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| {{my stories
| | This is well along and I think I'm ready for some comments. It's my first attempt in a very long time to do first person. |
| |name=Joysweeper
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| |category=Joysweeper}}
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| I'm Joysweeper. | | This story is now essentially finished, though I expect to do some revisions. I hope it's an enjoyable read. Please tell me what you-all think. |
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| [[Image:Altjoysweeperov5.png]]
| | Alveric |
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| I haven't been here all that long, and even though my ego would claim otherwise I know I'm pretty average. I'll get better. I'd appreciate any constructive crits anyone would care to hand out - I'm pretty good with spelling and grammar, but less certain about anything else.
| | :There, took me a little while to get to it but I've finished reading. :) 'Tis a nice little tale, and flowed pretty smoothly. There wasn't a whole lot of plot to it but that's not too big a "fault" - a lot of Xanadu stories are written along these lines, most of mine are similar. Mermaids in particular are tricky to write a lengthy plot for since they've got such limited mobility. I see now that your other ongoing work is a crossover, with the other mermaid Skye making an appearance. That's one of the neat aspects of shared settings but it could also lead to constraints on your subsequent stories so don't hesitate to edit this one some more if events in your other stories call for it. For example, it sounds like Skye is going to be separated from the other two protagonists of her story in fairly short order. Maybe a major plot for the other story could be them searching for her? |
| | | :Anyway, focusing on this story. The mervulcan mix was a great idea, very fun. However, the Vulcan side of the mix didn't come up very much. I realize that under the circumstances it's entirely reasonable that the mer side would be the more significant one but it still feels a bit like a wasted opportunity. When Hannah was being manhandled by that pirate I was expecting that she'd pull out the ol' Vulcan nerve pinch on him (that encounter could perhaps use a bit of rewriting anyway - the characters' reactions seemed a bit odd, both in Hannah pulling a knife on a man who was trying to help her and yet still trusting him to carry her around, and the pirate not reacting very much to his passenger threatening him like that). |
| I suppose a bio is in order... gee, I've never written one of those before... um...
| | :Then of course there's the Vulcan mind meld and telepathic aptitude in general that you could play around with a bit. Especially right at the end, it could be useful as a means of underwater communication with Skye and I'd be curious to see how it interacts with Force-based mental communication. As it was her reunion with Alex was a little uneventful. |
| | | :Hope these were the sorts of critiques you were looking for. No major issues leapt out at me otherwise, overall quite good. Thanks for writing! :) [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 15:11, 1 March 2011 (UTC) |
| Joysweeper, also known as Perpetually Distracted, was born on the same day of the month that Kennedy announced the Apollo program in '61, the same day of the month that ''Star Wars'' was released in '77. This was in the same year that the ''Exxon Valdez'' had that oil spill, Nintendo started selling the Game Boy, Tianaman Square's ''Goddess of Democracy'' was built, unveiled, and destroyed, the people of the Baltic states joined hands to form a human chain six hundred klicks long as a demand for freedom, the Berlin Wall fell, and Disney's version of "The Little Mermaid" hit theaters. In other words, she's pretty darned young. Nineteen, to be exact.
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| She has also displayed a passion for Star Wars, space programs, scifi/fantasy novels, comic books, dragons, and video games. Her favorite musician is Jonathan Coulton.[http://www.jonathancoulton.com/store/downloads] She blames him and his geeky songs - as well as innumerable other things - for her erratic schedule. Occasionally she has been seen drawing or sculpting things out of clay, but a common complaint is that everything she does turns into some kind of dragon. This isn't the case with her writing, though.
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| Joysweeper's TSA-related writing primarily takes place in [[Xanadu (setting)]]. It allows her to mush a number of her interests into a single universe. So far, a distinct preference for Star Wars characters and dragons is pretty evident, but that might change. The curious might do well to check out [http://shadowwolf.keil-draco.com/archive.php ShadowWolf's archive](it doesn't get enough traffic).
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| How she joined TSA-Talk is annoyingly complicated. Draconity to Baxil's site to Drakenfluegel to the TSA, then eventually the List. She forgot where she was going with that point. At any rate, she has a Livejournal account, but it is almost purely personal.
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| In an effort to look artsy and distinct, she attempted to create a unique symbol using her computer's Paint program. It turned into a dragon, as did subsequent efforts. Joysweeper was last seen giving up and settling for a stylized fairy-dragon thing.[http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/667/symbolil7.png]
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| It is absurdly easy to inspire Joysweeper. ''Everything'' gives her ideas. Most of them never see the light of day, and for good reason, but there are some that make her excited which for various reasons she can't work on right now. She calls these [[Joysweepers Incoherent Idea Bank]] and is aware that this might be a bad idea.
