Difference between revisions of "User:Dediles/The Unicorn's Gift"

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Revision as of 20:47, 6 July 2019

The wind whipped through my hair, reminding me once more why I was doing this. Before I could have second thoughts I took a step, and fell off the building. I’d like to say that I accepted my fate as I fell, but that would be a lie, my lizard brain screamed instincts at me to live. It lasted all of ten seconds.

*CRUNCH*

“motherFUCKER!” I screamed, still alive. In a few seconds my broken bones set and healed themselves. I was up on my feet within ten seconds of falling off a ten story building. I heard the ambulance in the distance and saw the shocked onlookers. I took off at a sprint before someone could catch me.

* * *

I rubbed the sore spot on the back of my head. The doctor frowned at that so I stopped. I was given a mirror and looked over the work, It was hard to make out with how red the skin was there, but it looked good. I smiled. It wasn't even noticeable anymore.

"How many more treatments? we should be close." I asked.

"once the swelling goes away you can come in for another consultation but I'm fairly confident this will be your last treatment. congrats, you beat male pattern baldness to the chase." the doctor said.

I smiled into the mirror. all my life I've hated my hair. it grew in too thick, I couldn't shave it off, because then I got pimples all over my head. So I got it lasered off. sure I still had to shave beforehand, but if there wasn't any hair left growing then the acne was better. and now I had done it. I got rid of my hair.

Of course no one really understood why I was paying so much money to be rid of hair, when men all over the world worked to make sure they kept theirs. See, when I hit puberty Hair just started growing in places it wasn’t’ in before. I never really got over that. I love the feeling of smooth skin and hair just feels coarse and uncomfortable.

First time I shaved my head felt so god damn liberating. But then the acne would come, and ingrown hairs. My skin didn’t like having it’s hair chopped off. So I started getting laser hair removal treatments. Eventually I’ll do my whole body, and my body will feel better because of it.

* * *

"The thing about people is, they change." I heard the podcast host say through my earbuds, walking a familiar trail "We aren't defined by our genes, of a blueprint that doesn't represent how we change as individuals. I think that in the future, we will be able to make a myriad of changes to our bodies, some we can't even imagine right now. And most of us will change, a lot will change more than once. we may try on different body types like haircuts.

"For most of us, we can live without that ease, but some peoples bodies are restricting who they are, to themselves, and to what other people see. A lot of those people are some form of trans so I'd like to take a brief aside to talk about transgender folks."

"being trans doesn't mean you're just one gender stuck in the body of another. Don't get me wrong, It can mean that, but gender isn't a binary. people express what they are in all sorts of different ways. clothes, hair, pronouns, they are the things we use to show what we are.

"And what we are can change. and that's ok! we're not trying to capture lightning in a bottle, we're just trying to be ourselves. Whether you're ok with your body, need a small change, or need a large one to be yourself, every expression of not just gender, but selfhood, is valid.

“Trans or not, everyone deserves their body to be the way they want it, the way they find it most comfortable, most Them.

"I think that brings us to our commercial break, sorry folks, gotta pay the bills. first up is DateX, 'won't you fall for me?' thi-"

I was contemplating what the host had said and not noticed where I was walking. A root caught my foot and I fell flat on my face. my earbuds were yanked violently from my ears as I tumbled to the ground. I looked to my left to see I was laying on the edge of a small cliff.

Pushing myself up a piece of dirt gave way and I fell again. two seconds of free fall left my brain racing, only to have it scream when I hit the ground. I was in a heap and everything hurt. I couldn't think straight so I just lay there, too scared to move, for maybe ten minutes.

"Shit." I cursed, trying to push myself up.

"FFUUUUUUUUCK!!!" I screamed as soon as I tried moving my left leg. I stared in horror as it was bent unnaturally.

I took a few breaths and looked for my phone. I spotted my galaxy pattern earbuds dangling off the cliff That I just fell down, still attached to my phone.

“Shit!” I cursed yet again “wait I already used that one. Dammit maybe? Crap? Nah, the moment has passed.”

I sighed. I’d be found eventually. The trail I was taking was an hour round trip, so someone was bound to come by. Still, that Meant I had to sit here in excruciating pain with nothing to do. Great. Just what I wanted to do today.

I was about to lay down and moped when I saw something pink(?) out of the corner of my eye. There was a horse here. One that looked like someone had dumped a bathtub of kool aid onto it.

Then I took a closer look. It was a fucking unicorn. No need to beat around the bush here. Spiral horn, ethereal presence, pink fur with white tufts of fur on its hooves, tail, and mane. The pink I wasn’t expecting but otherwise, yeah, a unicorn.

“Holy shit a unicorn!” I said like a dumbass.

