84.190.42.231 at 19:36, 10 July 2009

2009-07-10T19:36:23Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:36, 10 July 2009
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	Otherwise, this is a great story. I'm a lousy critic, so I won't go on. Hope you continue write more stuff (reading the rest of your stuff now)! --[[User:WolfyDrake95\|Drake]]		Otherwise, this is a great story. I'm a lousy critic, so I won't go on. Hope you continue write more stuff (reading the rest of your stuff now)! --[[User:WolfyDrake95\|Drake]]

			your is NOT you're :p Is it really that difficult?

WolfyDrake95: Created page with 'This is a pretty great story! I like it, especially the part about Jacob's depression after missing the change. The feelings weren't overly described, but they were still very we...'

2009-05-22T16:03:33Z

Created page with 'This is a pretty great story! I like it, especially the part about Jacob's depression after missing the change. The feelings weren't overly described, but they were still very we...'

New page

This is a pretty great story! I like it, especially the part about Jacob's depression after missing the change. The feelings weren't overly described, but they were still very well conveyed. The story itself is pretty awesome, and it flows nicely. It's hard to explain, but there's a feeling there, and I like it.

However, there ''are'' a couple of bad points, though they are really minor: for example, you seem to use "your" in the place of "you're", such as "Your a costumer?" Your punctuation after direct speech is a little off, because if you're making a speaker attribution you want to end a speech with a ''comma'' instead of a full stop, and start the attribution with a small letter, like

" 'This story's good''',''' ' '''he''' commented " instead of " 'This story's good.' He said".

And finally, this sentence "A silence lingered between Mack and Fiona as they thought the implications of that over. "He... he thinks I can make costumes that can transform people?!" Mack said in bewilderment." is a little strange, because if Mack had lingered in silence a little, chances are he wouldn't be bewildered any more. Oh, and there's a typo in Mack's name, in the fourth segment that reads "'''Mark''' had set up his sewing machine after attempting to leave...".

Otherwise, this is a great story. I'm a lousy critic, so I won't go on. Hope you continue write more stuff (reading the rest of your stuff now)! --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]]

Talk:Fashionably Late - Revision history

84.190.42.231 at 19:36, 10 July 2009

WolfyDrake95: Created page with 'This is a pretty great story! I like it, especially the part about Jacob's depression after missing the change. The feelings weren't overly described, but they were still very we...'