Mind Over Matter
Josh knew he shouldn't have gone to the Halloween/Christmas mixed costume party his friends had decided to throw last night. Doubly so when he picked off the nasty pin he had just stepped on a second ago.
He had a headache roughly the size of Mt. Everest, and felt rather odd too. He vaguely remembered coming back steadily(well, almost) through the streets. He had a vague memory of someon stopping him and giving him - he searched his crappy otter-costume's hidden pockets - an odd necklace that was shaped like a swimming otter, for some reason. He tried it on now, and instantly felt bad inside. Like, BAD bad.
He was still hugging the toilet ten minutes later 'Okay, that last whisky was too much...' Then, he felt odd tingling and slight pain in his lower spine area. That reminded him of another thing: they had had a limbo contest there, and because of his costume's slippery tail, he had fallen down on his back and hurt it pretty bad. That oddly didn't cause him to go home. Even if he had had a fortune cookie tell him to "come home before midnight..." he had stayed till the end.
Not that it mattered; he was already feeling better and didn't even remember the stupid fortune cookie. He decided that a breakfast was in order. He was feeling pretty hungry already. For some reason he craved for fish. His fridge didn't have any, so he had to settle for bread with "fresh" cucumber slices. Orange juice felt pretty good too, and he lapped almost the whole bottle down in few minutes. Then, the itching on his back came back. So did the last night's last whisky shot to remind of itself. He ran hastily to the bathroom, not noticing the label on the orange juice(it wasn't his usual brand).
When he was sure he couldn't cough up any more technicolor yawns, he got up and back into his bedroom, laying on the bed for a moment, pretty tired. He dozed off...
...until he heard a weird voice: "Wake up Josh... it's time you got up..." The voice was soft, and sounded a bit feminine. He sprang up, but didn't see anyone. His headache came roaring back from getting up so fast, but he ignored it the best he could. He felt something soft brush his lower back...
...and before thinking more about anything else, he finally had the sense to drop the cheap costume's wiry "tail" off his belt. He had gotten the costume cheap from a shop he had not seen before in the mall - on a spot where he was fairly sure had been only wall before....
"Fox, this is your Brain calling. Come in?"
"Not now Brain. Don't you see I'm writing?"
"Fox!"
"Okay, fine. What now?"
"Why are you writing that clichéd nonsense? I mean, come ON! Are you TRYING to write every single transformation-cliché there is?"
"It's not clichéd, it's clever writing, you will see..."
"Pfft, as if. I reserve the right to point the idiocies out."
"If you shut up while I wrap this thing up..."
"Deal."
...not that the fact where he got the costume mattered much. Josh, as a transformation fanatic knew that transformations came from UNexpected sources, not ones that were stupidly obvious. At least if the writer was any good. Josh didn't bother to think about that much - he checked his mail that had a mysterious letter on it that smelled like roses... he trashed it, as he had seen similar junk mail before. Advertisers are getting smart these days, he mused. Then he popped on his computer, and checked e-mail. No mysterious messages here, just the usual TSA-nonsense and some very non-mysterious junkmail. Suddenly, something popped on his screen.
"I hate these ads!"
...and he automatically clicked it away before even looking at the title that read "WWW.circe.NET" on the weirdest font. Seeing that he had nothing to work with on the web, he decided to just log off and read some newspaper - maybe there was something in it.
His teeth and mouth felt a bit odd. Yours would too if you had eaten and drunk what Josh here had and then vomited it. He went off to brush his teeth.
He seemed to have more of a stubble on his chin than usual, he stopped mid-brush...
"FOX!"
"I am not listening, Brain."
"You have to stop this! This is - absolutely - ridiculous!"
"What is? I know this story isn't, so tell me?"
"Why yes, IT IS. This amount of clichés would be enough to blow a bank vault open!"
"Nah, it wouldn't. The vaults are pretty strong these days."
"...what are you implying?"
"Nothing."
"Just. Stop. This. Nonsense."
"Not listening, here..."
Josh then recalled he had forgotten to shave last night. Nothing to worry about. There was absolutely nothing to worry about, nothing would happen to him... he looked at his new otter-shaped necklace and shrugged.
"I can't *take* it anymore, Fox!"
"Why now, Brain? I'm just getting to the point."
"There is no point! That story is stupid, clichéd and absolutely, mind-boggingly IDIOTIC that only you could cook up!"
"It's perfectly in control."
"Yeah, riight. *derisive snort*"
"Just look here, Brain."
"No, You look at this Fox. This is so clichéd that there is no - way - this is going to work anymore. Call me when you're done and want to do something with thinking involved!"
"Fine *shrugs* your loss..."
Josh felt immense pain, suddenly. Much more immense than that of a hangover. He doubled to his floor and felt so dizzy that he hadn't been even last night coming home.
'Could this be transformation? Am I finally going to turn into an otter?", he wondered aloud while the more worried side of his brain that had just had it's double-expresso woke up, saying: "What is happening to m-"
"Argh!"
...
It was over. Josh dared to open his eyes, and look. He felt fur, and turned onto his back. He felt - different. Actually, he felt, and saw, and smelled...
- Let's cut to the chase - ten minutes later(after all the "Ooh. Wow. Ah. Oh, yay!" -phases). He had been turned into dazzling young(younger than he was) female anthro snow leopard that was looking back from her mirror that she admired for a long time. Until...
"I'm HEEERE! Josh, are you ready to go?", came from the door, his (HER, Fox corrected in the text) friend's voice. They had a movie trip planned today, and she hadn't looked to the clock once during the afternoon.
She swallowed and looked back to the really sorry and naked snow leopard she saw in the mirror. Oh. SHIT.
"Okay, Fox. Tell me. What's so amusing about this story?"
"Take a guess."
"A GUESS? It could be any of those stupid 'hidden hints' you crammed the first part full of!"
"But it isn't."
"What do you mean?"
"Ever heard of the 'RNG-Chaos Theory-ROB-Murphy's Law-Throw A Dice-It Won't Happen Until It's Fun'-theory? It's a fundamental in transformations and stories thereof."
"...that you just cooked up. Spill it."
"Okay. Whatever the 'God' of Josh's universe *that* I just cooked up is - he merely slipped on an universal banana peel, and thus caused this transformation. The other stuff... just hints."
"That is so retarded that I do not know what to say..."
"You don't have to say anything."