User talk:ShadowWolf/Death and Rebirth

Small quibble, but you mispelled "skiing" as "skying".

Page is a work in progress and is on hiatus. I have done no real editing on it yet. -- ShadowWolf 00:29, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Plasma balls

Just thought I'd mention this. I'm enjoying the read so far, and definitely like the detail that goes into it, but it seems like your just kinda glazing over the plasma balls. I know the page is in flux, especially the fighting scenes, but describing throwing plasma like you would describe breathing just seems to lessen the impact of him being able to throw plasma. Maybe go into the feeling of the ball charging, or mention his hair raising on end. Much like Oberon did in Enter a Wolf. A kind of static-y feeling or something. I hope I brought across the point I wanted to, because I'm terrible at explaining what I mean. --Concerned Reader 16:55, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh, I know what you mean. Like I stated in the note, that section is in flux because I want to give it a much more "real" feeling than what I was able to get together from my original notes on that scene. And for the "distraction" ones it really is "as easy as breathing" - all he has to do is trigger that specific "reflex". In general though, thanks :) -- ShadowWolf 17:00, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

So it's like dumping chaff? As in,

"I discharge a stream of plasma as I round the corner, the chaff burst drawing fire and blinding the men at the bottom of the stairs. When I hit the bottom of the steps, I crouch and fire five shots. Four bodies hit the floor. The fifth bullet makes a decidedly less fleshy impact on the sheet-rock behind them. "Dammit" I mutter as a crackle of energy rolls down my arm. The fifth target had dropped to the floor as soon as I had started firing. Rising from my crouch, I roll a 200 degree ball in his general direction. It leaves a long furrow in the floor, scorching its way towards it's victim. He had just started returning fire, still blinded by the chaff burst, when it detonated right next to his head. With a disturbingly wet pop, a two foot crater, and half a face where all that was left. The other half nothing more than loose ions in the air."?

Sorry, I got a bit carried away. That happens to me a lot. Either way, I like what you're doing. Please keep doing it. --Concerned Reader 15:41, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

So it's like dumping chaff?

Exactly! It was done to distract, annoy and get them to "put their heads down". I'm working on rewriting that scene, but have not been able to get fully awake today. And you manage to catch the voice for Scott really well in your little example. Until the end, that is - Scott is very accurate and precise in his use of English and you break the present tense you used at the start for a different flavor of present tense, then flop back :)

And no - you've given me an idea for how to fix that section. It'll just have to wait until tomorrow sometime, since I'm probably going to go back to bed and make this another of those days where I do nothing but sleep. -- ShadowWolf 02:42, 11 June 2009 (UTC)