Difference between revisions of "User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood"

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:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 
:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
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::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Revision as of 07:22, 9 August 2009

Storyline Discussion

ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character. --Concerned Reader 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. SPOILER WARNING!!!
Price in Blood—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart, but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.
Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.
The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.
Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.
This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —Drake 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a story.

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes. --Concerned Reader 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- ShadowWolf 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —Drake 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas. --Concerned Reader 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --Drake 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together. --Concerned Reader 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST character of the same name. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —Drake 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on rebuilding. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you. --Concerned Reader 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:
“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”
“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of them—”
“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”
Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they killed your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”
Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I never forgot, and I never will.”
Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —Drake 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Sounds like a plan.--Concerned Reader 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —Drake 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
ADDITIONHey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —Drake 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. Teefer is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --Lloyd 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does The Fool in the Fox take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —Drake 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day. --Concerned Reader 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
Drake 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --Lloyd 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —Drake 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments and Critique

Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —Drake 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- ShadowWolf 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —Drake 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)