Shifti - User contributions [en]

User talk:Concerned Reader/Lotka Volterra

2011-06-10T14:47:08Z

WolfyDrake95:

{{Silver|Hullooo, CR, I just thought I'd leave a message here since it looked awfully empty. Come on, other guys, come critique this or something!}}

{{Silver|Well, actually I've already told you what I think of the piece. It's a really neat piece, and I thought it was pretty original for the PaW universe. It's well-written and I liked the way it ran. Characters and their voices are distinctive and interesting to read. Still, I think you could elaborate a little more on the emotions Lotka feels when he encounters and glues himself to Jon; also, you could totally expand more on their relationship. There's a lot of potential for depth there! Okay, see you around. Cheers! :) }}—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 04:43, 10 June 2011 (UTC)

{{Green|Hey, thanks! Yeah, there's still a lot of character development that needs to be dispersed throughout it. I'll see what I can get done over the summer.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 05:31, 10 June 2011 (UTC)

:{{Silver|Sweet, go for it! Also, I am sensing potential for sequels! By the way, I've completely forgetten how to use wikicode around here. Sorry about that. I'll try picking it up as I go.}} —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 14:47, 10 June 2011 (UTC)

User:WolfyDrake95

2011-06-10T05:39:45Z

WolfyDrake95:

__NOTOC__

=WolfyDrake=
{{float tag|text= [[User:WolfyDrake95/In Memoriam|Remember Michael Bard]]}}
{{author page}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:WolfyDrake95}}

Just another amateur writer who should never have been allowed near a keyboard.

In this floaty perfect reality called the World Wide Web, I go by WolfyDrake—that's Wolfy to you. I vanished off of Shifti during the Great Purge of 2010, but now I've returned to spread my brand of cheerful idiocy to this radical place again.

{{add|'''Please note that most of the stories on here are unupdated. I will be slowly updating all the pieces that were killed during the Great Data Loss. So, effectively, don't read anything here. Thanks!'''}}

== About Me ==
I'm just a kid in Singapore. I can't quite draw, so I've ended up doing something else that I love—writing. Someday, I hope to acquire something called 'creativity', and something called 'skill'. I'll try to do that by reading all of the Old Guard's stories (''Tales from the Blind Pig'', hell yeah!), and lurking on the TSA-Talk Digest thing. Also, I'm now reading real books! Sweet! I lean towards science fiction and fantasy, but pretty much anything is good so long as it's, y'know, good.

Like all kids my age I like video games and stuff like that, and they usually serve as distractions from life, and occasionally writing. I have a theory that video games are killing my creativity. Maybe that's true, or maybe that's just an excuse for me being lousy. But I do my best. I'm a huge fan of Bungie's Halo Trilogy and Assassin's Creed, and this is probably subtly reflected in my work.

I'm a huge dork for animals, and maybe that's why I'm a lover of transformation fiction and all animals anthropomorphic. I don't know. Someday I hope to migrate to Alaska where I will live in the woods with nothing but a shotgun and a typewriter, and spend my days wandering the snowbound lands.

== My Stories ==

===Standalone===

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Finding Himself|Finding Himself]]--A story about a depressed guy. Based on myself, when I experienced a period of deep, deep, depression. Not exactly great, but I sorta like it.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Letting Go|Letting Go]]--One of those overly melodramatic stories about death. Caused by depression, so it's very mind-numbingly depressing. You probably want to avoid this.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Dragon's Eye|Dragon's Eye]]—A fight for an ancient artifact. This was a sort of practice for me, to see if I still remembered how to do TF sequences.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/A Dream within a Dream|A Dream within a Dream]] — Based off a dream I had a couple of nights ago.

===Paradise===

[[User:WolfyDrake95/New_World|The New World]]--My first serious story. This one's set in the Paradise story universe, about an avid gamer and his friend who face the Change. Oh yeah. Cliched. Not exactly my best story. Pending rewrite, but that's on permanent hiatus, so heck!

[[User:WolfyDrake95/To a Friend|To a Friend]] —Not so much of a paradise. ''(This is one of the few stories I'm truly satisfied with)''

===Pig and Whistle===

====Standalone====

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Crash Course|Crash Course]] — Two NAR pilots shot down over enemy territory struggle to escape.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Loose Ends|Loose Ends]] — 2017: Garrett Downs and his team are sent to capture the leader of a terrorist organization.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Shattered|Shattered]] — Family rent apart.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Free or Not|Free or Not?]] — Some find freedom in TFOR. Others don't. Or ''can't''.

====The Flying Eagle====

Set in the Pig and Whistle universe, this is going to be a small series of short stories about a kid named Taylor Miles, a Human Reistance Movement black operator, and will cover his life from the moment it was rent apart, to the moment when it was rent apart again.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Recruitment|Recruitment]] —''What it says on the cover.''

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Hunted|Hunted]] —A short piece about a short assassination.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Nihil Veritas Est|Nihil Veritas Est]] —A rewritten Part One of [[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|''Price in Blood'']], the main story of the series.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Sic Semper Tyrannis|Sic Semper Tyrannis]] —And Part Two.

User:WolfyDrake95

2011-06-10T05:36:47Z

WolfyDrake95:

__NOTOC__

{{author page}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:WolfyDrake95}}

=WolfyDrake=
{{float tag|text= [[User:WolfyDrake95/In Memoriam|Remember Michael Bard]]}}

Just another amateur writer who should never have been allowed near a keyboard.

In this floaty perfect reality called the World Wide Web, I go by WolfyDrake—that's Wolfy to you. I vanished off of Shifti during the Great Purge of 2010, but now I've returned to spread my brand of cheerful idiocy to this radical place again.

{{add|Please note that most of the stories on here are unupdated. I will be slowly updating all the pieces that were killed during the Great Data Loss. So, effectively, don't read anything here. Thanks!}}

== About Me ==
I'm just a kid in Singapore. I can't quite draw, so I've ended up doing something else that I love—writing. Someday, I hope to acquire something called 'creativity', and something called 'skill'. I'll try to do that by reading all of the Old Guard's stories, and lurking on the TSA-Talk Digest thing. Also, I'm now reading real books! Sweet! I lean towards science fiction and fantasy, but pretty much anything is good so long as it's, y'know, good.

Like all kids my age I like video games and stuff like that, and they usually serve as distractions from life, and occasionally writing. I have a theory that video games are killing my creativity. Maybe that's true, or maybe that's just an excuse for me being lousy. But I do my best. I'm a huge fan of Bungie's Halo Trilogy and Assassin's Creed, and this is probably subtly reflected in my work.

I'm a huge dork for animals, and maybe that's why I'm a lover of transformation fiction and all animals anthropomorphic. I don't know. Someday I hope to migrate to Alaska where I will live in the woods with nothing but a shotgun and a typewriter, and spend my days wandering the snowbound lands.

== My Stories ==

===Standalone===

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Finding Himself|Finding Himself]]--A story about a depressed guy. Based on myself, when I experienced a period of deep, deep, depression. Not exactly great, but I sorta like it.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Letting Go|Letting Go]]--One of those overly melodramatic stories about death. Caused by depression, so it's very mind-numbingly depressing. You probably want to avoid this.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Dragon's Eye|Dragon's Eye]]—A fight for an ancient artifact. This was a sort of practice for me, to see if I still remembered how to do TF sequences.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/A Dream within a Dream|A Dream within a Dream]] — Based off a dream I had a couple of nights ago.

===Paradise===

[[User:WolfyDrake95/New_World|The New World]]--My first serious story. This one's set in the Paradise story universe, about an avid gamer and his friend who face the Change. Oh yeah. Cliched. Not exactly my best story. Pending rewrite, but that's on permanent hiatus, so heck!

[[User:WolfyDrake95/To a Friend|To a Friend]] —Not so much of a paradise. ''(This is one of the few stories I'm truly satisfied with)''

===Pig and Whistle===

====Standalone====

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Crash Course|Crash Course]] — Two NAR pilots shot down over enemy territory struggle to escape.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Loose Ends|Loose Ends]] — 2017: Garrett Downs and his team are sent to capture the leader of a terrorist organization.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Shattered|Shattered]] — Family rent apart.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Free or Not|Free or Not?]] — Some find freedom in TFOR. Others don't. Or ''can't''.

====The Flying Eagle====

Set in the Pig and Whistle universe, this is going to be a small series of short stories about a kid named Taylor Miles, a Human Reistance Movement black operator, and will cover his life from the moment it was rent apart, to the moment when it was rent apart again.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Recruitment|Recruitment]] —''What it says on the cover.''

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Hunted|Hunted]] —A short piece about a short assassination.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Nihil Veritas Est|Nihil Veritas Est]] —A rewritten Part One of [[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|''Price in Blood'']], the main story of the series.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Sic Semper Tyrannis|Sic Semper Tyrannis]] —And Part Two.

User:WolfyDrake95

2011-06-10T05:26:56Z

WolfyDrake95: Hey, guys, I'm back. ANYONE MISS ME? *awkward silence* Dang.

{{author page}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:WolfyDrake95}}

=WolfyDrake={{float tag|text= [[User:WolfyDrake95/In Memoriam|Remember Michael Bard]]}}

Just another amateur writer who should never have been allowed near a keyboard.

In this floaty perfect reality called the World Wide Web, I go by WolfyDrake—that's Wolfy to you. I vanished off of Shifti during the Great Purge of 2010, but now I've returned to spread my brand of cheerful idiocy to this radical place again.

== About Me ==
I'm just a kid in Singapore. I can't quite draw, so I've ended up doing something else that I love—writing. Someday, I hope to acquire something called 'creativity', and something called 'skill'. I'll try to do that by reading all of the Old Guard's stories, and lurking on the TSA-Talk Digest thing. Also, I'm now reading real books! Sweet! I lean towards science fiction and fantasy, but pretty much anything is good so long as it's, y'know, good.

Like all kids my age I like video games and stuff like that, and they usually serve as distractions from life, and occasionally writing. I have a theory that video games are killing my creativity. Maybe that's true, or maybe that's just an excuse for me being lousy. But I do my best. I'm a huge fan of Bungie's Halo Trilogy and Assassin's Creed, and this is probably subtly reflected in my work.

I'm a huge dork for animals, and maybe that's why I'm a lover of transformation fiction and all animals anthropomorphic. I don't know. Someday I hope to migrate to Alaska where I will live in the woods with nothing but a shotgun and a typewriter, and spend my days wandering the snowbound lands.

== My Stories ==

===Standalone===

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Finding Himself|Finding Himself]]--A story about a depressed guy. Based on myself, when I experienced a period of deep, deep, depression. Not exactly great, but I sorta like it.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Letting Go|Letting Go]]--One of those overly melodramatic stories about death. Caused by depression, so it's very mind-numbingly depressing. You probably want to avoid this.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Dragon's Eye|Dragon's Eye]]—A fight for an ancient artifact. This was a sort of practice for me, to see if I still remembered how to do TF sequences.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/A Dream within a Dream|A Dream within a Dream]] — Based off a dream I had a couple of nights ago.

===Paradise===

[[User:WolfyDrake95/New_World|The New World]]--My first serious story. This one's set in the Paradise story universe, about an avid gamer and his friend who face the Change. Oh yeah. Cliched. Not exactly my best story. Pending rewrite, but that's on permanent hiatus, so heck!

[[User:WolfyDrake95/To a Friend|To a Friend]] —Not so much of a paradise. ''(This is one of the few stories I'm truly satisfied with)''

===Pig and Whistle===

====Standalone====

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Crash Course|Crash Course]] — Two NAR pilots shot down over enemy territory struggle to escape.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Loose Ends|Loose Ends]] — 2017: Garrett Downs and his team are sent to capture the leader of a terrorist organization.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Shattered|Shattered]] — Family rent apart.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Free or Not|Free or Not?]] — Some find freedom in TFOR. Others don't. Or ''can't''.

====The Flying Eagle====

Set in the Pig and Whistle universe, this is going to be a small series of short stories about a kid named Taylor Miles, a Human Reistance Movement black operator, and will cover his life from the moment it was rent apart, to the moment when it was rent apart again.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Recruitment|Recruitment]] —''What it says on the cover.''

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Hunted|Hunted]] —A short piece about a short assassination.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Nihil Veritas Est|Nihil Veritas Est]] —A rewritten Pt. I of [[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|''Price in Blood'']], the main story of the series.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Sic Semper Tyrannis|Sic Semper Tyrannis]] —And Part Two.

User talk:Concerned Reader/Lotka Volterra

2011-06-10T04:43:09Z

WolfyDrake95: I AM ALIVE

{{Silver|Hullooo, CR, I just thought I'd leave a message here since it looked awfully empty. Come on, other guys, come critique this or something!

Well, actually I've already told you what I think of the piece. It's a really neat piece, and I thought it was pretty original for the PaW universe. It's well-written and I liked the way it ran. Characters and their voices are distinctive and interesting to read. Still, I think you could elaborate a little more on the emotions Lotka feels when he encounters and glues himself to Jon; also, you could totally expand more on their relationship. There's a lot of potential for depth there! Okay, see you around. Cheers! :) }}—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 04:43, 10 June 2011 (UTC)

Talk:Not Quite Furry

2011-02-08T16:03:05Z

WolfyDrake95:

Great. I really enjoyed this. The manic ferrityness especially. Sorry, this is more of a fan letter than a critique. --Alveric

::: No prob. The ferretyness is nice to have appreciated. ^^ -- [[User:Traxer|Traxer]] 05:18, 8 February 2011 (UTC)

I was quite impressed by this, I'm a sucker for this kind of story but it was well written and there were no errors serious enough to break the flow. On a broad critique I would say that the story declines as you get further through, the mental change to the POV character is intentionally confusing so that works, but still is hard to follow. Also the story kind of just... ends, without much build-up or finality. The drama worked up until then but once the story begins to wrap up it evaporated to become rather choppy and contrived (as much as any story about a six foot ferret can be serious ;)).

It's a good TF story. But if you wanted to work on it some more I'd suggest putting some significant event at the end, or ending at the personalities merging and focusing on that. For example, having the personalities split and have to work together to [blank] would work well, or having some big show down as they realise each other's existence. It really needed to run a little longer to a climax to properly finish off a nice story.
--[[User:Fibio|Fibio]] 23:16, 5 February 2011 (UTC)

::: Thanks for the comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

:::I must admit that the ending has haunted me and I've been debating a proper way to change it. At this point, I'm prepared to completely drop the entire dinner scene and rewrite the ending from scratch (though keep some elements). I believe your comments did give me a nice idea to play with when I do so actually. So thanks for that too! -- [[User:Traxer|Traxer]] 05:18, 8 February 2011 (UTC)

{{Silver| Hello! Finally found time to give my two cents' worth. Fibio's given a lot of great comments already but I thought I'd throw in some of my own (as well as elaborate on the matter of your ending, so brace yourself for lotsa reading).}}

{{Silver|First, praise! I thought this story was very well-written, and I enjoyed it a lot. As before, what impressed me was the character development. I thought each character was brought forth quite well, and the flow of the mental change was handled very well (considering that such things are usually quite tricky). For me, this story is one of the gems in the mental-change category, particularly because you do an excellent job in bringing out the personality of both Jacob and Regi in their own individual, characteristic way. Great work on that! As with your other works, you could sort of feel the difference in flow-of-thought and personality between the two characters. It seems to be a characteristic of your works. I couldn't help but laugh at the ferrety goodness throughout the story; you, sir, have a flair with quirky characters that I very much envy.}}

{{Silver|However: I thought that, like before again, there were some tiny errors in sentence flow and word choice, although significantly less pronounced than in your other works. No, my main complaint here is that you have lots of strange things introduced for no particular reason. Like Fibio said: the first part starts off great, but after a while it goes spiralling into odd things, especially near the end. For example, you introduced Dr. Ralph, and you introduced the Men in Black, and you introduced Jess Winters, but I don't see them furthering the plot very much. The Doctor was okay, I guess, because you sort of used him over the rest of the story, although he could have been done away with without much actual effect on storyline; but I don't quite see how the confrontation with the Government Agents did much in the way of furthering your story. I mean, the introduction of the conflict is so abrupt and unexpected, and just when you got the readers thinking, "Oh shit, Jason/Regi's really screwed this time," you abruptly resolve the conflict in true ''deus ex machina'' style, by again simply introducing ''another'' character who chases off the baddies, says hi, and then promptly goes off on her way. Bam, conflict started; bam, conflict solved. Back to square one. It kind of left me (and maybe some other people) wondering "Wait; what's the point of all that, again?"}}

{{Silver| Well, something about Occam's Razor or Chekhov's something, but it's usually a bad idea to introduce a plot event for no particular purpose because that will detract from your main story. For example, if a mugger walks up to a character and tries to rob him, only to be arrested three seconds later by a policeman conveniently strolling around the corner, what does it do for the story? Nothing has happened to the main character; in the end he just goes strolling off on his way, and the mugging might as well have not happened at all.}}

{{Silver| Something I often do when thinking about adding in something new to a piece of work is to ask myself: "How does this add on to the story? Does it develop a particular character (reveal facets of a character's personality previously unseen)? Does it further the plot? Does it build dramatic tension (or something like that)?" If it fulfills no real purpose and resolves no real problem, then it should be abandoned. You don't want the reader distracted from the main point. Essentially, what you have there is a essentially five-second anticlimatic conflict—it not only lets down the readers' expectations a little, it also detracts from the main conflict of your story, which as I understand it is Jacob/Regi's internal mental-change conflict. You resolved that last one nicely, but the government agents attacking wasn't really very good for your story. Unless, of course, you intend to have a second story in which aforementioned agents form the main conflict, in which case, your introduction of them, and Jess Winters, is fairly justifiable.}}

{{Silver|Last thing: I just thought I should mention that you have a very elegant way of ending off your stories with that hopeful, warm-and-fuzzy feeling (which I know [[User:Jonas|somebody]] appreciates a lot—I think I read that somewhere, was it FA?). That ability of yours is pretty much a valuable skill in and of itself (and one I have never been able to grasp, so I confess some level of envy as I read and reread your stories).}}

{{Silver|I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh, but I'm sort of in a hurry so I haven't the time to carefully edit my work, so my apologies. Please don't be offended or anything. To sum up: great writing, great character development, some very minor sentence flow and word choice issues, and a problematic conflict-introduction, and a very nicely done ending. On the overall, great work! Post more stuff next time.}} --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 14:43, 6 February 2011 (UTC)

::: Posh. Not need to apologize for your critiques. Your critiques are some of the most solid ones I've run across for a looooong time. They are the sort of critiques I always wants to get but never seem to know where to look. I am not offended at the least because you bring up legitimate points and give ways for me to improve. I am quite happy with your critiques. I am a soul who knows he has a long way to go and wants to improve his work. ^^

::: Now to my response: As I said to Fibio...this ending (or rather, last act) has haunted me. I think you pegged all the reasons that it has haunted me in your review. At first I thought it was a fun quirky ending to a fun quirky story, but the more I've thought about it, the more I feel it doesn't match up with the rest of the story. There is certain things I sorta like about the ending, but...nothing that really gives the story the proper ending it needs. I lead up to this ending and don't properly satisfy the characters, the readers, and, most importantly, myself.

::: I suppose I could argue that the existence of Regi causes the universe itself to bend around him, in turn causing random conflicts like the Men In Black to appear, and that was the idea at first, but still, I can lead up to it better.

::: Anyway, glad you enjoyed the tale as a whole and thanks for for the compliments. ^^ Not all my stories have warm and fuzzy endings...but I am a chap who believes that life is too dark in itself to have all depressing endings.

::: Thanks again for the critque. I hope to use yer suggestions to the best of my writing ability. [[User:Traxer|Traxer]] 05:39, 8 February 2011 (UTC)

:::((On a side note about posting more stories, actually have one more tale posted on Shifti called Nothing Up My Sleeve. ^^))

::::{{Silver| Heeey, I'm just glad you're taking this in your stride. I mean, sometimes people critique my work and I can get really sad even when I know they don't mean to be hurtful—so when ''I'' critique stuff I worry that I'll make someone else upset, too. Heh heh.}}

::::{{Silver|You're right about the ending, I guess. As in, the pre-ending scene. Ending was good. But I guess changing the scene is your own call—for me, I usually wait a while before returning to my older works. As for your universe-bending idea, it could work, but you really need to present it more clearly because I for one didn't really get it... Sorry. Anyway, I'm happy you like the critique. I've read ''Nothing Up My Sleeve'' already, and I'd critique that but I'm busy with real life for now so maybe by the end of this week you'd get my critique on that. :)}}--[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 16:03, 8 February 2011 (UTC)

Talk:Not Quite Furry

2011-02-06T14:45:04Z

WolfyDrake95:

Great. I really enjoyed this. The manic ferrityness especially. Sorry, this is more of a fan letter than a critique. --Alveric

I was quite impressed by this, I'm a sucker for this kind of story but it was well written and there were no errors serious enough to break the flow. On a broad critique I would say that the story declines as you get further through, the mental change to the POV character is intentionally confusing so that works, but still is hard to follow. Also the story kind of just... ends, without much build-up or finality. The drama worked up until then but once the story begins to wrap up it evaporated to become rather choppy and contrived (as much as any story about a six foot ferret can be serious ;)).

It's a good TF story. But if you wanted to work on it some more I'd suggest putting some significant event at the end, or ending at the personalities merging and focusing on that. For example, having the personalities split and have to work together to [blank] would work well, or having some big show down as they realise each other's existence. It really needed to run a little longer to a climax to properly finish off a nice story.
--[[User:Fibio|Fibio]] 23:16, 5 February 2011 (UTC)

{{Silver| Hello! Finally found time to give my two cents' worth. Fibio's given a lot of great comments already but I thought I'd throw in some of my own (as well as elaborate on the matter of your ending, so brace yourself for lotsa reading).}}

{{Silver|First, praise! I thought this story was very well-written, and I enjoyed it a lot. As before, what impressed me was the character development. I thought each character was brought forth quite well, and the flow of the mental change was handled very well (considering that such things are usually quite tricky). For me, this story is one of the gems in the mental-change category, particularly because you do an excellent job in bringing out the personality of both Jacob and Regi in their own individual, characteristic way. Great work on that! As with your other works, you could sort of feel the difference in flow-of-thought and personality between the two characters. It seems to be a characteristic of your works. I couldn't help but laugh at the ferrety goodness throughout the story; you, sir, have a flair with quirky characters that I very much envy.}}

{{Silver|However: I thought that, like before again, there were some tiny errors in sentence flow and word choice, although significantly less pronounced than in your other works. No, my main complaint here is that you have lots of strange things introduced for no particular reason. Like Fibio said: the first part starts off great, but after a while it goes spiralling into odd things, especially near the end. For example, you introduced Dr. Ralph, and you introduced the Men in Black, and you introduced Jess Winters, but I don't see them furthering the plot very much. The Doctor was okay, I guess, because you sort of used him over the rest of the story, although he could have been done away with without much actual effect on storyline; but I don't quite see how the confrontation with the Government Agents did much in the way of furthering your story. I mean, the introduction of the conflict is so abrupt and unexpected, and just when you got the readers thinking, "Oh shit, Jason/Regi's really screwed this time," you abruptly resolve the conflict in true ''deus ex machina'' style, by again simply introducing ''another'' character who chases off the baddies, says hi, and then promptly goes off on her way. Bam, conflict started; bam, conflict solved. Back to square one. It kind of left me (and maybe some other people) wondering "Wait; what's the point of all that, again?"}}

{{Silver| Well, something about Occam's Razor or Chekhov's something, but it's usually a bad idea to introduce a plot event for no particular purpose because that will detract from your main story. For example, if a mugger walks up to a character and tries to rob him, only to be arrested three seconds later by a policeman conveniently strolling around the corner, what does it do for the story? Nothing has happened to the main character; in the end he just goes strolling off on his way, and the mugging might as well have not happened at all.}}

{{Silver| Something I often do when thinking about adding in something new to a piece of work is to ask myself: "How does this add on to the story? Does it develop a particular character (reveal facets of a character's personality previously unseen)? Does it further the plot? Does it build dramatic tension (or something like that)?" If it fulfills no real purpose and resolves no real problem, then it should be abandoned. You don't want the reader distracted from the main point. Essentially, what you have there is a five-second anticlimatic conflict involving characers—it not only lets down the readers' expectations a little, it also detracts from the main conflict of your story, which as I understand it is Jacob/Regi's internal mental-change conflict. You resolved that last one nicely, but the government agents attacking wasn't really very good for your story. Unless, of course, you intend to have a second story in which aforementioned agents form the main conflict, in which case, your introduction of them, and Jess Winters, is fairly justifiable.}}

{{Silver|Last thing: I just thought I should mention that you have a very elegant way of ending off your stories with that hopeful, warm-and-fuzzy feeling (which I know [[User:Jonas|somebody]] appreciates a lot—I think I read that somewhere, was it FA?). That ability of yours is pretty much a valuable skill in and of itself (and one I have never been able to grasp, so I confess some level of envy as I read and reread your stories).}}

{{Silver|I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh, but I'm sort of in a hurry so I haven't the time to carefully edit my work, so my apologies. Please don't be offended or anything. To sum up: great writing, great character development, some very minor sentence flow and word choice issues, and a problematic conflict-introduction, and a very nicely done ending. On the overall, great work! Post more stuff next time.}} --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 14:43, 6 February 2011 (UTC)

Talk:Not Quite Furry

2011-02-06T14:44:00Z

WolfyDrake95: I wrote a flipping essay without even knowing it. Sorry, man.

Great. I really enjoyed this. The manic ferrityness especially. Sorry, this is more of a fan letter than a critique. Alveric

I was quite impressed by this, I'm a sucker for this kind of story but it was well written and there were no errors serious enough to break the flow. On a broad critique I would say that the story declines as you get further through, the mental change to the POV character is intentionally confusing so that works, but still is hard to follow. Also the story kind of just... ends, without much build-up or finality. The drama worked up until then but once the story begins to wrap up it evaporated to become rather choppy and contrived (as much as any story about a six foot ferret can be serious ;)).

It's a good TF story. But if you wanted to work on it some more I'd suggest putting some significant event at the end, or ending at the personalities merging and focusing on that. For example, having the personalities split and have to work together to [blank] would work well, or having some big show down as they realise each other's existence. It really needed to run a little longer to a climax to properly finish off a nice story.
--[[User:Fibio|Fibio]] 23:16, 5 February 2011 (UTC)

{{Silver| Hello! Finally found time to give my two cents' worth. Fibio's given a lot of great comments already but I thought I'd throw in some of my own (as well as elaborate on the matter of your ending, so brace yourself for lotsa reading).}}

{{Silver|First, praise! I thought this story was very well-written, and I enjoyed it a lot. As before, what impressed me was the character development. I thought each character was brought forth quite well, and the flow of the mental change was handled very well (considering that such things are usually quite tricky). For me, this story is one of the gems in the mental-change category, particularly because you do an excellent job in bringing out the personality of both Jacob and Regi in their own individual, characteristic way. Great work on that! As with your other works, you could sort of feel the difference in flow-of-thought and personality between the two characters. It seems to be a characteristic of your works. I couldn't help but laugh many times throughout the story; you, sir, have a flair with quirky characters that I very much envy.}}

{{Silver|However: I thought that, like before again, there were some tiny errors in sentence flow and word choice, although significantly less pronounced than in your other works. No, my main complaint here is that you have lots of strange things introduced for no particular reason. Like Fibio said: the first part starts off great, but after a while it goes spiralling into odd things, especially near the end. For example, you introduced Dr. Ralph, and you introduced the Men in Black, and you introduced Jess Winters, but I don't see them furthering the plot very much. The Doctor was okay, I guess, because you sort of used him over the rest of the story, although he could have been done away with without much actual effect on storyline; but I don't quite see how the confrontation with the Government Agents did much in the way of furthering your story. I mean, the introduction of the conflict is so abrupt and unexpected, and just when you got the readers thinking, "Oh shit, Jason/Regi's really screwed this time," you abruptly resolve the conflict in true ''deus ex machina'' style, by again simply introducing ''another'' character who chases off the baddies, says hi, and then promptly goes off on her way. Bam, conflict started; bam, conflict solved. Back to square one. It kind of left me (and maybe some other people) wondering "Wait; what's the point of all that, again?"}}

{{Silver| Well, something about Occam's Razor or Chekhov's something, but it's usually a bad idea to introduce a plot event for no particular purpose because that will detract from your main story. For example, if a mugger walks up to a character and tries to rob him, only to be arrested three seconds later by a policeman conveniently strolling around the corner, what does it do for the story? Nothing has happened to the main character; in the end he just goes strolling off on his way, and the mugging might as well have not happened at all.}}

{{Silver| Something I often do when thinking about adding in something new to a piece of work is to ask myself: "How does this add on to the story? Does it develop a particular character (reveal facets of a character's personality previously unseen)? Does it further the plot? Does it build dramatic tension (or something like that)?" If it fulfills no real purpose and resolves no real problem, then it should be abandoned. You don't want the reader distracted from the main point. Essentially, what you have there is a five-second anticlimatic conflict involving characers—it not only lets down the readers' expectations a little, it also detracts from the main conflict of your story, which as I understand it is Jacob/Regi's internal mental-change conflict. You resolved that last one nicely, but the government agents attacking wasn't really very good for your story. Unless, of course, you intend to have a second story in which aforementioned agents form the main conflict, in which case, your introduction of them, and Jess Winters, is fairly justifiable.}}

{{Silver|Last thing: I just thought I should mention that you have a very elegant way of ending off your stories with that hopeful, warm-and-fuzzy feeling (which I know [[User:Jonas|somebody]] appreciates a lot—I think I read that somewhere, was it FA?). That ability of yours is pretty much a valuable skill in and of itself (and one I have never been able to grasp, so I confess some level of envy as I read and reread your stories).}}

{{Silver|I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh, but I'm sort of in a hurry so I haven't the time to carefully edit my work, so my apologies. Please don't be offended or anything. To sum up: great writing, great character development, some very minor sentence flow and word choice issues, and a problematic conflict-introduction, and a very nicely done ending. On the overall, great work! Post more stuff next time.}} --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 14:43, 6 February 2011 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Loose Ends

2011-01-26T16:04:40Z

WolfyDrake95: Talk's back!

{{Green|Just thought I'd leave a note here. Havok Hounds are the NAR black ops. The Republic of Texas and the NAR are different countries technically, so the teefers discovered with powers wouldn't be picked up by the NAR, but whisked away into special training with the Riot Rangers. The Riot Rangers are the supernatural black ops of the Texas Rangers. The way I planned it out, and this is written somewhere on shifti, every Ranger group would have one or two Riot Rangers on the team. There's also a team of only Riot Rangers, but they're usually only called in for large scale events. }}

{{Green|Now I haven't planned it out far enough to know when the Riot Rangers became commonplace in Ranger squads, so this could be before they were embedded with normal groups.}} --Concerned Reader 20:16, 10 November 2010 (UTC)

:{{Silver|Hey, thanks for reading. Yeah, I just realized, too - I was finishing up the story at around one in the morning, so I guess I must have missed that bit. I'll fix that up straightaway. }}
:{{Silver|And, I just noticed: why are all my stories so similar to each other? Loose Ends and Crash Course have parallels in more ways than one. I guess I need more originality. :)}} —Wolfy 09:11, 11 November 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Nothing Otter

2011-01-22T09:26:40Z

WolfyDrake95: My bad.

