Talk:Fashionably Late

This is a pretty great story! I like it, especially the part about Jacob's depression after missing the change. The feelings weren't overly described, but they were still very well conveyed. The story itself is pretty awesome, and it flows nicely. It's hard to explain, but there's a feeling there, and I like it.

However, there are a couple of bad points, though they are really minor: for example, you seem to use "your" in the place of "you're", such as "Your a costumer?" Your punctuation after direct speech is a little off, because if you're making a speaker attribution you want to end a speech with a comma instead of a full stop, and start the attribution with a small letter, like

" 'This story's good, ' he commented " instead of " 'This story's good.' He said".

And finally, this sentence "A silence lingered between Mack and Fiona as they thought the implications of that over. "He... he thinks I can make costumes that can transform people?!" Mack said in bewilderment." is a little strange, because if Mack had lingered in silence a little, chances are he wouldn't be bewildered any more. Oh, and there's a typo in Mack's name, in the fourth segment that reads "Mark had set up his sewing machine after attempting to leave...".

Otherwise, this is a great story. I'm a lousy critic, so I won't go on. Hope you continue write more stuff (reading the rest of your stuff now)! --Drake

your is NOT you're :p Is it really that difficult?