ShadowWolf at 05:52, 17 August 2007

2007-08-17T05:52:44Z

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	Implementing the Cure		{{title\|name=Implementing the Cure\|author=Erastus Centaur\|user=Erastus}}

	by Erastus Centaur

	"Sorry. Species dysphoria doesn't exist!" said my shrink. "And it		"Sorry. Species dysphoria doesn't exist!" said my shrink. "And it

Erastus: New page: Implementing the Cure by Erastus Centaur "Sorry. Species dysphoria doesn't exist!" said my shrink. "And it is quite beyond me how someone can have 'species dysphoria,'" he said the words...

2007-07-23T02:20:35Z

New page: Implementing the Cure by Erastus Centaur "Sorry. Species dysphoria doesn't exist!" said my shrink. "And it is quite beyond me how someone can have 'species dysphoria,'" he said the words...

New page

Implementing the Cure

by Erastus Centaur

"Sorry. Species dysphoria doesn't exist!" said my shrink. "And it
is quite beyond me how someone can have 'species dysphoria,'" he
said the words in a mocking tone, "when the species is mythical."

"Doesn't it make sense that there is the possibility of a step
beyond gender dysphoria?"

He gave me a strange look. "No," he said, drawing the word out in
a way that implied that only a moron would disagree with him. "Do
you think you have gender dysphoria?"

"I'm male and intend to stay male. It is the human part that feels
wrong."

"But species dysphoria. I'm sure glad you came to me. We've got a
lot of work ahead of us to get to the root of why you feel that way.
Perhaps you're repressing an incident with a horse in your
childhood."

"Repression means the incident was something bad," I countered, "and
I want to embrace the horse."

The discussion circled round and round as it usually did when I
visited him. But this time two thoughts became clear. The first was
that this particular shrink -- as was the case of the three previous
guys -- didn't understand the problem, had no intention of helping
me get what I needed, but was quite willing to keep me on as a
patient for the benefit of his bank account. The second was a
conviction that my distress was not only real, but had to be dealt
with in the same way as a transgender person.

I had read several autobiographies of transgendered people and
recognized their distress at being in the wrong kind of body. I
longed for the freedom and sense of self they celebrated once their
transition was complete.

When one is determined enough, one can find the means to accomplish
a goal, which is what led me to a warlock. He will remain nameless
because, as he said, "The ones who need me will always find me, but
this way I don't have to deal with the dilettantes and cranks."

He gave me the "vanishing cream" only after I has memorized and
could recite his detailed instructions for using it safely and
properly. He finished it off by saying, "I must warn you that while
the physical results are guaranteed -- if used properly -- neither I
nor anyone else knows what will happen to you mentally. The results
are irreversible and your mind may be pleased with the results, it
may crack under the strain, or the mental result may be something
completely unforeseen."

I knew I had to take the chance in spite of the dangers.

Now that I had the cream I emptied my savings account and went
looking for the best stallion I could afford. By best, I also meant
one that I seemed to be in tune with -- a quality I had no hope of
describing to someone else.

The desired affinity clicked with a handsome Clydesdale. I studied
his papers and was satisfied with his youth. I had a vet inspect him
carefully for health and virility. He passed easily. The sale left
me with very little money left over. I didn't worry about that
because I hoped that soon money would not matter to me.

I chose a time in late spring. I moved out of my apartment, donated
my furniture, kitchenware, clothing, and bicycle and headed out to a
secluded clearing in the forest riding the horse and carrying
nothing but the cream, a vinyl ground cloth, latex gloves, an
aluminum stool, and the clothes on my back. The plastic in the cloth
and gloves were far enough from organic to not mess up the cream.

I tied the horse's lead to a branch and took off the saddle and
everything else except the halter.

I then spent a moment removing all my own clothes, letting my skin
be caressed by the wind. I spread out the cloth, guided the horse
onto it, and set the stool beside the horse.

I opened the small jar of vanishing cream and, while wearing the
gloves, began to apply it to my legs and feet, smoothing it on and
working it in. I included my genitals, my groin, and well into the
crack, stopping at a carefully considered line that went under my
abs and over my hips.

