was just answering it, he didn’t want anyone, not even the staff to get there before him and spoil the surprise. Just as he hoped when he heard the bell he saw a young woman in a skunk fuser who owned a factory with a small crate beside her. “Aristo I assume, and the lovely lady you’re fused to is...?”

“Lucille La Skunkette.” Aristo said dawning a french accent for that part only. “She’s something I’m beta-testing for a client’s kid.”

“Awfully big funbags for someone shopping for their daughter.” Tom observed, it wasn’t good manners nor bussiness sense to stare at the breasts of the owner of a RIDE factory, but he had literally never seen them at such an obscene size. He already knew Aristo was a cross-rider, but this had to be a Pleasure Support Armor she was testing.

“Actually it’s for his son…” Aristo corrected.

“That just raises further questions….” Tom was at a loss for words.

“Questions you should not be asking if you still want your product.” Aristo gave a sinister looking glare before she continued talking. “I don’t know whether to thank you or to claw your eyes out. This was a difficult project. The sheer nightmare of size and anatomy alone, not to mention other things you wanted. To be honest the whole thing would be undoable without hardlight. I must say, if you had not have paid such a hefty fee in combination with me needing to test a few hypothesizes I would have turned you down due to the sheer difficulty. I’ve been pulling all-nighters for the past 6 Days using stims and small naps while my body runs in a personality emulation of myself. It’s nice to finally unwind at such an extravagant party as tonight promises to be.”

“I imagine you’ll get tons of looks. You know it’s a costume party right.” Tom didn’t see a change of clothes on her, just the crate which he assumed contained his RIDE.

Aristo grinned and snapped her fingers, her clothing changing instantly to a Bride Of Frankenstein inspired get up. She made a sexual pose that Tom had to admit got him at half-mast. Was it really the pose or could it be that scent from Lucille’s tail? It took him a second to notice it but the air did get more pleasant smelling when Aristo showed up. The things that could be done with mere pheromones. “Well indeed, come on in I’ll look him over.”

“You know I’m not exactly Mother Theresa myself. Nor would I bring this up had I not already been paid. But don’t you think it’s a special kind of jackassery to construct an entire living being for the sake of one prank? RI minds are highly specialized. I can’t exactly put him in a normal hedgehog RIDE after this. They aren’t like humans where you can make a tiny nanite aided adjustment and suddenly you can’t even imagine the commodity of pissing without sitting.” Aristo warned, but then shrugged as she stepped inside the house. “Of course not like you can do anything with this warning now. Our friend already exists.”

Tom paused, of course he didn’t think about that. RIDEs were full on living beings weren’t they? He didn’t fully consider that, he rarely spent time around them. He used a rental back before he struck his first find, though that was it. In retrospect, though he was now over it, he would have rather enjoyed someone mentioning it to him beforehand that the RIDE he, or she at the time, rented was male. “I have to admit, not being a Rider myself I have to wonder. Why did you construct him then?” He asked, opening the crate and looking over what he ordered. Indeed it was exactly to his specifications. Though now he was pondering the moral aspect of it and wondering if the show should go on.

“I’m not exactly Mother Theresa myself.” Aristo laughed, before looking over Tom’s ears and tail, specifically beaver. “Wait, so the tags aren’t from your current RIDE? Well maybe you could use our friend here as your main RIDE. Well that may make business odd, but…. It’s just a shame a masterpiece like this may see a long time in a storage shed.”

“No, I used one a long time ago, and never had the results reversed.” Tom put the lid back over the brilliance he saw and swallowed. He did have a bit of a responsibility himself. “We’ll talk it over… after the party. Me and him.”

“I think you’ll have to.” Aristo smiled ominously. It was going to be one hell of a night.

-That Night-

Now a Rainbow’s Tale isn’t quite as nice As the story we knew of sugar and spice But a Rainbow’s easy once you get to know it With the help of the magic of a Pegasus Device Let’s delve deeper into Rainbow Philosophy Beyond that of Well-Known Mythology

-Rainbow Factory, The Living Tombstone.

