Talk:Russian to Conclusions

I know the "story" itelf kind of sucks, but I would like comments on what people thought of the format.--Guvnor Of Space 03:24, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

The story is great...the mental change expressed very well. The continuous fluctuation between the two personalities, Thomas and Yuri, is excellent. The only thing I don't understand is that the Detective comments that Thomas/Yuri destroyed the Julius Romberg laser already...then at the end it is said that he was fired because he tried to destroy the Julius Romberg laser. That seems to be conflicting.

And as for the format...it is okay, I guess. But doing a narrative one would be better because then you could describe the scene better than just putting descriptions in brackets. For example...

Instead of (looks up with fierce look in his eyes), you could say But then Thomas looked up at the Detective, and the Detective glimpsed a renewed fire burning in his eyes.

The difference is that the first is telling, the second is describing. Your story is excellent. I feel that if you switched from "transcript" format to "narrative and descriptive", which is the norm for writing, this story would be even better. But still, great job! --Drake, 22:44, 22 June 2009