===Wolfy says...===

{{Silver|Huh. I never quite like being the first one to review a story, but since I've waited a while and nobody's stepped up, I just thought I'd throw in my two cents' worth.}}

{{Silver|First: This is a story I enjoyed a lot. Your characters were well fleshed-out and interesting to follow; many a time I couldn't help but smile to myself while reading about Luke's reactions. Each character was defined clearly with an individual personality, and for most part you maintained that through the story. Intercharacter relationships were well presented and heartfelt, which I liked a lot. Still, what I think is most memorable about this story is the sort of cheerful warmth in the ending:}}

:{{Silver|''"Don't worry Wend, I've done this before."''}}

:{{Silver|''Luke went to start the bath, smiling.''}}

{{Silver|In those few simple lines I find that you've expressed the full depth of their friendship excellently, and that's what I like most about this piece. :D}}

{{Silver|That said, forgive me, but I'd like to point out some flaws in the story. You started off with a very clear image of Wend being a sort of tired-out college student, and Luke as the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed freshman: this I liked a lot; but over the course of the story, you seem to have detracted slightly from these personalities. Of course, perhaps I'm just misreading it and the characters were just under a lot of stress (granted, they ''were''); but some of Luke's ottery cheerfulness and kindness seems to have slid away over the span of the story. I thought it strange that Luke would dump the recently-changed Wend all by himself: you portrayed Luke as loyal and eager to please, willing to help out in any way he can; and suddenly he puts classes and grades before the wellbeing of a friend? I dunno. And later on in the story you have Luke talking about how terrible he feels about what happened to Wend, and the next moment he's overtly worrying more about his skin than Wend; of course, he would be worried sick about his skin, but maybe you should make his concern a little more subtle, because in my humble opinion a nice guy like Luke would also be worried about hurting his friend's feelings, too. Of course, you do a good job bringing back that good cheer in the last section (although Luke does seem a little less bubbly).}}

{{Silver|Of course, maybe you consciously intended to write them both in the way you did. In that case, ignore the above.}}

{{Silver|The running of thoughts was excellently carried out in the first few sections: one could almost consciously tell who was thinking what simply by the way you strung lines together. Wend's thoughts were logical and realistic; Luke's were bubbly and meandering. The distinction was fun to read, and I loved it. However, over the course of the piece, you seem to have stopped making that distinction: near the end, Luke's thoughts seemed to have lost most of their wandering fun. I dunno. Plus, you also tended to present a story from different perspectives at the same time, which I thought was odd: especially in the second-last section, where everybody's debating how to solve the problem, you often write from Luke's perspective, then jump into Wend's, then back into Luke's. It's always good to consistently write from one character's point of view, unless you start a new section from another character's perspective. Switching back and forth is confusing.}}

{{Silver|Apart from that, I can't see many other worrying problems. Some editing is in order: while your work was appealing in its presentation of ideas and flow of its storyline, I found that the tiny errors were a little distracting. Main problem was punctuation, with some commas mixed up with periods or some completely missing. Minor problem was sentence flow: on occasion the lines ran strangely, and rarely, I find repetitive sentences that muck up the flow. Very minor problem was word choice, which bordered on the edge of 'improper' on several occasions (moonlight ''flittering'' in, being ''saturated'' by rain in a moment, a ''moderate'' splash). That said, these can be easily remedied by some close editing.}}

{{Silver|Uhh. And that concludes the critique. I hope I didn't offend you; if I did, I didn't mean to. I liked this story, as well as your other two, and barring any violent response, I'll probably critique those two when I'm free. :D}} --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 09:20, 20 January 2011 (UTC)

===Traxer responds...===

Wow. That's just the sort of critique I needed actually. I have been letting this story ferment for a few months trying to see what parts to edit and I really think you nailed some niggling worries at the back of my mind. Esp. the tone change in Luke.

I will admit part of it was intentional, but I did not do a good job with the transition of it. When I changed to Luke's perspective, I sorta lost his quirky jive and never quite had it to come through. As the story progressed, I realized that the personalities of Wend and Luke would switch somewhat. Wend would have the flippant thoughts while Luke was becoming more logical. So by the time they are at the pond, it was meant to come off that way. Before that, not really, and I need to do some work on Luke's POV sections earlier in the story. You clarified some of my vague worries about Luke's progression.

I don't remember switching perspectives in the end...but I will look into that to make sure its properly anchored in Wend's POV (or make it clearer in any case).

I need to dig into the editing process of grammar too. *gets out chainsaw*

Thanks for the grand review. Gives me some things to gnaw on. And I'm glad warmth and fuzziness came through in the end. ^^

--[[User:Traxer|Traxer]]

:{{Silver|Hey, no problem. Good story. Glad you don't mind the critique.}}

:{{Silver|I've looked through it and I take back the part about the perspectives: I think I mixed it up with another story. But still, I've picked up another point you might want to consider. Over the course of the story, the main crisis is that the skin may not come off of Wend—but in the end you settle it by bringing simply in a new character who solves the problem in one simple scene. I sorta think it comes off a little anticlimatic. Just food for thought. :D}} --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 09:26, 22 January 2011 (UTC)

Template talk:Silver

2011-01-21T12:19:49Z

WolfyDrake95: Created page with '{{Silver|Silver's working great, CR. Thanks a lot, man! I can't work with code for nuts. }} —~~~~'

{{Silver|Silver's working great, CR. Thanks a lot, man! I can't work with code for nuts. }} —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 12:19, 21 January 2011 (UTC)

Talk:Nothing Otter

2011-01-20T09:20:32Z

WolfyDrake95: Oooh, critique.

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Crash Course

2011-01-11T17:07:57Z

WolfyDrake95: Talk's back!

Two real things I think deserve a mention: Firstly, great story. It's the first online work I've read in a while that I've actually wanted to read. It's gripping, and it made me want to know how things ended for the characters, which I don't feel a lot these days. Secondly, it's well detailed - I'm not too familiar with the PaW universe, but now I've read your piece, I think there's a lot of ways I could use the idea myself (if I ever get round to it, writing has never been a priority. Since I started I have produced a grand total of zero stories) because I understand it so much better.
On a couple of minor notes, I think that the setting wasn't as good as it could have been. The characters and their feelings were very well detailed, but I think a focus on that may have taken a bit out of their location. Aside from that, good job. (Now I'll shut up and let someone with actual experience have their say)—MCMackers 15:09, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

:Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm glad to know that you enjoyed it, and that it helped you learn more about the PaW universe. I don't claim to be, y'know, knowing everything about PaW - hell, I only started writing in it recently - but still, it's good to know that I managed to let someone else know a little more about it.
:About your second point: I know, the setting could use some work. I've noticed that myself. Personally, I think it's because I'm not really familiar with natural settings, like forests or woods, etc. I've never been any good at environmental descriptions. In addition, the setting is completely fictional. There is no part of the New Confederacy that is near to the border of a North American Republic state and has woodlands. According to my research, most of the New Confed territory is tropical, so technically my depiction of them enduring a temperate climate and woodland is wrong. Still, I'm hoping nobody notices that until they read this comment. In addition I thought the ending was a bit weak, because I rushed it late last night. And I figured the constant shifts in time might disorientate the reader. Meh...
:Still, thanks a bunch for your praise! You, sir, have made my day. :) —Drake 16:40, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

::You're very welcome. I feel the need to mention that I understand the issues you face when you say you aren't so familiar with the natural settings - They say to write what you know. I think very few people would be interested if I wrote what I knew, because the majority of my experiences have been in classrooms. As far as I'm aware, you're a little younger than me (I saw the happy birthday stuff) so I congratulate you for having written so much. MCMackers 16:56, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

:::Thanks! I've always loved writing, since I can't draw and I need a way to express myself. The written word has always appealed to me. :) Yeah, I know we should always Write What We Know, but if I do that, like you said, I'll be churning out boring crap about classroom politics and playground bullies. So I watch a lot of Discovery Channel and stuff to widen up my perspective a little, and I play lots of Halo and other games to get into the feel of different time periods and situations. That way I get a better idea of different things, and it helps me write. --Drake 02:18, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

I'm not going to praise you for this - you already know your stories are excellent - but I will point out one factual error. Fighters do not have an eject "button". It's actually a pair of handles either over the shoulders or between the legs. The ones over the shoulders pull forward and down, the one between the legs pulls straight up. Now in some older (read: Korean and Vietnam War era) fighters the handles were over the head and pulling them down actually pulled a canvas shield over the pilot's face. -- ShadowWolf 13:54, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

:Right, point noted. Will change. I guess I didn't see that part about it on Wikipedia: turns out they did mention (although only in the passing) that F-16 fighters use an ejection handle between the knees. Whoops! -- Drake 14:09, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

{{Green|Very nice! Just finished reading it. It's a great story, with great characters and plot arcs. I did notice a few hiccups in style and flow, which I'll go into more detail on when I have more time, but over all it's another great story. Between you, Lloyd, and me, we're really fleshing out this storyverse. I really need to start writing here again. Probably start with something much shorter.}} --Concerned Reader 14:36, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

:Sorry for the late response; been struggling to catch up with my math homework. Thanks for the praise, it's appreciated. Yeah, I know that there's a lot of strange hiccups in the flow of the story, mostly around where they found Peter, but I didn't have the time (or patience) to properly flesh out that section. Maybe if I have some time, I'll write a small add-on for that part. :D
:Hmm... Just a thought: for now, we three appear to be the only writers actively writing PaW stories. I get the feeling that I'm messing it up slightly by focusing insanely on the 2010-2025 Collapse period, whereas most other stories appear to be set around 2030 - 2050. Also... another thought, but I dunno why, it seems like Shifti has grown rather quiet (as compared to other writing sites, like Ficly). There's little activity apart from the few of us—as in, I don't see many active stories or discussions or the like. ...Where did all the other writes go? --Drake 14:59, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

::With the pair of major crashes and the way that there are limits to the stories - ie: the requirement for a TF - this is no real surprise. There is another major problem with this time of year... It's "con season" :) -- ShadowWolf 15:18, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

:::...True, I guess. But still I seem to see that TSA-Talk is a lot more active than Shifti. That's probably because TSA-Talk is pretty well-established and well-known as compared to Shifti. --Drake 15:56, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

I thought up Benti's haiku:

Falling from the sky

Treking through hostile forest

and then comes ice cream

Beautiful, I know, but I'm sick and feeling really sleep deprived right now.--New Age Exorcist 05:16, 2 June 2010 (UTC)

:Oh, sorry, I totally didn't notice that you had posted this. Sorry for the ultra-late response. Thank you for thinking up the haiku! I never really meant to reveal the whole haiku (heck, don't tell anyone, but it was a reference to something a similarly-named character in another book said), but I appreciate very much that you thought it up. :D --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 17:07, 11 January 2011 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/To A Friend

2011-01-11T16:24:57Z

WolfyDrake95: Reposting is going slooooow.

Hello Bryan!

Thanks a bunch for helping me reconstruct the page. Unfortunately, I've already reposted this story, under a slightly different URL: [[User:WolfyDrake95/To a Friend]]. I did that one the long way, so I've got rid of the question-marks and formatting errors in that one. So... I guess you could delete this page... Sorry for wasting your effort. Still, thanks! It's really appreciated.

—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 09:33, 10 January 2011 (UTC)

:No problem, my bad for not checking more thoroughly. By the time I got to this one I'd worked out a pattern for doing most of the conversion from HTML so it went pretty quickly. :) [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 15:06, 10 January 2011 (UTC)

::Cool. I'm reviving all my dead stories the older way—how does one use HTML to repost? I just couldn't figure it out; I've always been pretty poor with computer code. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Wolfy]] 16:24, 11 January 2011 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/To A Friend

2011-01-10T09:33:12Z

WolfyDrake95: Sorry.

User talk:WolfyDrake95/To a Friend

2011-01-09T03:38:23Z

WolfyDrake95: Uhhhhh.... How does one do a template?

Wow... just... wow...

There is little you could do to make this carry any more emotional impact. Whether or not this is considered Canon, I'm adding it to the pack at the max (you're getting to be well represented there!) -- ShadowWolf 16:41, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

:{{Green|This is a very powerful emotional piece of writing, and If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd be more than a little worried about you. I've never read much of the Paradise setting, mainly because I thought it was more of an escapist/wish fulfillment setting that never quite caught my interest. But this is a very good story, and fit's perfectly within what little I know of the storyverse. (As well as subverting what I thought of the storyverse.)
What's got me really thinking though, is how Jonah is going to react to this. That's mainly what my poem was about. How a suicide can affect someone, even though the one who commits it never really thinks about it. If you don't mind, I may try and write a short reaction piece from Jonah's point of view. It'll probably be horrid, as I know next to nothing about Paradise as a setting, and even less about how to write for an anthropomorphic character, but it just catches my interest for some reason.}} --Concerned Reader 18:05, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

::You say that as if the character's suicide fell through properly, even though that is pretty likely, considering how much he planned ahead. If only there was some event outside of his control that could screw up his plan and Change the outcome -- MisterBackground 02:27, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

:::{{Green|Hey! Get your own Color! On a more serious note, that sort of plot twist would be up to Wolfy. I have my own ideas for how the death could have been averted, but they would most likely diminish the quality of the work.}} --Concerned Reader 02:55, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

{{Silver|...I need my own color (...silver? :D). Anyway, firstly, thanks a lot for your praise. This story was written when in my bouts of semi-depression, I decided that in a Paradise not everyone would be happy... basically it's something of a completely different take on the concept. Most of the other Paradise stories (which, if I might add, are very good) deal with happier changes or stuff like that, and I haven't seen any that are sad. So I wrote one (although I'm not sure how canon this is).
...This is the first in a long time since I've written an 'emo' story, and I relied on CR's poem as well as Keane's Everybody's Changing and Yoko Kanno's Heaven's Not Enough to get into the mood for this. Hmm. A reaction piece from you, CR, would be fine with me. Don't worry so much about writing for an anthropomorphic character. It's not too hard. Besides, the ending's left fairly ambiguous for a reason; it implies that the main character is dead, but it leaves room for anything else as well as a Change, as MBG has suggested. I wouldn't mind a follow-up involving the main character's Change or his survival, but that might ruin the emotional foundation I've established in this story. Still, don't worry about 'diminishing the quality'. There ain't nothing to 'diminish' in the first place. :)}} --Drake 12:21, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

{{Green|Yeah. And that's what I like about it. You changed up the normal Paradise template. Not everyone would be happy with their change/non-change. Which makes me believe there'd be a new up-cropping of psychiatrists who specialize in that very subject. For those who no longer feel at home in their own skin. Could be something interesting to add to the setting. I think that may be the perspective I write from actually. The psychologist. OH DARN. This means I'll have to do research. TO THE WIKIPEDIA!}} --Concerned Reader 14:36, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

:{{Silver|Heheh. Just thought this story would be highly 'unconventional' for a Paradise story... though I'm seriously unsure if that makes it non-canon. Theoretically everybody would have Changed at some point, but I suppose there could be a handful of those who wouldn't change for some time... Roland (the un-named protagonist) is one of those few.}} --Drake 05:20, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

::But there's another "emotional foundation" that could be established: the impact this event has on Jonah. Whether or not the main character survived could still be ambiguous or, in my case if I actually wrote, be revealed in the ending lines to steel the emotional response. -- MisterBackground 18:13, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

:::{{Silver|Hmm, that's true... although, I didn't really picture the ending as 'ambiguous', more of 'implied', because Roland's final word is left half-written, implying that the gun went off while he was writing that. Of course, one might alternatively choose to interpret that as his Change, or something else that might have interrupted his writing. IMHO, I find that 'implied' actions leave more impact than those explicitly shown, as implied endings leave room for the reader's imagination and personal interpretion (like, oh god, the story ends here, the character must have shot himself) whereas explicitly shown endings limit the horror that the ending is supposed to leave the reader. (Oh. He shot himself. That's it?) Just a thought. Some of the more talented writers, who can pull of the latter type of endings really well, still manage to end their stories excellently.}} --Drake 05:20, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

::::I didn't say anything about leaving the gunshot out. Not everyone who's shot dies, and who's to say that his setup was flawless? Even if he was mortally wounded, I recall that the Change can do wonders for a person's health. Though I should point out that I think it'd be best that the story be more about Jonah's own feelings, perhaps starting as early as his change and how that effected his friendship with the protagonist, but from the other point of view. Was Jonah oblivious to his friend's feelings, or did he force a smile himself? How did Jonah feel when he Changed and his friend didn't, and how did Jonah feel when he was with his envious friend? Then how does he react to the horror that he's fated to witness... and perhaps the miracle that occurs shortly thereafter? And finally, how far did the miracle itself go, if it even occurred at all? -- MisterBackground 09:45, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

:::::{{Silver|About Jonah: my thoughts exactly. This theoretical sequel should focus on Jonah as a friend. But I think the scale of their friendship might be too hard to compress into a single story. In this story, I use the idea of memories to display just how close the two were, and these memories are expressed in Roland's letter; but if I (or anyone else) were to write a sequel from third-person in Jonah's POV it would be difficult to encompass the scale of their relationship as the memorable events (as mentioned here) would, in reality, take place over several years (or at least several months, if you only want to write it from Jonah's Change to present), meaning that if this sequel were to cover those events it would have to be rather long, or have to jump from event to event (which could ruin the flow). }}
:::::{{Silver|Secondly: yes, I know not everyone who's shot dies, but I was thinking that the gun was aimed at his head. Even a last-second Change wouldn't save him from that (unless he becomes significantly taller or shorter in that split second), despite the Changed having vastly enhanced and improved health and physiology, which would not stop a bullet from flying through your brain.}} --Drake 13:44, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

{{Green|Within my mind, I was seeing it as the written report of the psychologist, or just written from Jonah's point of view as he talks to the psychologist. That way he can talk, in an informal way, about his relationship with Roland as well as their past events.}} --Concerned Reader 14:42, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

{{Silver|Hmm. That's a good idea. It just might work... I'll be waiting for this sequel of yours, CR.}} --Drake 15:35, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

----

Quite a story!
Wow. Only happened to spot this story when I glanced at the Paradise category page just to see if there were any stories I'd missed, since it hasn't been added to the actual timeline.

It's an interesting story. A little bit depressing, but the progression of how the protagonist's emotional state builds up is well-founded and believable. I liked the way the ending was left ambiguous like that. Kind of like the ending of Dallas. I also liked the reference to my stories. Neat seeing a mention from someone else like that.

There's certainly all sorts of room for the character to survive. (Like, how could he be sure the gun would even hit him from there? It's hard enough hitting the target with a pistol even when you're holding and aiming the thing, and I speak from experience. And even if it did hit him, a .22 is not exactly a man-stopper round.) It wouldn't take a Change for him to survive. (In fact, if a direct sequel is written, it would probably be best to avoid having his life be "saved" by a sudden Change, because that would be too cliché. Though boy, it sure would have been ironic if he started Changing right before the gun went off.)

I'd definitely like to see more Paradise stories from you, though it would be nice if they were a little more cheerful ones. :) —Robotech Master 02:42, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

:{{Silver|Thanks! Great to know that you read my story. I know it's a little depressing, which is sort of my style of writing, but the kind of angsty, melancholic feeling makes this story a rather large contrast from the other Paradise stories. Not that the other stories aren't any good, of course; they're much much better than this one. I've liked your Paradise and Chakona Space stories a lot, too, but it's just that whenever I finished reading them I often forgot to leave a note of appreciation on the talk page. Sorry.}}
:{{Silver|I've played with a few ideas about how to keep the protagonist alive in a sequel already. When I mentioned something earlier about a Change saving him, I was thinking more like, it was a sudden Change that interrupted his writing, not the gunshot (which was implied but not explicitly stated) and he survived the shot, either through a non-fatal hit or a complete miss (yes, .22 revolvers are blasted hard to aim, I know, I've tried). }}
:{{Silver|The Paradise universe is an excellent one, but after my less-than-satisfactory first story (which I don't really like, but don't want to delete because it's my very first story) and the resulting response from some of my RL classmates, I've kinda distanced myself from Paradise. Still, maybe I'll start writing some standalone or short-series stories there.
All in all, thanks for reading! Your feedback is appreciated!}} --Drake 09:47, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

User:WolfyDrake95

2011-01-06T09:22:25Z

WolfyDrake95: I'm just glad Shifti's back online. Thank you, admins! Sorry I didn't contribute. I don't have a credit card.

{{author page}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:WolfyDrake95}}

{{float tag|text= [[User:WolfyDrake95/In Memoriam|Remember Michael Bard]]}}

Just another amateur writer who should never have been allowed near a keyboard.

In this floaty perfect reality called the World Wide Web, I go by WolfyDrake—that's Wolfy to you.

== About Me ==
I'm just a kid in Singapore. I can't quite draw, so I've ended up doing something else that I love—writing. Someday, I hope to acquire something called 'creativity', and something called 'skill'. I'll try to do that by reading all of the Old Guard's stories, and lurking on the TSA-Talk Digest thing.

Like all kids my age I like video games and stuff like that, and they usually serve as distractions from life, and occasionally writing. I have a theory that video games are killing my creativity. Maybe that's true, or maybe that's just an excuse for me being lousy. But I do my best. I'm a huge fan of Bungie's Halo Trilogy and Assassin's Creed, and this is probably subtly reflected in my work.

I'm also a closet fur. As my name suggests, I'm a really big lover of all things lupine. I'm good with pretty much anything anthropomorphic, really, but wolves and cheetahs and dragons take the top spot.

== My Stories ==

===Standalone===

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Finding Himself|Finding Himself]]--A story about a depressed guy. Based on myself, when I experienced a period of deep, deep, depression. Not exactly great, but I sorta like it.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Letting Go|Letting Go]]--One of those overly melodramatic stories about death. Caused by depression, so it's very mind-numbingly depressing. You probably want to avoid this.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Dragon's Eye|Dragon's Eye]]—A fight for an ancient artifact. This was a sort of practice for me, to see if I still remembered how to do TF sequences.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/A Dream within a Dream|A Dream within a Dream]] — Based off a dream I had a couple of nights ago.

===Paradise===

[[User:WolfyDrake95/New_World|The New World]]--My first serious story. This one's set in the Paradise story universe, about an avid gamer and his friend who face the Change. Oh yeah. Cliched. Not exactly my best story. Pending rewrite, but that's on permanent hiatus, so heck!

[[User:WolfyDrake95/To a Friend|To a Friend]] —Not so much of a paradise. ''(This is one of the few stories I'm truly satisfied with)''

===Pig and Whistle===

====Standalone====

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Crash Course|Crash Course]] — Two NAR pilots shot down over enemy territory struggle to escape.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Loose Ends|Loose Ends]] — 2017: Garrett Downs and his team are sent to capture the leader of a terrorist organization.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Shattered|Shattered]] — Family rent apart.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Free or Not|Free or Not?]] — Some find freedom in TFOR. Others don't. Or ''can't''.

====The Flying Eagle====

Set in the Pig and Whistle universe, this is going to be a small series of short stories about a kid named Taylor Miles, a Human Reistance Movement black operator, and will cover his life from the moment it was rent apart, to the moment when it was rent apart again.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Recruitment|Recruitment]] —''What it says on the cover.''

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Hunted|Hunted]] —A short piece about a short assassination.

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Nothing is True|Nothing is True...]] —A rewritten Part One of [[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|''Price in Blood'']].

[[User:WolfyDrake95/Everything is Permitted|...Everything is Permitted]] —And Part Two.

User talk:Phaedrus/A Trickster's Tail

2009-08-31T14:14:29Z

WolfyDrake95: I loved this story!

I strongly advise that you remove the Adult tag from this story and simply use the author's note as a disclaimer. The "adult" material is minor and I would hate to think someone missed out on your wonderful story because they were turned off by those three red Xes. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd Brunnel]] 03:14, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
: Thank you so much for the advice (and for listing this story in your favorites -- that's a real honor). I'm not at all sure what to do with this. It seems to me that there are two ways that something can be 'adult'. One way is by being explicit. There's not really any of that in this story -- there's some foul language, but nothing out of the ordinary these days; and there's some sexual content, but it's left to the imagination. But it seems to me that something can also be 'adult' purely on its themes, and I still have the feeling that that's the case here. I mean, it does have sexual intercourse going on ''during'' a transformation (a transformation to full-animal form by both parties, no less), and I think that the mere concept of that would be offensive to a substantial number of people. And I'm inclined to err on the side of caution. So I think I'll leave the 'adult' tag for now. But I'll definitely think it over; when I become more familiar with the site and see how other similar stories are tagged, I might change my mind. --[[User:Phaedrus|Phaedrus]] 03:40, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
::That makes sense. I guess my definition of adult comes from having to sift through the stuff on CYOC >< --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd Brunnel]] 13:18, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
:::I've revised the author's note, though, to make this as clear as I can without venturing into spoiler territory. [[User:Phaedrus|Phaedrus]] 15:50, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

I don't know what to say, but I just want to tell you that I enjoyed this story very much. It's a huge pity that you've stopped writing it; it certainly is a very good story. Oh, and I agree with Lloyd...it's not really ''that'' explicit. Still, once again, great story! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:14, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:Phaedrus/Reinkarmation

2009-08-31T14:00:43Z

WolfyDrake95: Justa comment

Talk about unbalanced punishments (I think, was he planning to kill his marks?) -- Alex Warlorn August 30 2009
: That's an interesting observation. I'm not sure I can really answer it, because I'm not sure that I can ever really get back into the headspace I was in when I wrote that story. But let me do the best I can...
: First of all, it was intended as a nasty story. If the victim deserves everything that's coming to him -- if the punishment fits the crime -- then a lot of the nastiness goes away. In fact, the fact that the victim was a criminal at all was a weakness in the story, a concession to my own squeamishness at writing it; I couldn't have written this sort of story about a truly innocent victim.
: Second, the transformer character is pretty clearly psychotic. And sure, he says a lot of stuff about his intentions that could be described as noble. But then again, there's no real evidence anywhere else in the story that what he's saying is true; and he's saying those things to someone he fully intends to double-cross in the worst possible way, in order to build up false hopes. And if we needed any further reason to be distrustful, note that the entire beginning of the story revolves around an elaborate lie set up by this same character. So rather than thinking of this as "punishment", it might be better to think about it as "preying on a predator".
: And third, I have to admit that I've always had a hard time with the notion that financial crimes -- especially large ones -- are somehow fundamentally different from violent crimes. In a capitalist society, money is just as much a part of a person's wellbeing as their physical health. Suppose that Mr. X works hard all his life, saving his money and living well below his means, so that he can enjoy a dream lifestyle after he retires. And suppose that, on the day that retirement finally arrives, Mr. Y comes along and kills him. Obviously, that would be really really horrible. Now suppose that Mr. Y comes along and steals all his money (and that the money is never recovered). How much less horrible -- and how much less reprehensible -- is this? The golden years Mr. X has worked so hard for are wiped out either way. In one case, Mr. X's life is over on the spot; in the other, Mr. X, who is now too old to work, faces years of poverty and hardship. How much worse is one than the other? How much less reprehensible is it to steal from the vulnerable and defenseless than it is to beat them up?
: And, of course, having pointed out the horrors of financial crime, note that the story is highly ambiguous here. We know that the vast majority of Scott's stolen money was moved beyond the reach of the investigators. But we don't know when that happened. Did Scott do it himself? Or did the coyote steal it, and leave only a fraction of the innocent victims' money for the investors to find? There's no answer -- though that satellite dish raises questions. I'm only mentioning this as one more case of "If you think you've found anything 'good' in either of the main characters, you may want to look at the story in a different way." 01:20, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

You might want to change the XXX tag to a Violence tag: <nowiki>{{Violence}}</nowiki>. XXX usually means explicit sexual material; Violence is more along the lines of "gore" and "disgusting things" that this story seems to have (no offense). —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:00, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:Phaedrus/Commission

2009-08-31T13:53:08Z

WolfyDrake95: Praise for a nice story that I saw on the TSA Archive...

Isn't this story on the TSA Archive? It was one of my favourites there. I'm not sure why I like it so much; I think it's because of the way Greywing seems analyse the man, George, and predict his actions so accurately. Everything Greywing thinks will happen, ''happens''...the feeling that Greywing is some all-knowing person (or at least close to that) is present, and I think that's cool. Anyway, this is a great story...I'd have told you that when I read it on the TSA, but I didn't have a clue how to. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 13:53, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Talk:Outfoxed

2009-08-26T08:02:13Z

WolfyDrake95: Justa comment...

Hey, nice work! This story's pretty nice. I like it. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:02, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Talk:The Tower in the Torch

2009-08-26T08:00:51Z

WolfyDrake95:

Nice opening, no prizes for guessing what's about to happen though ;)
--[[User:Fibio|Fibio]] 15:51, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

:Considering that I've written two stories where he's a fox... not really, no =D -- [[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd Brunnel]] 16:25, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Good start, Lloyd. I like the character and this is a rather decent story. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 21:50, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I agree with everything said above. This is looking to be a great introduction for Jonas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 23:15, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh yeah! Great intro for Jonas, I can't wait for the next part! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:00, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Talk:Now I am become Seth, the destroyer of worlds

2009-08-23T11:16:30Z

WolfyDrake95: You called?

Wow, a new story so soon. You write pretty fast. Can't wait for the next parts! --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]], 12:07, 25 June 2009 (+0800 GMT)

How I envy your ability to come up with ideas... my story has been stalled for over two weeks XD --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]

I mow the lawn to come up with ideas. Really. When I get really bored, I think about these things. Plus, I couldn't let a title like this go unused. I happen to write parodys, and I've wanted to use Openheimers quote (which he actually got from the Hindu bible) for a long time. Oh, and fun fact: Haven,Maine is the fictonal town where "The Tommyknockers" takes place. See what I did there?--[[User:Guvnor Of Space|Guvnor Of Space]] 17:42, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...A nice ending, but not really what I expected. When I hear (or read) the words "Destroyer of Worlds" it makes me think of this really, friggin powerful guy with a gun the size of the Empire State Building and totally ready to blow up some stuff. Or, more realistically, a person with vast amounts of power at his disposal and is also prepared to use that power for destructive means. However, your story seems to just end off like...that. There wasn't any huge showdown that displayed Seth's supposedly huge powers. Somehow, Seth getting defeated so easily seems somewhat anticlimatic. Just Brown, sitting in Seth's house, and Seth doesn't even put up a fight? The least I'd expect was that he'd duck and roll, grab a hidden weapon and fire, and then Brown runs...etc, etc.