The party was a success. There were decorations about, replicas of old posters of Halloween and Friday The 13th Part VIII:Jason Takes Manhattan, one of the weaker of the Friday films, but the poster was delightful from an artistic stand point. Tom had real ones, but they were behind protected glass and on loan to a local history muesuem for their Halloween Event. No one with a piece that rare would dare leave it hanging on the wall for a party with a ton of drunks. Scary music played, mostly Twencen stuff like Rainbow Factory, Somebody’s Watching Me, The Time Warp, Nightmare Night, This Is Halloween, even some Voltaire tracks got in. Though there were a few things from the early 24th Century just to spice things up.

“I love this song. It reminds me of my factory back in Supernova.” Aristo said as she danced, though it wasn’t too enthusiastically as her overly large breasts got in the way and made faster movements quite difficult. Though it did get some attention, some that lead to her having a quickie in one of the guest bedrooms with one of the owners of an Uplift weapons company. Oh how Aristo loved living on a planet where a man can spend a few years as a woman whenever she felt like it. Though it was a sign that Lucille was working, she was designed to talk her wearer into lustful circumstances and tonight she was being a naughty little thing. Aristo actually had to defuse to avoid tearing up the sheets of her host’s house a second time.

“That’s never something the CEO of a RIDE company should say…” said a guy in a Walrus Fuser and a major shareholder in Tom's company.

“She’s not exactly Mother Theresa.” Lucille spoke up with an obvious degree of nervous to her voice, de-fused and dancing near Aristo. Truthfully she was afraid of her, but instructed never to leave her side and her fetters meant she had to obey. “Trust me, I would know.”

“What she said.” Aristo laughed, mentally ordering Lucille to laugh with her. Which she did, but it sounded very forced.

The clock struck 29:59 and suddenly the sound system began playing this eerie backwards tone. Everyone seemed freaked out, it wasn't upbeat, it wasn't lyrical, it was simply unnerving. There was a halloweenish theme to it with stories about things of a creepy nature, but not something you’d straight up hear on a serial killer’s playlist. Only Aristo smiled.

::Are you sure this is a good idea Ms. Enroygall?:: Lucille sent, not wanting to give the prank away.

::Don’t speak out of line idiot skunk!:: Aristo raised her mental voice, kicked Lucille in the stomach. It didn’t hurt, but the intention was clear. Lucille hoped some day she’d have an owner who loved her, as Aristo clearly didn’t.

More people panicked as the vid-screens that had previously been showing clips of horror movies now just froze in place with a screen that showed a vicious Sonic The Hedgehog with jagged teeth covered in blood that read. “I AM GOD” in blood red text. It was working people were scared. A woman from Sturmhaven who had been bragging the whole night about how tough women from her polis were to a Cape Nord weapons salesman practically ran out of the room.

That was nothing compared to what happened exactly at midnight. All the lights went out, except for two red glowing eyes that appeared in the back. A voice called out. “So many souls, so little time. Wouldn’t you all agree?”

People were screaming their heads off, all but Aristo who watched with glee.

The lights came back on and saw a blue hedgehog covered in blood who took a bow. Everyone clapped realizing this had to be a RIDE. “Hehe.. you got us good.” a bat fuser walked up, dressed like dracula. “Nice RIDE Tommy. Very Genesis…”

What happened next was a scare for Thomas. He tried everything he could to stop it, but his RIDE grabbed the throat of the bat fuser who came up and squeezed it hard. It was actually damaging the RIDE heavily and choking the fuser. “You’re too slow!” he called out

::What are you doing Exe? The joke’s over. We can stop now...:: Thomas begged. He tried the de-fuse command but it wasn’t working.

::So many souls, so little time. Wouldn’t you agree?:: Was the only response he got from the RIDE. Tom could only watch in horror as his RIDE threw the bat fuser and started lashing out at people. Everyone quickly abandoned the party. Many tried to dial out for help, but an attempt to communicate outside of the manor just got the “I AM GOD” message in their mind’s eyes. So everyone just ran out.

::You’re runing me Exe! I’ll give you whatever you want.. Just stop hurting people.:: Thomas begged, trying his hardest to keep the weapons system from activating. This was getting fishy, why did Aristo PUT a weapons system on him?