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| She is a [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LumperVsSplitter Lumper.]
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| == Posted stories ==
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| (all from Xanadu):
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| [[501st]] The Five-Oh-First Legion is a fan-based Star Wars organization of cosplayers with Imperial leanings. They're a rather large group, enough so that it's easy to imagine a number of them came to Xanadu. So... what happens when one of the members doesn't go? Incidentally, Joysweeper thinks that this image is awesome. [http://www.albinjohnson.com/501stlog/history2003-05/dorman-501st-finished.jpg] It is "a pitched battle led by Lord Vader himself and the awesome 501st Legion", taken from a website made by the founder of the 501st. [http://www.albinjohnson.com/501stlog/history2003-05/history2003-05.html]
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| [[Femtroopers]] What is the greatest threat to the Five-Oh-First Legion?
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| [[Nameless]] We'll see where this ends up.
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| [[Dragon Dancer]] So four guys come to Xanadu in the kind of Oriental dragon costume you'd expect to find on Chinese New Year. What do you suppose happens after the Event? (I've tried writing a sequel to this. It's trickier than I thought.)
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| [[Behjopiray]] I tried another sequel attempt. It's a bit better, so I'll put it here.
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| [[Revan Saga]] The first piece of this was written way back when I first joined the TSA List; the prerequisite Xanadu self-insertion story. It was followed by many others, and then I realized how flawed they were and have started editing the whole thing. Oh, does it need editing... I'm putting it here so if something happens, I won't lose what's already been written. Multi-chaptered and slightly incoherent.
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| [[The Perils of Voice Acting]] Sometimes the past comes back to bite you. Does not have anything to do with Star Wars or dragons. For once.
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| [[A More Peaceful Endeavor]] I don't know why I haven't uploaded this yet...
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| [[Casmerodius Aurum]] Judging by the title, this is either the single most pretentious thing I have ever attempted or actually pretty good. It does actually have a proper, structured plot for once. It will be done when it's done, and when that happens I will put it here..
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| [[Flag]] Inspired by [http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/5612285.html?thread=209220861#t209220861 this] conversation, and written in a frenzy of inspiration. And insanity. On scans_daily, we call things like this "crack".
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| [[Roadtrip]] For lack of a better name. One of the characters from [[Walker Imperial Ranger]] won't let me leave him alone. He's got a family, he told me. He's got friends.
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| More to come, sooner or later.
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| [[Category:Author]] | |
| {{DEFAULTSORT:Joysweeper}}
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This is well along and I think I'm ready for some comments. It's my first attempt in a very long time to do first person.
This story is now essentially finished, though I expect to do some revisions. I hope it's an enjoyable read. Please tell me what you-all think.
Alveric
- There, took me a little while to get to it but I've finished reading. :) 'Tis a nice little tale, and flowed pretty smoothly. There wasn't a whole lot of plot to it but that's not too big a "fault" - a lot of Xanadu stories are written along these lines, most of mine are similar. Mermaids in particular are tricky to write a lengthy plot for since they've got such limited mobility. I see now that your other ongoing work is a crossover, with the other mermaid Skye making an appearance. That's one of the neat aspects of shared settings but it could also lead to constraints on your subsequent stories so don't hesitate to edit this one some more if events in your other stories call for it. For example, it sounds like Skye is going to be separated from the other two protagonists of her story in fairly short order. Maybe a major plot for the other story could be them searching for her?
- Anyway, focusing on this story. The mervulcan mix was a great idea, very fun. However, the Vulcan side of the mix didn't come up very much. I realize that under the circumstances it's entirely reasonable that the mer side would be the more significant one but it still feels a bit like a wasted opportunity. When Hannah was being manhandled by that pirate I was expecting that she'd pull out the ol' Vulcan nerve pinch on him (that encounter could perhaps use a bit of rewriting anyway - the characters' reactions seemed a bit odd, both in Hannah pulling a knife on a man who was trying to help her and yet still trusting him to carry her around, and the pirate not reacting very much to his passenger threatening him like that).
- Then of course there's the Vulcan mind meld and telepathic aptitude in general that you could play around with a bit. Especially right at the end, it could be useful as a means of underwater communication with Skye and I'd be curious to see how it interacts with Force-based mental communication. As it was her reunion with Alex was a little uneventful.
- Hope these were the sorts of critiques you were looking for. No major issues leapt out at me otherwise, overall quite good. Thanks for writing! :) Bryan 15:11, 1 March 2011 (UTC)