Talk:Music Talent

I didn't comment on this when I first saw it on the TSA, but I did really like it at the time. It has a few rough spots here and there, but the flow is nice, and it is clearly a subject you know a lot about (the music that is. :) ). Not much I would suggest to change or edit, other than maybe reread a few times to double/triple check the flow of the dialog; it feels a little rough here and there where I spot checked it, but nothing horrible.

To be completely frank and honest with you, I liked this one a lot more than your second story (which I commented on via email when it was on the TSA, if you want I can bring some of those comments over here to that story too, to get them 'on record')

Good luck with the future writing, and thank you for the story. --Jetfire 10:09, 8 July 2008 (EDT)

Well, this story is pretty nice. I sort like it, I just can't explain why. However, you might want to touch up on your tenses and sentence structures. THe story somehow fluctuates between "present" and "past" tense, which confuses me a little. Most stories are usually written in past tense. And your sentence structures are a little too repetitive, which makes the story drab (no offence). For example, you seem to write "I do this. Then I do that. I do that. I go out. I walk.", and the thing is that they start off with a noun, then a verb and stuff. Try using a little variations (okay, I pulled this from the Writers' School at the side!). And I agree with JF about the dialog thing. But otherwise, I think you're a pretty good writer: keep it up! :) --Drake 12:13, 10 May 2009 (+0800 GMT)