::Let me be straightforward with you Tom. Aristo’s a swell gal, she told me that after this prank. I’m going into storage for who knows how long. I’m going to raise as much hell as I want tonight. It’s my only night. So I’m making it count! I bet I can kill someone. Want to see me try?:: A display screen showed up which read. “Watch Exe kill someone? Y/N”, Tom found a keyboard in front of him forming, so he typed N, but got the following message. “Well that’s too fucking bad.”

Exe ran outside and managed to activate one of the weapons. A wrist mounted cannon that fired a plasma shot in a hoop formation and shot at random people in Aloha. Luckily Thomas was retaking some control and pointed the gun away at the last second. “I’m not letting you kill anyone Exe!”

“I never asked permission!” He screamed aloud, his cartoonish looking gloved hands becoming claws as he fired away. Causing property damage instead of loss of life thanks to Tom’s fighting. He could feel himself getting weaker as Exe began assaulting his mind harder and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep it up. “Why won’t you let me kill anyone? Oh it doesn’t matter now what happens. This should keep you quiet!” He said, Thomas was in horror as found himself in a virtual environment amounting to a small iron box with a small opening in it to let him see what Exe was doing on a small monitor, with a giant mesh of red being the only other thing outside of this visor.

Aristo re-fused with Lucille and watched from a safe distance. Soon the Aloha PD would show up to pick a fight. It was time to initiate the part of this she was really looking forward to. ::Shyver send the signal. NOW!:: she sent to a partner somewhere at a Halloween party in Nuevo San Antonio.

Meanwhile Exe retreated to an alley, hearing Police Sirens and to his luck, finding a man who came without a RIDE hiding there. “Oh goodie, someone to play with at close range. Tom isn’t going to save you this time.” He said. The man backing away slowly, he wanted to run, but fear wouldn’t let him. Something he regretted as Exe began clawing into the man’s shoulder who screamed in agony.

“What… what are you?” The man said, a tear rolling down his cheek from the pain. He was holding his bloodied arm, most certain he was about to die. He closed his eyes and muttered a silent prayer. This was it. Halloween Night and he was getting killed by an ancient horror story. What a horribly clichéd way to go.

“What you see is what you get. Just a RIDE that loves murder and mayhem!. I’m Sonic.Exe!” Exe smiled wide and made a slash to the throat, but before it could connect he spaced out for a second and began twitching.

The man took this as his cue to run like hell as Exe began glitching out. Internally things got weirder as Tom saw his prison melting and parts of it that touched him seemed to become a part of him. Noticing this he tried in vain the open the door, but it only expedited the process until it encased him and melted down even more. Into the shape of a cartoon hedgehog. Then things became dark for awhile.

It was three whole hours before Exe came to. Once he did he felt different. He just rebooted, but now he was covered in sticky silver goo and didn’t feel an urge to kill. Yet he still felt rambunctious and responsible. Was this Tom's doing? No it couldn’t have been, he didn’t sense Tom in him anymore. Yet he was bipedal, so.. Or was he Tom? That didn’t make sense he clearly looked like Exe and didn’t feel like he caused trouble, he felt like he was in the middle of fun. What was this? He didn’t even know what he was anymore. Calmly he took a deep breathe and walked out of the alleyway. Where he saw Aristo, or rather Lucille, Aristo was asleep instructed to wake Aristo when he re-surfaced which she did. “Hmhmhm hello Exe. I’ve instructed the police as to your whereabouts. Or rather Lucille’s doing it right now. Well the girl has to be good for something. Should be nice.”

“What did you do to me! What am I?” The being asked, he still had one hell of a headache. “I can’t access the net…”

“Oh Tom, you and Exe are going to be together a long time. See this is a pet project of mine.” Aristo smiled oh so smugly. “Forced Integration. Once it’s perfected. I will be the most powerful being on Zharus. Do you really think anyone would make a RIDE as complex as you and only have you shine for one stupid joke? I could have just loaned you a stand alone hardlight generator for that. No, you’re a monster for life. And if you want any future as anyone at all. You’ll give me one hell of a show.”

