Talk:Unpresentable Heroes

This was a good read. I like the concept behind it and while the twist at the end wasn't much of a surprise, it was worth it. All the defects that detract from this story could be polished out with the help of a good editor. Adding it to ShadowWolfs Pack at 3 stars. ShadowWolf 01:00, 10 May 2008 (EDT)

Thanks. What specific defects do you have in mind? Aside from the inherent implausibilities of the superpowers and the aliens' motivations; those seem like licensed absurdities of the superhero genre. --Trismegistus Shandy 14:17, 30 June 2008 (EDT)

Mostly it's the flow of the story and some points where there is a massive feeling of deus ex machina. You also telegraphed the twist at the end of the story pretty badly - it could be seen coming from close to the beginning. -- ShadowWolf 15:26, 30 June 2008 (EDT)

That's more specific, but still a little too vague to be useful. What specific plot twists do you have in mind as deus ex machina? The point where Zach finds Nat again while teleporting all over the ship searching for him, or what?

And it might help me tone down the foreshadowing if you would point out exactly where you first realized how the story was going to end. I didn't mean it to come out of nowhere, but apparently the foreshadowing is too obvious at some point; where, I can't tell. --Trismegistus Shandy 10:30, 2 July 2008 (EDT)

Well... Deus Ex feelings are to be expected from stuff involving superhero's. However... The foreshadowing may just be because I've read so many stories that have a twist that I pick up on the smallest of clues. But it feels like you were working in the foreshadowing of the eventual twist with a heavy hand — like M. Night Shyamalan in "Signs". What is needed for good foreshadowing to work is for every hint to have more than one possible explanation. -- ShadowWolf 19:16, 2 July 2008 (EDT)