:Mmm...unless it was supposed to be a parody. But I honestly feel that the title itself had a lot of potential for a huge climax. Think about it. A reader goes flipping through the "All Stories" section, sees this totally cool title. He thinks, "Wow, a Destroyer of Worlds! Leet!", but then he'd read on to find Seth so easily defeated. I don't mean to insult: please don't be offended. It's still a great story, but I expected it to turn out differently. --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]], 15:25, 26 June 2009

::That's exactly right. The title is supposed to emphasisize what Seth thinks of himself. He had a vast quantitiy of Xanadu Phenobletum at his disposal and felt invincible. But he was over confident. If it hadn't been for the Krytonite he would have been taken into government custody. He was destroyed so easily because he figured he had outthought Brown. He knew Brown wouldn't shoot, and figured he could trick him into letting him go. He didn't think the man was there on a revege mission: He figured he was a straight laced government agent. But he did think he would confront him personally. (Just like in a movie. The cops are on the way, but the main character is there peronally so that they can talk to the bad guy or whatever.) So yes, the title implies somthing that Seth can't deliver on. I hope you weren't too disapointed with the rest of the story though.--[[User:Guvnor Of Space|Guvnor Of Space]] 14:57, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

:::Ah, I see. After understanding, I don't feel let down at all. However, I still feel that you should write in more cool stuff for Seth: more large-scale, high-profile actions that make him look the part. He thinks he's frikking awesome, right? Then he should walk around, flaunting his power. That would cement the idea that Seth was a overconfident asshole, and would reinforce the irony at the end. Still, whether or not you make changes this is still a great story that I enjoyed. --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]], 00:27, 27 June 2009

Update: Due to haveing a job at a camp, editing for this story will be on hold until 7/26/09 --[[User:Guvnor Of Space|Guvnor Of Space]] 21:21, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

==Critique==
Since you asked for a critique, here goes. I hope I don't come across too harsh. Firstly: the flow of your story. It's stilted, jarring, and difficult to read (no offense intended). It's going to be tough, but the best thing for you to do would be to go over this and rephrase everything. Yes, everything. The sentences of your story are always in the same form: short. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing (short sentences = good for action scenes), it is if you write the entire story with short sentences. The result is that your story becomes stilted and uncomfortable. For example:

:''Two hours after the standoff had begun one of the hostages did something to change the situation. The fry cook was getting tired. He wanted to go home. He reached under the counter and grabbed two large pots. He slammed them together. Seth jerked, looking in the direction of the noise. Agent Brown didn’t. He didn’t shoot either. He used the time to put his pistol above the table. Scotty jumped under the table. When Seth looked back and saw that the trekie had disappeared, he got angry and used the pen on the fry-cook. With a pop, he disappeared from behind the counter. Presumably, a small statue was now standing where he had been. Seth was starting to look very angry. He pointed the pen thing at Agent Brown.''

can be changed to

:''Two hours after the start of the standoff, one of the hostages tried to do something. Having waited without moving for hours, the fry cook was sick and tired of this. He wanted to go home. Reaching under the counter, he pulled out two large pots, lifted them high and slammed them together forcefully. A jarring clang shattered the still air, and Seth jerked, taking his eyes off the two officers to look for the source of the disturbance. Agent Brown barely reacted to it. Instead, he took the time to move his pistol above the table. Next to him, Scotty ducked under said table. Seth looked back at the officers, anger crossing his face as he noticed that Scotty was gone. Obviously furious at losing control of the situation, even momentarily, he spun in his seat, pointing the pen at the fry-cook. With a pop, the man vanished, presumably leaving a small statue where he had been standing. Turning back to Agent Brown with an angry scowl, Seth pointed the pen right between Brown's eyes.''

It's longer, but by stringing short sentences into longer ones you make the story flow better. Vary sentence length and type. Flow is the largest problem I see in this story. Improve on it, and this story will become lots better than it already is. :)

PS: I have new stories,if you want to read them. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 11:16, 23 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:Lloyd Brunnel

2009-08-22T14:19:46Z

WolfyDrake95: Just because I lurk doesn't mean I don't subscribe to TSA-talk...

== Happy birthday ==

…from an old fogey who is, oh my god, double your age… —[[User:Robotech Master|Robotech Master]] 20:13, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
:…and from an old fogey who is close to double your age… -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 21:29, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
::Thanks! --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]

...And a late one from me, who is just about your age.--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:26, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

== Case Brief ==

The Google on the Internets has spoken. Here are some case brief how to's that I could find:

[http://www.cjed.com/brief.htm http://www.cjed.com/brief.htm]

[http://www.howtodothings.com/careers/a2850-how-to-write-a-brief-for-law-school.html http://www.howtodothings.com/careers/a2850-how-to-write-a-brief-for-law-school.html]

[http://lawschool.about.com/od/casebriefs/ht/howtocasebriefs.htm http://lawschool.about.com/od/casebriefs/ht/howtocasebriefs.htm]

It seemed to be an interesting idea, I'd hate to see it die before even being born. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:51, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

:Thank you very much. I'll get started right away. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]

==Writing Non-Short Stories==
Hey there, Lloyd, Wolfy here. With regards to your message on TSA-talk about writing short stories...I think I'll try to provide some advice. Instead of thinking of a specific scene, like those in short stories, try working out the befores and the afters. Describe more. Have more conversation. Add a few useful scenes here and there to display the personalities of your characters. Like what [[User:Rabbit|Rabbit]] said, just let the story move with its flow. That always happens to me, and I end up with one huge story. The great thing about writing a long story is that it gives you time to slowly but surely develop each character, flesh out the storyline, and give the story the emotional depth that most short stories cannot get.

The sucky thing is that because they're long, it's going to take a long time. If you have a lot of ideas, you can try working them through one by one. If it's a long story it'll take a long time to write, so be patient. Also like what Rabbit said, don't stop, because if you stop for a day, and then another, and then another...well, you end up not writing anything, and you lose interest. But if you lose interest in the one you're halfway through, don't force yourself to finish it. For me, I just start another one. The interest will return at some point.

Like mentioned earlier, long stories give the writer an opportunity to fully and completely display the personality of his characters. Plan out cool scenes for the story. Write down the storyline somewhere so you don't forget, but don't follow your sketch completely. I spent weeks thinking about the storyline of [[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|Price in Blood]], and it slowly evolved into the storyline that I'm writing now. Be ready to change the storyline. It's not cast in iron; after all, you are the writer. Forcing yourself to write something you don't like only screws up the story more.

If you're not sure about writing a full story by yourself, get a friend to collab with you. That way, mutual encouragement will make sure you don't lose interest and give up halfway like I did to [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].

But in the end, the most important thing is to have fun. Don't push yourself. ''Relax'', and make sure you ''enjoy'' writing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:19, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

Talk:The Strength in the Shark

2009-08-20T11:35:37Z

WolfyDrake95: /* Critic Notices */ You called ShadowWolf for an edit, but another kind of wolf volunteers his opinion.

Although it's finished, this story feels a bit "rushed" to me. Does anyone have a suggestion on how I could pace it better? [[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd Brunnel]] 12:52, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

: Hmm... it might be a bit more fundamental. Stories I write usually have a conflict or problem set up at the beginning which is resolved at the end. If the problem is not resolved, the story doesn't feel "complete". In this case, you have the fox sitting at the bar, a shark comes up, apologizes, and leaves. The only initial problem is MAYBE a bit of fear of the shark, and that doesn't even occur until about a third of the way through due to the brevity. Maybe have a new beginning with the POV character grumbling in his mind about the shark that mistook him, about how he hates that, he's angry, but what are you going to say to a shark? Then said shark comes in, apologies, tension/conflict set up at the beginning is resolved. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 21:15, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

:I think you misread the part of Within and Without that this story refers to. Jonas literally ran into Jimbari and ran away, there was no mistaking things until the start of this story. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 12:19, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

== Critic Notices ==

For those critiquing this piece, please pay attention to the first section before Jimbari appears, as I am unsure of how well I establish Jonas's frame of mind. I'd also appreciate any help with an ending, since I can't come up with one =( --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd Brunnel]] 19:12, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

:Well...the second paragraph seems kind of abrupt, and it feels stilted, unconnected to the rest of the story. Maybe a short sentence between, like, "Yeah, I'm not exactly brimming with it." That might link the two paragraphs better.
:As for Jonas' state of mind...I think you've established it pretty well. He seems resentful at losing control to his instincts, ashamed, perhaps. This seems to demonstrate how Jonas was touchy about being a fullmorph. However, he seems to get really pissed at Jimbari, even though it was written in the PaW Character List that Jonas was a shy but friendly guy. "Shy" doesn't fit into his reaction; neither does "friendly". Frankly speaking, I imagined Jonas to be a friendly, cheerful guy, pretty much from how he took the Asplosion of the cake so lightly. His reaction to Jimbari seems to conflict with that idea.
:Maybe you're trying to show how Jonas was touchy about being a fullmorph. If so, that's okay. But the events before Jonas' outburst seem strange: first he has "a very strong desire to yell at him for his ignorance", later he gave "a pleased growl", after that he finally gets pissed. I'm not sure if the pleased growl part was supposed to be Jonas' instincts, but if so, you should mention that. Else, you should change it. I think it'd be better if you described how Jonas was at first a little intimidated, then annoyed, then angry (or some other slow increase in anger or something). That way the reader can follow.
:For an ending, how about you have someone, like Allan, for example, walk over, scritch Jonas behind the ears and say, "Seriously, though, you really are like a cuddly/fluffy/cute/some-other-amusing-term litle animal. Though you scare me when you yell like that." That way it'd be funny. :)
:On the overall, this is a pretty good story. Great work! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 11:35, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-18T08:27:35Z

WolfyDrake95: Reply...

==Storyline Discussion==
{{Green|ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. '''SPOILER WARNING!!!'''

:'''Price in Blood'''—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's [[Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart]], but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.

:Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.

:The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.

:Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.

:This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
:If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
:PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a [[The_Fool_in_the_Fox|story.]]

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
::And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST [http://www.halo.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on [[Talk:Rebuilding|rebuilding]]. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:

::“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”

::“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of ''them''—”

::“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”

::Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they ''killed'' your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”

::Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I ''never'' forgot, and I ''never'' will.”

:Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Sounds like a plan.}}--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

::'''ADDITION'''Hey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. ''Teefer'' is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does [[The Fool in the Fox]] take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
:—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and could somebody enlighten me as to the kind of symptoms Blowtorch Fever causes? I'm only sure of the high fever and the cravings; the PaW page only listed those. Are there any others? Thanks. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:29, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|And I'm back in town. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'll do that tonight. On Blowtorch, It only causes cravings if TFORS is also contracted, otherwise it's just a very deadly fever.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:'Kay. Thanks a lot! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Here is a clock for Texas,}} [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=24 timeanddate.com]. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:And [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=236 here] is mine! So that we can sync up to a time where we can meet online for the dialog. Maybe next weekend, around eleven pm (Singapore time). Meanwhile I'll work on a list of what I need the conversation to cover. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
==Comments and Critique==
Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I just started reading it, and it's looking pretty good so far. Though you might want to start using pronouns at some point...}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I have now finished the story in it's current posted form, and must say it is a very good start. A couple of notes:

*You mention that the phone is an iPhone, and I'm not sure if Apple would have survived the collapse, much the same way that Microsoft didn't. We might want to come up with a new mobile device that everyone uses, Otherwise it's hard to tell that the story takes place in the future. Blind Pig had this present future problem pretty bad.
*You don't seem to have any paragraphs. Everything is on a new line, and it makes it a bit difficult to read on a wide-screen monitor.
*The steak house should have a proper name, Such as "The County Line," "Rudy's," or "The Salt Lick." Which are all, coincidentally, real BBQ joints in Austin.
*Your Texas accents aren't too bad. At the very least, they don't portray Texans as idiots.
**"Doubt this killer’ll dare to show his face ‘round these parts when the Rangers are here." might be changed to "..parts with the Rangers in town."
*You drop a lot of Halo cameos in your stories. You might want to tone it down a bit, but that's more of a personal choice.
**In this case, the 99D-S2AM sniper rifle is very loud, and very evident as to where the bullet has come from due to the tracer in every round. You might look up some real world sniper rifles that are more anti-personnel and quiet.
*on the Encryption code: This isn't necessary, but for an added level of realism, you could research [[Wikipedia:Public Key|Public Key]] cryptography, and change it from Delta to a public key that they would use.
*On the robber: There are a lot of drunk, homeless, and/or bad people in east Austin, so you might set the Hotel there.

And that's all I could find right now. Keep up the good work.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Thanks for the praise! As for your comments...
:*About the iPhone, it's mainly because I can't think of anything else. If one of the creators of PaW would step up and offer a nifty new brand, I wouldn't mind changing.
:*Paragraphing: I noticed that too, so maybe I'll switch to double-spacing between paragraphs. I use short paragraphs because it emphasizes suspense (I think).
:*Naming the steak house: Got it.
:*Texas accents: I worried that it would be offensive as I hate steorotypes. My bad.
:*Halo cameos: Right. Maybe I'll change it to a AWC (Arctic Warfare Covert). And, if you didn't notice, they're a lot more Halo references, like the Seventh Pillar Hotel is a ref. to the Seventh Column Bungie fangroup (Column is something like Pillar), and how the numbers of all the times add up to [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Seven seven]. And I intend to dump in more Assassin's Creed references, because I love that game. In case you didn't read Taylor's character page on PaW Character Timelines, Taylor bought a [http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] and repaired it for use. I know too many game references are bad but god I love those games!
:*Encryption: That's pretty minor, but maybe I'll follow your suggestion. I used "Omega" just to make it sound cool, as well as being a reference to my still unfinished [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].
:*The robber: Okay.

:And thus, I reply. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::An iphone, as is my understanding, does not require the presence of an Apple network in order to be used as a phone, so it is fully possible that it were still in use/production. If you want an alternate brand though, I believe the PAW Collab mentions something about Linux being the new microsoft so you may be able to come up with something there. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The iPhone does require an AT&T plan, as well as access to the app store. Apple also has a history of locking down their devices, so that they cannot be used to their fullest unless they are illegaly jailbroken. Now if someone more into the open source/Linux community had taken over Apple, the new iPhone could be a linux based device, as well as more open to modification. Such as an encrypted communications application.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 13:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:As it stands this story is set so close to the end of the collapse that there will have been little in the way of technological innovation in regards to "consumer electronics". I can see the jailbreaking applications for the iPhone having become common - hell, I could see someone having broken into Apple's campus and stolen all of their source as having happened. If the source was stolen, then making it available to the public could have happened as well.

:I say that I can see this kind of thing happening and similar because I will not dictate things like that as having occurred. At this point the setting is still growing and details like that will likely be allowed as "canon". As the setting grows more details will get filled in it will become harder for people to add major new facets to the setting. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually, I was thinking of using the iPhone because of its large application database, as well as its functionability (I read in NewsWeek that US snipers use it to calculate bullet drop). The one Taylor has is an upgraded version that the HRM developed for their field operatives. The HRM wasn't affected much by the Collapse, because it's quite a large movement and has a lot of powerful people within to support it. The cell featured in the story is only the Texas cell; many other cells are seeded within the New Confederacy. I can imagine someone in Apple being a member of the HRM and supplying them with the tech as well as the programs and applications specially designed for the Movement. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:04, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|As a hardware platform, the iPhone is very good. I can see that it could have grown into a much more robust device without Apple limiting it. Really, it's just kind of weird to see it called an iPhone in a future setting. I don't know if it should be called something else, but you might need to differentiate it from the iPhone of today.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I'll think about a new name. iPhone 2.0? uPhone? So many possibilities...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

----

I'd just like to ask if anyone would like to express their opinions on the second chapter of the story. And if you were wondering, the two guards are '''not''' dead. I can't have Taylor killing so many people. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 13:36, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

:What can I say? Your action scene works and paints a wonderful picture. The ideas are presented in a clear manner and are written up excellently. And I am enjoying the story and am anxious to see how it works out. When it's done I'll try to give it the kind of critique you have asked for in the past. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 20:45, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

::Yay, this story isn't ending up a wreck! Thanks, ShadowWolf! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 23:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
== On self deprication. ==

{{Green|I'm noticing a trend with us young writers. We seem to think everything we write is, for lack of a better term, complete sh*t. I echo your author's note almost exactly on [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. To quote:

::"Anyways, I don't want to accidentally wreck your carefully crafted world with my bad fanfiction."

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It may mean we are more open to criticism, but it also means that we may be more prone to giving up on a story before giving it a chance.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:05, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:I think I know why. It's because when we (at least just me) read good stories (like Michael Bard's w00t I'm a fan!) we feel that we can't get up to that standard. When we read other stories in the universe we feel that we can't maintain that level of awesomeness. And so, we're terrified that we'll screw up the story universe. As for whether it's a good thing or bad...I think good because small bits of praise make me so happy that I get motivated a lot, but bad because if I don't get any praise or comments I get very demoralized. Queer. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Drake, I thank you for your complements (ears burning and all). But, your comment here frightens me more than anything. I've been afraid for a long time that us "old guard" are scaring off new comers. We're not as inexperienced as you guys because we've been at it longer. The first story I finished that I still have is dated 1983. So, I've been writing for AT LEAST 26 years. So yes, I have gained some skill... :) All of us started out like you new people -- please PLEASE don't be scared off. It just takes time. And, in a bit of morale boosting, let me compare writing learning to painting. It took me 30 years go gain the painting skill I have. There was no internet, no support network. Now I can help new miniature painters reach 90% of my skill in less than a year. Same thing applies for writing -- just ask and everybody I know of will be glad to help. In a short time you too can be up at our level, and then together we can encourage each other to improve more and more. Finally, don't worry about screwing up a universe. The WORST that can happen is that somebody declares your story "non-canon" (hell, I got that done to me in Winds of Change). Big deal. Just write something else then. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 05:40, 12 August 2009 (EDT)

:::Um...''wow''. *grins like little kid* I'm your biggest fan, write something quick! :)
:::Okay, I've calmed down now. Well, thanks for your advice! About getting scared off...Actually, a couple of months ago I was thinking of asking your opinion of a story, but then I read the [[Talk:Unequal Share|talk page]] of [[Unequal Share]] and I got pretty freaked out so I didn't dare to ask. Point taken, especially about screwing up other peoples' story universe. Unfortunately, I take my stories ''very'', '''''very''''' seriously, and I can never write short ones for some reason (they end up a little long), so I can't exactly just write something else. No offense, though. I still get your point.
:::I talked to you, I'm so happy! (I get happy easily)—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 10:46, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
::::EEEP! I can't remember writing that, and I can't believe I did. It is definitely atypical. Not sure what set me off there. Normally I'm not like that. Really. At least I made you happy! :) [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 5:35, 13 August 2009 (EDT)

{{Green|True enough. On a side note, I still haven't read it yet because I'm RPing on one of District 9's Facebook pages. For the uninformed: [[Wikipedia:District_9|District 9]]. The Facebook page is}} [http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=57580949635#/MNUSpreadsLies here].

{{Green|The universe the movie is set in is very interesting, and the fact that the RP is entirely user driven, with no professional posters, even more so. I think I may attempt a short in the universe, but that will probably not show up on shifti.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:31, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:You Facebook? I never really understood the lure of that thing...I'm not much for social networking. I'll probably try to work out my account soon enough. Strange thing, this Facebook. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:56, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It helps to connect to friends that aren't near you, and set up group things, and, as I'm now finding out, it's pretty good for rping as well. This is a [http://www.explosm.net/comics/1137/ facebook]. I don't really want to link to my facebook from shifti, mainly because I don't really want my ident to be publicly known yet.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yeah, I understand. I'm so free with my identity because I feel very trapped, and I only find understanding online in people like you. But if you want to add me (on MSN, not Facebook, I don't use the latter), you're welcome to do so (drake_halounity[at]hotmail[dot]com)...I'm lonely 'cos nobody I know in real life is actually interested in this sorta thing as well. Just don't send me viruses...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I masked your email to prevent spamming, and added you to my contacts list. I'll email/message you at a later time. You might also hop onto the #Transformations irc network. It's full of like minded individuals.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:27, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah...I see both you and Lloyd did it before me. I was about to delete the address by today. Thanks anyway, especially for adding. As for IRC...I dunno how to use it. From what I've gathered, I need to have some program. I'll see if I can download it and get online, but for now I'm busy working on this story. That and my exams. Once again, thanks you two! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 06:58, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

::IRC is just an online group chat. You join a server, and you join a channel, and you talk to others. Lots of programs are available. The one I use is mIRC [http://www.mirc.com/]. The two main servers from Shifti's POV are irc.lapinia.org and irc.anthrochat.net. Lapinia is where Shadowwolf lurks -- usually in the #transformations channel. The other "big" writing channel on lapinia is #MKGuild for writers in the Metamor Keep universe. On anthrochat, got to #TheZoo. Rabbit/Phil Geusz lurks there. I'm on all the channels, Jon Sleeper is on #transformations and #TheZoo, etc. Between those two channels you can find almost anybody from around here. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 05:45, 12 August 2009 (EDT)

:::Wow...I never really used the IRC before; all those Internet safety people always condemn it when they do speeches in school. Maybe I'll check it out one of these days, but first I'll do some investigation first. Still, thanks for the info. :)—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 10:46, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

::::I've always tried to use an IRC but I haven't a clue how to log on to one and I've never found any actual directions XD. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:55, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

:::::Yeah, I never understood it either. IMs are a lot easier to use. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 23:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

::::::IRC was the first cross-system way to chat. Prior to the invention of IRC there were single-system talk systems (like the venerable 'talk' and 'write' commands on Posix systems) and e-mail. It is also a "many to many" system—meaning that everything except private-message type chats are seen by everyone.

::::::For good information on using IRC see [http://irchelp.org irchelp.org]—their [http://irchelp.org/irchelp/irctutorial.html tutorial] is extremely helpful. You can find a lot of names you'll recognize from Shifti on irc.lapinia.org in the channel #transformations and other names you'll recognize (in general) on irc.anthrochat.net in the channel #TheZoo.

::::::Please note that any warnings you have heard about IRC are true for the larger networks (DALnet, EFnet, UnderNet, etc...) and on smaller networks you should be similarly careful, though the danger is quite a bit less. It is like comparing small towns that don't have a major crime in decades to a city where major crimes happen multiple times a day. The solution is for everyone to be equally careful—stay behind the nickname and don't give out personal details until you are certain you can trust a person. (And even then... don't give out that kind of trust too easily) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 23:29, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

== I'm back guys! ==

{{Green|Did you miss me?

I'm ready for collaboration and such, just let me know when you want to get together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:39, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

:Great to hear that you're back. I won't be up for a collab for a while, because I've fallen into a bit of block regarding the section before the conversation we'll be doing. Not to mention the exam period I'm fending off right now. Still, I'll contact you when I'm ready. Thanks for the offer, anyway. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:27, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:ShadowWolf

2009-08-17T13:15:32Z

WolfyDrake95: Just dropping a heads-up.

how do you delete a page that has no content? I've had to modify a title of a story page and removed it's content, but the title still appears on my author page.
:Please sign with the <nowiki>~~~~</nowiki> - but generally you have to remove all content and then kill any links to it you've made. That'll "orphan" it and then an admin can go and do the actual delete. [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 15:43, 3 October 2007 (EDT)
:Page deleted, Oberon. (Recent Edits is a wonderful tool!) - in the future, though, please sign all entries on a talk page using the <nowiki>~~~~</nowiki> specifier - it's what gives the nifty user link and timestamp. (and in requests for deletion, could you please include the page name ?) [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 15:48, 3 October 2007 (EDT)

==Sitenotice text==

Where did you put the text for the donation sitenotice? Normally it'd be at [[MediaWiki:Sitenotice]], but I'm assuming since it's not there you've inserted it into the source code somewhere. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 20:46, 3 January 2008 (EST)

Never mind, I found it - MonoBook.php, right? I should move it out of that and into sitenotice, it won't appear for anyone who's using a different skin otherwise. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 21:01, 3 January 2008 (EST)

:Didn't know about the Sitenotice bit, so yeah, I did a bit of hacking and dumped it straight into the code from the primary skin. I actually had thought about dumping it directly into the Skin driver, but decided not to. — [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 21:08, 3 January 2008 (EST)

:There, fixed up. I pulled the code from the source and added a version to the [[Mediawiki:Sitenotice]]. "A Version" because I had to use the same custom tag I created for [[Shifti:Site support]] to do the button. (PayPal kinda requires it be a form with a crapload of hidden fields) — [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 21:16, 3 January 2008 (EST)

::Heh. I was just working on that myself. Good to know I was on the right track. :) [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 21:20, 3 January 2008 (EST)
::This is odd. It appears that integral.org is in the spam protection filter, I can't save [[Main Page]] now. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 21:37, 3 January 2008 (EST)

:::Not in any of the spamfilters I installed. It's not in the central MediaWiki list or in the site-specific list. I'll look deeper. — [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 22:00, 3 January 2008 (EST)
:::[[Special:Version]] doesn't have any spam-blockers besides [http://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Extension:SpamBlacklist SpamBlacklist] and none of its lists have "integral" anywhere in them. So I don't know what the problem could be... Everything I've installed is hacked to not bug people that are in the Admin group about '''''ANYTHING''''', so I'm at a loss as to what the problem could be. — [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 22:04, 3 January 2008 (EST)

::::Well, whatever the problem was, it seems to have passed. I should have saved a copy of the error message but I suppose it's moot if it doesn't come back. BTW, I hope you don't mind the little tweaks I made to the sitenotice banner. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 23:38, 3 January 2008 (EST)

:::::Nah, it works. And I've reverted the changes I made, since it wasn't the cause of Felix's problem. He saw the Captcha, but apparently either 1) Didn't know what it was or 2) Couldn't read it. So I've just gone and given the "Author" permissions group a Captcha exception. — [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 23:49, 3 January 2008 (EST)

What do you think of the notion of putting a progress bar in the donation request, as demonstrated in [[Shifti:Sandbox]]? Wikipedia does it that way, and it might give people more incentive to donate in order to get rid of the banner. :) [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 01:23, 4 January 2008 (EST)

:That's pretty nifty. Maybe have the bar in red, though :) [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 01:30, 4 January 2008 (EST)

::There, added a color parameter. Red's a bit garish, though, maybe something a bit more pastel? [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 01:43, 4 January 2008 (EST)

:I hate that banner!! It offends me, I must destroy it by donating! *snicker* :)

--[[User:Devin|Devin]] 23:59, 4 January 2008 (EST)

== Broken Discussion pages and Captcha errors ==

Not sure what's going on. When I click on the Discussion link on a page that doesn't have a discussion, it takes me direct to that page's edit frame (NOT the Discussion page), and I seem to have full edit rights on it. Something seems to have gone wonky along the way.

Pre-existing Talk pages seem to work fine (as evidenced here), though when I was trying to post it gave me an "out of captcha" error (When I tried to post it on the Current Events page that is.).

Oh and for the TF Types, you may want to add "Plant" (for TF's that are not animal based, but not quite Dryad based for the mythical category), and "Inanimate" (and maybe even Robotization or however you want to classify it).

I'm not quite sure if inanimate would be good enough as a catchall for a "living material' type TF (think X-Men's Colossus, and Ice Man, who turn into living steel and living ice respectively), or if we might want another type for that as well.

--[[User:Jetfire|Jetfire]] 13:33, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

:I'm working on this, but apparently the 'title' parameter isn't being properly set. When it's a red-link PHP is getting a URL that looks like 'index.php?title=XXX?title=XXX_talk&action=edit&redlink=1' and it's seeing that first 'title=' and not the second one. I'm trying to figure out how to solve that.
:--[[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 15:26, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

::Turned out to have several causes, all related to various problems with a code upgrade and several other problems that cropped up. Since I have yet to see this problem re-occur, I'm going to call it 'fixed'. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 20:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

== Story submission captcha? ==

I just went to post a new story and after I hit the 'save page' button, it took me to an edit screen that had:
Your edit includes new external links. To help protect against automated spam, please enter the words that appear below in the box
at the top. I looked and looked again and couldn't find any external links in my story. In fact there was no markup at all once I removed all the tab-indention on the paragraphs.

I'm all for automated systems blocking automated systems, but this sort of struck me as odd. -- [[User:Leasara|Leasara]] 08:01, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

:The regular expressions might have triggered on a non-link URL. But I cannot be certain, as this is the first report I've seen of it. (and sorry for the lag in the response) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 20:33, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Also, as long as I'm bugging you guys, any chance of getting an inverted color scheme skin? Dark text on a light background seems to be more difficult for me to read for any length of time than light text on a dark background. -- [[User:Leasara|Leasara]] 08:10, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

:The new 'shiftimin' skin took a while to get fully functional, but you could, likely, use "user CSS" to get the same result. Give me a bit of time and I'll see if I can get a "map" together for the CSS behind the "monobook" skin so you can override it easily. Alternatively you could poke at the CSS yourself, but...
:There is a page giving a minimal explanation of CSS at [[Help:Custom css]] and we have a page open to user additions about CSS hacks at [[Custom CSS Hacks]]. I've been planning to do up a page explaining the various classes of the primary 'MonoBook' skin for a while. Guess it's about time to actually get to work on that. (and again, sorry for the lag in the response) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 20:33, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

== Question ==
...from a nubcake guy. Just asking, is a story allowed to be set in a video game universe ([http://halo.wikia.com/The_Halo_Universe Halo]: w00t!)? 'Cos I wanna write a TF story set in there, but I'm not too sure if this is allowed on Shifti. Hope it's yes, 'cos it's already in progress. Thanks! --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]]
:We have no restrictions on fan-fiction, but if we receive a take-down notice it will be removed. (I run the server and would be the one facing the legal actions - so I will not fight a DMCA notice unless I am certain it is invalid) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 13:54, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
::Great! Well, I'm pretty sure Bungie, the copyright holder, encourages fan fic, so I think it's ok...Note "I think". I'm not sure how they'd react to TF fan fic. Thanks for confirming (and once again for the fave I can't tell you how much that means to me)! :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]]
:::Most companies are open to fan-fic, because it helps with the popularity of their product. And you got the "fav" because I saw real promise in the original and in your willingness to take constructive criticism. Every other author in my "new authors to watch" section has shown the same promise, though they haven't all been available to take the constructive criticism that could be offered. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 20:24, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Hi there! This is the noob writer, Drake, again, here for a fresh wave of bother-the-administrator. Sorry to bother you, but here I am. Bothering you. Anyway, I was hoping you could help critique my new story, [[User:WolfyDrake95/Finding Himself|Finding Himself]], which I uploaded a couple of days ago. I got comments from Guvnor of Space and Concerned Reader, but I thought I'd ask for your opinion since you were the only one who seemed actually care about my first, and admittedly not-so-good, story. I do hope you can drop a critique and a comment to help me improve.

The above was an email that I sent to you but received no reply for. And also, about the fanfic that this section was initially about: can I upload screenshots? Halo features a Theatre mode in which one can take screenshots of players or NPCs, so I think I could use screenshots to illustrate characters, etc. Anyway, thanks for reading so far! :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]], 23:43, 27 June 2009

:Hey there, ShadowWolf, it's Drake again. Hope you could look through my [[User:WolfyDrake95/Letting Go|new story]], in case you haven't noticed. Yea, it's not very good, and it took a strange direction halfway through writing (becoming all wierd and sappy), but I hope it would merit, at least, a critic. Of course, if you're too busy, it's okay, I'm fine with that. I'm pretty sure critiqueing new writers isn't exactly the only thing you do ;).

:And by the way, if creating new info tags were possible, a "Critique Requested" one might be more effective in garnering critiques than the "Comment" tag that's provided. And in regards to my Halo-fanfic, is it okay if I put screenshots from in-game to illustrate? It'd be useful for people to understand what I'm saying, since Halo isn't as well known as Star Wars. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:48, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sadly I'm going to have to decline a critique on that story. I have tried reading it and found that it did not interest me, sorry.

::As to the images... I am unsure about this, as there is content in the texture-maps and such that will wind up as part of the image that are copyright MS/Bungie. However... This would appear to be a case covered by the "Fair Use" exceptions, so unless a lawyer that uses Shifti can answer otherwise, go ahead and upload.

::The 'critique requested' template itself should be easy. I'll have to see about that at some point today. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 16:35, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

:::All right, I understand if you don't want to critique. I do know that this isn't exactly my best story...I suppose every writer has times when he writes bad. Just that I get these times more often. I sorta knew it was already bad, but I guess I needed someone to tell me that it was lousy, right to my face. Ah well.

