User:Leasara/Slow Change

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This was the second story after my break written just as a study on the process of a magical transgender transformation. The AR/AP thing near the end just kind of snuck itself in. I think I lifted the journal format idea from Dracula which I had read fairly recently. Done in December of 2006

{{#ifeq: User |User| Slow Change | Slow Change}}[[Title::{{#ifeq: User |User| Slow Change | Slow Change}}| ]]
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 {{#ifeq: {{#ifeq: User |User| Shannon Robertson | Shannon Robertson}} | | 
   {{#ifeq: {{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}} | || 
     Author: [[User:{{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}}|{{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}}]] [[Author::{{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}}| ]]
   }} | 
   {{#ifeq: {{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}} | |
     Author: {{#ifeq: User |User| Shannon Robertson | Shannon Robertson}} |
     Author: [[User:{{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}}|{{#ifeq: User |User| Shannon Robertson | Shannon Robertson}}]] [[Author::{{#ifeq: User |User| Shannon Robertson | Shannon Robertson}}| ]]
   }}
 }} |
 {{#ifeq: {{#ifeq: User |User| Shannon Robertson | Shannon Robertson}} | |
   {{#ifeq: {{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}} | | Authors: ' | 
     Authors: [[User:{{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}}|{{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}}]] 
   }} | 
   {{#ifeq: {{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}} | |
     Authors: {{#ifeq: User |User| Shannon Robertson | Shannon Robertson}} |
     Author: [[User:{{#ifeq: User |User| Leasara | Leasara}}|{{#ifeq: User |User| Shannon Robertson | Shannon Robertson}}]] 
   }}
 }}

}} {{#if:| — see [[:Category:{{{category}}}|other works by this author]]}}

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April 14

I saw Dr. Kerageosis earlier today, he doesn't know what's wrong, so we're waiting on my blood work to come back. He recommended I start keeping a journal, since my memory is so fuzzy recently, in case a specialist wants more info than I'll be able to provide. I guess I'll start with catching things up. About a week ago, maybe a little longer, I started feeling sick. Like a flu, but without the upset stomach. Just feeling tired, aching everywhere, hot and cold spells, dizziness, all that stuff. I took some big doses of Zinc and Vitamin C, like I usually do, but it didn't go away, so I made the appointment to see the doc. Three days ago I noticed that the opening of my urethra has extended at the bottom. I thought I was imagining it, but over the last three days, it's progressed down my penis about 3 mm. Dr. K. didn't believe me when I mentioned it, so I let him examine me. That was rather uncomfortable, but not so bad as I thought it would be.

April 15

Nothing big to report today. I Still feel sick. I'm starting to feel weak too, I can't really explain it, maybe it's my imagination. Maybe drained is closer? I don't really know. My friends at work have started to notice, Tabby remarked that I was looking a bit pale and thin. I hadn't noticed it, but I think she may be right. I might have to go buy a scale.

April 16

When I went to the doctor a couple days ago, I weighed 183 pounds, today I weigh 175. I've been wanting to lose the 30 pounds I gained when I quit smoking, but eight pounds in two days is a little extreme. My guess is that I should have bought a better scale. This morning I also found that the opening along my urethra has extend a bit more, and the channel won't stay closed anymore. This makes peeing difficult, sort of like when you put your thumb over the end of a water hose. I guess I'll have to sit to pee until whatever this is gets fixed. The inside of this opening feels really weird, kinda like my nail bed did when I lost my toe nail when I was nine. It's super sensitive and kinda ticklish, just like my nail bed was, but I'm guessing the strange tickle go away the longer it's exposed, just like the tickling in my nail bed did. This brings me to another observation. I think the weird tickly sensations should probably have given me an erection, but they didn't. I realize now that I haven't been aroused in close to two weeks. I never had much of a libido, but this much of a span is rather odd. I'll have to make sure to mention all this to Dr. K. when I see him the day after tomorrow.

