User talk:ShadowWolf/Death and Rebirth

Small quibble, but you mispelled "skiing" as "skying".

Page is a work in progress and is on hiatus. I have done no real editing on it yet. -- ShadowWolf 00:29, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Plasma balls

Just thought I'd mention this. I'm enjoying the read so far, and definitely like the detail that goes into it, but it seems like your just kinda glazing over the plasma balls. I know the page is in flux, especially the fighting scenes, but describing throwing plasma like you would describe breathing just seems to lessen the impact of him being able to throw plasma. Maybe go into the feeling of the ball charging, or mention his hair raising on end. Much like Oberon did in Enter a Wolf. A kind of static-y feeling or something. I hope I brought across the point I wanted to, because I'm terrible at explaining what I mean. --Concerned Reader 16:55, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh, I know what you mean. Like I stated in the note, that section is in flux because I want to give it a much more "real" feeling than what I was able to get together from my original notes on that scene. And for the "distraction" ones it really is "as easy as breathing" - all he has to do is trigger that specific "reflex". In general though, thanks :) -- ShadowWolf 17:00, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

So it's like dumping chaff? As in,

"I discharge a stream of plasma as I round the corner, the chaff burst drawing fire and blinding the men at the bottom of the stairs. When I hit the bottom of the steps, I crouch and fire five shots. Four bodies hit the floor. The fifth bullet makes a decidedly less fleshy impact on the sheet-rock behind them. "Dammit" I mutter as a crackle of energy rolls down my arm. The fifth target drops to the floor, a shower of sheet-rock dust raining down on him. Rising from my crouch, I roll a 200 degree ball in his general direction. It leaves a long furrow in the floor, scorching the path towards it's victim. He was just starting to returning fire, still blinded by the chaff burst, when it detonated right next to his head. With a disturbingly wet pop, a two foot crater, and half a face where all that was left. The other half nothing more than loose ions in the air."

?

Sorry, I got a bit carried away. That happens to me a lot. Either way, I like what you're doing. Please keep doing it. --Concerned Reader 15:41, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

So it's like dumping chaff?

Exactly! It was done to distract, annoy and get them to "put their heads down". I'm working on rewriting that scene, but have not been able to get fully awake today. And you manage to catch the voice for Scott really well in your little example. Until the end, that is - Scott is very accurate and precise in his use of English and you break the present tense you used at the start for a different flavor of present tense, then flop back :)

And no - you've given me an idea for how to fix that section. It'll just have to wait until tomorrow sometime, since I'm probably going to go back to bed and make this another of those days where I do nothing but sleep. -- ShadowWolf 02:42, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Glad I could help. I patched up my example, if only for my own sake. I tend to do all my writing on paper during Trig, and then on my EEE 901 really late at night. Tenses are a problem for me, but only slightly. My only writing experience is essays for English and college applications, so I've never really had to deal with changes of tense. I just kind of write what sounds right, then read it over later to fix it up. Sleeping is good. I do all my best thinking when I'm asleep. Unfortunately, I never remember it when I wake up :) --Concerned Reader 04:40, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

No problem. I actually do most of my "writing" without any writing implements around. What I do is sit back and envision the scenes, watching them unfold in my minds eye. Then I grab a notepad and start writing out the scenes in as much detail as I can, including all the "camera moves", special effects and notes on what the senses would be doing. (that is, actually, the hardest part - writing out the scene in that much detail takes a lot of work) Then I take the scene and I trim it down to only what is absolutely essential to convey it to the reader, sometimes trimming it even further because of limits based on what the POV character can actually see/smell/etc...

What exists on the page right now is somewhere in between the "impossibly detailed" form and the final "only absolutely required details" form. I wrote it "off the cuff" without using my normal pattern, which is part of the reason why it sucks so bad, IMNSHO. :) -- ShadowWolf 05:00, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Oddly enough, that's exactly how I write. Off the cuff. Well, more of off the brain. I pick a starting sentence, and then the rest just flows out, pouring from my brain to the page. It's a sloppy way to write, and you have to clean up the spilled brain juice afterwards, but it gets words on the page. I guess you could say that you storyboard and pre-render, while I render procedurally on the fly. Your running Source, and I'm on Unreal 3. Maybe I'll try your method for a bit. At least until my head starts hurting.--Concerned Reader 05:24, 11 June 2009 (UTC)