The unicorn jumped when I spoke and turned to look at me in shock. It’s eyes looked me up and down, as if searching for something. It took a few tentative steps towards me. Then it spoke, “You are able to see me?”

“Holy shit a talking unicorn!” I said like a bigger dumbass. God Damn it.

“Oh do calm down,” It(or maybe she, probably she, maybe they?) said. “I am trying to understand how an adult man can see me… you are a man correct?”

“Uhhh” I said. Give me a break, you try talking to a unicorn. “Yep, one hundred percent home grown american male. I- should I introduce myself? I’m gonna do that. Name’s Liam.”

“Oh, Pleasure to meet you. I am known as Light Reflected Off Morning Dew at Dawn, protector of forests, daughter of the earth, and purest of heart,” she said.

“Wow that’s long. Can I just call you Dewy?” I asked

“No!” she yelped, a look of disgust on her equine face. “Please be quiet. I’m trying to explain something important. Traditionally, only a maidan pure and innocent may see a unicorn.”

“Well if we’re being ‘traditional’, purity and innocence was often used to indicate virginity. And I’m most definitely a virgin.” I guessed.

“That wouldn’t be enough.” she said, shaking her head. “As much as I’d like to get to the bottom of this mystery, you are annoying. However, being able to see me means you are worthy of my kindness, and it seems you are hurt.”

“Oh are you going to zap my leg with unicorn magic and fix it?”

Instead of answering the forest grew quiet as rays of light that filtered through the trees bent to meet at the tip of the Unicorn’s horn. Weilding the soft sunlight, she placed her horn on my chest. A feeling like all the summer vacations of my childhood rippled over my body.

“Oh poor thing, it seems your leg isn’t the only thing broken, Perhaps this is why you can see me… I’ll fix you right up, don’t you worry” She said.

Before I could ask what was wrong she was gone, and the pain was gone. I blinked, wondering if that really happened. I stood up and held my head, fingers running through my hair…

My WHAT?!

* * *

So. I was a hunk. She fixed me up, giving me luxurious locks and a myriad of other ‘improvements’. Firstly I was toned. Not super muscular, but enough that even I could recognize I was attractive. Secondly my skin was flawless, which would be an actual improvement, if a unicorn didn’t think tattoos were ‘flaws’. Thirdly…

I don’t like talking about this much because of what people say about it. I’m Asexual. Always been that way, but every once and awhile, I’d get a little bit horny, and not feel like myself. I don’t know how it feels to other people, but for me it feels like I’m not even myself, like the thoughts that flow through my head and the feelings I have are forced upon me, invading me. Given how that feeling hurt me, I had myself surgically castrated.

To say that was undone would be an understatement. Every time I saw a woman(and some men) I’d get a boner. It feels disgusting just writing this, but it was way worse to deal with. I hardly ever felt like myself.

With that all said here’s how I dealt with it,

* * *

I stumbled my way through my apartment. I ran into the bathroom before realizing that Lex was out of town. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about my roommate asking questions. First thing I did was take a razor to all that hair. Once all that hair was off I took a shower and discovered the other ‘improvements’ The unicorn had made.

Pretty sure the entire block could hear my scream. I spent quite some time just curled up in my shower. I convinced myself this was still fixable. It was a setback, but I could undo what was done. We had the technology.

Exhausted I made cup raman and went to bed. I had a dream where I was chased by a pink rhino. Every time I slowed down it would jab me in the balls until I sped up. Suffice it to say I didn’t get a good night’s rest.

The next morning I got up and began to do my morning routine. I checked myself in the mirror and saw a terrible case of bed… head… I screamed “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!”

There was a crash and the sound of rapid footsteps before Lex was at my door. Purple haired asshole said they’d be out of town until Monday. They did a double take when they saw me. I didn’t bother to lock the bathroom door since SOMEONE wasn’t supposed to be home.

“Liam, what the hell happened to you?” Lex asked, sounding unsure.

“You won’t believe me but I met a unicorn in the woods and she decided to ‘fix’ me.” I said, grabbing the electric razor.

Lex opened their mouth, before closing it, their massive body contorted in a good rendition of The Thinker pose. While they were debating whether my pants were on fire I furiously shaved off as much hair as possible.

“Dude, what the Hell? I get something happened, but you can’t just say stuff like that.” Lex finally said.

I didn’t have time for that crap. I turned to them, and said, “I’m not going through the whole song and dance of you thinking I’m crazy only to be proven wrong later. You don’t have to believe It was a unicorn, but believe your own eyes. I have more things to worry about than convincing you.”

Before they could say anything I Stormed off. I know, I know, in hindsight I was pretty mean, but everything I had worked for, the body I had made mine, was changed into some masculine ideal and I hated every second of being like that.