April 17

I've lost another three pounds. I have no idea how I'm losing all this weight. Tabs even brought in some of her famous chicken and dumplings, last night. Since I'm off my diet until I'm feeling better, I must have eaten half of the full crock pot she brought. There are only five of us that work graves, and I know no one else ate near as much as I did. Still, I'm losing weight. At least my appointment is at the end of tonight's shift, and then I get my weekend. Hopefully I can catch some extra sleep.

April 18

Well, my blood work came back clean, so he's sending me to an endocrinologist, a gastro-intro-something doc, and a bone guy. We were both worried to see my weight was down to 165 pounds, but what was more alarming was that I now stood 6 feet and one half inch, where I had been six foot two for the last ten years! The absolute worst though was when Dr. K was examining the changes in my urethra and noticed that my testicles were smaller. I don't know what's worse, all these weird changes, or the fact that, aside from the obvious one, I haven't noticed them happening. I'm going to try to stay up today so I can make it through the three appointments tomorrow.

April 19

Tabitha just left, something is definitely up. She's never come over before, I didn't even know she knew where I lived. She wanted to check up on me to see how my doctor's visit went, and I told her all about it. I had a hard enough time bringing it up to my doctor, I can't imagine why I would suddenly feel OK talking to her about it? And when she wanted to see the changes, I just showed her! It all seemed so perfectly normal at the time, but now I can't believe what just happened. I know it sounds crazy, but I can't escape the idea that I'm becoming a woman. After my last entry, I sat down in front of the bathroom mirror and studied myself closely. I'm not sure how, but I think I look different. Then again, I might just be letting my imagination run wild. Either way, I think I'll start taking Polaroids as part of my morning routine. Maybe I should call my therapist? Or maybe I just need to go to bed.

April 20

Ok, so apparently Dr. K has the best staff in the world. Yesterday's visits to the specialists took the whole day. I'm told it's pretty much unheard of to get an appointment with a specialist so quickly, at least according to the other patients in the waiting rooms. I swear I must have given a pint of blood between the phlebotomist at the bone guy's place, and lab the endocrine guy sent me to. The gastro man had no clue what might be causing my “medial separation along the urethral tract” he just looked rather perplexed, and let me know that there is no medical reason that he might be familiar with that could come close to explaining what was going on. My weight is down to 156 pounds, and I'm now just under six feet tall.

April 20 (evening)

Tabby came over again, this time she brought bag of stuff with her. She had me burn some sage in each room of my apartment, and then hang a piece of unburned sage over each window. She also put a piece of amethyst under my mattress and another piece under my pillow. She wanted to do more, but I reminded her again that I had had enough of religions, even the ones as fringe as Wicca. She's been trying to get me involved in her circle almost as long as I've known her, saying that my energy has a quality she's never felt before. Thankfully she didn't dwell on it too long, since her shift started soon. I know she means well, and she seemed really excited about recent accomplishments in her circle, but having just given up on the LDS faith, I'm rather enjoying being agnostic.

Before I forget, I better run to the store for some Polaroid film and some pants with a drawstring for work tomorrow.

April 21

I hate messing up my sleep schedule over the weekend. It's 1 in the afternoon, and I just woke up. I need to sleep another four hours, but I can't get beck to sleep. The whole place stinks like sage, so I took down the bits I had over my windows, and left the windows themselves open a crack. With any luck I'll get to go home early. Fridays are usually slow for graves tech support, and I have been sick, though I'm feeling a bit better at the moment. I actually gained a pound. Now, I am starting to feel drowsy, maybe I'll get back to sleep after all.

