Talk:The Fool in the Fox

Figured I'd hit you back. So far, I'm enjoying it. Its a well done introduction, and I like how you jump right into the day. None of this slow start stuff like mine. The frantic pace helps pull in the reader, and keeps them there until you've slowed down into the story. I also like how you use fox based measurements, instincts, and senses, instead of the fox just being thrown in as an accessory to the story. I'd tell you to keep up the good work, but you already are. I'll just sit back and wait for the rest, reading it as it happens. --Concerned Reader 03:58, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much for the feedback, I was a little concerned the beginning was leaning towards an infodump-type situation but I guess that wasn't the case. I should have the next little bit ready by thursday. --Lloyd

The thing is, and I noticed this with TBP, you almost always have to start with an infodump, because not everyone is familiar with the story universe. The way you did yours was good, as it followed the flow of the rest of the story. --Concerned Reader 16:40, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Must say that I love how you have the character forget the full name of TFOR ('Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation'). The full name is quite a mouthful and doesn't, quite, make sense unless you know what 'Ontogenetic Regulation' is :) I was going to hold off commenting until you got a little more written, but decided to chime in now anyway. -- ShadowWolf 16:57, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Stumped

To be honest, the part I've just posted is as far as I got in the planning stage. I'm not actually sure how to continue the story. Anyone have a suggestion?