:::As for the pictures, thanks! And for the template, another thanks. You're one hell of an admin! --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:10, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::::It's not that it isn't a good story, Drake. The problem is that when I tried reading it I was not able to get more than a few paragraphs in before I said "this is depressing"—I do not read anything that I can say that about because I suffer from bipolar disorder. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:41, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::::Um...then I guess I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. And yeah, I guess I shouldn't write so many depressing stories; it certainly gets a little boring after a while, and I suppose you're right in that when people read stories, they probably won't like those that make them all depressed. I should put a warning on that story one of these days! Anyway, I think I should start on my more normal stories soon.
::::I don't know what to say about that last bit of what you said because I'm just a kid, and I'm not very smart and I'm terrified that I'll say something insensitive or insulting or whatever. I do that a lot of times, and the people on the receiving end tend to take offense. Sorry.
::::On the upside, I'm thinking of writing a PaW story soon. It's a cool story setting, the Pig and Whistle. Looks like a good setting for assassinations!
::::Still, thanks for taking the time to clarify the issue. I suddenly feel happy. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 13:02, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:::::I don't offend easily—and if you ever do, you'll know it. Depressing stories can be good, too, but I stay away from them for medical reasons—bipolar disorder means I have massive mood swings and reading depressing stuff just feeds into that. There have been several times when I've read something really depressing and it had a very bad impact on me.
:::::On another note… You are a lot more intelligent and mature than most of the "kids" these days (IMNSHO). Most "kids" these days have almost no idea how to put a sentence together and you are one of the few that I have run into that can take criticism.
:::::As to a PaW story… The setting was created, as it says in the description and rules, as a "reboot" of the "Tales from the Blind Pig" setting. Within the last couple of years the "Blind Pig" setting has had numerous arguments over what is and is not "canon" between authors who have seen the setting grow and contributed and people just finding the setting. Because the creator has left it behind it has become something of a "lawless waste" with no real controls and people changing it from what the creator said is actually the reality of the setting. To solve this and make the setting much more internally consistent I asked around and a small group formed to generate the new setting. There is a lot more to the setting than has been revealed or is likely to be openly revealed to anyone anytime soon.
:::::And we tried to define only what was needed to give the setting its own identity so that the people actually interested in writing a story set there could create the setting itself. We only ask that you not set the story outside of the NAR/RoT/Quebec area unless you are actually from that other area. The reason for that is simply that we wish to allow people from those other regions to have control over what, exactly, happened to their regions after the collapse. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 13:45, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Well Wolfy is from Singapore, so he could open up that side of the world. On a side note, all 14-19 year olds I know on the internet have trouble with basic grammar and spelling when talking normally, so I wouldn't quite call your writing juvenile.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:29, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Well, actually Singapore is pretty boring. Nothing's really cool or fun here (maybe I'm just used to it?), and society feels very...suppressed. There's no space for individuality. If you try to be yourself, you get mocked and stuff (like when my friends discovered that I was on Shifti). Bad story material. And as for deciding what happens to my region...I dunno. Best I don't, I have terrible imagination and my mind only circles around video games that I play.
:If I might refer you to the [[User_talk:WolfyDrake95/Letting Go|talk page]] of Letting Go, you'll find the rough plan of this PaW story.
:As for my writing, I won't deny that I'm very, very proud of it (my downfall), which is why I hurt a lot sometimes when criticized without knowing why (thus why I seemed so upset when I replied to ShadowWolf's declination). I also have a somewhat existant superiority complex (I got really jealous when ShadowWolf commented that Rabbit was impressed by CR's Rebuilding. Puberty? I dunno.)
:Even though I know I'm not that good a writer, I like to think that I write depressing stories because of my "painful experiences in life". Actually, it's because I read a lot of Michael Bard's work (both the sad ones and the happy ones). Both of which are awesome, by the way. I'll admit that I'm a fan of his. <3
:Oh, and thanks for the compliments, you two. I can feel my ego swelling already. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:54, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

== RSS Feed? ==

Not sure if there's much you can do about this or if I'm using it wrong or expecting the wrong things. But I've signed up for the RSS feed on Shifti, and I'm not only getting the new changes soon after they occur, but I also get a bunch of changes that were already reported to me, often multiple times.
--[[User:Jetfire|Jetfire]] 11:46, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

:That's the way the RSS feed works. It works similar to how the 'Recent Changes' page works by default. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 16:25, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

:: True but it seems to be picking up changes it has already reported that haven't had any actual new changes done. For example, when Bryan was adding/updating the separator graphics, the RSS feed repeated it twice for each change he did, and that seems to happen a lot.
::--[[User:Jetfire|Jetfire]] 17:54, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

:::I'd look closer - there were, in most cases, two files uploaded/updated - and yes, there is a bug somewhere in the system that is double-logging some events. I haven't been able to track that one down, though. It's about time to take a look and see if there is a new version of the code available, however, so I can see if an upgrade fixes the problem. (Most notably it is the new-user stuff that gets double-logged, but I have no idea how this is impacting the RSS feed) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 18:37, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

:::: I meant that as a general example thouhg; not that in particular.

:::: Another example, I just got an RSS update now. I've been watching the feeds and had no recent updates from Shifti since this morning whence I'd gotten Jon's latest update and a few hours. The update I JUST got says there are 8 new changes, including Jon's After Hours addition again, Wolfy's New world addition and 4 entries for the RSS Feed discussion. (Despite this being the 4th entry now). All of the entries have a time of 4:03PM ADT. --[[User:Jetfire|Jetfire]] 19:21, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

::::: Odd... And I'm not really that knowledgeable about the MediaWiki code-base (yes, I can hack on it, but...) I have a feeling that the problem lies in how the system works. I think that it might be compiling a list of all changes within a certain period and sending it out. And if it isn't keeping a proper time-stamp on the items, that is a violation of the RSS spec, IIRC - since it is then pushing out duplicates without a way for readers to determine that with any degree of certainty. I'll sign up to the RSS feed myself and see if I can track the problem. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 19:39, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: Okay - I've got my client signed up to the RSS feed for the [[Special:RecentChanges|Recent changes]] page. Let's see what this edit does... -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 22:33, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: Now I've seen the problem and it sucks. That one previous edit led to a major flood of '31 new edits' in my feed reader. Looks like I was right - it isn't properly date-tagging the entries. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 22:35, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: Looked at the raw XML of the feed and it doesn't look like there is an error in it - though there might be. Let me go take a look at the RSS specs to see if I can figure out what is missing and/or not being set properly. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 22:39, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: Ooooh... I think I just found the cause. Apparently the feed is claiming to be RSS 2.0 but it isn't putting a stable <guid/> tag on any of the entries. This tag is the method by which most RSS readers decide whether an item is new or not. The feed here does not have them. This is probably an oversight on the part of the person that wrote the code, but I cannot say. I'm going to go check Wikipedia to see if they have it there - because if they don't then the only reason that feeds of Wikipedia aren't getting overwhelmed is because of the volume of edits there. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 22:48, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: Changed it to include the link-url as a guid - it should be genuinely unique to a specific page revision. Lets see if this fixes the problem... -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 23:16, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: Okay - I give up (for now) - because that last edit showed up with a massive number of others and the added <guid> tag doesn't seem to have helped any. Unless, of course, those <guid/> tags need a bit to start showing up... I really don't know. Might be time for me to look into cleaning out the cache table of the database. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 23:20, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: And that looks like it did do it after all. Bug report being marked CLOSED/RESOLVED. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 23:22, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: Bug not completely resolved. On restart my RSS client has shown a singularly massive flood of repeated messages. This does not make sense to me, as it was not doing this during the testing yesterday - and I am willing to bet it will not show such action today. However it might be that the text I am using to generate the data for the GUID tag is not as stable as I once thought - this bothers me and makes me think I might have to go much deeper into the code for changes. Perhaps as deep as altering the 'feed item' class so that it requires the actual ID of the revision so that said ID can be used for the GUID. --[[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:39, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
::::: Sadly... It looks like utilizing the Date of the edit might be the only way to uniquely identify them - in combination with the page title, that is. However, I shall not be making those changes at this time. What I shall be doing is finding a way to interact with another developer so that I can be certain this will permanently and fully squash this bug. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:48, 30 May 2009 (UTC)

: Not sure what's going on, but the problem seems to be cropping up again. I've gotten RSS feeds telling me of changes that I've already gotten before (and before and before)... --[[User:Jetfire|Jetfire]] 17:52, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

::Has to do with how the URL's are generated. Since I'm using the URL as the GUID, it looks like there is a periodic shift in them. I have zero clue how to fix it, because I'd have to come up with something that is genuinely unique as an identifier, and I can't think of anything that would work there. (at least, nothing that is actually available to the feed generator) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 18:15, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

== ShiftiMin-related stuff ==

I expect to be poking at the new theme with sharp sticks during the [[TSA-Bash]] anyways, but in the meantime I discovered (largely by happenstance) that if you're not logged in, there's no "log in / create account" link in ShiftiMin! I'd say that's a bug - unless we want to become a really exclusive club. ;) 
Looking pretty decent otherwise; we just need to figure out how to handle the menu organization. (Plus about eleventy billion other pet peeves with which I intend to drive you TOTALLY BATS**T INSANE. Mua ha ha.) --[[User:Viqsi|Viqsi]] 15:30, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

:I thought I'd gotten that bug (GAH! Must be related to me changing the user-options bits to a drop-down from the long list it was)
:Since Shiftimin does not work on versions of IE prior to 8 without a massive javascript hack it is not meant to be used as the primary skin for Shifti. This means that the 'missing login/create link' is a very low priority bug.
:I am currently poking at ideas for another design that is as (or more) minimalistic but is also designed to take full advantage of modern browsers CSS3 support and HTML5. That redesign is not public yet, since it is currently little more than an image in the GIMP.
:Oh, and I already am 'TOTALLY BATS**T INSANE' - I just hide it well. So driving me there is a very short trip... And... If you have any ideas at all for changes, just dump them here. I'll get on top of the ones that are fast/easy to implement immediately.
:And if you have Fx3.5 available, look at Shifti using the Shiftimin skin. All kinds of nifty little hacks I've added that target it. (Okay, so they could probably target Safari/WebKit and Konqueror/KHTML as well... but I'm not going to try and support all the alternative browsers until they agree on the format for the CSS. And Opera '''STILL''' does not support even the 'border-radius' property or the 'box-shadow' or 'text-shadow' properties)
:--[[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 16:02, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey there, ShadowWolf. Just poking in here to point out what seems to be a bug. The SiteSearch function isn't working; I believe it has something to do with the server crash and tech replacement the other day. If I click the Search button it shows

:A database query syntax error has occurred. This may indicate a bug in the software. The last attempted database query was:
::SELECT page_id, page_namespace, page_title FROM `shifti_page`,`shifti_searchindex` WHERE page_id=si_page AND MATCH(si_title) AGAINST('' IN BOOLEAN MODE) AND page_is_redirect=0 AND page_namespace IN ('0','1','2','3','4','5','6','7','12','13','14','15') LIMIT 20
:from within function "". MySQL returned error "145: Table './shifti/shifti_searchindex' is marked as crashed and should be repaired (malfoy)".
I guess this isn't normal, but I'm also guessing that you might have already noticed. Anyway, sorry that I can't donate. I don't have PayPal or MasterCard or anything. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 13:15, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
== Redirects ==

Just a heads-up, I noticed that [[PAW General TimeLine]] was linked to from [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. I didn't check all the redirects so there might be others. In general I think it's best not to delete redirects left behind by page moves, especially not when the redirect's name still accurately reflects the content it's redirecting to - even if you fix all the internal links there's still the possibility that other pages out on the web point there. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 06:01, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-14T23:16:08Z

WolfyDrake95: Replies and thanks

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-14T13:37:22Z

WolfyDrake95: Error!

==Storyline Discussion==
{{Green|ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. '''SPOILER WARNING!!!'''

:'''Price in Blood'''—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's [[Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart]], but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.

:Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.

:The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.

:Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.

:This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
:If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
:PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a [[The_Fool_in_the_Fox|story.]]

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
::And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST [http://www.halo.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on [[Talk:Rebuilding|rebuilding]]. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:

::“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”

::“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of ''them''—”

::“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”

::Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they ''killed'' your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”

::Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I ''never'' forgot, and I ''never'' will.”

:Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Sounds like a plan.}}--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

::'''ADDITION'''Hey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. ''Teefer'' is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does [[The Fool in the Fox]] take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
:—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and could somebody enlighten me as to the kind of symptoms Blowtorch Fever causes? I'm only sure of the high fever and the cravings; the PaW page only listed those. Are there any others? Thanks. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:29, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|And I'm back in town. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'll do that tonight. On Blowtorch, It only causes cravings if TFORS is also contracted, otherwise it's just a very deadly fever.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:'Kay. Thanks a lot! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Here is a clock for Texas,}} [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=24 timeanddate.com]. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:And [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=236 here] is mine! So that we can sync up to a time where we can meet online for the dialog. Maybe next weekend, around eleven pm (Singapore time). Meanwhile I'll work on a list of what I need the conversation to cover. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
==Comments and Critique==
Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I just started reading it, and it's looking pretty good so far. Though you might want to start using pronouns at some point...}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I have now finished the story in it's current posted form, and must say it is a very good start. A couple of notes:

*You mention that the phone is an iPhone, and I'm not sure if Apple would have survived the collapse, much the same way that Microsoft didn't. We might want to come up with a new mobile device that everyone uses, Otherwise it's hard to tell that the story takes place in the future. Blind Pig had this present future problem pretty bad.
*You don't seem to have any paragraphs. Everything is on a new line, and it makes it a bit difficult to read on a wide-screen monitor.
*The steak house should have a proper name, Such as "The County Line," "Rudy's," or "The Salt Lick." Which are all, coincidentally, real BBQ joints in Austin.
*Your Texas accents aren't too bad. At the very least, they don't portray Texans as idiots.
**"Doubt this killer’ll dare to show his face ‘round these parts when the Rangers are here." might be changed to "..parts with the Rangers in town."
*You drop a lot of Halo cameos in your stories. You might want to tone it down a bit, but that's more of a personal choice.
**In this case, the 99D-S2AM sniper rifle is very loud, and very evident as to where the bullet has come from due to the tracer in every round. You might look up some real world sniper rifles that are more anti-personnel and quiet.
*on the Encryption code: This isn't necessary, but for an added level of realism, you could research [[Wikipedia:Public Key|Public Key]] cryptography, and change it from Delta to a public key that they would use.
*On the robber: There are a lot of drunk, homeless, and/or bad people in east Austin, so you might set the Hotel there.

And that's all I could find right now. Keep up the good work.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Thanks for the praise! As for your comments...
:*About the iPhone, it's mainly because I can't think of anything else. If one of the creators of PaW would step up and offer a nifty new brand, I wouldn't mind changing.
:*Paragraphing: I noticed that too, so maybe I'll switch to double-spacing between paragraphs. I use short paragraphs because it emphasizes suspense (I think).
:*Naming the steak house: Got it.
:*Texas accents: I worried that it would be offensive as I hate steorotypes. My bad.
:*Halo cameos: Right. Maybe I'll change it to a AWC (Arctic Warfare Covert). And, if you didn't notice, they're a lot more Halo references, like the Seventh Pillar Hotel is a ref. to the Seventh Column Bungie fangroup (Column is something like Pillar), and how the numbers of all the times add up to [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Seven seven]. And I intend to dump in more Assassin's Creed references, because I love that game. In case you didn't read Taylor's character page on PaW Character Timelines, Taylor bought a [http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] and repaired it for use. I know too many game references are bad but god I love those games!
:*Encryption: That's pretty minor, but maybe I'll follow your suggestion. I used "Omega" just to make it sound cool, as well as being a reference to my still unfinished [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].
:*The robber: Okay.

:And thus, I reply. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::An iphone, as is my understanding, does not require the presence of an Apple network in order to be used as a phone, so it is fully possible that it were still in use/production. If you want an alternate brand though, I believe the PAW Collab mentions something about Linux being the new microsoft so you may be able to come up with something there. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The iPhone does require an AT&T plan, as well as access to the app store. Apple also has a history of locking down their devices, so that they cannot be used to their fullest unless they are illegaly jailbroken. Now if someone more into the open source/Linux community had taken over Apple, the new iPhone could be a linux based device, as well as more open to modification. Such as an encrypted communications application.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 13:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:As it stands this story is set so close to the end of the collapse that there will have been little in the way of technological innovation in regards to "consumer electronics". I can see the jailbreaking applications for the iPhone having become common - hell, I could see someone having broken into Apple's campus and stolen all of their source as having happened. If the source was stolen, then making it available to the public could have happened as well.

:I say that I can see this kind of thing happening and similar because I will not dictate things like that as having occurred. At this point the setting is still growing and details like that will likely be allowed as "canon". As the setting grows more details will get filled in it will become harder for people to add major new facets to the setting. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually, I was thinking of using the iPhone because of its large application database, as well as its functionability (I read in NewsWeek that US snipers use it to calculate bullet drop). The one Taylor has is an upgraded version that the HRM developed for their field operatives. The HRM wasn't affected much by the Collapse, because it's quite a large movement and has a lot of powerful people within to support it. The cell featured in the story is only the Texas cell; many other cells are seeded within the New Confederacy. I can imagine someone in Apple being a member of the HRM and supplying them with the tech as well as the programs and applications specially designed for the Movement. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:04, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|As a hardware platform, the iPhone is very good. I can see that it could have grown into a much more robust device without Apple limiting it. Really, it's just kind of weird to see it called an iPhone in a future setting. I don't know if it should be called something else, but you might need to differentiate it from the iPhone of today.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I'll think about a new name. iPhone 2.0? uPhone? So many possibilities...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

----

I'd just like to ask if anyone would like to express their opinions on the second chapter of the story. And if you were wondering, the two guards are '''not''' dead. I can't have Taylor killing so many people. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 13:36, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

== On self deprication. ==

{{Green|I'm noticing a trend with us young writers. We seem to think everything we write is, for lack of a better term, complete sh*t. I echo your author's note almost exactly on [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. To quote:

::"Anyways, I don't want to accidentally wreck your carefully crafted world with my bad fanfiction."

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It may mean we are more open to criticism, but it also means that we may be more prone to giving up on a story before giving it a chance.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:05, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:I think I know why. It's because when we (at least just me) read good stories (like Michael Bard's w00t I'm a fan!) we feel that we can't get up to that standard. When we read other stories in the universe we feel that we can't maintain that level of awesomeness. And so, we're terrified that we'll screw up the story universe. As for whether it's a good thing or bad...I think good because small bits of praise make me so happy that I get motivated a lot, but bad because if I don't get any praise or comments I get very demoralized. Queer. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Drake, I thank you for your complements (ears burning and all). But, your comment here frightens me more than anything. I've been afraid for a long time that us "old guard" are scaring off new comers. We're not as inexperienced as you guys because we've been at it longer. The first story I finished that I still have is dated 1983. So, I've been writing for AT LEAST 26 years. So yes, I have gained some skill... :) All of us started out like you new people -- please PLEASE don't be scared off. It just takes time. And, in a bit of morale boosting, let me compare writing learning to painting. It took me 30 years go gain the painting skill I have. There was no internet, no support network. Now I can help new miniature painters reach 90% of my skill in less than a year. Same thing applies for writing -- just ask and everybody I know of will be glad to help. In a short time you too can be up at our level, and then together we can encourage each other to improve more and more. Finally, don't worry about screwing up a universe. The WORST that can happen is that somebody declares your story "non-canon" (hell, I got that done to me in Winds of Change). Big deal. Just write something else then. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 05:40, 12 August 2009 (EDT)

:::Um...''wow''. *grins like little kid* I'm your biggest fan, write something quick! :)
:::Okay, I've calmed down now. Well, thanks for your advice! About getting scared off...Actually, a couple of months ago I was thinking of asking your opinion of a story, but then I read the [[Talk:Unequal Share|talk page]] of [[Unequal Share]] and I got pretty freaked out so I didn't dare to ask. Point taken, especially about screwing up other peoples' story universe. Unfortunately, I take my stories ''very'', '''''very''''' seriously, and I can never write short ones for some reason (they end up a little long), so I can't exactly just write something else. No offense, though. I still get your point.
:::I talked to you, I'm so happy! (I get happy easily)—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 10:46, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
::::EEEP! I can't remember writing that, and I can't believe I did. It is definitely atypical. Not sure what set me off there. Normally I'm not like that. Really. At least I made you happy! :) [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 5:35, 13 August 2009 (EDT)

{{Green|True enough. On a side note, I still haven't read it yet because I'm RPing on one of District 9's Facebook pages. For the uninformed: [[Wikipedia:District_9|District 9]]. The Facebook page is}} [http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=57580949635#/MNUSpreadsLies here].

{{Green|The universe the movie is set in is very interesting, and the fact that the RP is entirely user driven, with no professional posters, even more so. I think I may attempt a short in the universe, but that will probably not show up on shifti.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:31, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:You Facebook? I never really understood the lure of that thing...I'm not much for social networking. I'll probably try to work out my account soon enough. Strange thing, this Facebook. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:56, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It helps to connect to friends that aren't near you, and set up group things, and, as I'm now finding out, it's pretty good for rping as well. This is a [http://www.explosm.net/comics/1137/ facebook]. I don't really want to link to my facebook from shifti, mainly because I don't really want my ident to be publicly known yet.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yeah, I understand. I'm so free with my identity because I feel very trapped, and I only find understanding online in people like you. But if you want to add me (on MSN, not Facebook, I don't use the latter), you're welcome to do so (drake_halounity[at]hotmail[dot]com)...I'm lonely 'cos nobody I know in real life is actually interested in this sorta thing as well. Just don't send me viruses...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I masked your email to prevent spamming, and added you to my contacts list. I'll email/message you at a later time. You might also hop onto the #Transformations irc network. It's full of like minded individuals.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:27, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah...I see both you and Lloyd did it before me. I was about to delete the address by today. Thanks anyway, especially for adding. As for IRC...I dunno how to use it. From what I've gathered, I need to have some program. I'll see if I can download it and get online, but for now I'm busy working on this story. That and my exams. Once again, thanks you two! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 06:58, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

::IRC is just an online group chat. You join a server, and you join a channel, and you talk to others. Lots of programs are available. The one I use is mIRC [http://www.mirc.com/]. The two main servers from Shifti's POV are irc.lapinia.org and irc.anthrochat.net. Lapinia is where Shadowwolf lurks -- usually in the #transformations channel. The other "big" writing channel on lapinia is #MKGuild for writers in the Metamor Keep universe. On anthrochat, got to #TheZoo. Rabbit/Phil Geusz lurks there. I'm on all the channels, Jon Sleeper is on #transformations and #TheZoo, etc. Between those two channels you can find almost anybody from around here. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 05:45, 12 August 2009 (EDT)

:::Wow...I never really used the IRC before; all those Internet safety people always condemn it when they do speeches in school. Maybe I'll check it out one of these days, but first I'll do some investigation first. Still, thanks for the info. :)—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 10:46, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-14T13:36:23Z

WolfyDrake95: /* Comments and Critique */ Encouraging people to comment

==Storyline Discussion==
{{Green|ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. '''SPOILER WARNING!!!'''

:'''Price in Blood'''—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's [[Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart]], but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.

:Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.

:The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.

:Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.

:This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
:If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
:PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a [[The_Fool_in_the_Fox|story.]]

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
::And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST [http://www.halo.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on [[Talk:Rebuilding|rebuilding]]. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:

::“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”

::“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of ''them''—”

::“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”

::Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they ''killed'' your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”

::Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I ''never'' forgot, and I ''never'' will.”

:Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Sounds like a plan.}}--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

::'''ADDITION'''Hey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. ''Teefer'' is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does [[The Fool in the Fox]] take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
:—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and could somebody enlighten me as to the kind of symptoms Blowtorch Fever causes? I'm only sure of the high fever and the cravings; the PaW page only listed those. Are there any others? Thanks. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:29, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|And I'm back in town. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'll do that tonight. On Blowtorch, It only causes cravings if TFORS is also contracted, otherwise it's just a very deadly fever.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:'Kay. Thanks a lot! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Here is a clock for Texas,}} [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=24 timeanddate.com]. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:And [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=236 here] is mine! So that we can sync up to a time where we can meet online for the dialog. Maybe next weekend, around eleven pm (Singapore time). Meanwhile I'll work on a list of what I need the conversation to cover. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
==Comments and Critique==
Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I just started reading it, and it's looking pretty good so far. Though you might want to start using pronouns at some point...}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I have now finished the story in it's current posted form, and must say it is a very good start. A couple of notes:

*You mention that the phone is an iPhone, and I'm not sure if Apple would have survived the collapse, much the same way that Microsoft didn't. We might want to come up with a new mobile device that everyone uses, Otherwise it's hard to tell that the story takes place in the future. Blind Pig had this present future problem pretty bad.
*You don't seem to have any paragraphs. Everything is on a new line, and it makes it a bit difficult to read on a wide-screen monitor.
*The steak house should have a proper name, Such as "The County Line," "Rudy's," or "The Salt Lick." Which are all, coincidentally, real BBQ joints in Austin.
*Your Texas accents aren't too bad. At the very least, they don't portray Texans as idiots.
**"Doubt this killer’ll dare to show his face ‘round these parts when the Rangers are here." might be changed to "..parts with the Rangers in town."
*You drop a lot of Halo cameos in your stories. You might want to tone it down a bit, but that's more of a personal choice.
**In this case, the 99D-S2AM sniper rifle is very loud, and very evident as to where the bullet has come from due to the tracer in every round. You might look up some real world sniper rifles that are more anti-personnel and quiet.
*on the Encryption code: This isn't necessary, but for an added level of realism, you could research [[Wikipedia:Public Key|Public Key]] cryptography, and change it from Delta to a public key that they would use.
*On the robber: There are a lot of drunk, homeless, and/or bad people in east Austin, so you might set the Hotel there.

And that's all I could find right now. Keep up the good work.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Thanks for the praise! As for your comments...
:*About the iPhone, it's mainly because I can't think of anything else. If one of the creators of PaW would step up and offer a nifty new brand, I wouldn't mind changing.
:*Paragraphing: I noticed that too, so maybe I'll switch to double-spacing between paragraphs. I use short paragraphs because it emphasizes suspense (I think).
:*Naming the steak house: Got it.
:*Texas accents: I worried that it would be offensive as I hate steorotypes. My bad.
:*Halo cameos: Right. Maybe I'll change it to a AWC (Arctic Warfare Covert). And, if you didn't notice, they're a lot more Halo references, like the Seventh Pillar Hotel is a ref. to the Seventh Column Bungie fangroup (Column is something like Pillar), and how the numbers of all the times add up to [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Seven seven]. And I intend to dump in more Assassin's Creed references, because I love that game. In case you didn't read Taylor's character page on PaW Character Timelines, Taylor bought a [http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] and repaired it for use. I know too many game references are bad but god I love those games!
:*Encryption: That's pretty minor, but maybe I'll follow your suggestion. I used "Omega" just to make it sound cool, as well as being a reference to my still unfinished [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].
:*The robber: Okay.

:And thus, I reply. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::An iphone, as is my understanding, does not require the presence of an Apple network in order to be used as a phone, so it is fully possible that it were still in use/production. If you want an alternate brand though, I believe the PAW Collab mentions something about Linux being the new microsoft so you may be able to come up with something there. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The iPhone does require an AT&T plan, as well as access to the app store. Apple also has a history of locking down their devices, so that they cannot be used to their fullest unless they are illegaly jailbroken. Now if someone more into the open source/Linux community had taken over Apple, the new iPhone could be a linux based device, as well as more open to modification. Such as an encrypted communications application.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 13:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:As it stands this story is set so close to the end of the collapse that there will have been little in the way of technological innovation in regards to "consumer electronics". I can see the jailbreaking applications for the iPhone having become common - hell, I could see someone having broken into Apple's campus and stolen all of their source as having happened. If the source was stolen, then making it available to the public could have happened as well.

:I say that I can see this kind of thing happening and similar because I will not dictate things like that as having occurred. At this point the setting is still growing and details like that will likely be allowed as "canon". As the setting grows more details will get filled in it will become harder for people to add major new facets to the setting. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually, I was thinking of using the iPhone because of its large application database, as well as its functionability (I read in NewsWeek that US snipers use it to calculate bullet drop). The one Taylor has is an upgraded version that the HRM developed for their field operatives. The HRM wasn't affected much by the Collapse, because it's quite a large movement and has a lot of powerful people within to support it. The cell featured in the story is only the Texas cell; many other cells are seeded within the New Confederacy. I can imagine someone in Apple being a member of the HRM and supplying them with the tech as well as the programs and applications specially designed for the Movement. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:04, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|As a hardware platform, the iPhone is very good. I can see that it could have grown into a much more robust device without Apple limiting it. Really, it's just kind of weird to see it called an iPhone in a future setting. I don't know if it should be called something else, but you might need to differentiate it from the iPhone of today.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I'll think about a new name. iPhone 2.0? uPhone? So many possibilities...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

====

I'd just like to ask if anyone would like to express their opinions on the second chapter of the story. And if you were wondering, the two guards are '''not''' dead. I can't have Taylor killing so many people. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 13:36, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

== On self deprication. ==

{{Green|I'm noticing a trend with us young writers. We seem to think everything we write is, for lack of a better term, complete sh*t. I echo your author's note almost exactly on [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. To quote:

::"Anyways, I don't want to accidentally wreck your carefully crafted world with my bad fanfiction."

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It may mean we are more open to criticism, but it also means that we may be more prone to giving up on a story before giving it a chance.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:05, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:I think I know why. It's because when we (at least just me) read good stories (like Michael Bard's w00t I'm a fan!) we feel that we can't get up to that standard. When we read other stories in the universe we feel that we can't maintain that level of awesomeness. And so, we're terrified that we'll screw up the story universe. As for whether it's a good thing or bad...I think good because small bits of praise make me so happy that I get motivated a lot, but bad because if I don't get any praise or comments I get very demoralized. Queer. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Drake, I thank you for your complements (ears burning and all). But, your comment here frightens me more than anything. I've been afraid for a long time that us "old guard" are scaring off new comers. We're not as inexperienced as you guys because we've been at it longer. The first story I finished that I still have is dated 1983. So, I've been writing for AT LEAST 26 years. So yes, I have gained some skill... :) All of us started out like you new people -- please PLEASE don't be scared off. It just takes time. And, in a bit of morale boosting, let me compare writing learning to painting. It took me 30 years go gain the painting skill I have. There was no internet, no support network. Now I can help new miniature painters reach 90% of my skill in less than a year. Same thing applies for writing -- just ask and everybody I know of will be glad to help. In a short time you too can be up at our level, and then together we can encourage each other to improve more and more. Finally, don't worry about screwing up a universe. The WORST that can happen is that somebody declares your story "non-canon" (hell, I got that done to me in Winds of Change). Big deal. Just write something else then. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 05:40, 12 August 2009 (EDT)

:::Um...''wow''. *grins like little kid* I'm your biggest fan, write something quick! :)
:::Okay, I've calmed down now. Well, thanks for your advice! About getting scared off...Actually, a couple of months ago I was thinking of asking your opinion of a story, but then I read the [[Talk:Unequal Share|talk page]] of [[Unequal Share]] and I got pretty freaked out so I didn't dare to ask. Point taken, especially about screwing up other peoples' story universe. Unfortunately, I take my stories ''very'', '''''very''''' seriously, and I can never write short ones for some reason (they end up a little long), so I can't exactly just write something else. No offense, though. I still get your point.
:::I talked to you, I'm so happy! (I get happy easily)—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 10:46, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
::::EEEP! I can't remember writing that, and I can't believe I did. It is definitely atypical. Not sure what set me off there. Normally I'm not like that. Really. At least I made you happy! :) [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 5:35, 13 August 2009 (EDT)

{{Green|True enough. On a side note, I still haven't read it yet because I'm RPing on one of District 9's Facebook pages. For the uninformed: [[Wikipedia:District_9|District 9]]. The Facebook page is}} [http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=57580949635#/MNUSpreadsLies here].