April 22

What a night! I slept through two hours of my alarm and woke up at 8:30, half an hour late for work. I was going to just call in sick, but with all these medical bills I can't really afford to miss a shift. I don't know how, but I made it to my desk by 8:45. Tabby took her break late so she could talk to me, and demanded to know what had happened. Apparently taking down the sage had broken some ward or something. I had no idea what she was talking about until she pulled me into the lady's room. This isn't usually such a big deal, since she's the only woman on the grave shift, so it wasn't until we got around the corner and in front of the mirrors that I became worried. At the time, I couldn't measure, but I was noticeably shorter and lighter. My hair was different too. The roots are now a rich strawberry for about a half inch, easily showing through the short blond hair I've always worn. Actually, I kinda like the effect. I was rather pale, but not the pallor of illness I was expecting. In fact, my skin seemed very healthy, and a couple acne scars I had were gone. I had skipped shaving in my haste to get to work, and from the looks of it, I wasn't going to need to shave tomorrow either. My left eye was emerald green, and my right was ice blue. Previously they had both been a sky blue. This was odd, but we agreed that it was time to see what promised to be the strangest change. We dropped my trousers, and found that my penis had shrunk in length until it was practically gone. All that was left that was moderately recognizable as having come from a penis was the foreskin and the glans. The separation was at the top of my scrotum, and the scrotum itself seemed to have shrunk some, and had no sign of housing anything solid. It had a pinkish line down the middle that continued half way through my perineum.

At this point, we had a rather heated conversation. I really don't remember the conversation, but the gist is that some one must be using some sort of magic to turn me into a woman. The sage and stuff blocked their spell or whatever, but when I took it all down, I caught a sudden surge of whatever it is that's changing me, which would seem to account for the radical differences. Neither of us can think of a reason anyone might have to want to change to me. I don't seem to care one way or the other. I don't know why I don't care, but I don't mind that I don't care, if that makes any sense. Tabby thinks my indifference is part of the spell or whatever, but again, I don't care. By now it was time for us to return from break, and we had an outage in Phoenix that took my mind most of the way off my situation. Of course, by the end of my shift, most of my customers were calling me ma'am, which I didn't know if I should take as disconcerting or reassuring.

Anyway, as of this morning, my scrotum has pulled tight against my body, and the line down the center is quite red. What's left of my penis seems to be forming a hood over what is obviously a clitoris, and the foreskin seems to be becoming labia minora, I think. I've shrunk to just under five foot eight, and I'm down to 143 pounds.

I'm supposed to be packing to spend the day at Tabby's so I'm safe from whatever is happening to me, but I think I want to let whatever it is finish. Maybe I should put in a call to my therapist after all? She'd definitely have a field day with this, she always maintained that I was a latent homosexual.

April 23

I have about two inches of red hair now, I rather like the way it blends to my former white-blond. I didn't need to shave today either. As far as I can tell, I'm fully female now, except I don't have the figure. I still ache everywhere, but I'm feeling more energetic. In fact, if it weren't for the aching, I'd say I feel great. I don't know if I buy into the whole magic thing Tabby and I talked about yesterday, it just seems too strange. I can't really call it a curse, since I don't care weather I'm a man or a woman, and I can't really call it a blessing for the same reason. It doesn't make any sense that someone would go out of their way to cast a magic spell on me, and not make me either hate or love it. So if it's not magic, what's left? Spontaneously changing gender seems rather far fetched. I'll have to think about it more later.

April 24

ALL of my body hair fell out while I slept yesterday. I probably have little hairs here and there, but the mess of hair in my sheets was ... gross. The white tips of my hair also fell off, I did this Meg Ryan/Pixie thing with what was left, it was pretty cute. I still don't know when the rest of me is going to go fem, I find it strange that I'm starting to anticipate it though. I'm finding myself wondering what I'll look like when I'm ... developed?

I had a follow up with Dr. K today after work. Needless to say, he was very skeptical that I was me. I still look like me in the face, but that's starting to change too, I think. He wants me to see an OB/GYN, “just to make sure the new parts are OK,” he thinks it's important enough that he managed to get me an appointment tomorrow. I'm not really looking forward to that. He also took a swab from the inside of my cheek to send to a geneticist friend. He's just as baffled as me about the change, needless to say the reports from the specialists came back normal. I'm down to five foot four and a quarter, and 112 pounds. He thinks the aches are normal considering the radical changes to my body recently.