* * *

I grew somewhat distant from Lex as my life continued to spiral out of control. My hair would grow back within three hours of shaving it, so I eventually just gave up and bought shampoo. Tattoos faded into nothingness overnight, so no getting those back either.

Eventually I started taking vacation days, because If I was at work I’d have to interact with women and men that might be conventionally attractive. I stayed inside and watched children's cartoons, had to give anime up.

Then at the end of the month my new castration was scheduled. My hope was that Dewy had just given me everything short of a healing factor. If my balls grew back I didn’t know what I’d do.

You may be wondering how I was able to schedule the removal of an organ I already had removed. Thank god my doctor is religious. He chalked it up to a miracle when I showed him my balls were back and that I was now extraordinarily healthy. Luckily he still respected my choices, even when he disagreed with them.

I woke up on the day feeling like I was walking to my execution. I did not at all believe It would work. Lex looked like they wanted to say something to me, but they couldn’t bring themself to say it.

I was nervous for the whole procedure. Even when they told me it had been successful I was nervous. I didn’t get any sleep that night. I could feel them growing back. I broke down and cried into my pillow that morning.

Then I raided the bathroom for all the medication it held and googled to see what the worst of it was. I took as many pills as possible and chased it with tequila. I felt the bliss of sweet nothingness take me, then I woke up to see Lex staring at me, dumbfounded.

Five minutes later they had made me hot coco and wrapped me in a blanket. I sat in the recliner while Lex took the couch. We stared at each other for a while before Lex spoke up. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” I asked, shocked out of my stupor.

“I didn’t believe what I was seeing, and It freaked me out so much that I didn’t want to have to deal with it. If it wasn’t for that magic healing factor you got, I would have let you die. Magic is real. I still don’t believe it, but I can at least act like I do, since I can’t ignore the results. You deserve nothing less.” They said, looking down.

“I can’t fault you for being human I guess” I said, taking a sip of my coco.

I could have apologized to them, should have, but I was stubborn. They didn’t help me, hell, they would have let me died. Still… I could have asked for help, I could have apologized for what I said to them when this all started, I could have talked to them before I decided to take those pills.

“Let’s go find her.” Lex said, “Let’s go find your unicorn. If she did this to you she must be able to reverse it.”

“I lost any kind of innocence as soon as I took those pills” I said, seeing the look of confusion on Lex’s face I clarified, “Sorry, she said that in order to see a unicorn you need to be a maiden, pure and innocent. Somehow I was able to see her despite that, and she was going to figure out why. Then she called me annoying and magically ‘fixed’ me.”

At that moment I wondered If I had broken Lex. They sighed and rubbed their temples “Ok, but we still have to try, tell me everything that happened that day.”

* * *

We swept the forest. Top to bottom. We walked a search grid centered on the place I fell. We even got fancy and used GPS to track where we searched. But nothing came up. Days rolled by and our grid kept expanding.

I grew hopeless and stopped searching. Lex was able to drag me along a couple of times, but eventually I was left back at home, pondering my existence. I knew I probably wouldn’t die. But I wanted to so badly.

I should have talked to Lex, should have gotten help, but for the second time that week I tried to kill myself.

The door banged shut behind me, as the sounds of traffic and wind became the only sounds I heard. I took a few steps forward, shoes crunching on gravel. Soon I was at the lip of my building.

...and you know what happened next. I failed. So I tried again. Laid down on train tracks. Boy that one sure sucked. Cut myself and tried to bleed out. Even when my cuts weren't healing themselves I never seemed to lose enough blood to die. Then I bought a gun and Lex Found it before I could use it.

We had a talk. A talk a lot of people have had. About how much it would hurt other people if I were gone, how much I meant to Lex. We argued about how much my life was worth if it left me suffering. Somehow, I was convinced. I don’t know what did it, but I decided to try everything to find Dewy again. If there was one thing I wanted to do before I died, it was to kill her.

Or at least that’s what I told myself. That’s what got me through the day. It was ugly, living for revenge. It was my lowest moment, even worse than the times I tried to kill myself. Eventually the anger faded.

And soon enough things went back to normal. I was able to go back to work, and even though we were still searching, I had found a way to adjust. I still hated living, and had frequent depression, but it almost seemed normal after a while.

* * *

Two years later I was deep in the woods. In trying to track the unicorn I had become A scout troop leader. I learned everything I needed to about the wilderness. I often came out here looking for her. I stopped at a clearing with a fallen log and took a sip from my canteen. I held no illusions of finding her, but the woods were calming.

Then out of the corner of my eye I spotted pink. My heart beat faster for a moment before telling myself it was probably just another popped balloon or old barbie doll and not to get my hopes up. I sighed and turned to look. And there she was.