“You asshole! I’m, do you really think I can run a bussiness like this? Look at me!” The integrate said, looking himself over. Noticing he had an inverted pentagram on his stomach, the numbers 666 on his forehead, and blood splatters all over his body. All glowing red. “People are going to think I am a freak.”

“You are a freak. That’s not hardlight, you have real fur darling. But, you are also a thing of beauty, I hope to be like you one day. So deadly, so amazing. I can’t wait to see how you fare against the police.” One could hear just how much she was getting off to this.

“I’m not going to play your game Aristo.” Whatever he was now, he was leaving Aloha to lay low for awhile

“Oh? Well, if you don’t I won’t give you the anti-virus to your condition.” Aristo warned, this was of course a lie. What happened to Thomas and Exe was permanent.

“I bet I can beat it out of you before the police arrive.” He said, clenching his fist as he walked towards Aristo.

“Hands on? Alright I’ll play along. Lucille, don’t you fuck this up for me.” Aristo ignited a lightsaber blade and slashed towards the hedgehog, who vanished as she did so.

“You’re going to die Aristo.” A voice came from behind her, forcing her to turn around. Aristo’s heart actually stopped for a brief second though she’d never confess if you asked her.

“You’re already learning great use of your powers. You turned invisible and left a softlight hologram in your place.” Aristo clasped her RIDES paws in sheer bliss.

“You catch on pretty quick. Mom.” The creature was enjoying the scare tatic route, and felt comfortable continuing to go by Exe. It was Halloween Night, okay November 1st morning technically. If one was to be turned against their will into a hideous bastardization of post-modern science and given an urge to go on a rampage this was the time for it.

Aristo ignited Lucille’s palm flamethrower and burned the hedgehog in front of her, which rapidly showed severe burns and melted to a skeleton. Which encouraged insane Aristo’s own craving for violence. But this was nothing more than another hologram, as Exe blasted from the side. Knocking Aristo and Lucille into a wall. “Did you.. Did you really manage to trick me?”

“I may be your little Integrate, but I’m no one’s fool. You’ve ruined me Aristo and now I’m going to ruin you. Unless you give me the cure.” Exe grinned charging his gun, only to get a fireball from Lucille through him. One that phased RIGHT through him. He predicted Aristo would retalliate violent and while invisible kicked her side before re-appearing. “I’m starting to enjoy this. It’s almost a shame you’re about to cure me.”

“No I’m not! There’s no cure for your condition. But I will give you the chance to join my personal army. Anyone who can get the drop on me this easily I can use.” Aristo offered, seemingly strangely arrogant even for her.

“Yeah, I bet you could use me. Use me up till I’m as wrinkled as a raisin in the sun.” Five of Exe appeared before Aristo, all brandishing their claws. Their red glowing eyes getting brighter as they began to cry blood. “But without your limbs attached, no one can use you.”

“STEP AWAY FROM HER, OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE!” Shouted a woman in a mare RIDE and an APD Uniform holding a gun so massive it looked like it had been fabbed by the ghost of Rob Liefeld himself. So gargantuan was this firearm that Aristo and Exe had to pause and look at it for a few second just to register the weapon was indeed real. It looked like a shotgun with three miniguns in place of a chamber, a pistol for a scope, and two rocket launchers on the side. The weapon was as comical as could be.

“....What with THAT!?! I think I saw that in an issue of Deadpool & Cable over at the Aloha Museum of Ancient Earth Culture once.” Exe buried his blood covered (All of it fake blood of his own design to complete the look) face into his gnarled claw covered hand. "Or was it Cable and Deadpool?"

“I needed heavy artillery to bring down what YOU are!” The woman screamed, cocking her weapon and keeping it pointed directly at the living creepypasta, dead center on his red glowing eyes.

“....Yeah, but, seriously?” Exe groaned, getting his yellow jagged teeth. “You know as a former Earther it’s hard enough to take you seriously when your main form of defense is a robot fursuit, but that gun on top of it. Lady are you even trying to take this seriously?”

“This coming from Sonic The Hedgehog…. Stand down or I’ll shoot, and so will the men, women, and RIDEs behind me!” The horse fuser warned angrily, making a very equine snorting noise.