April 25

The OB/GYN was weird. Wasn't what I expected. She seems to think that I have all the normal bits of a pre-pubescent girl. Not quite what I was expecting, considering I'm almost 30. Then again, I have lost another four inches and twenty pounds today, so who knows how I'll end up. She also gave me a letter certifying that I am female, apparently I'll have to take it to the DMV. I'll also have to change my gender on my birth certificate it seems.

Tabby continued her investigations and has decided there are definitely magical energies at work, she just can't tell where they're coming from, if they're coming from anywhere. She seems to think that this could be a naturally occurring magical phenomena. If I understand the way she explains it, it's like my bedroom was the host of a micro Big Bang on a magical plane or something. I didn't really understand, but she was pretty excited by it, saying that it might explain the recent successes of her circle. When I tried to tell her that I didn't really believe in all that magic stuff, she found a way to convince me. She held out her hand, palm up, and told me to imagine something. The first thing that popped into my mind was the amulet from the Secret of NIMH, and no sooner had I thought of it than a globe of white-blue light flashed in her palm, and she was holding a mouse-sized ruby amulet. I couldn't really read if there was an inscription on the back, but it was a pretty impressive trick, considering the most she could do before was cause a candle's flame to flicker. So, I guess I'm the unwitting recipient of some naturally occurring magic phenomena.

Work is getting really weird too. No one is certain how to treat me. I admit, I look like I'm too young to drive, but I don't think I've changed mentally. I still do my job better than most everyone else, but there have been some customer complaints about the company employing a child. I guess there are a lot of things to consider.

April 28

I seem to have stopped. Physically I'm about ten years old, mentally I'm still 28, I think. I know I've retained all my technical knowledge, my vocabulary seems undiminished, and I seem to reason as well as ever. Still, I'm about four foot eight, and only sixty pounds or so. All physical evidence points to me being a little girl.

With this in mind, Dr. K. surprised me again with his connections by finding me a lawyer to help me determine my status. It wasn't easy at first, but my recent medical records combined with this journal did the trick. Work is even going to help me with the legal fees. He seems to think that as long as I can continue to demonstrate my ability to reason on par with others my age, we shouldn't have much trouble. It is a pretty unique case though.

Speaking of medical records, the geneticist Dr. K knows has proven that I'm probably me, thanks to the cheek swab and some blood that was left over from my original tests. He can't explain the transformation though.

I've been taken off the phones at work, and after a two week vacation, I will be promoted to Night Supervisor, which will be a switch, having been unsupervised on the grave shift thus far. Of course, that means I still have to take escalated calls, which should prove rather amusing. The hardest part, I guess, are the little adjustments. I'm not much taller than a grocery cart, which makes shopping interesting. I can't drive for now, though I'm told my car can be modified to suit my new body. Business Casual wear does not exist in my size.

There's also the idea of the future. It's an even bigger question than ever. I mean, no one ever considers that they might grow up to be a little girl, right? What if I don't age? What if I age backwards again? Should I keep my apartment? Will I change more if I do? I'll have to think about this stuff tomorrow.

May 1

I moved in with Tabby for a couple days, and regretted it almost instantly. I was OK on the 29th, but I couldn't stop eating. Overnight, however, I seemed to have started puberty, and hit what I can only describe as an insane growth spurt. Over the course of the night, I gained a whole four inches in height, and my hips have broadened a bit. My breasts were incredibly tender, and they grew to about a full A cup that night. The worst part was the menstruation, Tabby was a great help here, though she could only provide moral support for what she called "ridiculous flow." The cramps got so bad, I had her drive me home and I went to bed to lie down with a heating pad on my tummy, which seemed to help a bit.