{{Green|The universe the movie is set in is very interesting, and the fact that the RP is entirely user driven, with no professional posters, even more so. I think I may attempt a short in the universe, but that will probably not show up on shifti.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:31, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:You Facebook? I never really understood the lure of that thing...I'm not much for social networking. I'll probably try to work out my account soon enough. Strange thing, this Facebook. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:56, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It helps to connect to friends that aren't near you, and set up group things, and, as I'm now finding out, it's pretty good for rping as well. This is a [http://www.explosm.net/comics/1137/ facebook]. I don't really want to link to my facebook from shifti, mainly because I don't really want my ident to be publicly known yet.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yeah, I understand. I'm so free with my identity because I feel very trapped, and I only find understanding online in people like you. But if you want to add me (on MSN, not Facebook, I don't use the latter), you're welcome to do so (drake_halounity[at]hotmail[dot]com)...I'm lonely 'cos nobody I know in real life is actually interested in this sorta thing as well. Just don't send me viruses...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I masked your email to prevent spamming, and added you to my contacts list. I'll email/message you at a later time. You might also hop onto the #Transformations irc network. It's full of like minded individuals.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:27, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah...I see both you and Lloyd did it before me. I was about to delete the address by today. Thanks anyway, especially for adding. As for IRC...I dunno how to use it. From what I've gathered, I need to have some program. I'll see if I can download it and get online, but for now I'm busy working on this story. That and my exams. Once again, thanks you two! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 06:58, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

::IRC is just an online group chat. You join a server, and you join a channel, and you talk to others. Lots of programs are available. The one I use is mIRC [http://www.mirc.com/]. The two main servers from Shifti's POV are irc.lapinia.org and irc.anthrochat.net. Lapinia is where Shadowwolf lurks -- usually in the #transformations channel. The other "big" writing channel on lapinia is #MKGuild for writers in the Metamor Keep universe. On anthrochat, got to #TheZoo. Rabbit/Phil Geusz lurks there. I'm on all the channels, Jon Sleeper is on #transformations and #TheZoo, etc. Between those two channels you can find almost anybody from around here. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 05:45, 12 August 2009 (EDT)

:::Wow...I never really used the IRC before; all those Internet safety people always condemn it when they do speeches in school. Maybe I'll check it out one of these days, but first I'll do some investigation first. Still, thanks for the info. :)—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 10:46, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-12T10:46:16Z

WolfyDrake95: /* On self deprication. */ Ohmygod it's Michael Bard I'm huge fan!

==Storyline Discussion==
{{Green|ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. '''SPOILER WARNING!!!'''

:'''Price in Blood'''—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's [[Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart]], but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.

:Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.

:The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.

:Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.

:This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
:If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
:PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a [[The_Fool_in_the_Fox|story.]]

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
::And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST [http://www.halo.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on [[Talk:Rebuilding|rebuilding]]. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:

::“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”

::“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of ''them''—”

::“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”

::Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they ''killed'' your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”

::Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I ''never'' forgot, and I ''never'' will.”

:Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Sounds like a plan.}}--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

::'''ADDITION'''Hey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. ''Teefer'' is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does [[The Fool in the Fox]] take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
:—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and could somebody enlighten me as to the kind of symptoms Blowtorch Fever causes? I'm only sure of the high fever and the cravings; the PaW page only listed those. Are there any others? Thanks. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:29, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|And I'm back in town. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'll do that tonight. On Blowtorch, It only causes cravings if TFORS is also contracted, otherwise it's just a very deadly fever.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:'Kay. Thanks a lot! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Here is a clock for Texas,}} [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=24 timeanddate.com]. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:And [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=236 here] is mine! So that we can sync up to a time where we can meet online for the dialog. Maybe next weekend, around eleven pm (Singapore time). Meanwhile I'll work on a list of what I need the conversation to cover. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
==Comments and Critique==
Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I just started reading it, and it's looking pretty good so far. Though you might want to start using pronouns at some point...}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I have now finished the story in it's current posted form, and must say it is a very good start. A couple of notes:

*You mention that the phone is an iPhone, and I'm not sure if Apple would have survived the collapse, much the same way that Microsoft didn't. We might want to come up with a new mobile device that everyone uses, Otherwise it's hard to tell that the story takes place in the future. Blind Pig had this present future problem pretty bad.
*You don't seem to have any paragraphs. Everything is on a new line, and it makes it a bit difficult to read on a wide-screen monitor.
*The steak house should have a proper name, Such as "The County Line," "Rudy's," or "The Salt Lick." Which are all, coincidentally, real BBQ joints in Austin.
*Your Texas accents aren't too bad. At the very least, they don't portray Texans as idiots.
**"Doubt this killer’ll dare to show his face ‘round these parts when the Rangers are here." might be changed to "..parts with the Rangers in town."
*You drop a lot of Halo cameos in your stories. You might want to tone it down a bit, but that's more of a personal choice.
**In this case, the 99D-S2AM sniper rifle is very loud, and very evident as to where the bullet has come from due to the tracer in every round. You might look up some real world sniper rifles that are more anti-personnel and quiet.
*on the Encryption code: This isn't necessary, but for an added level of realism, you could research [[Wikipedia:Public Key|Public Key]] cryptography, and change it from Delta to a public key that they would use.
*On the robber: There are a lot of drunk, homeless, and/or bad people in east Austin, so you might set the Hotel there.

And that's all I could find right now. Keep up the good work.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Thanks for the praise! As for your comments...
:*About the iPhone, it's mainly because I can't think of anything else. If one of the creators of PaW would step up and offer a nifty new brand, I wouldn't mind changing.
:*Paragraphing: I noticed that too, so maybe I'll switch to double-spacing between paragraphs. I use short paragraphs because it emphasizes suspense (I think).
:*Naming the steak house: Got it.
:*Texas accents: I worried that it would be offensive as I hate steorotypes. My bad.
:*Halo cameos: Right. Maybe I'll change it to a AWC (Arctic Warfare Covert). And, if you didn't notice, they're a lot more Halo references, like the Seventh Pillar Hotel is a ref. to the Seventh Column Bungie fangroup (Column is something like Pillar), and how the numbers of all the times add up to [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Seven seven]. And I intend to dump in more Assassin's Creed references, because I love that game. In case you didn't read Taylor's character page on PaW Character Timelines, Taylor bought a [http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] and repaired it for use. I know too many game references are bad but god I love those games!
:*Encryption: That's pretty minor, but maybe I'll follow your suggestion. I used "Omega" just to make it sound cool, as well as being a reference to my still unfinished [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].
:*The robber: Okay.

:And thus, I reply. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::An iphone, as is my understanding, does not require the presence of an Apple network in order to be used as a phone, so it is fully possible that it were still in use/production. If you want an alternate brand though, I believe the PAW Collab mentions something about Linux being the new microsoft so you may be able to come up with something there. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The iPhone does require an AT&T plan, as well as access to the app store. Apple also has a history of locking down their devices, so that they cannot be used to their fullest unless they are illegaly jailbroken. Now if someone more into the open source/Linux community had taken over Apple, the new iPhone could be a linux based device, as well as more open to modification. Such as an encrypted communications application.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 13:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:As it stands this story is set so close to the end of the collapse that there will have been little in the way of technological innovation in regards to "consumer electronics". I can see the jailbreaking applications for the iPhone having become common - hell, I could see someone having broken into Apple's campus and stolen all of their source as having happened. If the source was stolen, then making it available to the public could have happened as well.

:I say that I can see this kind of thing happening and similar because I will not dictate things like that as having occurred. At this point the setting is still growing and details like that will likely be allowed as "canon". As the setting grows more details will get filled in it will become harder for people to add major new facets to the setting. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually, I was thinking of using the iPhone because of its large application database, as well as its functionability (I read in NewsWeek that US snipers use it to calculate bullet drop). The one Taylor has is an upgraded version that the HRM developed for their field operatives. The HRM wasn't affected much by the Collapse, because it's quite a large movement and has a lot of powerful people within to support it. The cell featured in the story is only the Texas cell; many other cells are seeded within the New Confederacy. I can imagine someone in Apple being a member of the HRM and supplying them with the tech as well as the programs and applications specially designed for the Movement. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:04, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|As a hardware platform, the iPhone is very good. I can see that it could have grown into a much more robust device without Apple limiting it. Really, it's just kind of weird to see it called an iPhone in a future setting. I don't know if it should be called something else, but you might need to differentiate it from the iPhone of today.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I'll think about a new name. iPhone 2.0? uPhone? So many possibilities...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
== On self deprication. ==

{{Green|I'm noticing a trend with us young writers. We seem to think everything we write is, for lack of a better term, complete sh*t. I echo your author's note almost exactly on [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. To quote:

::"Anyways, I don't want to accidentally wreck your carefully crafted world with my bad fanfiction."

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It may mean we are more open to criticism, but it also means that we may be more prone to giving up on a story before giving it a chance.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:05, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:I think I know why. It's because when we (at least just me) read good stories (like Michael Bard's w00t I'm a fan!) we feel that we can't get up to that standard. When we read other stories in the universe we feel that we can't maintain that level of awesomeness. And so, we're terrified that we'll screw up the story universe. As for whether it's a good thing or bad...I think good because small bits of praise make me so happy that I get motivated a lot, but bad because if I don't get any praise or comments I get very demoralized. Queer. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Drake, I thank you for your complements (ears burning and all). But, your comment here frightens me more than anything. I've been afraid for a long time that us "old guard" are scaring off new comers. We're not as inexperienced as you guys because we've been at it longer. The first story I finished that I still have is dated 1983. So, I've been writing for AT LEAST 26 years. So yes, I have gained some skill... :) All of us started out like you new people -- please PLEASE don't be scared off. It just takes time. And, in a bit of morale boosting, let me compare writing learning to painting. It took me 30 years go gain the painting skill I have. There was no internet, no support network. Now I can help new miniature painters reach 90% of my skill in less than a year. Same thing applies for writing -- just ask and everybody I know of will be glad to help. In a short time you too can be up at our level, and then together we can encourage each other to improve more and more. Finally, don't worry about screwing up a universe. The WORST that can happen is that somebody declares your story "non-canon" (hell, I got that done to me in Winds of Change). Big deal. Just write something else then. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 05:40, 12 August 2009 (EDT)

:::Um...''wow''. *grins like little kid* I'm your biggest fan, write something quick! :)
:::Okay, I've calmed down now. Well, thanks for your advice! About getting scared off...Actually, a couple of months ago I was thinking of asking your opinion of a story, but then I read the [[Talk:Unequal Share|talk page]] of [[Unequal Share]] and I got pretty freaked out so I didn't dare to ask. Point taken, especially about screwing up other peoples' story universe. Unfortunately, I take my stories ''very'', '''''very''''' seriously, and I can never write short ones for some reason (they end up a little long), so I can't exactly just write something else. No offense, though. I still get your point.
:::I talked to you, I'm so happy! (I get happy easily)—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 10:46, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|True enough. On a side note, I still haven't read it yet because I'm RPing on one of District 9's Facebook pages. For the uninformed: [[Wikipedia:District_9|District 9]]. The Facebook page is}} [http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=57580949635#/MNUSpreadsLies here].

{{Green|The universe the movie is set in is very interesting, and the fact that the RP is entirely user driven, with no professional posters, even more so. I think I may attempt a short in the universe, but that will probably not show up on shifti.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:31, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:You Facebook? I never really understood the lure of that thing...I'm not much for social networking. I'll probably try to work out my account soon enough. Strange thing, this Facebook. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:56, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It helps to connect to friends that aren't near you, and set up group things, and, as I'm now finding out, it's pretty good for rping as well. This is a [http://www.explosm.net/comics/1137/ facebook]. I don't really want to link to my facebook from shifti, mainly because I don't really want my ident to be publicly known yet.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yeah, I understand. I'm so free with my identity because I feel very trapped, and I only find understanding online in people like you. But if you want to add me (on MSN, not Facebook, I don't use the latter), you're welcome to do so (drake_halounity[at]hotmail[dot]com)...I'm lonely 'cos nobody I know in real life is actually interested in this sorta thing as well. Just don't send me viruses...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I masked your email to prevent spamming, and added you to my contacts list. I'll email/message you at a later time. You might also hop onto the #Transformations irc network. It's full of like minded individuals.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:27, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah...I see both you and Lloyd did it before me. I was about to delete the address by today. Thanks anyway, especially for adding. As for IRC...I dunno how to use it. From what I've gathered, I need to have some program. I'll see if I can download it and get online, but for now I'm busy working on this story. That and my exams. Once again, thanks you two! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 06:58, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

::IRC is just an online group chat. You join a server, and you join a channel, and you talk to others. Lots of programs are available. The one I use is mIRC [http://www.mirc.com/]. The two main servers from Shifti's POV are irc.lapinia.org and irc.anthrochat.net. Lapinia is where Shadowwolf lurks -- usually in the #transformations channel. The other "big" writing channel on lapinia is #MKGuild for writers in the Metamor Keep universe. On anthrochat, got to #TheZoo. Rabbit/Phil Geusz lurks there. I'm on all the channels, Jon Sleeper is on #transformations and #TheZoo, etc. Between those two channels you can find almost anybody from around here. [[User:Michael Bard|Michael Bard]] 05:45, 12 August 2009 (EDT)

:::Wow...I never really used the IRC before; all those Internet safety people always condemn it when they do speeches in school. Maybe I'll check it out one of these days, but first I'll do some investigation first. Still, thanks for the info. :)—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 10:46, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-11T07:00:21Z

WolfyDrake95: Making things clearer...

==Storyline Discussion==
{{Green|ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. '''SPOILER WARNING!!!'''

:'''Price in Blood'''—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's [[Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart]], but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.

:Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.

:The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.

:Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.

:This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
:If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
:PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a [[The_Fool_in_the_Fox|story.]]

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
::And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST [http://www.halo.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on [[Talk:Rebuilding|rebuilding]]. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:

::“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”

::“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of ''them''—”

::“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”

::Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they ''killed'' your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”

::Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I ''never'' forgot, and I ''never'' will.”

:Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Sounds like a plan.}}--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

::'''ADDITION'''Hey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. ''Teefer'' is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does [[The Fool in the Fox]] take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
:—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and could somebody enlighten me as to the kind of symptoms Blowtorch Fever causes? I'm only sure of the high fever and the cravings; the PaW page only listed those. Are there any others? Thanks. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:29, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|And I'm back in town. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'll do that tonight. On Blowtorch, It only causes cravings if TFORS is also contracted, otherwise it's just a very deadly fever.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:'Kay. Thanks a lot! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Here is a clock for Texas,}} [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=24 timeanddate.com]. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:And [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=236 here] is mine! So that we can sync up to a time where we can meet online for the dialog. Maybe next weekend, around eleven pm (Singapore time). Meanwhile I'll work on a list of what I need the conversation to cover. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
==Comments and Critique==
Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I just started reading it, and it's looking pretty good so far. Though you might want to start using pronouns at some point...}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I have now finished the story in it's current posted form, and must say it is a very good start. A couple of notes:

*You mention that the phone is an iPhone, and I'm not sure if Apple would have survived the collapse, much the same way that Microsoft didn't. We might want to come up with a new mobile device that everyone uses, Otherwise it's hard to tell that the story takes place in the future. Blind Pig had this present future problem pretty bad.
*You don't seem to have any paragraphs. Everything is on a new line, and it makes it a bit difficult to read on a wide-screen monitor.
*The steak house should have a proper name, Such as "The County Line," "Rudy's," or "The Salt Lick." Which are all, coincidentally, real BBQ joints in Austin.
*Your Texas accents aren't too bad. At the very least, they don't portray Texans as idiots.
**"Doubt this killer’ll dare to show his face ‘round these parts when the Rangers are here." might be changed to "..parts with the Rangers in town."
*You drop a lot of Halo cameos in your stories. You might want to tone it down a bit, but that's more of a personal choice.
**In this case, the 99D-S2AM sniper rifle is very loud, and very evident as to where the bullet has come from due to the tracer in every round. You might look up some real world sniper rifles that are more anti-personnel and quiet.
*on the Encryption code: This isn't necessary, but for an added level of realism, you could research [[Wikipedia:Public Key|Public Key]] cryptography, and change it from Delta to a public key that they would use.
*On the robber: There are a lot of drunk, homeless, and/or bad people in east Austin, so you might set the Hotel there.

And that's all I could find right now. Keep up the good work.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Thanks for the praise! As for your comments...
:*About the iPhone, it's mainly because I can't think of anything else. If one of the creators of PaW would step up and offer a nifty new brand, I wouldn't mind changing.
:*Paragraphing: I noticed that too, so maybe I'll switch to double-spacing between paragraphs. I use short paragraphs because it emphasizes suspense (I think).
:*Naming the steak house: Got it.
:*Texas accents: I worried that it would be offensive as I hate steorotypes. My bad.
:*Halo cameos: Right. Maybe I'll change it to a AWC (Arctic Warfare Covert). And, if you didn't notice, they're a lot more Halo references, like the Seventh Pillar Hotel is a ref. to the Seventh Column Bungie fangroup (Column is something like Pillar), and how the numbers of all the times add up to [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Seven seven]. And I intend to dump in more Assassin's Creed references, because I love that game. In case you didn't read Taylor's character page on PaW Character Timelines, Taylor bought a [http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] and repaired it for use. I know too many game references are bad but god I love those games!
:*Encryption: That's pretty minor, but maybe I'll follow your suggestion. I used "Omega" just to make it sound cool, as well as being a reference to my still unfinished [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].
:*The robber: Okay.

:And thus, I reply. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::An iphone, as is my understanding, does not require the presence of an Apple network in order to be used as a phone, so it is fully possible that it were still in use/production. If you want an alternate brand though, I believe the PAW Collab mentions something about Linux being the new microsoft so you may be able to come up with something there. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The iPhone does require an AT&T plan, as well as access to the app store. Apple also has a history of locking down their devices, so that they cannot be used to their fullest unless they are illegaly jailbroken. Now if someone more into the open source/Linux community had taken over Apple, the new iPhone could be a linux based device, as well as more open to modification. Such as an encrypted communications application.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 13:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:As it stands this story is set so close to the end of the collapse that there will have been little in the way of technological innovation in regards to "consumer electronics". I can see the jailbreaking applications for the iPhone having become common - hell, I could see someone having broken into Apple's campus and stolen all of their source as having happened. If the source was stolen, then making it available to the public could have happened as well.

:I say that I can see this kind of thing happening and similar because I will not dictate things like that as having occurred. At this point the setting is still growing and details like that will likely be allowed as "canon". As the setting grows more details will get filled in it will become harder for people to add major new facets to the setting. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually, I was thinking of using the iPhone because of its large application database, as well as its functionability (I read in NewsWeek that US snipers use it to calculate bullet drop). The one Taylor has is an upgraded version that the HRM developed for their field operatives. The HRM wasn't affected much by the Collapse, because it's quite a large movement and has a lot of powerful people within to support it. The cell featured in the story is only the Texas cell; many other cells are seeded within the New Confederacy. I can imagine someone in Apple being a member of the HRM and supplying them with the tech as well as the programs and applications specially designed for the Movement. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:04, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|As a hardware platform, the iPhone is very good. I can see that it could have grown into a much more robust device without Apple limiting it. Really, it's just kind of weird to see it called an iPhone in a future setting. I don't know if it should be called something else, but you might need to differentiate it from the iPhone of today.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I'll think about a new name. iPhone 2.0? uPhone? So many possibilities...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
== On self deprication. ==

{{Green|I'm noticing a trend with us young writers. We seem to think everything we write is, for lack of a better term, complete sh*t. I echo your author's note almost exactly on [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. To quote:

::"Anyways, I don't want to accidentally wreck your carefully crafted world with my bad fanfiction."

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It may mean we are more open to criticism, but it also means that we may be more prone to giving up on a story before giving it a chance.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:05, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:I think I know why. It's because when we (at least just me) read good stories (like Michael Bard's w00t I'm a fan!) we feel that we can't get up to that standard. When we read other stories in the universe we feel that we can't maintain that level of awesomeness. And so, we're terrified that we'll screw up the story universe. As for whether it's a good thing or bad...I think good because small bits of praise make me so happy that I get motivated a lot, but bad because if I don't get any praise or comments I get very demoralized. Queer. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|True enough. On a side note, I still haven't read it yet because I'm RPing on one of District 9's Facebook pages. For the uninformed: [[Wikipedia:District_9|District 9]]. The Facebook page is}} [http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=57580949635#/MNUSpreadsLies here].

{{Green|The universe the movie is set in is very interesting, and the fact that the RP is entirely user driven, with no professional posters, even more so. I think I may attempt a short in the universe, but that will probably not show up on shifti.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:31, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:You Facebook? I never really understood the lure of that thing...I'm not much for social networking. I'll probably try to work out my account soon enough. Strange thing, this Facebook. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:56, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It helps to connect to friends that aren't near you, and set up group things, and, as I'm now finding out, it's pretty good for rping as well. This is a [http://www.explosm.net/comics/1137/ facebook]. I don't really want to link to my facebook from shifti, mainly because I don't really want my ident to be publicly known yet.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yeah, I understand. I'm so free with my identity because I feel very trapped, and I only find understanding online in people like you. But if you want to add me (on MSN, not Facebook, I don't use the latter), you're welcome to do so (drake_halounity[at]hotmail[dot]com)...I'm lonely 'cos nobody I know in real life is actually interested in this sorta thing as well. Just don't send me viruses...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I masked your email to prevent spamming, and added you to my contacts list. I'll email/message you at a later time. You might also hop onto the #Transformations irc network. It's full of like minded individuals.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:27, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah...I see both you and Lloyd did it before me. I was about to delete the address by today. Thanks anyway, especially for adding. As for IRC...I dunno how to use it. From what I've gathered, I need to have some program. I'll see if I can download it and get online, but for now I'm busy working on this story. That and my exams. Once again, thanks you two! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 06:58, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-11T06:58:35Z

WolfyDrake95: Happyface

==Storyline Discussion==
{{Green|ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. '''SPOILER WARNING!!!'''

:'''Price in Blood'''—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's [[Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart]], but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.

:Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.

:The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.

:Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.

:This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
:If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
:PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a [[The_Fool_in_the_Fox|story.]]

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
::And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST [http://www.halo.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on [[Talk:Rebuilding|rebuilding]]. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:

::“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”

::“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of ''them''—”

::“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”

::Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they ''killed'' your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”

::Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I ''never'' forgot, and I ''never'' will.”

:Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Sounds like a plan.}}--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

::'''ADDITION'''Hey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. ''Teefer'' is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does [[The Fool in the Fox]] take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
:—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and could somebody enlighten me as to the kind of symptoms Blowtorch Fever causes? I'm only sure of the high fever and the cravings; the PaW page only listed those. Are there any others? Thanks. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:29, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|And I'm back in town. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'll do that tonight. On Blowtorch, It only causes cravings if TFORS is also contracted, otherwise it's just a very deadly fever.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:'Kay. Thanks a lot! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Here is a clock for Texas,}} [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=24 timeanddate.com]. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:And [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=236 here] is mine! So that we can sync up to a time where we can meet online for the dialog. Maybe next weekend, around eleven pm (Singapore time). Meanwhile I'll work on a list of what I need the conversation to cover. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
==Comments and Critique==
Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I just started reading it, and it's looking pretty good so far. Though you might want to start using pronouns at some point...}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I have now finished the story in it's current posted form, and must say it is a very good start. A couple of notes:

*You mention that the phone is an iPhone, and I'm not sure if Apple would have survived the collapse, much the same way that Microsoft didn't. We might want to come up with a new mobile device that everyone uses, Otherwise it's hard to tell that the story takes place in the future. Blind Pig had this present future problem pretty bad.
*You don't seem to have any paragraphs. Everything is on a new line, and it makes it a bit difficult to read on a wide-screen monitor.
*The steak house should have a proper name, Such as "The County Line," "Rudy's," or "The Salt Lick." Which are all, coincidentally, real BBQ joints in Austin.
*Your Texas accents aren't too bad. At the very least, they don't portray Texans as idiots.
**"Doubt this killer’ll dare to show his face ‘round these parts when the Rangers are here." might be changed to "..parts with the Rangers in town."
*You drop a lot of Halo cameos in your stories. You might want to tone it down a bit, but that's more of a personal choice.
**In this case, the 99D-S2AM sniper rifle is very loud, and very evident as to where the bullet has come from due to the tracer in every round. You might look up some real world sniper rifles that are more anti-personnel and quiet.
*on the Encryption code: This isn't necessary, but for an added level of realism, you could research [[Wikipedia:Public Key|Public Key]] cryptography, and change it from Delta to a public key that they would use.
*On the robber: There are a lot of drunk, homeless, and/or bad people in east Austin, so you might set the Hotel there.

And that's all I could find right now. Keep up the good work.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Thanks for the praise! As for your comments...
:*About the iPhone, it's mainly because I can't think of anything else. If one of the creators of PaW would step up and offer a nifty new brand, I wouldn't mind changing.
:*Paragraphing: I noticed that too, so maybe I'll switch to double-spacing between paragraphs. I use short paragraphs because it emphasizes suspense (I think).
:*Naming the steak house: Got it.
:*Texas accents: I worried that it would be offensive as I hate steorotypes. My bad.
:*Halo cameos: Right. Maybe I'll change it to a AWC (Arctic Warfare Covert). And, if you didn't notice, they're a lot more Halo references, like the Seventh Pillar Hotel is a ref. to the Seventh Column Bungie fangroup (Column is something like Pillar), and how the numbers of all the times add up to [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Seven seven]. And I intend to dump in more Assassin's Creed references, because I love that game. In case you didn't read Taylor's character page on PaW Character Timelines, Taylor bought a [http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] and repaired it for use. I know too many game references are bad but god I love those games!
:*Encryption: That's pretty minor, but maybe I'll follow your suggestion. I used "Omega" just to make it sound cool, as well as being a reference to my still unfinished [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].
:*The robber: Okay.

:And thus, I reply. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::An iphone, as is my understanding, does not require the presence of an Apple network in order to be used as a phone, so it is fully possible that it were still in use/production. If you want an alternate brand though, I believe the PAW Collab mentions something about Linux being the new microsoft so you may be able to come up with something there. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The iPhone does require an AT&T plan, as well as access to the app store. Apple also has a history of locking down their devices, so that they cannot be used to their fullest unless they are illegaly jailbroken. Now if someone more into the open source/Linux community had taken over Apple, the new iPhone could be a linux based device, as well as more open to modification. Such as an encrypted communications application.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 13:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:As it stands this story is set so close to the end of the collapse that there will have been little in the way of technological innovation in regards to "consumer electronics". I can see the jailbreaking applications for the iPhone having become common - hell, I could see someone having broken into Apple's campus and stolen all of their source as having happened. If the source was stolen, then making it available to the public could have happened as well.

:I say that I can see this kind of thing happening and similar because I will not dictate things like that as having occurred. At this point the setting is still growing and details like that will likely be allowed as "canon". As the setting grows more details will get filled in it will become harder for people to add major new facets to the setting. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually, I was thinking of using the iPhone because of its large application database, as well as its functionability (I read in NewsWeek that US snipers use it to calculate bullet drop). The one Taylor has is an upgraded version that the HRM developed for their field operatives. The HRM wasn't affected much by the Collapse, because it's quite a large movement and has a lot of powerful people within to support it. The cell featured in the story is only the Texas cell; many other cells are seeded within the New Confederacy. I can imagine someone in Apple being a member of the HRM and supplying them with the tech as well as the programs and applications specially designed for the Movement. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:04, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|As a hardware platform, the iPhone is very good. I can see that it could have grown into a much more robust device without Apple limiting it. Really, it's just kind of weird to see it called an iPhone in a future setting. I don't know if it should be called something else, but you might need to differentiate it from the iPhone of today.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I'll think about a new name. iPhone 2.0? uPhone? So many possibilities...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
== On self deprication. ==

{{Green|I'm noticing a trend with us young writers. We seem to think everything we write is, for lack of a better term, complete sh*t. I echo your author's note almost exactly on [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. To quote:

::"Anyways, I don't want to accidentally wreck your carefully crafted world with my bad fanfiction."

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It may mean we are more open to criticism, but it also means that we may be more prone to giving up on a story before giving it a chance.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:05, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:I think I know why. It's because when we (at least just me) read good stories (like Michael Bard's w00t I'm a fan!) we feel that we can't get up to that standard. When we read other stories in the universe we feel that we can't maintain that level of awesomeness. And so, we're terrified that we'll screw up the story universe. As for whether it's a good thing or bad...I think good because small bits of praise make me so happy that I get motivated a lot, but bad because if I don't get any praise or comments I get very demoralized. Queer. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|True enough. On a side note, I still haven't read it yet because I'm RPing on one of District 9's Facebook pages. For the uninformed: [[Wikipedia:District_9|District 9]]. The Facebook page is}} [http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=57580949635#/MNUSpreadsLies here].

{{Green|The universe the movie is set in is very interesting, and the fact that the RP is entirely user driven, with no professional posters, even more so. I think I may attempt a short in the universe, but that will probably not show up on shifti.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:31, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:You Facebook? I never really understood the lure of that thing...I'm not much for social networking. I'll probably try to work out my account soon enough. Strange thing, this Facebook. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:56, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It helps to connect to friends that aren't near you, and set up group things, and, as I'm now finding out, it's pretty good for rping as well. This is a [http://www.explosm.net/comics/1137/ facebook]. I don't really want to link to my facebook from shifti, mainly because I don't really want my ident to be publicly known yet.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yeah, I understand. I'm so free with my identity because I feel very trapped, and I only find understanding online in people like you. But if you want to add me (on MSN, not Facebook, I don't use the latter), you're welcome to do so (drake_halounity[at]hotmail[dot]com)...I'm lonely 'cos nobody I know in real life is actually interested in this sorta thing as well. Just don't send me viruses...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I masked your email to prevent spamming, and added you to my contacts list. I'll email/message you at a later time. You might also hop onto the #Transformations irc network. It's full of like minded individuals.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:27, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah...I see both you and Lloyd did it before me. I was about to delete the address by today. Thanks anyway, especially for adding. As for IRC...I dunno how to use it. From what I've gathered, I need to have some program. I'll see if I can, but for now I'm working on this story. Once again, thanks you two! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 06:58, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-10T15:34:05Z

WolfyDrake95: Replies to all three sections before I sleep.

==Storyline Discussion==
{{Green|ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. '''SPOILER WARNING!!!'''

:'''Price in Blood'''—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's [[Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart]], but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.

:Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.

:The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.

:Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.

:This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
:If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
:PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a [[The_Fool_in_the_Fox|story.]]

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
::And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST [http://www.halo.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on [[Talk:Rebuilding|rebuilding]]. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:

::“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”

::“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of ''them''—”

::“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”

::Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they ''killed'' your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”

::Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I ''never'' forgot, and I ''never'' will.”

:Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Sounds like a plan.}}--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

::'''ADDITION'''Hey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. ''Teefer'' is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does [[The Fool in the Fox]] take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
:—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and could somebody enlighten me as to the kind of symptoms Blowtorch Fever causes? I'm only sure of the high fever and the cravings; the PaW page only listed those. Are there any others? Thanks. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:29, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|And I'm back in town. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'll do that tonight. On Blowtorch, It only causes cravings if TFORS is also contracted, otherwise it's just a very deadly fever.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:'Kay. Thanks a lot! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Here is a clock for Texas,}} [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=24 timeanddate.com]. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:And [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=236 here] is mine! So that we can sync up to a time where we can meet online for the dialog. Maybe next weekend, around eleven pm (Singapore time). Meanwhile I'll work on a list of what I need the conversation to cover. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
==Comments and Critique==
Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I just started reading it, and it's looking pretty good so far. Though you might want to start using pronouns at some point...}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I have now finished the story in it's current posted form, and must say it is a very good start. A couple of notes:

*You mention that the phone is an iPhone, and I'm not sure if Apple would have survived the collapse, much the same way that Microsoft didn't. We might want to come up with a new mobile device that everyone uses, Otherwise it's hard to tell that the story takes place in the future. Blind Pig had this present future problem pretty bad.
*You don't seem to have any paragraphs. Everything is on a new line, and it makes it a bit difficult to read on a wide-screen monitor.
*The steak house should have a proper name, Such as "The County Line," "Rudy's," or "The Salt Lick." Which are all, coincidentally, real BBQ joints in Austin.
*Your Texas accents aren't too bad. At the very least, they don't portray Texans as idiots.
**"Doubt this killer’ll dare to show his face ‘round these parts when the Rangers are here." might be changed to "..parts with the Rangers in town."
*You drop a lot of Halo cameos in your stories. You might want to tone it down a bit, but that's more of a personal choice.
**In this case, the 99D-S2AM sniper rifle is very loud, and very evident as to where the bullet has come from due to the tracer in every round. You might look up some real world sniper rifles that are more anti-personnel and quiet.
*on the Encryption code: This isn't necessary, but for an added level of realism, you could research [[Wikipedia:Public Key|Public Key]] cryptography, and change it from Delta to a public key that they would use.
*On the robber: There are a lot of drunk, homeless, and/or bad people in east Austin, so you might set the Hotel there.

And that's all I could find right now. Keep up the good work.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Thanks for the praise! As for your comments...
:*About the iPhone, it's mainly because I can't think of anything else. If one of the creators of PaW would step up and offer a nifty new brand, I wouldn't mind changing.
:*Paragraphing: I noticed that too, so maybe I'll switch to double-spacing between paragraphs. I use short paragraphs because it emphasizes suspense (I think).
:*Naming the steak house: Got it.
:*Texas accents: I worried that it would be offensive as I hate steorotypes. My bad.
:*Halo cameos: Right. Maybe I'll change it to a AWC (Arctic Warfare Covert). And, if you didn't notice, they're a lot more Halo references, like the Seventh Pillar Hotel is a ref. to the Seventh Column Bungie fangroup (Column is something like Pillar), and how the numbers of all the times add up to [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Seven seven]. And I intend to dump in more Assassin's Creed references, because I love that game. In case you didn't read Taylor's character page on PaW Character Timelines, Taylor bought a [http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] and repaired it for use. I know too many game references are bad but god I love those games!
:*Encryption: That's pretty minor, but maybe I'll follow your suggestion. I used "Omega" just to make it sound cool, as well as being a reference to my still unfinished [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].
:*The robber: Okay.

:And thus, I reply. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::An iphone, as is my understanding, does not require the presence of an Apple network in order to be used as a phone, so it is fully possible that it were still in use/production. If you want an alternate brand though, I believe the PAW Collab mentions something about Linux being the new microsoft so you may be able to come up with something there. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The iPhone does require an AT&T plan, as well as access to the app store. Apple also has a history of locking down their devices, so that they cannot be used to their fullest unless they are illegaly jailbroken. Now if someone more into the open source/Linux community had taken over Apple, the new iPhone could be a linux based device, as well as more open to modification. Such as an encrypted communications application.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 13:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:As it stands this story is set so close to the end of the collapse that there will have been little in the way of technological innovation in regards to "consumer electronics". I can see the jailbreaking applications for the iPhone having become common - hell, I could see someone having broken into Apple's campus and stolen all of their source as having happened. If the source was stolen, then making it available to the public could have happened as well.

:I say that I can see this kind of thing happening and similar because I will not dictate things like that as having occurred. At this point the setting is still growing and details like that will likely be allowed as "canon". As the setting grows more details will get filled in it will become harder for people to add major new facets to the setting. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually, I was thinking of using the iPhone because of its large application database, as well as its functionability (I read in NewsWeek that US snipers use it to calculate bullet drop). The one Taylor has is an upgraded version that the HRM developed for their field operatives. The HRM wasn't affected much by the Collapse, because it's quite a large movement and has a lot of powerful people within to support it. The cell featured in the story is only the Texas cell; many other cells are seeded within the New Confederacy. I can imagine someone in Apple being a member of the HRM and supplying them with the tech as well as the programs and applications specially designed for the Movement. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:04, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|As a hardware platform, the iPhone is very good. I can see that it could have grown into a much more robust device without Apple limiting it. Really, it's just kind of weird to see it called an iPhone in a future setting. I don't know if it should be called something else, but you might need to differentiate it from the iPhone of today.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I'll think about a new name. iPhone 2.0? uPhone? So many possibilities...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
== On self deprication. ==

{{Green|I'm noticing a trend with us young writers. We seem to think everything we write is, for lack of a better term, complete sh*t. I echo your author's note almost exactly on [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. To quote:

::"Anyways, I don't want to accidentally wreck your carefully crafted world with my bad fanfiction."

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It may mean we are more open to criticism, but it also means that we may be more prone to giving up on a story before giving it a chance.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:05, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:I think I know why. It's because when we (at least just me) read good stories (like Michael Bard's w00t I'm a fan!) we feel that we can't get up to that standard. When we read other stories in the universe we feel that we can't maintain that level of awesomeness. And so, we're terrified that we'll screw up the story universe. As for whether it's a good thing or bad...I think good because small bits of praise make me so happy that I get motivated a lot, but bad because if I don't get any praise or comments I get very demoralized. Queer. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|True enough. On a side note, I still haven't read it yet because I'm RPing on one of District 9's Facebook pages. For the uninformed: [[Wikipedia:District_9|District 9]]. The Facebook page is}} [http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=57580949635#/MNUSpreadsLies here].

{{Green|The universe the movie is set in is very interesting, and the fact that the RP is entirely user driven, with no professional posters, even more so. I think I may attempt a short in the universe, but that will probably not show up on shifti.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:31, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:You Facebook? I never really understood the lure of that thing...I'm not much for social networking. I'll probably try to work out my account soon enough. Strange thing, this Facebook. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:56, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It helps to connect to friends that aren't near you, and set up group things, and, as I'm now finding out, it's pretty good for rping as well. This is a [http://www.explosm.net/comics/1137/ facebook]. I don't really want to link to my facebook from shifti, mainly because I don't really want my ident to be publicly known yet.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yeah, I understand. I'm so free with my identity because I feel very trapped, and I only find understanding online in people like you. But if you want to add me (on MSN, not Facebook, I don't use the latter), you're welcome to do so (drake_halounity@hotmail.com)...I'm lonely 'cos nobody I know in real life is actually interested in this sorta thing as well. Just don't send me viruses...—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-10T15:04:04Z

WolfyDrake95: /* Comments and Critique */ Reply...

==Storyline Discussion==
{{Green|ShadowWolf knows a lot more about PaW than I do, but as far as I remember, the major conflicts were when Canada was sweeping down into the leftovers of the USA. But because you're from Singapore, you could start a story section over on that side of the world.

Here's some times for conflict:

2008-09: the start of the collapse, and first infections.

2011: the New Confederacy is formed. They could be the assasinators, as they are a very Anarchistic group.

2015: Most fighting stops. NAR stabilizes. New confederacy mostly gone. A splinter cell could cause some trouble.

2020: this is when Allan's hometown is bombed. After this, there is almost no figting in the greater NAR area. Some outlying areas could still have trouble with the Confederacy.

Thats the best I can do for now. If the character is going to be sticking around, I would recommend creating a character timeline page as well. It helps define the character's traits and description so that it stays constant across stories.

PAW needs some more authors, so I look forward to whatever you may come up with. Though by about 2020, most persecution in the north American region seems to have stopped, an earlier assassination plot could be a good setup for a character.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...I think PaW works, because my mind's already working out the kinks of the story. Well, I'll tell you what I'm planning now. '''SPOILER WARNING!!!'''

:'''Price in Blood'''—At the very end of some conflict (2015?), there is a skirmish between TFORs and an anti-TFOR splinter cell. This is when the main character's parents are killed, and the leader of the splinter cell finds him, takes him in, and slowly nurtures a hatred for TFORs, fuelled by his parents' deaths. Or, alternatively, his parents could have been the victims of the Brown incident (see Lloyd's [[Case Briefing: Leon v. Stewart]], but I haven't asked him yet), and died thereof. Same thing happens with the cell.

:Then the main character is trained, and within years (2019?) he is sent on his first mission for the cell: to go assassinate an outspoken pro-TFOR activist who's promoting TFOR equality and all that. The first time, a sniper attack is attempted; it fails, and the main character resorts to a direct knifing, etc. But then the main character catches the Torch, and collapses at the crucial moment of the assassination.

:The activist doesn't press charges on accounts of his age, but instead sends the main character to a friend's house (Allan himself, perhaps? That'd be a nice crossover) to recuperate, where it is revealed that the M.C. has caught the TFOR. As the M.C. deals with TFOR, the activist's friend starts to tell him about the TFOR community, and the M.C realizes that TFORs aren't all bad. Suddenly doubting his upbringing, he begins to investigate his parents' deaths, eventually finding a human survivor of that skirmish years ago. Then the M.C. finds out that actually it was the splinter cell who killed his parents; he goes back there to kill that leader, and succeeds.

:Admittedly I haven't thought of the very, very ending: perhaps the police arrest him? That would be an interesting ending, despite being sad.

:This story, being in the idea stage, is very loose. If you've got any good ideas, feel free to tell me! If ShadowWolf is reading this, then his advice would be crucial too! And if Allan is to be featured, I'll need a bunch of details about him, and probably you'll have to vet and monitor the dialog. The last time I featured someone else's character (awesome writer Jetfire's AT), I think I wrote her in terribly. My fault, of course. I still have trouble believing that I was forgiven for screwing up the Paradise universe. But I digress.
:If I've got your permission to use Allan, I'll probably be bugging you a lot. Or, we could use that nifty EtherPad to pull the partial collab. Tell me what you think!
:PS, forgive me for putting a reference to Allan in this story. I couldn't resist it. I have some problems. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The main idea sounds good. Around 2020 is when Allan's town is Bombed, but after that there's two years open for anything. 2022ish is when the Rangers contact Allan again, but I haven't started that story very far, so it could be that they both join.

If it were Allan, they could have a talk about losing a parent/parents, and other such discussions. Crossovers are what make a story universe so great, so I don't mind. Indeed, Lloyd has already used Allan in a [[The_Fool_in_the_Fox|story.]]

On the TFOR, It may have to be that he had the Torch previously, which created tension in the anti-TFOR community, but he didn't come down with TFOR right away. Then leading up to the assassination, he would be craving weird foods, and during the assassination TFOR could kick in, causing the systemic lock-up and changes.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:As late as 2040 there are still people in the region that was once "The New Confederacy" that still perform anti-teefer terrorist acts. From what I can tell of your idea it would need to be no later than 2025 because around 2025 the "resistance" in that region has become wildly decentralized and so fractured that it has been known to attack other branches. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:53, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually I was thinking along the lines of pre-2020, so that the main character could go live with Allan without Allan being preoccupied by bombings and death. So, skirmish in 2010s, training from 2011 through 2015, then assassination in 2016. More or less. I can already imagine fight scenes and gunfire and flying knives and two-meter leaps. All in my head, of course, and this messes up my lessons in school. By the way, where exactly does Allan live? And when is Lloyd's story set? I might be able to pull Jonas Balfour into this. :)
::And ShadowWolf's right about my story. I need it to be some kind of anti-TFOR splinter cell (I like the words "splinter cell": they're cool) that attacks pro-TFOR activists. I'll start on it right away, but this week I have to prep for my school's National Day Parade, so I'm kinda busy. I'll find time; I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just to check Shifti for updates before going to school. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|If it was set before 2020, which is when I set Rebuilding, I would have to go back and retcon a lot of exposition into it to make mention of MC, so to be perfectly honest, I think late 2020-2021 would be the best setting for MC and Allan to meet. That gives two years, and story material for both you and me.

Before 2020, Allan lived in California, near LA. Around 2020, he moved to just above Amarillo, Texas. 2021, when he's in college, if he gets into University of Texas, He'll be living in Austin Texas.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 15:20, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Got it. Shifting the timeline ahead, assassination now occurs in 2021. Oh, and can anyone help me think up a name and TFOR type for the pro-TFOR activist? I'm terrible at name-choosing and power-picking. Some help, please. I've written the intro, but right now I have to sleep. It's midnight over here. :) --[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:07, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It seems to me that there is a high density of certain types of anthros in these settings. Generally of felines, lupines, and canines. I'm going to try and remedy that in my next story, because there are a lot of different species on earth, and the virus can even use ones not of this earth. So just as a challenge, you might try something out of the ordinary.

On the powers, only 30% of all teefers receive powers, so he may not have a "super" power, but he could have a biological capability. Such as hardened skin or extreme reflexes. An Armadillo TFOR might work, as it could lead to the bullet failing to penetrate far enough to be lethal. Just remember that the species should affect how the story progresses, instead of just being a block of descriptive text.

As for names, I'm terrible at names. You could try flipping through a phonebook, and picking out random first and last names to throw together.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:44, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Hmm...now that I think of it, maybe this activist shouldn't be a TFOR at all. Instead, I'm thinking having him as a normal human would be far better for the storyline. As for the main character, I'm naming him Taylor Miles, after the Halo 3: ODST [http://www.halo.wikia.com/wiki/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. He's probably going to wind up some kinda wolf (grey or arctic), but you might have guessed that I liked wolves from my name, so this isn't a surprise. And he's going to have some limited object manipulation capabilities, which he can use to accelerate or manipulate bullets or throwing knives, for example. That sorta thing. I'll upload when I'm done with the first couple of chapters. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|A human activist would have a much higher chance of causing an upset in Taylor. If he expects to be shooting at what he believes are "animals," or whatever the propaganda is, then he may have issues with shooting a human being. I have noticed that you like wolves, yes.

On the issue of power characters, I'll link you to my talk page on [[Talk:Rebuilding|rebuilding]]. Both Lloyd and ShadowWolf had something to say about power characters, so it's worth a read. The main notes are to come up with definite limits on his powers, and definite consequences.

On a side note, because Allan is human, but also a TFOR, it could lead to interesting conversation things with Taylor. I enjoy discussions of "what makes a human" so I would love to come up with dialog with you.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 14:18, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yes, exactly. It's supposed to be like that; the target is supposed to be human, but supporting TFORs. Here's an excerpt of what I've written so far:

::“This is your assignment. Find this man, and kill him. Silence him. I believe that you, of all the others, are up to this task. We already have the necessary information regarding him, but it shall be no easy task, since he is so successful that the TFORs have begun offering him protection.”

::“Wait,” Taylor cut in, unheeding of the protocols of respect. “This man is human. An innocent. He has done no wrong and neither is he one of ''them''—”

::“Don’t you see?” Myers slammed his hands on the table, emotion evidently forcing him out of his seat. “This man is corrupting the minds of the people! Human or not, he must be silenced. He is the voice of those beasts, and he has to be silenced, lest the people turn and support them instead of our noble cause!”

::Myers dropped back into his seat, seeming to regain control of his emotions. But looking at the man, Taylor saw a fire burning in his eyes as he continued, “You should know this, of all people. Anyone supporting the TFORs is a threat, and these TFORs are the greatest danger to our society. Or have you forgotten how they ''killed'' your parents, and how we had to take you in, shield you from the beasts and their claws and their teeth?”

::Now it was Taylor’s turn to rise, hands balled into fists. His words were dark, cold, but seething anger underlined them. “I ''never'' forgot, and I ''never'' will.”

:Yeah, so that's the reason why Taylor eventually agrees to it. But it's exactly this reason that plants a little doubt in Taylor's mind...it hints to him that humans can live alongside TFORs perfectly fine, something that his upbringing told him was impossible. As for the things about power characters, yeah, I've read that. Of course I'll work in some limitations, but I'll deal with that when I get there. Right now I'm working the intro. As for dialog...yeah, we could use this "EtherPad" that RM talked about. Seems pretty useful. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Sounds like a plan.}}--[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 16:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Awesome! I'll drop you a message on your talk page or here or something when I get to that part. In the meantime I'll be working on the intro and assassination, as well as investigating the strange EtherPad. Off to sleep now! :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 16:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

::'''ADDITION'''Hey, CR, where do you live? As in, timezone. I'm not going to look you up or anything; I just need to sync times so that if we need to meet for a real-time collab we won't screw up the timings. That sorta thing. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I should probably mention that TFOR is the acronymn for Transformative Failure of Ontogenetic Regulation. ''Teefer'' is the term used for those who were affected by TFOR. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 19:02, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

:Ah, yes. My mistake. Thanks for pitching in! By the way, when does Jonas catch the Torch? Because I like to put little cameos of characters I like, and Jonas is one of them. Even if the cameos are something as small as stepping on his tail. And when does [[The Fool in the Fox]] take place? It'd be useful if I knew when Jonas and Allan met. By the way, if you object to a cameo, it's fine with me. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 07:04, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Fool in the Fox takes place sometime around 2032. Other than that you'll have to wait for Lloyd. I live in GMT-6, but will be out of town for a few days, so I don't know if I'll have internets. Wow, it looks like we are on exactly opposite time zones. When I'm waking up, you're finishing your day.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 12:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Yup, that's about right. But don't worry, I get up at four-thirty in the morning often enough (usually to do homework; I procrastinate). So there's no problem in meeting online, I guess. As for you going out of town, that's fine with me. I probably won't be getting to that part soon. And thanks for the info on Jonas, though I suppose I'll have to wait for Lloyd to reveal more...it's like some kind of conspiracy! :)
:—[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

:Jonas catches the Torch when he's 16, comes to Polyton when he's 17, and Fool takes place when he's 18 and it also happens in the summer of 2031. I have no objections to you using Jonas in your story by the way, that's one of the ideas behind a shared setting after all. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

::Sigh...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can cameo Jonas, because of the timeline. You see, my story needs the civil unrest of the 2020s. Jonas is eighteen in year 2031, meaning he would be eight and un-TFORed in 2021. So, unfortunately, I can't place him in there, because it would result in a timeline clash. Sorry. Perhaps in a sequel... —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and could somebody enlighten me as to the kind of symptoms Blowtorch Fever causes? I'm only sure of the high fever and the cravings; the PaW page only listed those. Are there any others? Thanks. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:29, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|And I'm back in town. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'll do that tonight. On Blowtorch, It only causes cravings if TFORS is also contracted, otherwise it's just a very deadly fever.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 01:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:'Kay. Thanks a lot! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|Here is a clock for Texas,}} [http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=24 timeanddate.com]. --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

==Comments and Critique==
Hey guys, Wolfy here. Right now you've probably seen that I just uploaded the first segment of my story. If there's anything you think is bad, say so now! Thanks! Oh, and good comments are welcome too. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 08:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

:You've shown great improvements from your first foray into writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed what you have here right now and will be waiting for more. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 11:48, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

::Wow, thanks for the praise! I kind of worried that I didn't manage to convey Taylor's character as a ruthless assassin very well, but really, thanks! I'm writing the actual assassination part now. Your praise is now compelling me to write more...Thanks once more! :D —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 12:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I just started reading it, and it's looking pretty good so far. Though you might want to start using pronouns at some point...}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|I have now finished the story in it's current posted form, and must say it is a very good start. A couple of notes:

*You mention that the phone is an iPhone, and I'm not sure if Apple would have survived the collapse, much the same way that Microsoft didn't. We might want to come up with a new mobile device that everyone uses, Otherwise it's hard to tell that the story takes place in the future. Blind Pig had this present future problem pretty bad.
*You don't seem to have any paragraphs. Everything is on a new line, and it makes it a bit difficult to read on a wide-screen monitor.
*The steak house should have a proper name, Such as "The County Line," "Rudy's," or "The Salt Lick." Which are all, coincidentally, real BBQ joints in Austin.
*Your Texas accents aren't too bad. At the very least, they don't portray Texans as idiots.
**"Doubt this killer’ll dare to show his face ‘round these parts when the Rangers are here." might be changed to "..parts with the Rangers in town."
*You drop a lot of Halo cameos in your stories. You might want to tone it down a bit, but that's more of a personal choice.
**In this case, the 99D-S2AM sniper rifle is very loud, and very evident as to where the bullet has come from due to the tracer in every round. You might look up some real world sniper rifles that are more anti-personnel and quiet.
*on the Encryption code: This isn't necessary, but for an added level of realism, you could research [[Wikipedia:Public Key|Public Key]] cryptography, and change it from Delta to a public key that they would use.
*On the robber: There are a lot of drunk, homeless, and/or bad people in east Austin, so you might set the Hotel there.

And that's all I could find right now. Keep up the good work.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 04:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:Thanks for the praise! As for your comments...
:*About the iPhone, it's mainly because I can't think of anything else. If one of the creators of PaW would step up and offer a nifty new brand, I wouldn't mind changing.
:*Paragraphing: I noticed that too, so maybe I'll switch to double-spacing between paragraphs. I use short paragraphs because it emphasizes suspense (I think).
:*Naming the steak house: Got it.
:*Texas accents: I worried that it would be offensive as I hate steorotypes. My bad.
:*Halo cameos: Right. Maybe I'll change it to a AWC (Arctic Warfare Covert). And, if you didn't notice, they're a lot more Halo references, like the Seventh Pillar Hotel is a ref. to the Seventh Column Bungie fangroup (Column is something like Pillar), and how the numbers of all the times add up to [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Seven seven]. And I intend to dump in more Assassin's Creed references, because I love that game. In case you didn't read Taylor's character page on PaW Character Timelines, Taylor bought a [http://assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] and repaired it for use. I know too many game references are bad but god I love those games!
:*Encryption: That's pretty minor, but maybe I'll follow your suggestion. I used "Omega" just to make it sound cool, as well as being a reference to my still unfinished [[User:WolfyDrake95/Last Man Standing|Last Man Standing]].
:*The robber: Okay.

:And thus, I reply. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 04:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::An iphone, as is my understanding, does not require the presence of an Apple network in order to be used as a phone, so it is fully possible that it were still in use/production. If you want an alternate brand though, I believe the PAW Collab mentions something about Linux being the new microsoft so you may be able to come up with something there. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|The iPhone does require an AT&T plan, as well as access to the app store. Apple also has a history of locking down their devices, so that they cannot be used to their fullest unless they are illegaly jailbroken. Now if someone more into the open source/Linux community had taken over Apple, the new iPhone could be a linux based device, as well as more open to modification. Such as an encrypted communications application.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 13:11, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:As it stands this story is set so close to the end of the collapse that there will have been little in the way of technological innovation in regards to "consumer electronics". I can see the jailbreaking applications for the iPhone having become common - hell, I could see someone having broken into Apple's campus and stolen all of their source as having happened. If the source was stolen, then making it available to the public could have happened as well.

:I say that I can see this kind of thing happening and similar because I will not dictate things like that as having occurred. At this point the setting is still growing and details like that will likely be allowed as "canon". As the setting grows more details will get filled in it will become harder for people to add major new facets to the setting. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 14:34, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

::Actually, I was thinking of using the iPhone because of its large application database, as well as its functionability (I read in NewsWeek that US snipers use it to calculate bullet drop). The one Taylor has is an upgraded version that the HRM developed for their field operatives. The HRM wasn't affected much by the Collapse, because it's quite a large movement and has a lot of powerful people within to support it. The cell featured in the story is only the Texas cell; many other cells are seeded within the New Confederacy. I can imagine someone in Apple being a member of the HRM and supplying them with the tech as well as the programs and applications specially designed for the Movement. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 15:04, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

== On self deprication. ==

{{Green|I'm noticing a trend with us young writers. We seem to think everything we write is, for lack of a better term, complete sh*t. I echo your author's note almost exactly on [[Talk:Rebuilding]]. To quote:

::"Anyways, I don't want to accidentally wreck your carefully crafted world with my bad fanfiction."

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. It may mean we are more open to criticism, but it also means that we may be more prone to giving up on a story before giving it a chance.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:05, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:I think I know why. It's because when we (at least just me) read good stories (like Michael Bard's w00t I'm a fan!) we feel that we can't get up to that standard. When we read other stories in the universe we feel that we can't maintain that level of awesomeness. And so, we're terrified that we'll screw up the story universe. As for whether it's a good thing or bad...I think good because small bits of praise make me so happy that I get motivated a lot, but bad because if I don't get any praise or comments I get very demoralized. Queer. :) —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|True enough. On a side note, I still haven't read it yet because I'm RPing on one of District 9's Facebook pages. For the uninformed: [[Wikipedia:District_9|District 9]]. The Facebook page is}} [http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=57580949635#/MNUSpreadsLies here].

{{Green|The universe the movie is set in is very interesting, and the fact that the RP is entirely user driven, with no professional posters, even more so. I think I may attempt a short in the universe, but that will probably not show up on shifti.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 02:31, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

:You Facebook? I never really understood the lure of that thing...I'm not much for social networking. I'll probably try to work out my account soon enough. Strange thing, this Facebook. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 02:56, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

{{Green|It helps to connect to friends that aren't near you, and set up group things, and, as I'm now finding out, it's pretty good for rping as well. This is a [http://www.explosm.net/comics/1137/ facebook]. I don't really want to link to my facebook from shifti, mainly because I don't really want my ident to be publicly known yet.}} --[[User:Concerned Reader|Concerned Reader]] 03:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-10T04:20:34Z

WolfyDrake95: /* Comments and Critique */

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-10T02:56:59Z

WolfyDrake95: /* On self deprication. */

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-10T02:18:57Z

WolfyDrake95: /* On self deprication. */

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-10T02:00:51Z

WolfyDrake95: Thanks CR!

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-09T12:29:39Z

WolfyDrake95: /* Storyline Discussion */

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-09T12:22:22Z

WolfyDrake95: /* Comments and Critique */ WOW! Really big smiley face now :D

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-09T08:52:07Z

WolfyDrake95:

Talk:JT Fox's Sly and Tracy At the Bus Stop

2009-08-09T01:44:05Z

WolfyDrake95: Amateur's opinion, no offence intended.

I must confess a certain weakness for your Sly Fox stories, thank you for writing another one. Though if you'd like a bit of critique, Tracy seems to accept Sly sooner than can be reasonably believed. Even if Xanadu was widely known and accepted at this point, one would still be wary of someone as... peculiar as Sly. You may also wish to expand on the TF process itself as well as the overall description of events as this story seems to lack some of the quality shared by the other stories in this series. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 11:05, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

:Sadly, I agree with Lloyd. The other Sly Fox stories really impressed me (except for the occasional grammatical error, but that's understandable), but this one...not so much. Like what Lloyd said, you seem to have cut off several bits that continue the willing suspension of disbelief thing, and the story is mainly conveyed through conversation, making it flow less well. It'd be better if you threw in more descriptions. If you don't mind an amateur's opinion, I'd say that it seemed like you were trying to cut a long story short, and in the process you removed several bits and pieces, like additional dialog between the two characters or descriptions of the TF. Still, thanks for another Sly Fox story! —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 01:44, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

PAW Timelines/Character Timeline

2009-08-08T14:00:52Z

WolfyDrake95: /* Taylor Miles */ Addition lol.

No reason you should have to do this on your own, CR. How about we collect the character profiles here and simply list the stories each has a role in like in the Paradise setting? -- [[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]
==Scott Jameson==
Scott Summers Jameson

===Stats===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 35 (November, 2009)
*Height: 2 meters (about 6'7")
*Weight: 102 kilos (about 225 pounds)

====Powers====
*Age Locked
*"Plasma Toss"
:At the minimum temperature of about 200 degrees fahrenheit he can throw close to 100.
:At the average temperature he uses - about 1200 degrees fahrenheit - he can throw about 20.
:At the maximum temperature of about 5000 degrees fahrenheit he can throw one.
:If he exceeds the above stated numbers he risks falling into a coma and even death.

===Description===
Tall. At two meters tall he towers over most people and his military bearing and toned physique are used to great advantages when he feels the need for it. Overall he looks like someone altered a wolf to stand on two legs and have hands with opposed thumbs. His most distinguishing characteristic is his fur, which is a true black that does not look 'navy' or 'purple' when the light catches it a certain way.

===Personality===
At one time a committed pacifist, Scott's outlook changed when the collapse happened and the world descended into chaos. Not long afterwards he came down with TFOR and his life was saved because he collapsed into a snow-bank in the middle of winter when his temperature spiked.

Because of his pacifist leanings, Scott does not like to resort to violence except when it is absolutely necessary. This has led to numerous tragedies in his life that he keeps trying to atone for. But the NAR's government view him as a natural resource, national treasure and a valuable military resource. That view does not sit well with Scott, so he spends his time in a small city, blending into the scenery and holding down a blue-collar job helping to repair and upgrade the infrastructure damaged and/or destroyed during the collapse.

Scott believes strongly in "The Golden Rule" and strives to treat everyone equally well, because that is how he wishes to be treated. But he was also raised to treat women as though they are the most precious of treasures and he is a perfect gentleman in that regard - almost anachronistically so. He is also a "geek", though he hides it well, and dropped out of college because he got bored with the pace of the professors.

===Bio===
Joined the Pennsylvania Militia in September 2009, not long after the US Federal Government collapsed

Made Sergeant 1/10/2010 and given command of a black-ops group mostly comprised of Teefers called "Havok's Hounds". By the August, 25, 2010 date of the "Greater Pennsylvania Commonwealth" joining the nascent NAR he had gained nearly $2bn CND in bounties (somewhere around 200 of them, none with his actual name) placed by the Canadian Government for his actions in combat. After word of a single bounty of $1bn CDN reached the government of Pennsylvania, he was given a field commission and the rank of first lieutenant. (Note that it was a minor bit of mis-information - no single bounty was ever that large) When the bounties were rescinded and he joined the NAR military he was promoted to Captain and left in charge of his unit.

After becoming a member of the NAR Military he was part of the first major battle on the "New Confederacy", during which three members of his squad were injured and one was killed, when he demanded members of an armored unit of the N.C. Army surrender. The heat-bloom from his response - two balls of plasma at about 2800 degrees C - was recorded by several satellites. Those two balls of plasma completely incinerated the M1 Abrams tank that the N.C. unit was using and destroyed the bodies of the N.C. soldiers. But as a result of that act he spent the next three months in a deep coma.

Currently forced to remain in the NARA Reserves because of the fear the government has of his military skills and TFOR's granted powers. He is "hiding" in Polyton county because he was used and turned into one of the hero's of the nascent NAR. He lives in the hotel next to the bar and spends his days working with Alex Henninger maintaining and repairing the numerous utility lines that run through that part of the NAR.

===Appears In===
* [[PAW Collab|The Great Pig and Whistle Collaboration Project]]
* [[User:ShadowWolf/Death and Rebirth|Death and Rebirth]]
* [[Enter a Wolf]]

==Allan Willson==
Allan Michael Wilson

===Stats===
*Human
*Age at onset of TFOR: 18 (June, 2020)
*Height: 6' 1”
*Weight: 135 lbs
*Birthday: November 10, 2002

====Powers====
*High heart rate. About 110-130 at rest. 130-230 when active.
*"Phase Shifting"
:At densities under 10 g/cm³, he can go through about 10 feet of the material before passing out.
:At densities from 10-20 g/cm³, he can go through about 3-5 feet before passing out, with extreme discomfort.
:He cannot pass through densities greater than 21. That element being Platinum.
:As he passes through a material, his heart rate will go up considerably. If it hits 250, serious bodily harm can occur, such as a heart attack, or a ruptured blood vessel.
:when his heart rate is between 130-200, his chances of accidentally phasing through something are greatly increased.
::[[Wikipedia:List of elements by density]]

===Description===
An average, just out of high school, first years of college, student. The only thing odd about him is his weight. At 135 lbs, he is much lighter than he looks to be. Mostly because of a high metabolism that he had before the onset of TFORs. He isn't necessarily weak, but many years on ADHD medicine has lowered his weight to almost unsafe levels. He is now working out to try and regain weight. A kind of spindly fellow, his legs and arms are long. Sun bleached blond hair, that is just starting to darken underneath, and blue eyes. His pupils are usually abnormally dilated due to his constantly raised heart rate. He lost his lower right leg during the bombing of his town, and thus has a transtibial, or below the knee, prosthetic leg. The foot looks like [http://www.endolite.com/foot_echelon.php this].

