User talk:WolfyDrake95/To a Friend

Wow... just... wow...

There is little you could do to make this carry any more emotional impact. Whether or not this is considered Canon, I'm adding it to the pack at the max (you're getting to be well represented there!) -- ShadowWolf 16:41, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

This is a very powerful emotional piece of writing, and If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd be more than a little worried about you. I've never read much of the Paradise setting, mainly because I thought it was more of an escapist/wish fulfillment setting that never quite caught my interest. But this is a very good story, and fit's perfectly within what little I know of the storyverse. (As well as subverting what I thought of the storyverse.)

What's got me really thinking though, is how Jonah is going to react to this. That's mainly what my poem was about. How a suicide can affect someone, even though the one who commits it never really thinks about it. If you don't mind, I may try and write a short reaction piece from Jonah's point of view. It'll probably be horrid, as I know next to nothing about Paradise as a setting, and even less about how to write for an anthropomorphic character, but it just catches my interest for some reason. --Concerned Reader 18:05, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

You say that as if the character's suicide fell through properly, even though that is pretty likely, considering how much he planned ahead. If only there was some event outside of his control that could screw up his plan and Change the outcome -- MisterBackground 02:27, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Hey! Get your own Color! On a more serious note, that sort of plot twist would be up to Wolfy. I have my own ideas for how the death could have been averted, but they would most likely diminish the quality of the work. --Concerned Reader 02:55, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

...I need my own color (...silver? :D). Anyway, firstly, thanks a lot for your praise. This story was written when in my bouts of semi-depression, I decided that in a Paradise not everyone would be happy... basically it's something of a completely different take on the concept. Most of the other Paradise stories (which, if I might add, are very good) deal with happier changes or stuff like that, and I haven't seen any that are sad. So I wrote one (although I'm not sure how canon this is). ...This is the first in a long time since I've written an 'emo' story, and I relied on CR's poem as well as Keane's Everybody's Changing and Yoko Kanno's Heaven's Not Enough to get into the mood for this. Hmm. A reaction piece from you, CR, would be fine with me. Don't worry so much about writing for an anthropomorphic character. It's not too hard. Besides, the ending's left fairly ambiguous for a reason; it implies that the main character is dead, but it leaves room for anything else as well as a Change, as MBG has suggested. I wouldn't mind a follow-up involving the main character's Change or his survival, but that might ruin the emotional foundation I've established in this story. Still, don't worry about 'diminishing the quality'. There ain't nothing to 'diminish' in the first place. :) --Drake 12:21, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Yeah. And that's what I like about it. You changed up the normal Paradise template. Not everyone would be happy with their change/non-change. Which makes me believe there'd be a new up-cropping of psychiatrists who specialize in that very subject. For those who no longer feel at home in their own skin. Could be something interesting to add to the setting. I think that may be the perspective I write from actually. The psychologist. OH DARN. This means I'll have to do research. TO THE WIKIPEDIA! --Concerned Reader 14:36, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Heheh. Just thought this story would be highly 'unconventional' for a Paradise story... though I'm seriously unsure if that makes it non-canon. Theoretically everybody would have Changed at some point, but I suppose there could be a handful of those who wouldn't change for some time... Roland (the un-named protagonist) is one of those few. --Drake 05:20, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

But there's another "emotional foundation" that could be established: the impact this event has on Jonah. Whether or not the main character survived could still be ambiguous or, in my case if I actually wrote, be revealed in the ending lines to steel the emotional response. -- MisterBackground 18:13, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Hmm, that's true... although, I didn't really picture the ending as 'ambiguous', more of 'implied', because Roland's final word is left half-written, implying that the gun went off while he was writing that. Of course, one might alternatively choose to interpret that as his Change, or something else that might have interrupted his writing. IMHO, I find that 'implied' actions leave more impact than those explicitly shown, as implied endings leave room for the reader's imagination and personal interpretion (like, oh god, the story ends here, the character must have shot himself) whereas explicitly shown endings limit the horror that the ending is supposed to leave the reader. (Oh. He shot himself. That's it?) Just a thought. Some of the more talented writers, who can pull of the latter type of endings really well, still manage to end their stories excellently. --Drake 05:20, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