This morning I woke up in my own room, and I'm feeling much better. Tabby stayed with me all night, though I don't remember much after having gone to bed. She has a little bag of something that she wears around her neck, which apparently shields her from the effects of the magic thing. Her theory is that the "magic vortex," as she's calling it, stabilized me after about a half hour of being in it's "radius of influence." All I know is that as miserable as I was last night, today I feel fine. According to the chart Dr. K gave me, my height puts me about half way between 11 and 12 years old, but my weight is between 10 and 11. I suppose this means I get to take back all the clothes I bought for my ten-year-old self, and get some new clothes. Tabby has run out to get me something that will fit so I can return all the clothes I bought for my ten-year-old self. Considering how I'm changing again, maybe I'll stick to wearing my old t-shirts with a belt like a tunic.

May 2

I'm definitely growing up again. Shortly after returning the clothes yesterday, I got hungry. Every time I finished a meal, I was hungry again. Fortunately, spaghetti with meat sauce and a large salad seemed to come the closest to filling me up. Unfortunately, I had to spend all the money I got from returning clothes on pasta, prego, ground beef, and bag salads. According to last night's measurements, I was probably about 14. This morning's measurements put me somewhere between 15 and 20. I'm five foot six, and 140 pounds, so the weight probably puts me about 18. I don't expect to get much taller, and I might be a bit plumper than I need to be, but at this point I'm not too worried about it. Getting used to these hips and rear end is going to take some time I imagine. Logically I know they can't possibly be as big as they seem, and Tabby tells me she might take off her talisman to try her luck at getting a figure like mine, but still, they're very different from what I'm used to. Having breasts is weird too. They've settled in at a full C, and I seem to bump them into everything. I'm sticking out in places I've never thought about sticking out before, and I find myself missing my ten-year-old body because of it. Actually, now that I just wrote it out, I think it's probably odd that I don't miss my masculine body for those reasons instead.

May 2

Ok, this is weird. After that last realization, I went and put in a call to set up an appointment with my therapist. Tabby was wondering why I wanted to see the therapist, and noticed I looked younger again. By the time I finished setting up the appointment and explaining to Tabby, probably ten minutes time, I was my ten-year-old-girl self again. After some visualization practice with Tabby, I got myself back into my adult body. After about two hours of practice, I seem to be able to switch back and forth at will, with the transformation taking about 5 seconds. It feels something like jumping into a pool on a hot summer day. The sudden drastic change in environments, going from air to water, and then just as suddenly becoming accustomed to the new environment. There's also a kind of a rush, something like being able to feel the line between the water and the air as it starts at your feet, then closes over your head. I think that's the best I'm going to be able to describe it.

Anyhow, we went to her house to see if I could change while I was away from the Magic Vortex, and it was a little more difficult, but I was able to get it to work. I also noticed a feeling of energy or power or something that accompanied the shift while I was at her house. She said she could feel it radiating from me when I changed, and that it's very similar to the energy from the Magic Vortex. I was not able to shift back to my original body at my apartment or at her house.

We went shopping afterwards, and I got a couple outfits for both "modes." There are definite advantages to being in ten-year-old mode. It might just be my imagination, but in adult mode, I had the feeling that everyone was looking at me. It could be that I'm just self-conscious, what with my body sticking out in places I'm not used to and all, but I was very relieved to shift back to young-me when it was time to shop for those clothes.

May 3

I've been practicing switching modes all morning again, but now that I'm aware of the energy stuff, I get the feeling that there should be more some how. I wish this magic stuff was more like computers, easier to understand and diagnose. I think I'd be able to describe a lot of this stuff better. Ok, it's like when you beat a game that might have multiple endings, and you're not sure if you're completely satisfied with the ending you got. It's a little like that, at least. I guess for now I'll just be happy with what I can do, I mean, it's not everyone that can chose to be 10 or 18. I think for now I'm going to be 10 most of the time, and use the 18 on special occasions. The potential for double-takes alone make it tempting. Add in not having to deal with uncomfortable stares from people, and I can deal with only being small. Plus I can't wait to try to de-escalate an irate caller in my ten-year-old voice.