The cream would take several minutes to activate but I wanted to be
ready. I carefully peeled off the gloves so I wouldn't get the cream
on my hands and carefully held them. I then used the stool to climb
onto the horse and sat as close to the neck as I could, making sure
I was properly centered. It was a delicate task because if I let go
of the gloves or cream I would never reach my goal. I then wrapped
my legs around that neck. I felt the base of the mane against my
groin and I felt fur against my legs.

A few moments later, my legs went numb, though they did not go limp.
Soon, I could see the vanishing cream work -- my legs were slowly
absorbed in through the skin of the horse. I felt myself settle a
bit until the absorption came up to the untreated skin of my waist.

The horse turned his head around to glance at me, perhaps trying to
figure out why I just sat there without giving a command to go
somewhere. I couldn't see any indication he could sense we were
being joined.

Once the process stopped, I could run my hand down my torso and
feel a smooth joint from skin to fur. The skin of my torso could
feel my fingers gliding past. The skin under the fur didn't send
any signals of those passing fingers, at least not to my brain, at
least not yet.

If I had stopped there, I would be a human head and torso attached
to a horse with no way to directly guide the legs below me and at
the mercy of the horse to which I was connected. I would be a freak.
It was time for the second part.

I reached forward, and hooked my fingers into the halter and pulled
it and the horse's head towards me. It was short work to undo the
buckle and pull the halter off and drop it to the cloth. The horse
seemed relieved to be rid of it, giving his head a shake.

I donned the gloves again, and began to spread the vanishing cream
through the mane and onto the neck of the horse, carefully working
down the neck to the line corresponding to my abs. I worked upward,
smoothing vanishing cream across his head, into his ears, across his
eyes and lips. The horse took it stoically -- until I got to his
nose. He refused to let me touch it. I nearly panicked over the
prospect of truly bizarre outcome, but realized I would eventually
win out.

I then waited for the cream to activate.

After the proper elapsed time, I saw the horse close his eyes, toss
his head, then go rigid while his head was still up. I spread my
arms out and leaned forward until my chest was against the horse's
mane. The long hairs of the mane tickled for a bit, but were soon
drawn inward.

It was quickly apparent that my torso wasn't as long as the horse's
neck. How was I going to absorb all that? Why hadn't I thought of
that sooner? I certainly couldn't abort now with a horse's neck
rising out of my chest. I could only proceed.

As the absorption continued I realized I could see over the head a
little more easily than I could a moment ago. I glance downward
around the horse's neck and wondered, did the ground look a little
farther away? I hadn't checked when I started. The mass of the neck
had to go somewhere, didn't it? Was it making my torso longer?

Several minutes later the neck had been absorbed leaving me with
a horse head protruding from the middle of my chest. I could see
the star on his forehead directly below my chin. I took the
opportunity to spread cream over the nose and lips. That used up the
last of the cream. I wasn't surprised at all that I had been given
exactly enough.

The ears vanished into my skin, followed shortly by the closed eyes.
Soon, only lips and nostrils remained. The process paused a moment
until the proper time had elapsed for the areas where I had most
recently applied the cream.

Then I waited. The tip of the nose receded into my chest.

The warlock had warned me to remain still while the spell worked
through what had been absorbed and decide how to make a whole from
the parts. That wouldn't be hard to do. I couldn't move the legs and
I doubted the horse could either. I took off the gloves, making
sure none of the cream residue touched my hands, and dropped them
on the cloth. I also dropped the empty jar.

And then it hit. There were explosions of multicolored light across
my vision, a clangor of sounds in my ears, a confusion of scents in
my nose, and a tingling, almost like an electric current, that began
between my shoulder blades and moved down my spine. When it got to
the small of my back, it spread outward as a blue flame, but then
suddenly moved both down and back.

The current that shot back along my now much longer spine felt
overwhelming. I had never felt sensations there. The charge reached
the tail, which snapped upward, before the charge rebounded back
along that very long spine. On the return trip it spread outward,
traveling down hind legs, tingling the groin, encircling the
barrel, engulfing forelegs, chasing around my torso, and
shooting down my arms. The flaming current define the new shape of
my body and gave me a sense of where each part of this body was.