His watch works as a heart rate monitor. It starts blinking and beeping at 130bpm, vibrates at 150bpm, and if it ever hits 180bpm, the alarm can be heard over almost anything.

===Personality===
Allan is an atypical nonconformist. He doesn't fit in with any crowd. Raised a Christian in Texas for his young childhood, religion has stuck with him, in varying amounts of focus, for most of his life. His four years of high school in California were the worst of his life. A few years of bad friendship has hardened him against personal relationships. He uses his generally upbeat personality to mask how he feels underneath. Ever since his Father died during a bombing of their small town, he hasn't cried. When around others, he finds it very hard to show any emotions, not just fear or sadness, but happiness too. He hardly ever uses curse words, and never says f*ck, more out of habit than from religious ideals, and is generally very kind to others.

===Bio===
His family moved to California in 2016, his freshman year of high school, so that his dad could go to seminary there. Even before he caught the torch, and later TFOR, he was an outsider. Picked on by everyone, his friends turned into fiends in his junior year. That year was also when he caught BlowTorch Fever. Quick medical attention, and well trained staff were all that saved his life. Well, that and God, if his dad is to be believed. His senior year was better, at least until graduation. In June of 2020, his first phase shift happened as he was walking on stage to receive his diploma. Sinking through the floor in front of your entire senior class and their parents is a sure way to become ostracized. In order to avoid unwanted questions and reputations, his family moved back to Texas, settling in a small town just above Amarillo.

His dad got a job as a guard at the Pantex facility, and his mom started working as a temp secretary.
Everything was going great until 10:22 on the 12 of November, 2020. That was when the first bomb hit. There were many wounded, and almost no deaths, but one of the victims was Allan's father. It's unknown what the bombs were targeting, or who exactly was responsible, though the Rangers believe that it may have been meant for the Pantex facility. They hope that no one is that stupid, as nuclear weapons are serious business and any attack on or with them could start a new war.

After spending two years helping to rebuild the town, as well as finishing most of his college education, Allan joins the Rangers in October of 2022 in hopes of finding the party responsible. Rather than join the main armed forces, he works with the intelligence department. Finally finding a use for his computer skills. It also helps that he can walk through most walls. He spends a long time chasing ghosts. It's not until 2032 that he actually finds any concrete leads to the bombing incident, which lead him right into the NAR, to a place called Polyton county.

===Appears In===
* [[Rebuilding]]
* [[The Fool in the Fox]]

==Jonas Balfour==
Johannes Reynard Belford

===Stats===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 16. Jonas refuses to talk about his life before TFOR and if asked about his current age he will only respond with the length of time he’s been a teefer.
*Date at onset of TFOR: December of 2029
*Length: 1 meter (3ft. Tail makes up half of this.)
*Weight: 5.7kg (~12.6 pounds)

====Powers====
*Ages extremely slowly. Jonas ages one year for every 16 that pass, a result of his body "synchronyzing" with a normal human lifespan.
*Pending
===Description===
As a fullmorph red fox, his appearance is typical of the species. Fur colouration is a light orange except on his belly, under the chin, and the tip of his tail where it is white. Unlike a normal fox, the fur around his lower legs/paws and the tips of his ears is a light brown rather than black, a remnant of his former hair colour. Eyes are green and he wears specially made glasses to compensate for the natural short-sightedness of his species. His clothing preferences lean towards the ironic, with his favoured design being a paw print motif. Wears a dog collar with a bone-shaped nametag, the front of which is blank but his name, address, and emergency contact information are on the back. Chest is not as deep as on a normal fox, and his joints are slightly more flexible. The only parts of his body that are not fully vulpine are his forepaws, which are just flexible enough to be used as hands (though he lacks thumbs) and his throat, allowing him to speak, but he loses this ability whenever he is in a heightened emotional state, including raised/lowered heartbeat or an adrenaline rush. Technically speaking, Jonas ''is'' capable of walking bipedal - he just doesn't unless it seems necessary and as a result most people are unaware he can.
===Personality===
Obstensibly laid-back and casual, Jonas is socially passive but warm and amiable if approached. His preferred self-image is of an untroubled friend to all, and he attempts to avoid conflict as much as possible in order to further this. Inwardly, he retains part of his ego from when he was human and suffers a suppressed sense of inferiority over the limitations of being a fullmorph - though he absolutely refuses to aknowledge these feelings.
===Bio===
The Belfords are one of the wealthiest families in the NAR; this is primarily due to the fact that Johannes Sr. was not only a shrewd investor but also because he founded Albion shortly before the end of the Collapse, a company that is now the NAR's leading producer of teefer-related products and is aiming to launch overseas expansion. Jonas grew up pushing himself to perfection in everything he did in order to follow in his father's footsteps. After contracting TFOR, Jonas fell into a deep depression and ran away after a year. After wandering for several months he eventually settled in Polyton County. Now employed at the Twin Bells bakery, Jonas is content with a simpler life based on comfort rather than the success-driven one he had previously held, and in order to maintain this he keeps his past hidden, though he stays in semi-regular contact with his family - usually through letters - to prevent them from looking for him. He also has access to his family’s resources and is permitted a generous financial allowance, but sees no reason to use either of them.
===Appears In===
* [[The Fool in the Fox]]

==Taylor Miles==
Taylor Church Miles

''Side note: Taylor was named after the Halo 3: ODST video game [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. By sheer coincidence, Miles is the same last name of [http://www.assassinscreed.wikia.com/Desmond_Miles Desmond Miles], protagonist of the Assassin's Creed video game and descendent of Altair Ibn-La'Ahad, the famed Assassin in the game. This means that Taylor is another descendent of Altair. What a strange coincidence.''

===Statistics===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 17 (November 2021)
*TFOR Type: Gray Wolf
*Height: 175 cm
*Weight: 63 kg
*Born: 7 July, 2004 in Kirkland, Washington
*HRM Enlistment Date: 25 July, 2018
:*Service Number: [classified]
*HRM Resignation Date: 24 November 2021
====Powers====
*Manipulation of small objects. Taylor is able to accelerate or manipulate the flight path of projectiles such as rounds or the throwing knives he prefers. The projectile affected also heats up a great deal, effectively increasing its damage capabilities.
:*However, this only works under conditions of extreme concentration, and takes a lot out of him, even if he doesn't notice it then.

===Description===
Taylor Miles maintains an appearance similar to that of the average teenager. However, he has a gaze that most find disconcerting or even unnerving, as thoughhe constantly wears a very guarded expression, his eyes are by far the most expressive part of him. What makes them unnerving is the way he looks at people: usually wary, dark, and cold, and they stand out from his otherwise average appearance. He wears a hooded sweatshirt, or hoodie, and jeans, both in dark colors. The hood is usually pulled low over his eyes, so as to mask his identity and prevent people from recognizing him should he be exposed. When confronted, Taylor acts like any teenager would: his youth is his ultimate disguise, the trick up his sleeve that reduces suspicion. Thus, Taylor usually escapes suspicion directly following an assassination. Even after his resignation from the Human Resistance Movement, Taylor continues to dress in this attire, which has become a habit.
Taylor is quiet most of the time, preferring to keep his opinions to himself, and would rather watch from the sidelines and gather information from conversations he is privvy to. His presence is unobtrusive, leading people to fail to notice him actually being there, which is a useful skill to the nature of his objectives.
====Equipment====
Having been an assassin for the HRM, Taylor has carried out various hits mainly on pro-teefer activists within North America. When he was part of the HRM, he had access to all the equipment they had, though he prefers old-school blades and knives as compared to conventional firearms. This doesn't mean that he refuses to hold a gun; he does know the advantages of having a semi-automatic firearm. Though young, Taylor is heavily armed for each mission. Concealed within his hoodie is his field equipment, consisting of a combat knife, a silenced handgun and an ancient[http://www.assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] which he repaired and utilised. The combat knife was the only thing Taylor has left of his parents after their deaths, and he treasures it greatly. This is the main reason why he prefers knives, though the reason he maintains is that knives are far more elegant than firearms, being both silent and lethal.

===Personality===
Taylor isn't one to tell others his problems. A hard life since childhood has left him dark and cynical and tempered his otherwise rash personality, leaving him far more mature than most his age. Even in times of crisis and stress, he has learnt the art of keeping perfectly, impeccably cool, and he is calm in nearly any situation. As a result of years of hardship, he rarely expresses emotion, having much experience in controlling them, and the only ones escaping him are the strongest. And as a result of relentless training in the HRM and secondary training (both physical and psychological) to be an assassin, Taylor is analytical, calm, logical, and yet a little ruthless. Deceptive and manipulative at times, he is capable of tricking information out of other people, often without their conscious knowledge.

When preparing for a mission Taylor very emotionally detached, willing to do whatever it takes to further his cause. He believes strongly that one life is not a high price to pay for a worth cause. Careful to wrap up loose ends, he makes sure to silence anyone that might jeopardize the mission before executing it. Before missions Taylor ensures that he receives all the intel he requires on the hit, making it a point to recon the place at least twice before the actual attack. Despite his occupation as a career assassin, Taylor has constantly upheld his morals, feeling that what he does is "for the cause" and justifiable, believing that teefers are not people. He has, quite ruthlessly, killed teefers before (though no mass killings, only those who would jeopardize his aims, like those who might expose him), and feels little for it until he actually becomes a teefer and begins to understand that they are people as well. After he quits the HRM, Taylor sees the way he has taken the lives of teefers as his greatest mistake and regret. Having learnt that he had been betraying his own morals all along, Taylor harbours a deep-seated resentment for the organization that deceived him into doing so.

All his life Taylor had been brought up as part of the HRM to distrust teefers, though he never expresses this directly as a human. Displaying anti-teefer sentiments would blow his cover and draw suspicion to him, something that he was trained to prevent. When he TFORed, and learnt the truth about his parents' death, he felt deeply betrayed, and this emotional betrayal has taught him not to trust others again, making Taylor a difficult person to befriend even after he quit the HRM. Secretly Taylor needs somebody to depend on emotionally, but he refuses to acknowledge this, having learnt the hard way not to trust anybody.

===Bio===
'''WARNING! SPOILERS FOR''' ''PRICE IN BLOOD'' '''BELOW!'''

When Taylor was aged ten, he and his parents got caught in the crossfire between teefers and human activists. While Taylor survived unscathed, his parents were killed, orphaning him in the process. He was taken in by a Human Resistance Movement splinter cell (calling themselves the HRM Texas Cell) and was convinced that the teefers had killed his parents. Seeking revenge, he was applied to be trained for combat, and when he entered into training, he was the best and most promising cadet. Despite his young age, he entered into the HRM's academic learning systems, eventually mastering college-level studies, which marked the end of his academic life.

After graduating from three years of HRM military training, Taylor was handpicked to be a assassin, in order to take out key members of the pro-teefer community. As a result of repeated successes, he grew to be a respected and feared member of the HRM, despite his age. On a mission, specifically the Ambrose assassination, he catches the Torch midway and fails spectacularly, eventually ending up taken in by a sympathetic Allan. Initially hostile towards Allan, Taylor is slowly convinced that what he believed was wrong, he ends up turning against the HRM and working against it, resenting the way he was deceived.

'''SPOILERS END HERE.'''
===Appears In===
[[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|Price in Blood]] (WIP)

PAW Timelines/Character Timeline

2009-08-08T13:44:07Z

WolfyDrake95: Just another minor edit...

No reason you should have to do this on your own, CR. How about we collect the character profiles here and simply list the stories each has a role in like in the Paradise setting? -- [[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]
==Scott Jameson==
Scott Summers Jameson

===Stats===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 35 (November, 2009)
*Height: 2 meters (about 6'7")
*Weight: 102 kilos (about 225 pounds)

====Powers====
*Age Locked
*"Plasma Toss"
:At the minimum temperature of about 200 degrees fahrenheit he can throw close to 100.
:At the average temperature he uses - about 1200 degrees fahrenheit - he can throw about 20.
:At the maximum temperature of about 5000 degrees fahrenheit he can throw one.
:If he exceeds the above stated numbers he risks falling into a coma and even death.

===Description===
Tall. At two meters tall he towers over most people and his military bearing and toned physique are used to great advantages when he feels the need for it. Overall he looks like someone altered a wolf to stand on two legs and have hands with opposed thumbs. His most distinguishing characteristic is his fur, which is a true black that does not look 'navy' or 'purple' when the light catches it a certain way.

===Personality===
At one time a committed pacifist, Scott's outlook changed when the collapse happened and the world descended into chaos. Not long afterwards he came down with TFOR and his life was saved because he collapsed into a snow-bank in the middle of winter when his temperature spiked.

Because of his pacifist leanings, Scott does not like to resort to violence except when it is absolutely necessary. This has led to numerous tragedies in his life that he keeps trying to atone for. But the NAR's government view him as a natural resource, national treasure and a valuable military resource. That view does not sit well with Scott, so he spends his time in a small city, blending into the scenery and holding down a blue-collar job helping to repair and upgrade the infrastructure damaged and/or destroyed during the collapse.

Scott believes strongly in "The Golden Rule" and strives to treat everyone equally well, because that is how he wishes to be treated. But he was also raised to treat women as though they are the most precious of treasures and he is a perfect gentleman in that regard - almost anachronistically so. He is also a "geek", though he hides it well, and dropped out of college because he got bored with the pace of the professors.

===Bio===
Joined the Pennsylvania Militia in September 2009, not long after the US Federal Government collapsed

Made Sergeant 1/10/2010 and given command of a black-ops group mostly comprised of Teefers called "Havok's Hounds". By the August, 25, 2010 date of the "Greater Pennsylvania Commonwealth" joining the nascent NAR he had gained nearly $2bn CND in bounties (somewhere around 200 of them, none with his actual name) placed by the Canadian Government for his actions in combat. After word of a single bounty of $1bn CDN reached the government of Pennsylvania, he was given a field commission and the rank of first lieutenant. (Note that it was a minor bit of mis-information - no single bounty was ever that large) When the bounties were rescinded and he joined the NAR military he was promoted to Captain and left in charge of his unit.

After becoming a member of the NAR Military he was part of the first major battle on the "New Confederacy", during which three members of his squad were injured and one was killed, when he demanded members of an armored unit of the N.C. Army surrender. The heat-bloom from his response - two balls of plasma at about 2800 degrees C - was recorded by several satellites. Those two balls of plasma completely incinerated the M1 Abrams tank that the N.C. unit was using and destroyed the bodies of the N.C. soldiers. But as a result of that act he spent the next three months in a deep coma.

Currently forced to remain in the NARA Reserves because of the fear the government has of his military skills and TFOR's granted powers. He is "hiding" in Polyton county because he was used and turned into one of the hero's of the nascent NAR. He lives in the hotel next to the bar and spends his days working with Alex Henninger maintaining and repairing the numerous utility lines that run through that part of the NAR.

===Appears In===
* [[PAW Collab|The Great Pig and Whistle Collaboration Project]]
* [[User:ShadowWolf/Death and Rebirth|Death and Rebirth]]
* [[Enter a Wolf]]

==Allan Willson==
Allan Michael Wilson

===Stats===
*Human
*Age at onset of TFOR: 18 (June, 2020)
*Height: 6' 1”
*Weight: 135 lbs
*Birthday: November 10, 2002

====Powers====
*High heart rate. About 110-130 at rest. 130-230 when active.
*"Phase Shifting"
:At densities under 10 g/cm³, he can go through about 10 feet of the material before passing out.
:At densities from 10-20 g/cm³, he can go through about 3-5 feet before passing out, with extreme discomfort.
:He cannot pass through densities greater than 21. That element being Platinum.
:As he passes through a material, his heart rate will go up considerably. If it hits 250, serious bodily harm can occur, such as a heart attack, or a ruptured blood vessel.
:when his heart rate is between 130-200, his chances of accidentally phasing through something are greatly increased.
::[[Wikipedia:List of elements by density]]

===Description===
An average, just out of high school, first years of college, student. The only thing odd about him is his weight. At 135 lbs, he is much lighter than he looks to be. Mostly because of a high metabolism that he had before the onset of TFORs. He isn't necessarily weak, but many years on ADHD medicine has lowered his weight to almost unsafe levels. He is now working out to try and regain weight. A kind of spindly fellow, his legs and arms are long. Sun bleached blond hair, that is just starting to darken underneath, and blue eyes. His pupils are usually abnormally dilated due to his constantly raised heart rate. He lost his lower right leg during the bombing of his town, and thus has a transtibial, or below the knee, prosthetic leg. The foot looks like [http://www.endolite.com/foot_echelon.php this].

His watch works as a heart rate monitor. It starts blinking and beeping at 130bpm, vibrates at 150bpm, and if it ever hits 180bpm, the alarm can be heard over almost anything.

===Personality===
Allan is an atypical nonconformist. He doesn't fit in with any crowd. Raised a Christian in Texas for his young childhood, religion has stuck with him, in varying amounts of focus, for most of his life. His four years of high school in California were the worst of his life. A few years of bad friendship has hardened him against personal relationships. He uses his generally upbeat personality to mask how he feels underneath. Ever since his Father died during a bombing of their small town, he hasn't cried. When around others, he finds it very hard to show any emotions, not just fear or sadness, but happiness too. He hardly ever uses curse words, and never says f*ck, more out of habit than from religious ideals, and is generally very kind to others.

===Bio===
His family moved to California in 2016, his freshman year of high school, so that his dad could go to seminary there. Even before he caught the torch, and later TFOR, he was an outsider. Picked on by everyone, his friends turned into fiends in his junior year. That year was also when he caught BlowTorch Fever. Quick medical attention, and well trained staff were all that saved his life. Well, that and God, if his dad is to be believed. His senior year was better, at least until graduation. In June of 2020, his first phase shift happened as he was walking on stage to receive his diploma. Sinking through the floor in front of your entire senior class and their parents is a sure way to become ostracized. In order to avoid unwanted questions and reputations, his family moved back to Texas, settling in a small town just above Amarillo.

His dad got a job as a guard at the Pantex facility, and his mom started working as a temp secretary.
Everything was going great until 10:22 on the 12 of November, 2020. That was when the first bomb hit. There were many wounded, and almost no deaths, but one of the victims was Allan's father. It's unknown what the bombs were targeting, or who exactly was responsible, though the Rangers believe that it may have been meant for the Pantex facility. They hope that no one is that stupid, as nuclear weapons are serious business and any attack on or with them could start a new war.

After spending two years helping to rebuild the town, as well as finishing most of his college education, Allan joins the Rangers in October of 2022 in hopes of finding the party responsible. Rather than join the main armed forces, he works with the intelligence department. Finally finding a use for his computer skills. It also helps that he can walk through most walls. He spends a long time chasing ghosts. It's not until 2032 that he actually finds any concrete leads to the bombing incident, which lead him right into the NAR, to a place called Polyton county.

===Appears In===
* [[Rebuilding]]
* [[The Fool in the Fox]]

==Jonas Balfour==
Johannes Reynard Belford

===Stats===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 16. Jonas refuses to talk about his life before TFOR and if asked about his current age he will only respond with the length of time he’s been a teefer.
*Date at onset of TFOR: December of 2029
*Length: 1 meter (3ft. Tail makes up half of this.)
*Weight: 5.7kg (~12.6 pounds)

====Powers====
*Ages extremely slowly. Jonas ages one year for every 16 that pass, a result of his body "synchronyzing" with a normal human lifespan.
*Pending
===Description===
As a fullmorph red fox, his appearance is typical of the species. Fur colouration is a light orange except on his belly, under the chin, and the tip of his tail where it is white. Unlike a normal fox, the fur around his lower legs/paws and the tips of his ears is a light brown rather than black, a remnant of his former hair colour. Eyes are green and he wears specially made glasses to compensate for the natural short-sightedness of his species. His clothing preferences lean towards the ironic, with his favoured design being a paw print motif. Wears a dog collar with a bone-shaped nametag, the front of which is blank but his name, address, and emergency contact information are on the back. Chest is not as deep as on a normal fox, and his joints are slightly more flexible. The only parts of his body that are not fully vulpine are his forepaws, which are just flexible enough to be used as hands (though he lacks thumbs) and his throat, allowing him to speak, but he loses this ability whenever he is in a heightened emotional state, including raised/lowered heartbeat or an adrenaline rush. Technically speaking, Jonas ''is'' capable of walking bipedal - he just doesn't unless it seems necessary and as a result most people are unaware he can.
===Personality===
Obstensibly laid-back and casual, Jonas is socially passive but warm and amiable if approached. His preferred self-image is of an untroubled friend to all, and he attempts to avoid conflict as much as possible in order to further this. Inwardly, he retains part of his ego from when he was human and suffers a suppressed sense of inferiority over the limitations of being a fullmorph - though he absolutely refuses to aknowledge these feelings.
===Bio===
The Belfords are one of the wealthiest families in the NAR; this is primarily due to the fact that Johannes Sr. was not only a shrewd investor but also because he founded Albion shortly before the end of the Collapse, a company that is now the NAR's leading producer of teefer-related products and is aiming to launch overseas expansion. Jonas grew up pushing himself to perfection in everything he did in order to follow in his father's footsteps. After contracting TFOR, Jonas fell into a deep depression and ran away after a year. After wandering for several months he eventually settled in Polyton County. Now employed at the Twin Bells bakery, Jonas is content with a simpler life based on comfort rather than the success-driven one he had previously held, and in order to maintain this he keeps his past hidden, though he stays in semi-regular contact with his family - usually through letters - to prevent them from looking for him. He also has access to his family’s resources and is permitted a generous financial allowance, but sees no reason to use either of them.
===Appears In===
* [[The Fool in the Fox]]

==Taylor Miles==
Taylor Church Miles

''Side note: Taylor was named after the Halo 3: ODST video game [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. By sheer coincidence, Miles is the same last name of [http://www.assassinscreed.wikia.com/Desmond_Miles Desmond Miles], protagonist of the Assassin's Creed video game and descendent of Altair Ibn-La'Ahad, the famed Assassin in the game. This means that Taylor is another descendent of Altair. What a strange coincidence.''

===Statistics===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 17 (November 2021)
*TFOR Type: Gray Wolf
*Height: 175 cm
*Weight: 63 kg
*Born: 7 July, 2004 in Kirkland, Washington
*HRM Enlistment Date: 25 July, 2018
:*Service Number: [classified]
*HRM Resignation Date: 24 November 2021
====Powers====
*Manipulation of small objects. Taylor is able to accelerate or manipulate the flight path of projectiles such as rounds or the throwing knives he prefers. The projectile affected also heats up a great deal, effectively increasing its damage capabilities.
:*However, this only works under conditions of extreme concentration, and takes a lot out of him, even if he doesn't notice it then.

===Description===
Taylor Miles maintains an appearance similar to that of the average teenager. However, he has a gaze that most find disconcerting or even unnerving, as thoughhe constantly wears a very guarded expression, his eyes are by far the most expressive part of him. What makes them unnerving is the way he looks at people: usually wary, dark, and cold, and they stand out from his otherwise average appearance. He wears a hooded sweatshirt, or hoodie, and jeans, both in dark colors. The hood is usually pulled low over his eyes, so as to mask his identity and prevent people from recognizing him should he be exposed. When confronted, Taylor acts like any teenager would: his youth is his ultimate disguise, the trick up his sleeve that reduces suspicion. Thus, Taylor usually escapes suspicion directly following an assassination. Even after his resignation from the Human Resistance Movement, Taylor continues to dress in this attire, which has become a habit.
====Equipment====
Having been an assassin for the HRM, Taylor has carried out various hits mainly on pro-teefer activists within North America. When he was part of the HRM, he had access to all the equipment they had, though he prefers old-school blades and knives as compared to conventional firearms. This doesn't mean that he refuses to hold a gun; he does know the advantages of having a semi-automatic firearm. Though young, Taylor is heavily armed for each mission. Concealed within his hoodie is his field equipment, consisting of a combat knife, a silenced handgun and an ancient[http://www.assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] which he repaired and utilised. The combat knife was the only thing Taylor has left of his parents after their deaths, and he treasures it greatly. This is the main reason why he prefers knives, though the reason he maintains is that knives are far more elegant than firearms, being both silent and lethal.

===Personality===
Taylor isn't one to tell others his problems. A hard life since childhood has left him dark and cynical and tempered his otherwise rash personality, leaving him far more mature than most his age. Even in times of crisis and stress, he has learnt the art of keeping perfectly, impeccably cool, and he is calm in nearly any situation. As a result of years of hardship, he rarely expresses emotion, having much experience in controlling them, and the only ones escaping him are the strongest. And as a result of relentless training in the HRM and secondary training (both physical and psychological) to be an assassin, Taylor is analytical, calm, logical, and yet a little ruthless. Deceptive and manipulative at times, he is capable of tricking information out of other people, often without their conscious knowledge.

When preparing for a mission Taylor very emotionally detached, willing to do whatever it takes to further his cause. He believes strongly that one life is not a high price to pay for a worth cause. Careful to wrap up loose ends, he makes sure to silence anyone that might jeopardize the mission before executing it. Before missions Taylor ensures that he receives all the intel he requires on the hit, making it a point to recon the place at least twice before the actual attack. Despite his occupation as a career assassin, Taylor has constantly upheld his morals, feeling that what he does is "for the cause" and justifiable, believing that teefers are not people. He has, quite ruthlessly, killed teefers before (though no mass killings, only those who would jeopardize his aims, like those who might expose him), and feels little for it until he actually becomes a teefer and begins to understand that they are people as well. After he quits the HRM, Taylor sees the way he has taken the lives of teefers as his greatest mistake and regret. Having learnt that he had been betraying his own morals all along, Taylor harbours a deep-seated resentment for the organization that deceived him into doing so.

All his life Taylor had been brought up as part of the HRM to distrust teefers, though he never expresses this directly as a human. Displaying anti-teefer sentiments would blow his cover and draw suspicion to him, something that he was trained to prevent. When he TFORed, and learnt the truth about his parents' death, he felt deeply betrayed, and this emotional betrayal has taught him not to trust others again, making Taylor a difficult person to befriend even after he quit the HRM. Secretly Taylor needs somebody to depend on emotionally, but he refuses to acknowledge this, having learnt the hard way not to trust anybody.

===Bio===
'''WARNING! SPOILERS FOR''' ''PRICE IN BLOOD'' '''BELOW!'''

When Taylor was aged ten, he and his parents got caught in the crossfire between teefers and human activists. While Taylor survived unscathed, his parents were killed, orphaning him in the process. He was taken in by a Human Resistance Movement splinter cell (calling themselves the HRM Texas Cell) and was convinced that the teefers had killed his parents. Seeking revenge, he was applied to be trained for combat, and when he entered into training, he was the best and most promising cadet. Despite his young age, he entered into the HRM's academic learning systems, eventually mastering college-level studies, which marked the end of his academic life.

After graduating from three years of HRM military training, Taylor was handpicked to be a assassin, in order to take out key members of the pro-teefer community. As a result of repeated successes, he grew to be a respected and feared member of the HRM, despite his age. On a mission, specifically the Ambrose assassination, he catches the Torch midway and fails spectacularly, eventually ending up taken in by a sympathetic Allan. Initially hostile towards Allan, Taylor is slowly convinced that what he believed was wrong, he ends up turning against the HRM and working against it, resenting the way he was deceived.

'''SPOILERS END HERE.'''
===Appears In===
[[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|Price in Blood]] (WIP)

PAW Timelines/Character Timeline

2009-08-08T03:11:50Z

WolfyDrake95:

No reason you should have to do this on your own, CR. How about we collect the character profiles here and simply list the stories each has a role in like in the Paradise setting? -- [[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]
==Scott Jameson==
Scott Summers Jameson

===Stats===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 35 (November, 2009)
*Height: 2 meters (about 6'7")
*Weight: 102 kilos (about 225 pounds)

====Powers====
*Age Locked
*"Plasma Toss"
:At the minimum temperature of about 200 degrees fahrenheit he can throw close to 100.
:At the average temperature he uses - about 1200 degrees fahrenheit - he can throw about 20.
:At the maximum temperature of about 5000 degrees fahrenheit he can throw one.
:If he exceeds the above stated numbers he risks falling into a coma and even death.

===Description===
Tall. At two meters tall he towers over most people and his military bearing and toned physique are used to great advantages when he feels the need for it. Overall he looks like someone altered a wolf to stand on two legs and have hands with opposed thumbs. His most distinguishing characteristic is his fur, which is a true black that does not look 'navy' or 'purple' when the light catches it a certain way.

===Personality===
At one time a committed pacifist, Scott's outlook changed when the collapse happened and the world descended into chaos. Not long afterwards he came down with TFOR and his life was saved because he collapsed into a snow-bank in the middle of winter when his temperature spiked.

Because of his pacifist leanings, Scott does not like to resort to violence except when it is absolutely necessary. This has led to numerous tragedies in his life that he keeps trying to atone for. But the NAR's government view him as a natural resource, national treasure and a valuable military resource. That view does not sit well with Scott, so he spends his time in a small city, blending into the scenery and holding down a blue-collar job helping to repair and upgrade the infrastructure damaged and/or destroyed during the collapse.

Scott believes strongly in "The Golden Rule" and strives to treat everyone equally well, because that is how he wishes to be treated. But he was also raised to treat women as though they are the most precious of treasures and he is a perfect gentleman in that regard - almost anachronistically so. He is also a "geek", though he hides it well, and dropped out of college because he got bored with the pace of the professors.

===Bio===
Joined the Pennsylvania Militia in September 2009, not long after the US Federal Government collapsed

Made Sergeant 1/10/2010 and given command of a black-ops group mostly comprised of Teefers called "Havok's Hounds". By the August, 25, 2010 date of the "Greater Pennsylvania Commonwealth" joining the nascent NAR he had gained nearly $2bn CND in bounties (somewhere around 200 of them, none with his actual name) placed by the Canadian Government for his actions in combat. After word of a single bounty of $1bn CDN reached the government of Pennsylvania, he was given a field commission and the rank of first lieutenant. (Note that it was a minor bit of mis-information - no single bounty was ever that large) When the bounties were rescinded and he joined the NAR military he was promoted to Captain and left in charge of his unit.

After becoming a member of the NAR Military he was part of the first major battle on the "New Confederacy", during which three members of his squad were injured and one was killed, when he demanded members of an armored unit of the N.C. Army surrender. The heat-bloom from his response - two balls of plasma at about 2800 degrees C - was recorded by several satellites. Those two balls of plasma completely incinerated the M1 Abrams tank that the N.C. unit was using and destroyed the bodies of the N.C. soldiers. But as a result of that act he spent the next three months in a deep coma.

Currently forced to remain in the NARA Reserves because of the fear the government has of his military skills and TFOR's granted powers. He is "hiding" in Polyton county because he was used and turned into one of the hero's of the nascent NAR. He lives in the hotel next to the bar and spends his days working with Alex Henninger maintaining and repairing the numerous utility lines that run through that part of the NAR.