I didn't say anything about leaving the gunshot out. Not everyone who's shot dies, and who's to say that his setup was flawless? Even if he was mortally wounded, I recall that the Change can do wonders for a person's health. Though I should point out that I think it'd be best that the story be more about Jonah's own feelings, perhaps starting as early as his change and how that effected his friendship with the protagonist, but from the other point of view. Was Jonah oblivious to his friend's feelings, or did he force a smile himself? How did Jonah feel when he Changed and his friend didn't, and how did Jonah feel when he was with his envious friend? Then how does he react to the horror that he's fated to witness... and perhaps the miracle that occurs shortly thereafter? And finally, how far did the miracle itself go, if it even occurred at all? -- MisterBackground 09:45, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

About Jonah: my thoughts exactly. This theoretical sequel should focus on Jonah as a friend. But I think the scale of their friendship might be too hard to compress into a single story. In this story, I use the idea of memories to display just how close the two were, and these memories are expressed in Roland's letter; but if I (or anyone else) were to write a sequel from third-person in Jonah's POV it would be difficult to encompass the scale of their relationship as the memorable events (as mentioned here) would, in reality, take place over several years (or at least several months, if you only want to write it from Jonah's Change to present), meaning that if this sequel were to cover those events it would have to be rather long, or have to jump from event to event (which could ruin the flow).

Secondly: yes, I know not everyone who's shot dies, but I was thinking that the gun was aimed at his head. Even a last-second Change wouldn't save him from that (unless he becomes significantly taller or shorter in that split second), despite the Changed having vastly enhanced and improved health and physiology, which would not stop a bullet from flying through your brain. --Drake 13:44, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Within my mind, I was seeing it as the written report of the psychologist, or just written from Jonah's point of view as he talks to the psychologist. That way he can talk, in an informal way, about his relationship with Roland as well as their past events. --Concerned Reader 14:42, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Hmm. That's a good idea. It just might work... I'll be waiting for this sequel of yours, CR. --Drake 15:35, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

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Quite a story! Wow. Only happened to spot this story when I glanced at the Paradise category page just to see if there were any stories I'd missed, since it hasn't been added to the actual timeline.

It's an interesting story. A little bit depressing, but the progression of how the protagonist's emotional state builds up is well-founded and believable. I liked the way the ending was left ambiguous like that. Kind of like the ending of Dallas. I also liked the reference to my stories. Neat seeing a mention from someone else like that.

There's certainly all sorts of room for the character to survive. (Like, how could he be sure the gun would even hit him from there? It's hard enough hitting the target with a pistol even when you're holding and aiming the thing, and I speak from experience. And even if it did hit him, a .22 is not exactly a man-stopper round.) It wouldn't take a Change for him to survive. (In fact, if a direct sequel is written, it would probably be best to avoid having his life be "saved" by a sudden Change, because that would be too cliché. Though boy, it sure would have been ironic if he started Changing right before the gun went off.)

I'd definitely like to see more Paradise stories from you, though it would be nice if they were a little more cheerful ones. :) —Robotech Master 02:42, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! Great to know that you read my story. I know it's a little depressing, which is sort of my style of writing, but the kind of angsty, melancholic feeling makes this story a rather large contrast from the other Paradise stories. Not that the other stories aren't any good, of course; they're much much better than this one. I've liked your Paradise and Chakona Space stories a lot, too, but it's just that whenever I finished reading them I often forgot to leave a note of appreciation on the talk page. Sorry.

I've played with a few ideas about how to keep the protagonist alive in a sequel already. When I mentioned something earlier about a Change saving him, I was thinking more like, it was a sudden Change that interrupted his writing, not the gunshot (which was implied but not explicitly stated) and he survived the shot, either through a non-fatal hit or a complete miss (yes, .22 revolvers are blasted hard to aim, I know, I've tried).

The Paradise universe is an excellent one, but after my less-than-satisfactory first story (which I don't really like, but don't want to delete because it's my very first story) and the resulting response from some of my RL classmates, I've kinda distanced myself from Paradise. Still, maybe I'll start writing some standalone or short-series stories there.

All in all, thanks for reading! Your feedback is appreciated! --Drake 09:47, 19 June 2010 (UTC)