Talk:Hannah's Tale

This is well along and I think I'm ready for some comments. It's my first attempt in a very long time to do first person.

This story is now essentially finished, though I expect to do some revisions. I hope it's an enjoyable read. Please tell me what you-all think.

Alveric

There, took me a little while to get to it but I've finished reading. :) 'Tis a nice little tale, and flowed pretty smoothly. There wasn't a whole lot of plot to it but that's not too big a "fault" - a lot of Xanadu stories are written along these lines, most of mine are similar. Mermaids in particular are tricky to write a lengthy plot for since they've got such limited mobility. I see now that your other ongoing work is a crossover, with the other mermaid Skye making an appearance. That's one of the neat aspects of shared settings but it could also lead to constraints on your subsequent stories so don't hesitate to edit this one some more if events in your other stories call for it. For example, it sounds like Skye is going to be separated from the other two protagonists of her story in fairly short order. Maybe a major plot for the other story could be them searching for her?

Anyway, focusing on this story. The mervulcan mix was a great idea, very fun. However, the Vulcan side of the mix didn't come up very much. I realize that under the circumstances it's entirely reasonable that the mer side would be the more significant one but it still feels a bit like a wasted opportunity. When Hannah was being manhandled by that pirate I was expecting that she'd pull out the ol' Vulcan nerve pinch on him (that encounter could perhaps use a bit of rewriting anyway - the characters' reactions seemed a bit odd, both in Hannah pulling a knife on a man who was trying to help her and yet still trusting him to carry her around, and the pirate not reacting very much to his passenger threatening him like that).

Then of course there's the Vulcan mind meld and telepathic aptitude in general that you could play around with a bit. Especially right at the end, it could be useful as a means of underwater communication with Skye and I'd be curious to see how it interacts with Force-based mental communication. As it was her reunion with Alex was a little uneventful.

Hope these were the sorts of critiques you were looking for. No major issues leapt out at me otherwise, overall quite good. Thanks for writing! :) Bryan 15:11, 1 March 2011 (UTC)