Exe simply walked towards the mare-adorned maiden with his trademark slasher smile. Humming his eerie backwards tune. Many shots were fired at his direction, but none of them seemed to affect anything. Actually they were, businesses and parked skimmers were facing serious damages. Someone even managed to have their arm and parts of their shoulder torn off. Thank God for body sculpting nano or that would have been a rather nasty lawsuit. Oh there sure as hell was already going to be one, but because of this tech the APD would be dishing out thousands, not millions.

Still the woman kept firing, transfixed on how she was doing nothing to damage Exe. Her RIDE and herself were both sure they were hitting him, hell they even replayed the footage again and again in their heads. There was a moment when Exe was hit right between the eyes, but even that failed to do a damn thing. Shit it didn’t even make the ghastly horror flinch. What was this thing. She had thought it was an Integrate, a creature found in tall tales told by Q-Miners that people too quickly disregarded as just the modern day equivalent of Bigfoot, but could this creature be something far worse? “Are you… a ghost?”

A chill was felt as she felt someone’s breath behind her, or rather her RIDE did. “Go to sleep! Wait… wasn’t that Jane the Killer not Sonic.Exe that said that? No wait, Jeff! Not Jane… maybe it was Jane. Oh well… doesn’t matter.” What happened next was an impressive, but terrible feat of strength as Exe forced his hand to become semi-tangible through the mare RIDE’s back, the human’s skin, and CRUSHED a portion of the poor woman’s spine who was instantly paralyzed, falling to the ground while the RIDE attempted to doctor her and sent an SOS immediately.

“There’s no time for games. Farewell!” And with that the demon was gone. Managing to sneak past the entire APD who spent the whole night looking for him in vain. Though he had just waltzed out the Dome’s front door playing City Escape Classic Remix on his internal MP3 Player.

Aristo de-fused from Lucille and looked at her with the flames of hell in her eyes. “You useless piece of shit! It’s your fault Exe got away. I am activating your pain sensors. They will all be lighting up at once in three… two…”

“AAAAAAHHHH… I’M SORRY, IT’S JUST… I DIDN’T… PLEASE… PLEASE STOP MS. ENROYGALL! YOU’RE HURTING ME!” Lucille kept jumping around uncontrollable. Every bit of her wiring was burning with an intense suffering. Each second for the next thirty felt like five minutes each.

“It’s more than you deserve! If Ximenes’ son didn’t need you fucking up his life I’d crush your core in my metal arm right in front of your lifeless shell you worthless waste of my talents! Be grateful you are allowed to feel anything at all! I don’t like you Lucille and Simon won’t either!” Aristo gritted her teeth before ending this game and having Lucille take a skimmer form. “Back to Supernova. We need to discuss what your failure means for my organization you sorry little slut.”

-Days Later In The Dry Ocean-

“Let the speed mend it, sand in my eyes I can’t see…. but I run still unphased.. all I really seek is make believe…. just let the speed find it.” Tom.Exe sang to himself getting the words wrong as he wandered the dry ocean frantically. He and Tom managed to talk things over a bit, if you could call it talking. It was more akin to a deep meditation. Exe was now on his own, a creature of solitude amongst the billion year drought all thanks to that bitch Aristo. The Tom part of him did feel remorse. Exe never asked to be born, and a creature such as him never had a chance to live as anything other than something to be either joked about or despised. Much like many humans suffered in far less fortunate times, much like they still do on far less fortunate planets. It was why Tom, or Thomasina (his parents had been expecting a boy) as she was at the time, fled from the Earth to the Zharus. Too often Tom had worried about what would happen if his family came to Zharus and found he had become a man, now, the idea that he was a man was tame compared to him not only being a freak, but one with a real and obvious desire to hurt people. One the Exe half was eager to do, but Tom was trying his best not to allow it. Tom.Exe stopped to survey the area, hoping to find other Integrates. Instead all he found was kilometers among kilometers of sand and a few qubitite deposits which were nothing but snacks to him, much needed nutrients he never realized he needed till something compelled him to eat them. Tom.Exe didn’t think he needed food, but his body still had a stomach apparently, and it was rumbling. His throat wasn’t dry, didn’t seem to be able to get dry. A blessing he needed to get through the desert. “....I’m afraid…” he said to himself, he looked up and yelled it. “I’M AFRAID! I CAN’T ACCESS THE NET! I HAVEN’T EATEN IN DAYS! AND I’M A FREAK!”

