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User:Michael Bard/Can I help You?

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Can I help You?

Author: Michael Bard

"Good afternoon, ma'am. How may I help you this fine day?"

She looked at me, and I looked at her, as one of my tentacles grabbed the pump nozzle, another hovered over the ethanol quality options, and yet another waited just above the door to her vehicle's gas tank, all their eyes blinking.

"But-- but--"

"We always complained that we never have enough hands, ma'am." Sucking some liquid over my gills submerged in the middle tank, I grinned before continuing: "Regular, Plus, or Extra?"

"Umm-- Plus."

The appropriate tentacle made the appropriate selection as I watched through its eye.

"And how much?" I asked.

"How can you do all that?"

"All part of the modifications, ma'am. Would you like your tank filled?"

She nodded, and I opened her vehicle's fueling door and watched the view spin as the appropriate tentacle unscrewed the tank cap. Another shoved the nozzle into the waiting receptacle as a third pulled the trigger on the pump. Ethanol glugged in as she watched my communication face watching her.

I smiled back until the filling was complete.

"That'll be $542.30, ma'am."


Smiling, I greeted: "Good afternoon, sir. What would you like?"

He looked at me and blinked. "I'd heard--"

"Fill with regular?" I broke in.

"Sure-- and can you check the cavorite level?"

"My pleasure!" I beamed, starting the Ethanol.

Down below I felt George move -- he hadn't been sleeping well. With one of my tentacles I injected him with a sedative, with another I recorded the event and transmitted it to his doctor. Sadly, it was starting to look like George wasn't going to be able to adapt--

Smiling at the customer, I checked his cavorite. "It's a bit dry. Would you like me to add some oil?"

"Sure. Hey, can I ask you something?"

"I'm at your service!"

One of my tentacles pulled a litre of castor oil and let it slowly ooze over the cavorite.

"With all those eyes--" he motioned to the tentacle holding up his vehicle's hood, and the eye thereupon turned to watch him, "--it must be great to sneak a look under a woman's-- if you know what I mean--" He winked.

"Sir! I'd never do that!" Shock filled my face, and that's because it filled me.

In the tanks buried in the ground, my eating mouth sucked up another mouthful of biowaste, and another tentacle flashed the customer's face, and his license code, to Central Health.

"That'll be $482.10, plus $100 for the oil."

I smiled as he paid -- after neural reprogramming, there'd be one less pervert driving along the airways!

Down below my breathing mouth sucked happily, the Ethanol cool on my gills.


"Good afternoon, ma'am. What do you need today?" I smiled, appreciating her graceful equine biosculpt.

"$800 worth of Extra."

A woman who knew her mind! With various tentacles I started the high grade Ethanol flowing.

She flicked an ear as she examined me. "Do you mind if I ask-- well--" she motioned at my various moving and working tentacles. "I've never seen an octopus done before, and never anything so extensive--"

"I don't mind at all, ma'am! It's the Full Employment Act of 2187. I'm entitled to a job, and they made my body able to compete with automatics as best as possible." Cocking my communication head, I winked. "I'm for those who prefer a personal touch."

"Wow! I'm impressed."

Blushing, I grinned. "You know what they say about never having enough--" I held up a tentacle currently not busy and looked at her through the eye just above its tip. "And I play wicked hands of cards."

She laughed.

"That'll be $800, ma'am."

She passed over her credcard as I felt my main body piss out some waste Ethanol into the tanks deep below.

"Have a great day!"


My shift ending, I nudged Harry awake as I prompted the low-grade AIs to run the End-of-Shift reports. Harry winked as he jetted out of his room, through the Ethanol tanks, squeezing past me as I pulled my exterior bits back under the cool and refreshing liquid. It was nice and fresh, being just pissed from my main body.

It didn't take long to get into my corner and curl up. They wouldn't let us out of the regular tank -- I could only imagine what breathing the Extra was like! Maybe there's a good movie on tonight-- You wouldn't believe the 3D I can see!