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User:Awareqwx/Magic for the Mundane 1

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Magic for the mundane

Note: This story does not necessarily reflect the views of Diamond inc.'s magic branch or it's wizards in any way. If you have an issue with this or any other problem, please mail it to our consumer support at 1224 Amethyst way, quadrant 2 of planet Arenar, Andromeda galaxy.


On to the story:

Part 1

The owl hermit's house, Planet Earth

Oh, hello there! You must be tired after hiking out here in the wilderness just to see me! I hope my rather predatory looks don't frighten you, some people are quite afraid of me. Have a seat in the living room and I'll tell you the story of how I was morphed into the owlish form I now wear.


August 21, 2194, Planet Arenar

It was a relatively normal day when the leading Arenarian magic company, Diamond inc., released their newest little widget, the totem holder. It would, when worn, grant the user effects based on the totem you put in it.

Previously, they were inventing totems that would have to be activated by a rather long and complex spell to grant an effect, now they could be easily used. It was easily one of the most useful things they had made yet, at only 4000 Shards, the equivalent of $1,699 US dollars. It was called "magic for the mundane", due to it's ability to grant effects to a complete novice.

Now, an item like that will have defects every so often, and they could be devastating, present case included. I will relate events to you as best I can remember.

I was on my way to my job as a mechanic at the spaceport when I saw the ad for the totem holder. Of course, I wasn't exactly the strongest person, I'm still not, and a complete idiot when it came to enchantments or space-altering spells, such as the one needed to activate the totems.

For a few months now, I'd repeatedly tried to activate a totem of strength (no success unfortunately) to allow myself to move the heavier pieces of equipment, so an easy way to activate totems without a spell was a godsend. I couldn't exactly spare 4000 shards in pocket change, and decided to look at it later when I had more time to look at it.

6 hours of lifting meteorite-shredded freighter parts later, I finally got home to have a look at the holder. On the website, I read up on the details, and decided that I needed it regardless of price.

Heading out to the magic store, which sold real magic and not just tricks, I bought one and had to sign a (long) waiver that basically said "if something happens that I don't like, it's my fault and I can't sue, except (insert almost unreadable fine print here), then it's our fault". I know that I should've probably taken more precautions, but I was EXTREMELY impatient to try it.

Back home, I put it on my belt, like the instructions said, and placing the totem into it, I shut the lid which supposedly activated the totem inside. For almost 2 minutes, nothing happened, no sudden surge of energy, no feeling of power, nothing. I instantly got very angry and smashed the wall in frustration.

This made a large dent in the sheetrock-covered aluminum wall, which surprised me. A lot. Taking the totem out of the holder, I went to go lift a 70 pound weight that I had on my weight set, which had so far made no improvement to my strength. It was as hard as usual. Putting the totem back in, I could lift it nearly effortlessly. I jumped for joy, instantly regretting it as I smacked my head on the low ceiling of my basement.

"YES!" I exclaimed as I realized exactly what I had just accomplished. Work was going to be much easier from now on.