“You’re also in a lot of trouble! Your stunt could have revealed us you fool!” Roared a golden scaled Dragon Integrate who appeared from nowhere. “Do you not realize what could happen if you revealed our kind to the public? Even now Fritz’s goons are trying to cover up everything you did in Aloha.”

“Sorry about that, can I have some water? I just… I’d really like some water… EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRINK YOUR BLOOD!” Tom.Exe grinned wide and pointed his wrist mounted blaster at the dragon. He was scared, and the dragon sounded threatening. Tom was too busy worrying, but Exe had an answer for everything, and that was kill people. Exe fired at the dragon who literally grabbed his ring shot out of the air and ate it like a donut.

“I figured you’d say something like that. SCOURGE, TAFFENI Attack!” The dragon snapped before pointing his index finger threateningly at the little creepypasta.

From out of nowhere two Integrates appeared, likely having been invisible yet present the whole time. Without access to the net or his communications system working at all he had no way of detecting them. Before Exe could say anything one of the two, a Sonic Style green hedgehog in a leather jacket and shades turned into a ball and smashed right into Exe’s face, knocking him back a few steps and causing his optics to have to reset as he gained his bearings. “What the hell?”

“Sonic.Exe? Knew you’d show up on this planet sooner or later” The Green Hedgehog laughed to himself as he tilted his shades up for a better look. “I’m Scourge.OSX and I’m taking you for a spin! Dash that is!” Before Exe could respond, Scourge rolled up into a ball and spun towards Exe.

Exe saw this coming from the pun and put out his foot out to stop the spindash before arming his wrist-canon once more. “You’re not very smart I take it.” He smiled evilly charging the wrist blaster and blasting the holy hell out of Scourge who was laid on his back, bloodied up in a crater. Exe looking over him with a sinister smile. “You’re going to die, make peace with that.”

“Fucking fanboys.” Taffeni, a vixen Integrate, more of a petting zoo person than a Sonic style cartoon. She was a beautiful orange furred former resident of Kyotokyo even wearing a fancy asian dress from that polis. Yellow tron lines were going up her legs in a flowery pattern, her hair done up in a bun with two pins keep the shape, she herself sighed looking into the crater. “You okay Scourge?”

“Peachy….” Scourge meekly gave a thumbs up as he waited for his nanites to heal his broken body. “I don’t expect you furry types to know this, but you know talking isn’t exactly..”

“A free action…” Taffeni said yawning, having already used the needle in her hair to stab Exe right in his DIN slot. Causing him to spark up, his software reading various errors from how she was manipulating his empty DIN slut’s plugs and bits. “You Sonic Fans are nothing but show-offs you know. Check your newsfeed:The 1990’s are over. They’ve been over for a very long time. Trying joining the rest of us in the 26th Century.”

“I… am terror…..I AM GOD! How did you...” Exe was still sparking the errors being caused getting too much for him.

“We studied footage of Aloha. I expected that trick, not that it would have worked anyway. I can SENSE technology. You have caused too much property damage and although no loss of life, there was a great deal of harm done. What were you thinking drawing this much attention to yourself during your escape from the city?” Taffeni asked.

“I was just… rolling around… at the speed of sound.. Had no place to go… had to follow my rainbow.” Exe gave in a non-answer.

“The speed of sound? Is that really as fast your lifters go? Pathetic.” Taffeni pulled back on the needle slightly, taking some pity on the creature.

“It’s a Sonic reference!” Scourge yelled from the crater, still struggling to make a move of any kind.

“I thought Sonic was fast….” Taffeni said raising an eyebrow.

“He is. That... that was ridiculously speedy back then...” Scourge said. He’d have gotten up by now, but Exe’s blast was stronger than his systems had initially anticipated.

