https://shifti.org/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Talk%3AMusic_Talent 2026-09-18T05:43:32Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.46.0-alpha https://shifti.org/index.php?title=Talk:Music_Talent&diff=10996&oldid=prev 2009-05-10T04:13:38Z

<p></p> <table style="background-color: #fff; color: #202122;" data-mw="interface"> <col class="diff-marker" /> <col class="diff-content" /> <col class="diff-marker" /> <col class="diff-content" /> <tr class="diff-title" lang="en"> <td colspan="2" style="background-color: #fff; color: #202122; text-align: center;">← Older revision</td> <td colspan="2" style="background-color: #fff; color: #202122; text-align: center;">Revision as of 23:13, 9 May 2009</td> </tr><tr><td colspan="2" class="diff-lineno" id="mw-diff-left-l5">Line 5:</td> <td colspan="2" class="diff-lineno">Line 5:</td></tr> <tr><td class="diff-marker"></td><td style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202122; font-size: 88%; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px 1px 1px 4px; border-radius: 0.33em; border-color: #eaecf0; vertical-align: top; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div>Good luck with the future writing, and thank you for the story.</div></td><td class="diff-marker"></td><td style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202122; font-size: 88%; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px 1px 1px 4px; border-radius: 0.33em; border-color: #eaecf0; vertical-align: top; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div>Good luck with the future writing, and thank you for the story.</div></td></tr> <tr><td class="diff-marker"></td><td style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202122; font-size: 88%; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px 1px 1px 4px; border-radius: 0.33em; border-color: #eaecf0; vertical-align: top; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div>--[[User:Jetfire|Jetfire]] 10:09, 8 July 2008 (EDT)</div></td><td class="diff-marker"></td><td style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202122; font-size: 88%; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px 1px 1px 4px; border-radius: 0.33em; border-color: #eaecf0; vertical-align: top; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div>--[[User:Jetfire|Jetfire]] 10:09, 8 July 2008 (EDT)</div></td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" class="diff-side-deleted"></td><td class="diff-marker" data-marker="+"></td><td style="color: #202122; font-size: 88%; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px 1px 1px 4px; border-radius: 0.33em; border-color: #a3d3ff; vertical-align: top; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div><ins style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;"></ins></div></td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" class="diff-side-deleted"></td><td class="diff-marker" data-marker="+"></td><td style="color: #202122; font-size: 88%; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px 1px 1px 4px; border-radius: 0.33em; border-color: #a3d3ff; vertical-align: top; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div><ins style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;">Well, this story is pretty nice. I sort like it, I just can't explain why. However, you might want to touch up on your tenses and sentence structures. THe story somehow fluctuates between "present" and "past" tense, which confuses me a little. Most stories are usually written in past tense. And your sentence structures are a little too repetitive, which makes the story drab (no offence). For example, you seem to write "I do this. Then I do that. I do that. I go out. I walk.", and the thing is that they start off with a noun, then a verb and stuff. Try using a little variations (okay, I pulled this from the Writers' School at the side!). And I agree with JF about the dialog thing. But otherwise, I think you're a pretty good writer: keep it up! :)</ins></div></td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" class="diff-side-deleted"></td><td class="diff-marker" data-marker="+"></td><td style="color: #202122; font-size: 88%; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px 1px 1px 4px; border-radius: 0.33em; border-color: #a3d3ff; vertical-align: top; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div><ins style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;">--[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:13, 10 May 2009 (+0800 GMT)</ins></div></td></tr> <!-- diff cache key shifti_wiki-shifti_:diff:1.41:old-8326:rev-10996:php=table --> </table>

WolfyDrake95 https://shifti.org/index.php?title=Talk:Music_Talent&diff=8326&oldid=prev 2008-07-08T14:09:49Z

<p>New page: I didn&#039;t comment on this when I first saw it on the TSA, but I did really like it at the time. It has a few rough spots here and there, but the flow is nice, and it is clearly a subject yo...</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>I didn&#039;t comment on this when I first saw it on the TSA, but I did really like it at the time. It has a few rough spots here and there, but the flow is nice, and it is clearly a subject you know a lot about (the music that is. :) ). Not much I would suggest to change or edit, other than maybe reread a few times to double/triple check the flow of the dialog; it feels a little rough here and there where I spot checked it, but nothing horrible. <br /> <br /> To be completely frank and honest with you, I liked this one a lot more than your second story (which I commented on via email when it was on the TSA, if you want I can bring some of those comments over here to that story too, to get them &#039;on record&#039;)<br /> <br /> Good luck with the future writing, and thank you for the story.<br /> --[[User:Jetfire|Jetfire]] 10:09, 8 July 2008 (EDT)</div>

Jetfire