I felt a second heart thump deep within me and then felt the one
in my torso hesitate so that the two could beat in unison. Air was
sucked in more deeply as I felt my barrel expand and contract with
my torso. I heard my belly gurgle and felt it rumble as two
digestive systems knit themselves together.

Fireworks again went off within my eyes. This time I could feel the
searing flames sweep around within the limits of my skull, crashing
together, first near my neck, then above my eyes. A rumbling hum
seemed to rattle my hearing then rose in pitch until I winced from
the shrillness. My nose reported a clangor of scents that I knew did
not come from the forest around me. Flashes of sweet, salty, and
bitter chased across my tongue. I felt phantoms brush against my
body -- horse and human -- some with a delicate touch but most with
a hot coal, a block of ice, or a needle. It took a while for the
sensory storm to subside, until I could hear the birds and insects,
see the trees sway in the wind, feel the wind's caress, and scent
the resin of the trees around me.

I was no longer human. My question of what would happen to the horse
brain was answered -- it had successfully merged with my human
brain.

The thought of wearing a watch was now distasteful, but it took me
several seconds of fumbling before I could undo the buckle on the
strap. Then my high school class ring felt foreign. Fortunately, it
slipped right off. I dropped both onto the cloth.

I did not want to return to live in civilization, to be a part of
the lives of humans. I was a part of the forest now, a creature of
nature. I may have loved life in the city and the horse may have
been a domesticated horse, but the two had now become one -- the
human and horse had become centaur -- and I no longer wanted the
city. I was home here among the trees and forest animals.

I bolted into a gallop, my hooves thudding in a well-coordinated
pattern I would have never managed a few moments ago. I had to get
away from those few signs of civilization, but that feeling didn't
last long and a new feeling of freedom and exhilaration took over as
I bounded through the trees.

This body felt right. It felt proper to travel on four hooves. It
felt correct to have a tail streaming out behind me, to have hands
that could snap off a branch and twirl it as I ran. I said a mental
thank you to the warlock. I was home now, both within the body and
without. I rejoiced in my completion.

When my initial exuberance had passed and I was able to find a pool
I took a good look at myself. There was a smooth transition from
skin to fur at the base of my torso. Below that was wonderful,
silky, luxurious brown fur. The fur was white halfway down each leg
and the feathering over the hooves looked better than my old human
feet ever had.

That night was the first of many horse dreams. I dreamed of trotting
across open fields, of carrying a rider, of pulling a carriage with
fellow horses beside me. I enjoyed the wholeness of such dreams.

It was only a few days before I went back to my birth clearing. The
thought of all that junk -- the stool, the watch, the ground cloth
and such -- littering my domain nagged at me. I had to clean it up,
which didn't take long. What took the time was venturing onto a
nearby farm at night to slip the trash into a waste bin waiting for
the next day's pickup.

Within a month, though, I had discovered a need for a few
little things for
which I couldn't find a counterpart in the forest. They were simple
things, but necessary. Things like nail clippers and hoof tools.
And though it wasn't a problem yet, I would need a way to trim my
hair and beard, and maybe even my tail. And in that month, I found
I would need something to keep my torso, at least, warm through the
eventual winter. I didn't like the thought of clothing, but I liked
the thought of freezing even less.

I scouted the farms around my forest, keeping well hidden. I knew at
least one member of many of the families. A few, like the Salingers,
would not take kindly to seeing me in my current form. A few more,
such as the McKees, were just not pleasant people.

And then there was Joe Henderson, the kind of guy that took
everything in stride. I was sure he could deal with, and even
become friends with, a centaur. I had known Joe in high school,
though we were more like passing acquaintances than fast friends.

I approached the fence on the far side of his back pasture while his
mare was out for a run. It didn't take long for her to notice me and
to come over to investigate. She was a beautiful animal, but then
again, I think all Clydesdales are beautiful.