“Like I said… join the rest of us in the 26th Century.” Taffeni said coldly, her focus purely on the job at hand.

The dragon approached them and yelled as loud as his surround sound system would allow him to. “Thomas Anderson! You accused of attempting to reveal Integrate kind to the humans! How do you plead?”

“Not Guilty…” The Tom part of Thomas.Exe was shining through after his defeat at the paws of Taffeni and he felt in a better mood to negotiate. “I just became this thing and… I don’t know what’s going on. I can’t control myself, yet at the same time I’m completely lucid and aware of my actions. Like I’m two people, but also one person.”

The dragon nodded. “Your halves are very opposite… You will learn how to control this during your service.”

“My… Service?” Thomas.Exe wasn’t sure if he should be afraid and beg for mercy, groveling in the Dry Ocean sands or if he should rip Taffeni’s arm off and use it to fight the dragon while batheing and dancing in the blood of the fox. Needless to say, this was a lot of confliction.

“We are willing to forgive, but imagine if some idiot. Especially a rich and famous idiot like yourself was caught on camera rampaging through Aloha like you were. Luckily, it was just the police whom Fritz has managed to pull some strings to keep quiet.” The dragon took a few steps back and took a deep breathe. “My God, you might as well have called a god damn press conference, invited every newsgroup on Zharus from CNN-Fox to Milky Way Daily, and said ‘Hey I’m So-And-So and I am an Integrate!’ Have you any idea how badly that could have gone for us!?!”

“Who's Fritz?” Tom asked with fear present in his voice, he would curse the name Aristo Crescendoll Enroygall for as long as he lived. Now that he was an Integrate he pondered if the rumors were true and that as long as he lived was going to be a very long time.

“The Bosscat, he can be rather sensible and easy to get along with though. Provided that you don’t piss him off.” The Dragon snorted. “Now… what will your service be…”

“I think I have an idea!” Scourge jumped up, turning into a green ball as he did and then landing right outside the crater with a sinister smile. “For him and the other one.”

“Oh this should be good, coming from the furry in denial.” Taffeni rolled her eyes.

“I AM NOT A FURRY! I AM A MOBIAN! I am a creature of Earth, with a gas sprayed over me to give me a humanoid shape! By the Ancient Walkers! Did you even READ the comic!?!” Scourge actually smashed his glasses in his hand in rage.

“You’re roleplaying an animal turned humanoid? You dumbass, you’re LARPing something you already are! I’m glad I’m from Chakona Space. We have intellectuals there.” Taffeni sighed, missing her denmates already even though she’d only been away from them for a day. Truthfully she had very little patience for anyone who wasn’t one of her denmates. A Chakat term for polyamorous loved ones.

“Why I oughtta…” Scourge growled at Taffeni. “...Look… here’s the plan..”

-Three Months Later-

A man in a rental corgi fuser, aptly named “Doge’ after the Old Earth Oil Age meme was typing up scripts for a comic book he wrote based on Zharus life called GoKARTers as a bodyguard he had hired escorted him through the Dry Ocean, following a tip they paid good money for at a Sturmhaven bar called “Hair Of The Bitch”.

“You know, you had a lot of nerve coming to Sturmhaven. We were less than thrilled about Girltopia. The way you portray us in that comic book of yours doesn’t do us many favors when the Earthers come and put two and two together. Odin knows how much MU in tourism dollars we lost because of you. If you didn’t have the coordinates to the Alpha Wolf Camp I’d have left you in that saloon!” A woman in two tailed wolf fuser said in a thick accent. She was armed to the teeth with shoulder mounted gatling guns, a stomach mounted rocker launcher, hip mounted missile launchers, and an assualt rifle of gargantuan proportions that she could only lift while in fuser. Finally her breasts contained plasma cannons.

“Well Sturmhaven’s the villain of the book… Kinda happens when people like you introduce yourselves by putting a blaster rifle in my face and referring to me as Sperm Bank.” The man in the corgi fuser said. “You know I’d still be a chick if the Earthern Comic Book World took Indie Female Writers seriously.”

