Talk:The Fool in the Fox

Figured I'd hit you back. So far, I'm enjoying it. Its a well done introduction, and I like how you jump right into the day. None of this slow start stuff like mine. The frantic pace helps pull in the reader, and keeps them there until you've slowed down into the story. I also like how you use fox based measurements, instincts, and senses, instead of the fox just being thrown in as an accessory to the story. I'd tell you to keep up the good work, but you already are. I'll just sit back and wait for the rest, reading it as it happens. --Concerned Reader 03:58, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much for the feedback, I was a little concerned the beginning was leaning towards an infodump-type situation but I guess that wasn't the case. I should have the next little bit ready by thursday. --Lloyd

The thing is, and I noticed this with TBP, you almost always have to start with an infodump, because not everyone is familiar with the story universe. The way you did yours was good, as it followed the flow of the rest of the story. --Concerned Reader 16:40, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Must say that I love how you have the character forget the full name of TFOR ('Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation'). The full name is quite a mouthful and doesn't, quite, make sense unless you know what 'Ontogenetic Regulation' is :) I was going to hold off commenting until you got a little more written, but decided to chime in now anyway. -- ShadowWolf 16:57, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Stumped

To be honest, the part I've just posted is as far as I got in the planning stage. I'm not actually sure how to continue the story. Anyone have a suggestion?--Lloyd

Really, you've set yourself up with two storylines. Either the box contains a practical joke, or something for Gordon. As the package comes from a bakery, it could be a birthday cake. Though I don't know when Gordons birthday is. Really, the story needs a form of conflict to stay interesting. Now it doesn't seem like a swat team is going to bust in and shoot things, but a Man Vs. Self conflict could work out very well. Either with Lloyd deciding to introduce himself to the bar, or just leave and never give it a second thought. What might help, and did help me, is to make his bio sheet on the character timeline. That way you can plan out character quirks and other such things. That would also help us with story elements that he could react to. Something that might work is that Gordon starts contracting out to the bakery to cater to the bar, and later opening an expansion of the bakery as an addition to the bar, leading to a resturant type feel later. Something like that. Definitely make the character sheet though, as it might spark some ideas. I've enjoyed it thus far, I hope you can keep it going. --Concerned Reader 00:51, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Blarg... still can't think of anything. I'm now certain that I want the box to be some sort of prank but I can't figure out what. I do know that I want the story to end with Jonas having a reason to come back but I can't think of why. As much as keeping the character pool small is a good thing in my experience, I'm not sure having Gordy as the recipient is a good idea anymore... Anyone have a suggestion? --Lloyd

If the box is indeed a prank, what kind of prank is just as important as who gets it. If it's from a bakery, it has to be some kind of confection, so it either has a lewd image in the icing, or the item is of joke origin itself. Like a bone shaped cake for a wolf/dog morph. I think it should be an erotic birthday cake for Gordy from an old acquaintance. As for the other characters, What is the year of the story? If it's after 2032 then Allan could be the recipient.--Concerned Reader 01:28, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

I'm still trying to get the timeline right, but this story is around 2034-ish so if you want Allan as the recipient then that'll be fine. Just need to figure out what's in the box. --Lloyd

Allan would be a regular by now, but I'm not sure what his appearance would be after 2032. If I go ahead with the symbiote idea, it could drastically alter his appearance. You work on the suprise, and I'll try and figure out who to give it to. --Concerned Reader 21:28, 22 June 2009 (UTC)