“YOU!” I screamed, running after her.

She didn’t run and soon I found myself unable to move, the tip of her horn on my chest. She had a look of righteous fury on her face, until she recognized me.

“Liam? You can still see me?” She asked.

“YOU RUINED MY LIFE!” I yelled at her “I SPENT YEARS GETTING COMFORTABLE IN MY BODY. YEARS CHANGING IT TO FIT ME. YOU BROKE THAT! YOU BROKE ME! I CAN’T BEGIN TO TELL YOU THE WAYS I’VE TRIED TO END MYSELF, OR HOW MUCH TIME I SEARCHED FOR YOU!”

She looked shocked, suddenly I collapsed to the ground. I just began crying, wailing. I don’t know how much time passed, but I won’t forget what I saw. A single tear, a drop of condensed sadness, only shed for the collapse of empires, for earthquakes that ravaged the land, wildfires that burned hundreds of miles, tragedies on a scale people weren’t built to understand.

And it fell, casting silence over the world.

“I- I had fixed you. Someone cruel had scarred you, removed your manhood, burned your hair and salted the ground so it wouldn’t grow. Branded you with marks you couldn’t remove. I fixed it...” She said, unsure.

“A Penis and a set of balls doesn’t make me a man, But it does make me feel unlike myself. I am just a person who can’t live with the feelings of sexual attraction, they hurt me in ways words can’t convey. I had my hair burned so it wouldn’t grow, because I despised the feel of it on my head, I’m more myself without it. Those images weren't brands, they were art. My body is mine, and I decided to place art on it, to express myself and look nice, just like a good set of clothes.” I said, my voice emotionless.

“Oh.” she said.

That single syllable held so much. I realized how ignorant she was, and how much she hurt for what had happened. But I still had something to say.

“You took those from me, and took the very act of changing myself away from me. I couldn’t even choose to die. I’m only held together now by the hope of this. Of finding you and making you undo what you’ve done.” I said firmly.

“Unicorns are meant to protect. We give young women courage and wonder they can take back with them, to make their world better. We watch, timeless as the world goes on, doing good for those we can. There has never been a unicorn who was a villain… until now” She said.

She placed her horn in a sunbeam, but instead of it bending to here will, the beam of light sliced through her horn. She moved so it cut in a spiral, a slice of ivory cut off with the sun. her horn was black where one of the four or so spirals that made it up was cut out.

Then the spiral that was cut out found its way to my hands. I looked at it awestruck.

“I’ve had this power from the beginning of time. I have used it rarely, as nature has its own cycles of change. And it has caused immeasurable pain. I cannot continue to wield it. You can see me despite what you are, maybe because of who you are. Perhaps you can make better use of it than I.” She said.

“I can’t just take unicorn magic! What if you need this?” I objected.

“I can do no good with it, but you can. You seem to understand how humans want to change their bodies, tell me, is there no one you would use that to help?” She asked.

...Lex. They always said they were too masculine. Too large. They always wanted to be shorter, more androgynous, but had taken the hand they were dealt. And what about other transgender folk? Who else isn’t happy with their body in a way science can’t help?

“I think I do know some people that could use this.” I said. “It’s a lot of pressure though”

“Then dispose of it once you are done. So long as I don’t have it.” She said.

She didn’t really want that, I could hear it in her voice. She wanted her horn back, full, but she wanted to make things right. The near weightless ivory in my hands felt like a two ton brick. Then I got an idea.

“How often do you speak with humans?” I asked.

“The odd little girl every few years that needs me, why?” She responded.

“Why don’t we be friends?” I asked, baffled by the complete 180 I did to get to this point. “I can teach you what humans are like, and we can hang out. Then maybe someday I can give this back to you in good conscience.”

“I… think I may like that. But later. You can use your horn sliver to call me. I need some time to think.” She said.

“Fair enough. Oh wait, I kinda forgot your name, it’s long. What should I call you?” I asked.

“The girls always say the same thing. You may call me Dawn.” She said, giving me a faint smile before dashing off through the trees.

I didn’t need to think about how to use the horn sliver, I just knew. It curled around my ring finger and shrank until it was an ivory ring. I held up my hand to the sun and became myself again.

My hair started to glow. Gravity lost its effect as it started flowing upwards. Sunlight strands of hair one by one rose off my body and swirled upwards into the sky, I shrank, muscles deflating a little as my old “5’6 frame came back. Freckles started appearing across my too perfect white skin, and soon flowers bloomed on my arm, made of magic ink. My brown eyes shone sunlight gold for a second before my body settled back into what felt right.

I felt between my legs just to make sure, then walked out of the forest. It was a brand new world, one where I had the power of change. And maybe a new friend. For the first time in two years, the future was bright.