The mare checked me out, then ran around one end of the pasture. She
returned and bumped her nose against my hand. I obliged by
scratching her between the ears. She returned and focused her
attention to my barrel. After a third time of stretching her legs
she seemed most interested in my blend. She backed up and stared at
me for a while. When she began a fourth circuit, I jumped the fence
and joined her. She kept pace with me, speeding up when I did.

It was an hour of such games before Joe came looking for her. By
then I had a new friend. The mare stood in front of me as Joe
approached, perhaps protecting me from her owner.

"Hello!" he called once he was within shouting distance. I returned
the greeting. I could see he was studying my face as he drew closer.
"Do I know you? You look famili -- you're the one we always called
'Colt,' aren't you." I could only nod before he continued. "I didn't
recognize you with the beard. You seem to have made friends with
Lady and she doesn't make friends easily. I don't know too may
people who go out riding without a shirt."

By the end of his monologue he had come up to Lady and began to
offer her carrot sticks, which she ate eagerly.

"Joe, it's good to see you too." I reached a hand across Lady's back
and we shook. From the crook of his smile he seemed to realize he
had forgotten such pleasantries.

But I went on. "Do you remember how I got that name?"

He glanced upward for a moment, in thought. "It was from your
fascination with horses, wasn't it?"

"Actually, it was from my fascination with centaurs. Some of my
friends probably would have called it an obsession."

"Centaurs are those things that are a blend of human and horse,
right?" he asked.

"That's right. Well, I've fulfilled my fascination." I put a hand
on Lady's neck to hold her in place and stepped to the side so Joe
could see all of me.

His jaw dropped as his eyes scanned me up and down. "Wow!" he said
after a moment. Then, "Cool!" And a moment later, once his brain
began to work again. "It really suits you. Looks quite natural."
He stepped forward and placed his hand just below my blend. He
looked guilty at taking such liberties, but I knew what he was after
-- if one sense doesn't make sense, try another. He moved his hand
back and forth across the blend a few times.

Until I flinched under his touch. "Ooh, that tickles!" I said. That
got Joe laughing with me and that was enough for his brain to catch
up.

"Pretty radical, Colt. How'd ya do it?"

"A visit to a warlock."

He nodded. Acceptance, as I expected.

"Joe, I was wondering if you could help me out." His head bobbed a
bit, which I took to mean he was listening. "I did this
transformation about a month ago and, while I don't want to live in
civilization anymore, there are a few things that I miss."

"Yeah? Whatcha need?"

"Nail clippers, hair clippers, and eventually a winter parka."

He smiled, I'm sure, at how mundane the requests were. "Yeah, I
think I can manage that. I also have an empty stall you can use when
the weather gets really bad. I'm sure Lady would love the company."

"I don't want to be a burden to you and I don't handle money
anymore. Is there a way I can help out around here?" I asked.

"Thanks for the offer, but it really wasn't necessary," he said.
"Though if you insist, I could always use a hand -- as little or
as much as you want to offer."

Over the next few weeks we built enough of a working relationship
and developed a camaraderie (not quite yet a friendship) that when
Lady went into heat, Joe offered her to me.

That's when I discovered the power of my body. Lady gave me twin
sons the next summer. Except for little details in markings, both
of them looked exactly like me -- well, human parts exactly like my
baby pictures and horse parts showing my own coloring and strength.
Joe suggested it appears that my seed didn't add to the DNA of the
egg, but replaced it. There had always been myths of creatures that
could only perpetuate themselves in that manner.

My sons, Kyron and Pegasus (I know the name doesn't quite fit, but
it suits his personality well), have become princes of the forest
under my lordship. We work to improve life for all those in our
realm with the horse part of my brain guiding me to the best
choices. We also go to Joe's farm frequently to visit Lady and to
offer what help we can as well as to escape the worst storms.

It is a grand life.
[[Category:Story|Implementing the Cure]]
[[Category:Erastus Centaur]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Implementing the Cure}}

User:Erastus/Implementing the Cure - Revision history

ShadowWolf at 05:52, 17 August 2007

Erastus: New page: Implementing the Cure by Erastus Centaur "Sorry. Species dysphoria doesn't exist!" said my shrink. "And it is quite beyond me how someone can have 'species dysphoria,'" he said the words...