Convoluted Quality

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In honor of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a competition to create the worst opening sentence to the worst possible novel, I have created this page that I hope will host the worst opening sentences to the worst possible TF stories. The first two are just starters but if you think you can do worse (and I hope you can) please feel free to add to this. Don't forget to sign your work either!

  1. Alex collapsed in pain as the change began; he felt his body convulse and writhe and his mind give way to an orgy of feral instincts and lost humanity as the first strand of fur was birthed from his arm. Lloyd
  2. The owner of Spells R' Us was in quite a state of pleasure and immense happiness at the moment because he knew that some naieve little man he could turn into a bimbo bovine would soon walk into his store; he was therefore quite suprised when his next customer turned out to be the ghost of John Quincy Adams. Lloyd
  3. "Not again!" thought Brad, feeling the by-now familiar itchy tingling starting to spread through his body, looking around the busy shopping mall as he desperately tried to remember where he'd left that bra and how many condoms he had left in the box. --Dani 21:05, 17 February 2009 (UTC)
  4. It turns out there are some people you just don’t ask how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. --Fibio 22:12, 17 February 2009 (UTC)
  5. As John twisted his head further then he should have been able to and looked at the bushy tail now springing from his rear, he wondered where he would be now had he never said those fateful words: "Here, kitty, kitty!" 04:04, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
  6. While the fur spread across Joan's body, she considered how it looked similar to the fuzz on her new rug that, in retrospect, she could have gotten a much better price for at the Bed, Bath, and Beyond across town. Lloyd February 18th
  7. Man is a creature capable of moral perfection, if he but reject the bloodsucking phiolosophical premises with which modern society in its decadance is played. -DragonGearAdept 22:26, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
  8. "You blood sucking leech!" she yelled, throwing another plate at him across the kitchen; "Only on Tuesdays!" Marty protested, ducking for cover. --Dani 22:49, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
  9. The small Swedish town of Uger has many strange traditions, but one of them, the "Running of the Furries", was about to get a hell of alot stranger. --Lloyd February 19th
  10. Like light from a tower, a tower positioned on the edge between the land and the wine-dark sea so it can direct phosphorescence at passing ships so that they do not crash and sink and cause merchants to lose quite a lot of money, he looked at him as he diminished in statute, and he asked him, not really expecting an answer, "How did it come to this?" --Joysweeper 05:20, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
  11. When practicing magic it is important that one is careful not to do something stupid like create a ravenous plague of were-plushies that ends up wiping out your entire country, since that would be a really embarrassing situation. --Lloyd February 20th.
  12. As the last of their number had finished changing, the druid ancients began the long march to their holy spring, for it was only in those sacred waters that the sacred rite of Cat Snorkeling could commence. --Lloyd
  13. My situation grew slightly better, as the fangs and claws grew in, but I was still at a disadvantage because he had the gun, and I was strapped down to the table. --Concerned Reader 03:24, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
  14. As Ben's entire body began to turn soft and brown and stinky, he decided to blame his friend, who'd offered him ten bucks to run over to anyone across the street and scream "EAT MY POO!"; then again, maybe he shouldn't have chosen the person who had this wierd glowy pointy stick in the first place. --Drake
  15. When Nick had climbed across the fence into the forbidden house, he had seen the sign that said "STUPID trespassers will be turned into STUPID animals!", but since he was just a normal trespasser, and not a stupid trespasser, he ignored it, because he sure as hell wasn't stupid. --Drake
  16. The irony was that long-time chocolate lover Tony was turning to that which could not eat chocolate: a the Land of Unlimited Amounts of Free Chocolate For Everyone Twenty-Four-Seven. --Drake 15:55, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
  17. Our story begins on a small farm in the praries--which may make you think this is about someone turning into a horse or a cow, but what if I told you this was a story about a young boy and his howler monkey? --Lloyd July 9 2009