===Appears In===
* [[PAW Collab|The Great Pig and Whistle Collaboration Project]]
* [[User:ShadowWolf/Death and Rebirth|Death and Rebirth]]
* [[Enter a Wolf]]

==Allan Willson==
Allan Michael Wilson

===Stats===
*Human
*Age at onset of TFOR: 18 (June, 2020)
*Height: 6' 1”
*Weight: 135 lbs
*Birthday: November 10, 2002

====Powers====
*High heart rate. About 110-130 at rest. 130-230 when active.
*"Phase Shifting"
:At densities under 10 g/cm³, he can go through about 10 feet of the material before passing out.
:At densities from 10-20 g/cm³, he can go through about 3-5 feet before passing out, with extreme discomfort.
:He cannot pass through densities greater than 21. That element being Platinum.
:As he passes through a material, his heart rate will go up considerably. If it hits 250, serious bodily harm can occur, such as a heart attack, or a ruptured blood vessel.
:when his heart rate is between 130-200, his chances of accidentally phasing through something are greatly increased.
::[[Wikipedia:List of elements by density]]

===Description===
An average, just out of high school, first years of college, student. The only thing odd about him is his weight. At 135 lbs, he is much lighter than he looks to be. Mostly because of a high metabolism that he had before the onset of TFORs. He isn't necessarily weak, but many years on ADHD medicine has lowered his weight to almost unsafe levels. He is now working out to try and regain weight. A kind of spindly fellow, his legs and arms are long. Sun bleached blond hair, that is just starting to darken underneath, and blue eyes. His pupils are usually abnormally dilated due to his constantly raised heart rate. He lost his lower right leg during the bombing of his town, and thus has a transtibial, or below the knee, prosthetic leg. The foot looks like [http://www.endolite.com/foot_echelon.php this].

His watch works as a heart rate monitor. It starts blinking and beeping at 130bpm, vibrates at 150bpm, and if it ever hits 180bpm, the alarm can be heard over almost anything.

===Personality===
Allan is an atypical nonconformist. He doesn't fit in with any crowd. Raised a Christian in Texas for his young childhood, religion has stuck with him, in varying amounts of focus, for most of his life. His four years of high school in California were the worst of his life. A few years of bad friendship has hardened him against personal relationships. He uses his generally upbeat personality to mask how he feels underneath. Ever since his Father died during a bombing of their small town, he hasn't cried. When around others, he finds it very hard to show any emotions, not just fear or sadness, but happiness too. He hardly ever uses curse words, and never says f*ck, more out of habit than from religious ideals, and is generally very kind to others.

===Bio===
His family moved to California in 2016, his freshman year of high school, so that his dad could go to seminary there. Even before he caught the torch, and later TFOR, he was an outsider. Picked on by everyone, his friends turned into fiends in his junior year. That year was also when he caught BlowTorch Fever. Quick medical attention, and well trained staff were all that saved his life. Well, that and God, if his dad is to be believed. His senior year was better, at least until graduation. In June of 2020, his first phase shift happened as he was walking on stage to receive his diploma. Sinking through the floor in front of your entire senior class and their parents is a sure way to become ostracized. In order to avoid unwanted questions and reputations, his family moved back to Texas, settling in a small town just above Amarillo.

His dad got a job as a guard at the Pantex facility, and his mom started working as a temp secretary.
Everything was going great until 10:22 on the 12 of November, 2020. That was when the first bomb hit. There were many wounded, and almost no deaths, but one of the victims was Allan's father. It's unknown what the bombs were targeting, or who exactly was responsible, though the Rangers believe that it may have been meant for the Pantex facility. They hope that no one is that stupid, as nuclear weapons are serious business and any attack on or with them could start a new war.

After spending two years helping to rebuild the town, as well as finishing most of his college education, Allan joins the Rangers in October of 2022 in hopes of finding the party responsible. Rather than join the main armed forces, he works with the intelligence department. Finally finding a use for his computer skills. It also helps that he can walk through most walls. He spends a long time chasing ghosts. It's not until 2032 that he actually finds any concrete leads to the bombing incident, which lead him right into the NAR, to a place called Polyton county.

===Appears In===
* [[Rebuilding]]
* [[The Fool in the Fox]]

==Jonas Balfour==
Johannes Reynard Belford

===Stats===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 16. Jonas refuses to talk about his life before TFOR and if asked about his current age he will only respond with the length of time he’s been a teefer.
*Date at onset of TFOR: December of 2029
*Length: 1 meter (3ft. Tail makes up half of this.)
*Weight: 5.7kg (~12.6 pounds)

====Powers====
*Ages extremely slowly. Jonas ages one year for every 16 that pass, a result of his body "synchronyzing" with a normal human lifespan.
*Pending
===Description===
As a fullmorph red fox, his appearance is typical of the species. Fur colouration is a light orange except on his belly, under the chin, and the tip of his tail where it is white. Unlike a normal fox, the fur around his lower legs/paws and the tips of his ears is a light brown rather than black, a remnant of his former hair colour. Eyes are green and he wears specially made glasses to compensate for the natural short-sightedness of his species. His clothing preferences lean towards the ironic, with his favoured design being a paw print motif. Wears a dog collar with a bone-shaped nametag, the front of which is blank but his name, address, and emergency contact information are on the back. Chest is not as deep as on a normal fox, and his joints are slightly more flexible. The only parts of his body that are not fully vulpine are his forepaws, which are just flexible enough to be used as hands (though he lacks thumbs) and his throat, allowing him to speak, but he loses this ability whenever he is in a heightened emotional state, including raised/lowered heartbeat or an adrenaline rush. Technically speaking, Jonas ''is'' capable of walking bipedal - he just doesn't unless it seems necessary and as a result most people are unaware he can.
===Personality===
Obstensibly laid-back and casual, Jonas is socially passive but warm and amiable if approached. His preferred self-image is of an untroubled friend to all, and he attempts to avoid conflict as much as possible in order to further this. Inwardly, he retains part of his ego from when he was human and suffers a suppressed sense of inferiority over the limitations of being a fullmorph - though he absolutely refuses to aknowledge these feelings.
===Bio===
The Belfords are one of the wealthiest families in the NAR; this is primarily due to the fact that Johannes Sr. was not only a shrewd investor but also because he founded Albion shortly before the end of the Collapse, a company that is now the NAR's leading producer of teefer-related products and is aiming to launch overseas expansion. Jonas grew up pushing himself to perfection in everything he did in order to follow in his father's footsteps. After contracting TFOR, Jonas fell into a deep depression and ran away after a year. After wandering for several months he eventually settled in Polyton County. Now employed at the Twin Bells bakery, Jonas is content with a simpler life based on comfort rather than the success-driven one he had previously held, and in order to maintain this he keeps his past hidden, though he stays in semi-regular contact with his family - usually through letters - to prevent them from looking for him. He also has access to his family’s resources and is permitted a generous financial allowance, but sees no reason to use either of them.
===Appears In===
* [[The Fool in the Fox]]

==Taylor Miles==
Taylor Church Miles

''Side note: Taylor was named after the Halo 3: ODST video game [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. By sheer coincidence, Miles is the same last name of [http://www.assassinscreed.wikia.com/Desmond_Miles Desmond Miles], protagonist of the Assassin's Creed video game and descendent of Altair Ibn-La'Ahad, the famed Assassin in the game. This means that Taylor is another descendent of Altair. What a strange coincidence.''

===Statistics===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 17 (November 2021)
*TFOR Type: Gray Wolf
*Height: 175 cm
*Weight: 63 kg
*Born: 7 July, 2004 in Kirkland, Washington
*HRM Enlistment Date: 25 July, 2018
:*Service Number: [classified]
*HRM Resignation Date: 24 November 2021
====Powers====
*Manipulation of small objects. Taylor is able to accelerate or manipulate the flight path of projectiles such as rounds or the throwing knives he prefers. The projectile affected also heats up a great deal, effectively increasing its damage capabilities.
:*However, this only works under conditions of extreme concentration, and takes a lot out of him, even if he doesn't notice it then.

===Description===
Taylor Miles maintains an appearance similar to that of the average teenager. He wears a hooded sweatshirt, or hoodie, and jeans, both in dark colors. The hood is usually pulled low over his eyes, so as to mask his identity and prevent people from recognizing him should he be exposed. When confronted, Taylor acts like any teenager would: his youth is his ultimate disguise, the trick up his sleeve that reduces suspicion. Thus, Taylor usually escapes suspicion directly following an assassination. Even after his resignation from the Human Resistance Movement, Taylor continues to dress in this attire, which has become a habit.
====Equipment====
Having been an assassin for the HRM, Taylor has carried out various hits mainly on pro-teefer activists within North America. When he was part of the HRM, he had access to all the equipment they had, though he prefers old-school blades and knives as compared to conventional firearms. This doesn't mean that he refuses to hold a gun; he does know the advantages of having a semi-automatic firearm. Though young, Taylor is heavily armed for each mission. Concealed within his hoodie is his field equipment, consisting of three throwing knives, one combat knife and one handgun. The combat knife was the only thing Taylor has left of his parents after their deaths, and he treasures it greatly. This is the main reason why he prefers knives, though he maintains that knives are far more elegant than firearms, being both silent and lethal.

===Personality===
A hard life since childhood has left Taylor dark and cynical and tempered his otherwise rash personality, leaving him far more mature than most his age. Even in times of crisis and stress, he has learnt the art of keeping perfectly, impeccably cool, and he is calm in nearly any situation. As a result of years of hardship, he rarely expresses emotion, having much experience in controlling them, and the only ones escaping him are the strongest. And as a result of relentless training in the HRM and secondary training (both physical and psychological) to be an assassin, Taylor is analytical, calm, logical, and yet a little ruthless. Deceptive and manipulative at times, he is capable of tricking information out of other people, often without their conscious knowledge.

When preparing for a mission Taylor is careful to wrap up loose ends, making sure to silence anyone that might jeopardize the mission before executing it. Before missions Taylor makes sure that he receives all the intel he requires on the hit, making it a point to recon the place at least twice before the actual attack. Despite his occupation as a career assassin, Taylor has constantly upheld his morals, feeling that what he does is "for the cause" and justifiable, believing that teefers are not people. He has, quite ruthlessly, killed teefers before (though no mass killings, only those who oppose him and jeopardize his aims), and feels little for it until he actually becomes a teefer and begins to understand that they are people as well. After he quits the HRM, Taylor sees the way he has taken the lives of teefers as his greatest mistake and regret. Having learnt that he had been betraying his own morals all along, Taylor harbours a deep-seated resentment for the organization that deceived him into doing so.

All his life Taylor had been brought up as part of the HRM to distrust teefers, though he never expresses this directly as a human. Displaying anti-teefer sentiments would blow his cover and draw suspicion to him, something that he was trained to prevent. When he TFORed, and learnt the truth about his parents' death, he felt deeply betrayed, and this emotional betrayal has taught him not to trust others again, making Taylor a difficult person to befriend even after he quit the HRM. Secretly Taylor needs somebody to depend on emotionally, but he refuses to acknowledge this, having learnt the hard way not to trust anybody.

===Bio===
'''WARNING! SPOILERS FOR''' ''PRICE IN BLOOD'' '''BELOW!'''

When Taylor was aged ten, he and his parents got caught in the crossfire between teefers and human activists. While Taylor survived unscathed, his parents were killed, orphaning him in the process. He was taken in by a Human Resistance Movement splinter cell (calling themselves the HRM Texas Cell) and was convinced that the teefers had killed his parents. Seeking revenge, he was applied to be trained for combat, and when he entered into training, he was the best and most promising cadet. Despite his young age, he entered into the HRM's academic learning systems, eventually mastering college-level studies, which marked the end of his academic life.

After graduating from three years of HRM military training, Taylor was handpicked to be a assassin, in order to take out key members of the pro-teefer community. As a result of repeated successes, he grew to be a respected and feared member of the HRM, despite his age. On a mission, specifically the Ambrose assassination, he catches the Torch midway and fails spectacularly, eventually ending up taken in by a sympathetic Allan. Slowly convinced that what he believed was wrong, he ends up turning against the HRM and working against it, resenting the way he was deceived.

'''SPOILERS END HERE.'''
===Appears In===
[[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|Price in Blood]] (WIP)

PAW Timelines/Character Timeline

2009-08-07T16:24:29Z

WolfyDrake95: Posting Taylor's info...ugh. I'm half-asleep, I'll continue with a few minor updates soon enough. But this is more or less it.

No reason you should have to do this on your own, CR. How about we collect the character profiles here and simply list the stories each has a role in like in the Paradise setting? -- [[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]
==Scott Jameson==
Scott Summers Jameson

===Stats===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 35 (November, 2009)
*Height: 2 meters (about 6'7")
*Weight: 102 kilos (about 225 pounds)

====Powers====
*Age Locked
*"Plasma Toss"
:At the minimum temperature of about 200 degrees fahrenheit he can throw close to 100.
:At the average temperature he uses - about 1200 degrees fahrenheit - he can throw about 20.
:At the maximum temperature of about 5000 degrees fahrenheit he can throw one.
:If he exceeds the above stated numbers he risks falling into a coma and even death.

===Description===
Tall. At two meters tall he towers over most people and his military bearing and toned physique are used to great advantages when he feels the need for it. Overall he looks like someone altered a wolf to stand on two legs and have hands with opposed thumbs. His most distinguishing characteristic is his fur, which is a true black that does not look 'navy' or 'purple' when the light catches it a certain way.

===Personality===
At one time a committed pacifist, Scott's outlook changed when the collapse happened and the world descended into chaos. Not long afterwards he came down with TFOR and his life was saved because he collapsed into a snow-bank in the middle of winter when his temperature spiked.

Because of his pacifist leanings, Scott does not like to resort to violence except when it is absolutely necessary. This has led to numerous tragedies in his life that he keeps trying to atone for. But the NAR's government view him as a natural resource, national treasure and a valuable military resource. That view does not sit well with Scott, so he spends his time in a small city, blending into the scenery and holding down a blue-collar job helping to repair and upgrade the infrastructure damaged and/or destroyed during the collapse.

Scott believes strongly in "The Golden Rule" and strives to treat everyone equally well, because that is how he wishes to be treated. But he was also raised to treat women as though they are the most precious of treasures and he is a perfect gentleman in that regard - almost anachronistically so. He is also a "geek", though he hides it well, and dropped out of college because he got bored with the pace of the professors.

===Bio===
Joined the Pennsylvania Militia in September 2009, not long after the US Federal Government collapsed

Made Sergeant 1/10/2010 and given command of a black-ops group mostly comprised of Teefers called "Havok's Hounds". By the August, 25, 2010 date of the "Greater Pennsylvania Commonwealth" joining the nascent NAR he had gained nearly $2bn CND in bounties (somewhere around 200 of them, none with his actual name) placed by the Canadian Government for his actions in combat. After word of a single bounty of $1bn CDN reached the government of Pennsylvania, he was given a field commission and the rank of first lieutenant. (Note that it was a minor bit of mis-information - no single bounty was ever that large) When the bounties were rescinded and he joined the NAR military he was promoted to Captain and left in charge of his unit.

After becoming a member of the NAR Military he was part of the first major battle on the "New Confederacy", during which three members of his squad were injured and one was killed, when he demanded members of an armored unit of the N.C. Army surrender. The heat-bloom from his response - two balls of plasma at about 2800 degrees C - was recorded by several satellites. Those two balls of plasma completely incinerated the M1 Abrams tank that the N.C. unit was using and destroyed the bodies of the N.C. soldiers. But as a result of that act he spent the next three months in a deep coma.

Currently forced to remain in the NARA Reserves because of the fear the government has of his military skills and TFOR's granted powers. He is "hiding" in Polyton county because he was used and turned into one of the hero's of the nascent NAR. He lives in the hotel next to the bar and spends his days working with Alex Henninger maintaining and repairing the numerous utility lines that run through that part of the NAR.

===Appears In===
* [[PAW Collab|The Great Pig and Whistle Collaboration Project]]
* [[User:ShadowWolf/Death and Rebirth|Death and Rebirth]]
* [[Enter a Wolf]]

==Allan Willson==
Allan Michael Wilson

===Stats===
*Human
*Age at onset of TFOR: 18 (June, 2020)
*Height: 6' 1”
*Weight: 135 lbs
*Birthday: November 10, 2002

====Powers====
*High heart rate. About 110-130 at rest. 130-230 when active.
*"Phase Shifting"
:At densities under 10 g/cm³, he can go through about 10 feet of the material before passing out.
:At densities from 10-20 g/cm³, he can go through about 3-5 feet before passing out, with extreme discomfort.
:He cannot pass through densities greater than 21. That element being Platinum.
:As he passes through a material, his heart rate will go up considerably. If it hits 250, serious bodily harm can occur, such as a heart attack, or a ruptured blood vessel.
:when his heart rate is between 130-200, his chances of accidentally phasing through something are greatly increased.
::[[Wikipedia:List of elements by density]]

===Description===
An average, just out of high school, first years of college, student. The only thing odd about him is his weight. At 135 lbs, he is much lighter than he looks to be. Mostly because of a high metabolism that he had before the onset of TFORs. He isn't necessarily weak, but many years on ADHD medicine has lowered his weight to almost unsafe levels. He is now working out to try and regain weight. A kind of spindly fellow, his legs and arms are long. Sun bleached blond hair, that is just starting to darken underneath, and blue eyes. His pupils are usually abnormally dilated due to his constantly raised heart rate. He lost his lower right leg during the bombing of his town, and thus has a transtibial, or below the knee, prosthetic leg. The foot looks like [http://www.endolite.com/foot_echelon.php this].

His watch works as a heart rate monitor. It starts blinking and beeping at 130bpm, vibrates at 150bpm, and if it ever hits 180bpm, the alarm can be heard over almost anything.

===Personality===
Allan is an atypical nonconformist. He doesn't fit in with any crowd. Raised a Christian in Texas for his young childhood, religion has stuck with him, in varying amounts of focus, for most of his life. His four years of high school in California were the worst of his life. A few years of bad friendship has hardened him against personal relationships. He uses his generally upbeat personality to mask how he feels underneath. Ever since his Father died during a bombing of their small town, he hasn't cried. When around others, he finds it very hard to show any emotions, not just fear or sadness, but happiness too. He hardly ever uses curse words, and never says f*ck, more out of habit than from religious ideals, and is generally very kind to others.

===Bio===
His family moved to California in 2016, his freshman year of high school, so that his dad could go to seminary there. Even before he caught the torch, and later TFOR, he was an outsider. Picked on by everyone, his friends turned into fiends in his junior year. That year was also when he caught BlowTorch Fever. Quick medical attention, and well trained staff were all that saved his life. Well, that and God, if his dad is to be believed. His senior year was better, at least until graduation. In June of 2020, his first phase shift happened as he was walking on stage to receive his diploma. Sinking through the floor in front of your entire senior class and their parents is a sure way to become ostracized. In order to avoid unwanted questions and reputations, his family moved back to Texas, settling in a small town just above Amarillo.

His dad got a job as a guard at the Pantex facility, and his mom started working as a temp secretary.
Everything was going great until 10:22 on the 12 of November, 2020. That was when the first bomb hit. There were many wounded, and almost no deaths, but one of the victims was Allan's father. It's unknown what the bombs were targeting, or who exactly was responsible, though the Rangers believe that it may have been meant for the Pantex facility. They hope that no one is that stupid, as nuclear weapons are serious business and any attack on or with them could start a new war.

After spending two years helping to rebuild the town, as well as finishing most of his college education, Allan joins the Rangers in October of 2022 in hopes of finding the party responsible. Rather than join the main armed forces, he works with the intelligence department. Finally finding a use for his computer skills. It also helps that he can walk through most walls. He spends a long time chasing ghosts. It's not until 2032 that he actually finds any concrete leads to the bombing incident, which lead him right into the NAR, to a place called Polyton county.

===Appears In===
* [[Rebuilding]]
* [[The Fool in the Fox]]

==Jonas Balfour==
Johannes Reynard Belford

===Stats===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 16. Jonas refuses to talk about his life before TFOR and if asked about his current age he will only respond with the length of time he’s been a teefer.
*Date at onset of TFOR: December of 2029
*Length: 1 meter (3ft. Tail makes up half of this.)
*Weight: 5.7kg (~12.6 pounds)

====Powers====
*Ages extremely slowly. Jonas ages one year for every 16 that pass, a result of his body "synchronyzing" with a normal human lifespan.
*Pending
===Description===
As a fullmorph red fox, his appearance is typical of the species. Fur colouration is a light orange except on his belly, under the chin, and the tip of his tail where it is white. Unlike a normal fox, the fur around his lower legs/paws and the tips of his ears is a light brown rather than black, a remnant of his former hair colour. Eyes are green and he wears specially made glasses to compensate for the natural short-sightedness of his species. His clothing preferences lean towards the ironic, with his favoured design being a paw print motif. Wears a dog collar with a bone-shaped nametag, the front of which is blank but his name, address, and emergency contact information are on the back. Chest is not as deep as on a normal fox, and his joints are slightly more flexible. The only parts of his body that are not fully vulpine are his forepaws, which are just flexible enough to be used as hands (though he lacks thumbs) and his throat, allowing him to speak, but he loses this ability whenever he is in a heightened emotional state, including raised/lowered heartbeat or an adrenaline rush. Technically speaking, Jonas ''is'' capable of walking bipedal - he just doesn't unless it seems necessary and as a result most people are unaware he can.
===Personality===
Obstensibly laid-back and casual, Jonas is socially passive but warm and amiable if approached. His preferred self-image is of an untroubled friend to all, and he attempts to avoid conflict as much as possible in order to further this. Inwardly, he retains part of his ego from when he was human and suffers a suppressed sense of inferiority over the limitations of being a fullmorph - though he absolutely refuses to aknowledge these feelings.
===Bio===
The Belfords are one of the wealthiest families in the NAR; this is primarily due to the fact that Johannes Sr. was not only a shrewd investor but also because he founded Albion shortly before the end of the Collapse, a company that is now the NAR's leading producer of teefer-related products and is aiming to launch overseas expansion. Jonas grew up pushing himself to perfection in everything he did in order to follow in his father's footsteps. After contracting TFOR, Jonas fell into a deep depression and ran away after a year. After wandering for several months he eventually settled in Polyton County. Now employed at the Twin Bells bakery, Jonas is content with a simpler life based on comfort rather than the success-driven one he had previously held, and in order to maintain this he keeps his past hidden, though he stays in semi-regular contact with his family - usually through letters - to prevent them from looking for him. He also has access to his family’s resources and is permitted a generous financial allowance, but sees no reason to use either of them.
===Appears In===
* [[The Fool in the Fox]]

==Taylor Miles==
Taylor Church Miles

''Side note: Taylor was named after the Halo 3: ODST video game [http://www.halo.wikia.com/Taylor_Miles character of the same name]. By sheer coincidence, Miles is the same last name of [http://www.assassinscreed.wikia.com/Desmond_Miles Desmond Miles], protagonist of the Assassin's Creed video game and descendent of Altair Ibn-La'Ahad, the famed Assassin in the game. This means that Taylor is possibly following in the footsteps of his ancestor, Altair. What a coincidence! I like it. ''

===Statistics===
*Age at onset of TFOR: 17 (November 2021)
*TFOR Type: Gray Wolf
*Height: 175 cm
*Weight: 63 kg
*Born: 7 July, 2004 in Kirkland, Washington
*HRM Enlistment Date: 25 July, 2018
:*Service Number: [classified]
*HRM Resignation Date: 24 November 2021
====Powers====
*Manipulation of small objects. Taylor is able to accelerate or manipulate the flight path of projectiles such as rounds or the throwing knives he prefers. The projectile affected also heats up a great deal, effectively increasing its damage capabilities.
:*However, this only works under conditions of extreme concentration, and takes a lot out of him, even if he doesn't notice it then.

===Description===
Taylor Miles maintains an appearance similar to that of the average teenager. He wears a hooded sweatshirt, or hoodie, and jeans, both in dark colors. The hood is usually pulled low over his eyes, so as to mask his identity and prevent people from recognizing him should he be exposed. When confronted, Taylor acts like any teenager would: his youth is his ultimate disguise, the trick up his sleeve that reduces suspicion. Thus, Taylor usually escapes suspicion directly following an assassination. Even after his resignation from the Human Resistance Movement, Taylor continues to dress in this attire, which has become a habit.
====Equipment====
Having been an assassin for the HRM, Taylor has carried out various hits mainly on pro-teefer activists within North America. When he was part of the HRM, he had access to all the equipment they had, though he prefers old-school blades and knives as compared to conventional firearms. This doesn't mean that he refuses to hold a gun; he does know the advantages of having a semi-automatic firearm. Though young, Taylor is heavily armed for each mission. Concealed within his hoodie is his field equipment, consisting of three throwing knives, one combat knife and one handgun. He also carries a [http://www.assassinscreed.wikia.com/Hidden_Blade hidden blade] that he bought as an antique and repaired for his own purposes. It is reserved for the assassination target only.

===Personality===
A hard life since childhood has left Taylor dark and cynical and tempered his otherwise rash personality, leaving him far more mature than most his age. Even in times of crisis and stress, he has learnt the art of keeping perfectly, impeccably cool, and he is calm in nearly any situation. As a result of years of hardship, he rarely expresses emotion, having much experience in controlling them, and the only ones escaping him are the strongest. And as a result of relentless training in the HRM and secondary training (both physical and psychological) to be an assassin, Taylor is analytical, calm, logical, and yet a little ruthless. Deceptive and manipulative at times, he is capable of tricking information out of other people, often without their conscious knowledge.

When preparing for a mission Taylor is careful to wrap up loose ends, making sure to silence anyone that might jeopardize the mission before executing it. Before missions Taylor makes sure that he receives all the intel he requires on the hit, making it a point to recon the place at least twice before the actual attack. Despite his occupation as a career assassin, Taylor has constantly upheld his morals, feeling that what he does is "for the cause" and justifiable, believing that teefers are not people. He has, quite ruthlessly, killed teefers before (though no mass killings, only those who oppose him and jeopardize his aims), and feels little for it until he actually becomes a teefer and begins to understand that they are people as well. After he quits the HRM, Taylor sees the way he has taken the lives of teefers as his greatest mistake and regret. Having learnt that he had been betraying his own morals all along, Taylor harbours a deep-seated resentment for the organization that deceived him into doing so.

All his life Taylor had been brought up as part of the HRM to distrust teefers, though he never expresses this directly as a human. Displaying anti-teefer sentiments would blow his cover and draw suspicion to him, something that he was trained to prevent. When he TFORed, and learnt the truth about his parents' death, he felt deeply betrayed, and this emotional betrayal has taught him not to trust others again, making Taylor a difficult person to befriend even after he quit the HRM. Secretly Taylor needs somebody to depend on emotionally, but he refuses to acknowledge this, having learnt the hard way not to trust anybody.

===Bio===
'''WARNING! SPOILERS FOR''' ''PRICE IN BLOOD'' '''BELOW!'''

When Taylor was aged ten, he and his parents got caught in the crossfire between teefers and human activists. While Taylor survived unscathed, his parents were killed, orphaning him in the process. He was taken in by a Human Resistance Movement splinter cell (calling themselves the HRM Texas Cell) and was convinced that the teefers had killed his parents. Seeking revenge, he was applied to be trained for combat, and when he entered into training, he was the best and most promising cadet. Despite his young age, he entered into the HRM's academic learning systems, eventually mastering college-level studies, which marked the end of his academic life.

After graduating from three years of HRM military training, Taylor was handpicked to be a assassin, in order to take out key members of the pro-teefer community. As a result of repeated successes, he grew to be a respected and feared member of the HRM, despite his age. On a mission, specifically the Ambrose assassination, he catches the Torch midway and fails spectacularly, eventually ending up taken in by a sympathetic Allan. Slowly convinced that what he believed was wrong, he ends up turning against the HRM and working against it, resenting the way he was deceived.

'''SPOILERS END HERE.'''
===Appears In===
[[User:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood|Price in Blood]] (WIP)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-06T14:37:52Z

WolfyDrake95: Didn't notice that Lloyd had replied...my bad.

Talk:PAW Timelines/Character Timeline

2009-08-06T13:35:54Z

WolfyDrake95: /* Name */ Just a comment...

While your contribution is appreciated Shadow, to avoid making this page excessively long once more people are added I was thinking a format similar to the one used in the PAW Collab:

===Name===
(Username's Character)

*Age
*Species
*Powers
*Height
*Weight

Description

Personality

Bio

Appears In

--[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] (modified by [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 07:42, 5 June 2009 (UTC) and more by [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 07:45, 5 June 2009 (UTC))

Yeah - I was trying for something like that but wasn't really paying attention as I pushed out the relevant data. And you missed '[[Enter a Wolf]]' by Oberon - Scott is one half of a discussion between war vets in that story :) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 03:10, 5 June 2009 (UTC) (added 'Enter a Wolf' (finally) -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 07:45, 5 June 2009 (UTC))

:Not all of the bits in the above layout are needed. For key characters or characters likely to be mentioned in passing in stories, they should all be there to give the authors an extra leg-up. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 07:42, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

::There's a line near the end of your bio that says, "he is hiding in Polyton because he used as one of the heroes for the NAR." It seems like there's supposed to be something between "he" and "used". -- [[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]

Umm...hey guys, just dropping a note. Wouldn't it be much more practical if next to "Age of TFOR onset" you also added "Date of TFOR onset"? Like Scott's, which says November 2009. If only the age of onset is stated, it tells me little or nothing about when TFOR occurred, making it difficult to line up stories. Just saying. —[[User:WolfyDrake95|Drake]] 13:35, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

== Scott's bounty ==

Is "$2bn" supposed to mean two billion? Because, no offense, it seems a little far fetched that in the middle of the Collapse the Canadian government would be able to spare that much to reward whoever killed a singled (albeit probably very annoying) soldier. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]

:It was not a single bounty, but a collection of them, the largest of which was for "The TFOR's sufferer who..." with a couple of acts known to have been committed by that person. It was for $5 million CDN - though, as noted in [[Enter a Wolf]] the bounty rapidly reached a combined total of $1 billion CDN and his superiors promoted him from Sergeant to Lieutenant. And no bounty would be paid to a member of the military - these were to try and get the populace to turn against him.
:In the end he had somewhere close to 200 different bounties on him, placed after different members of the Canadian (standard and "extended") Military petitioned Parliament. Since it seemed pointless to make the distinction in the character description, I let it drop. If you still feel that a government doing that just doesn't fit, I'll drop the total count of all bounties down to one half of its current level, but I can drop it no further without requiring at least one existing story to be changed. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 01:10, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

::No, it's fine as is, 200 different bounties adding up makes more sense than the single one I thought it was. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]]

Bah,I know this seems like I'm nitpicking (I'm really not, I swear!) but I'm thinking about including the bounties in my next story so I did some math and for 200 to add up to 2 billion each would have to be worth around $10 million, which I don't see as plausible, especially in a wartime scenario. --[[User:Lloyd Brunnel|Lloyd]] 10:23, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

:They never expected to have to pay them out, since they expected him to be killed by one of their soldiers. And you can't take an average or think that wartime means people act sanely. In this case he had caused that much trouble for them and it wasn't all the Canadians promising the bounties. Some were from other groups that he'd had contact with. But as I said, I can easily drop the total, though it'll require changes to at least one story if I go under the billion mark. -- [[User:ShadowWolf|ShadowWolf]] 16:25, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

User talk:WolfyDrake95/Price in Blood

2009-08-06T12:49:11Z

WolfyDrake95: Reply