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User:Michael Bard/Bob and the Goose

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Bob and the Goose

Author: Michael Bard

Once upon a time there was a poor man named Bob who lived in a world where nobody could TF themselves, but TFs could be instigated in anybody else just by wishing it. As it only affected humans, and made no sense what-so-ever in terms of physics, people just assumed it was some ancient godly curse or something. All parents had perfect children of the sex they wanted, lots of jobs were done by animals or mythological beings which made technological development somewhat stagnant, and there really WAS no sexual or racial discrimination.

In fact, it was a very very NICE place because everybody was always thinking HAPPY thoughts. Happy happy thoughts. After all, if one got angry, the person you were angry at could just TF you into a toad. But then you could TF them into a toad... Well, wars were very very silly things -- let's leave it at that.

Anyway, back to Bob. Like we said he was a very poor man. But he was a happy one, like everybody else. But he was depressed. His time in school didn't help, none of his field trips helped. All they told him was that he hated having fur, that it itched all the time, and that animals lead very dirty very depressing lives.

One day as he was walking in the park, thinking how nice it would be to not just be happy, but to be happy and NOT poor, when he suddenly had an interesting idea. He couldn't recall it ever being tried before and figured "what the hell". Looking around he saw a beautiful woman driving in a old and ratty horse drawn wagon thinking happy thoughts, and he jogged over to her.

"Excuse me ma'am," he said, "Isn't this a happy day?"

Now the lady was actually in a hurry, but she slapped the reins and the horse clattered to a stop. After all, if she hurried off then this man might think bad things about her and then... So, instead, she replied, "It is indeed sir. A very happy day. Like all days are. Happy indeed. Now--"

"Ma'am, may I offer you a very happy proposition? I have a thought that might solve both of our problems and make us both happy AND wealthy!"

Cocking her head, she scratched the dimple on her chin and then shrugged. It couldn't hurt to ask. "What would you have in mind oh happy sir." Of course, she also kept a picture of the man as a goat in her mind ready just in case.

So Bob told him, and she smiled, and agreed.


It wasn't long before Bob had become one of the happiest, and wealthiest, men in the town. Of course he shared his wealth with lots of gifts -- to keep everybody else happy -- and he kept the odd golden-sheened goose happy and well fed and in the lap of luxury. Red cushion, radio, all the books she wanted, servants to groom her.

Both were happy, Bob, and the Goose that lay the golden eggs...