“Do not remind me that you’re a crossrider…. Gender Traitors like you make my blood boil…” The woman said with a grimace before looking at her RIDE’s Heads Up Display. “We’re getting close…. Ahh… definitely Alpha Wolf’s sending out… what appears to be the game over screen of that game Slender.”

“The one with the faceless guy… Yeah it’s on Doge’s screen too.. Kinda spooky really.” The man said.

“Pah.. men, always having to be in complete control of the situation or else they lose it.” The Sturmhaven woman shook her head left and right in disgust.

“No I just mean it startled me..” The author of GoKARTers reassured.

“Oh yes, big man, big man, of course it’s not scary.” Clearly, she had some insercurities of her own as she just couldn’t seem to take five seconds out of her schedule to not taunt every man she did bussiness with.

“Are you even listening to m…” The man said before realizing he could see in front of him. “Okay the screen is clear now.”

“Yes I see that! Though now there’s an augmented reality image of a bloodied up Sonic… Haven’t seen that since Halloween in Aloha…” The Sturmhaven one said lifting her facemask. “See nothing… Oh Goddess… it’s you again!”

“That’s right… It’s me. I am, who you don’t think I am. All wrapped up in my evil plan!” It was Tom, Thomas.EXE as he was now known throughout his enclave of Lavender Town of which he was put in charge of. “So many souls, so little time. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Sierra! Open fire!” The Sturmhaven woman shouted, her RIDE nearly draining her batteries straight down to red firing everything she had at the living nightmare, but it didn’t even phase him.

“...Not scratching his paint job. So much for the superiority of a Proper Sturmhaven Woman.”

“Now is not the time!” The Sturmhaven woman ceased fire and charged up to the beast. Hoping to hit it aside the head with her rifle. Only to phase right through him. “A ghost?!?!”

Thomas.Exe appeared behind her and lifted her to her feet. “A ghost tried to approach me and got wary, asked him a question and he vanished in a second!” He said in a whisper quiet voice.

“Fuck this. This isn’t worth it…” The woman said in a panic, throwing her rifle to the writer. “You wanna try? I’m out of here.”

The writer examined the weapon with a smile on his face. “Scary villains, intimidating weapons. I think my next issue will be the greatest yet. Just need a new protagonist with a tough name, but something that sounds protective and not agressive. Like Pebblewall or Boulderfence or maybe Rockbarrier, wait what about Stonega…”

In the middle of his renter’s thought, Doge turned his and his rider’s neck to face behind only to see a decaying, frowning, bloodied up, yet familiar cartoon mouse. “Mason! Such Creepy, Many Attackers!” The Corgi was programmed mostly to talk like a meme. Something the RIDE himself found irritating.

“Oh right… to qoute our misandrist friend. Fuck this, this isn’t worth it.” He said as he threw the rifle to the ground and skimmed out like a doge out of hell. Though quickly got back to pondering names for his new character. “Geodoor? Petrifyshield?”

The cartoon mouse smiled as the two left, going up to Thomas.Exe to give him a high five. “We did it, and with no shots fired from us. As usual.”

“That we did Suicide Mouse, that we did. I wonder why they thought Alpha Camp was out here. They had gone much further they’d have gotten to Jurassic Park. Not Alpha Camp. Alpha Camp is a few dozen clicks thataway.” Thomas.Exe pointed off in a random direction. “Here there are dinos all over, it’s a jungle, the wicked wild.”

“Enough with the Sonic Puns…” The bloodied up mascot groaned, changing into an old 1930’s model car and flying off.”

“Yeah, well let’s head back to Lavender. Jeff just messaged me that he finished another batch of those Sarium Sugarcookies I like so much.” Exe followed, himself on a blue hoverboard

“That dude’s smile creeps me out.” Suicide Mouse shuddered.

“That’s the trick, Mick.” Exe smiled at the mouse who would have face pawed at the rhyming if only he wasn’t a car right now.




Special Thanks To the writer of the creepypastas “Sonic.Exe”, “Marble Hornets”, “Jeff The Killer”, and “Suicide Mouse” And to Ken Penders who owns the character Scourge The Hedgehog.

Thomas.Exe will return in Omniverse OverRIDE.